Coming in from a double shift at Rosey’s Diner all Buffy wanted to do was collapse but she knew that wasn’t going to be possible. Not with the lazy ass husband she was married to. No, Riley couldn’t even pick up his own beer bottles he left scattered all over the dinky one bedroom they rented in one of the worse neighborhoods in town, let alone do anything else.

Dropping her key on the kitchen table she proceeded to sort though the mounds of bills- electric, phone, cable, credit cards... ‘The usual,’ she thought, shifting through the mail until she came to a letter from her old high school.

Opening it she discovered her class was having their ten year reunion. Included in the letter was a little survey Willow wanted her to fill out and send back ASAP so she could put together a booklet for the reunion itself.

“Yeah, right like everyone wants to know about my crumby life.” She snorted softly. Putting the letting away and tossing it and the rest of the mail back on the table before heading in to the living room- where Riley was thankfully passed out on the couch.

Continuing on into the bedroom she grabbed her pj’s and headed for a much needed shower. While in there her mind started wondering back to the letter and her best friend from high school that wrote it.

Will- Willow, she hadn’t heard or seen here in over eight years. Since she transferred to some college in Florida in her junior year.

Just seeing her name brought back old memories- good old memories. Back to a time where she was popular, she had a life and a future. When she had a guy that treated her like she was meant to be- loved, cherished and above all else respected.

Life was so different back then Spike treated her like a princess. And now all Riley ever did was threaten and abuse her. Oh how she wished she could go back and do things over.

Spike was the one man she would always love. Even now just thinking about him gave her that tingly feeling you get deep in your heart when you’re madly in love.

She wished she’d gone to New York with him when she had a chance instead of attempting to follow her non-existent acting/modeling career in LA. Who knows what would have happened if she had.

But instead she followed her dream and wound up marrying Riley when she became pregnant by mistake.

God knows his mother and father wouldn’t let their son disgrace them by having a child out of wedlock. After all they were the Finn’s, one of the biggest and most influential names in the modeling scene on the west coast, or so they thought…

So her one night mistake at a party turned in to a hellish marriage with a drunk, abusive, ex-marine husband with no love and no children.

All thanks to the prick himself for pushing her down a flight of stairs when she was in her second trimester. Ever since that day she hated him. But she was too afraid to get away too. The one and only attempt she ever tried ended with her in the hospital with a concussion for close to a week. That was her second miscarriage. And of course he hadn’t even gotten a slap on the wrist for it.

Closing her eyes Buffy leaned into the warm pulsating water and tried to forget her life as it was like. And tried to imagine what life would have been like if she’d gone with Spike.

He’d always joked about them having a dozen kids, half boys and half girls. How their first boy would be named William and their first girl would be named Elizabeth.

Standing in the shower she began to cry. How desperately she wanted that life to be real. She would give anything to go back and do things differently.

Sinking to the floor of the shower she curled up in to a tiny ball and wept for her children that would never be.

It happened less and less, but some days- like today, were too much for Buffy. For today would have been her daughter’s sixth birthday had she not lost her from the abuse she suffered at Riley’s hands. That along with the little blonde girl just about the age that Emma would have been that she saw in the diner tonight. Combined with Will’s letter bringing up all the memories was too much for her to take.

Huddles in on herself she wept and wept for what seemed like hours. The warm soothing massage had turned to fridge little missiles of ice, and yet she still didn’t care. She didn’t want to get out and have to face the horrific world in which she lived.

If it weren’t for Riley continues pounding on the door she most likely would have never gotten out, but Riley being his usual self couldn’t leave her alone once he discovered she was home. To him she was only there to service him in any way he saw fit.

“You’ve been in there long enough, bitch,” his growly drunken voice bellowed over the water. “This place needs cleaning; it’s a friggin’ pig sty. And it’s Monday night, you know what that mean.”

“I….I’ll be right out,” she stammered as she stood on shaky legs. “Ju… just spilled some gravy on me at the diner tonight.” Turning off the faucet she grabbed a towel from the rack, wiping her face and dried off.

As she dressed she caught a good look at herself in the mirror, something she tried to avoid if at all possible in the last few years. She was pale- very pale in fact, and so thin she looked like a skeleton. Her hair was thinning too, it was starting to show signs of gray here and there and it lacked the luster and shine it once held also.

With another bang on the door, she turned away from the mirror and began to dress as quickly as possible, not wanting to anger Riley any more. For one thing the angrier he got the more she’d have to endure later. She wasn’t really up for some of his more sadistic games he liked to play.

Opening the door Riley grabbed her by a fist full of damp hair and yanked her out, repeatedly slapping her across the face. When he finally stopped her face was numb, which she figured was a good thing since the first few blows alone stung like a son of a bitch. ‘Yeah, not feeling things right now were a really good idea,’ she thought as he dragged her into the living room by her hair.

“See this?” he yelled in her face, “Do you? Didn’t I tell you before that this was to be picked up before you did anything else after work?”

Buffy gasped in pain trying to grab a hold of the back of her head before he pulled it out as he shook her around like a rag doll. “Please, Riley you’re hurting me…” she begged, struggling trying to free herself.

His eyes were wild, pupils dilated to the point where she couldn’t even see any color save black. She could tell he had done more than just drink tonight. By the way he was acting she was guessing some coke or maybe a little heroin.

“Didn’t I??” he screamed again giving her head a hard jerk backwards so that her head was bend in a very painful, awkward angle.

“Y…y….ye…yes,” she stammered trying to talk around the lump in her throat. “I’m s..sorry…you we..were sleeping and I didn’t ww…want to wake y…you.”

“That is NO excuse!” he shrieked backhanding her again. This time slitting open her lip sending a bright crimson spray across the pale tan carpet.

TBC…