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05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!


Author's Corner

Reviews For Disillusioned
Reviewer: Mars Anonymous Date: 12/29/2013 - 07:34 am Title: Chapter 25

I'd like to believe there's another chapter too!

What's spike so mad about? And why did he lie to her? So he doesn't remember what the demon did? Do they, his two identities, ever communicate?

im new to the btvs fandom, thanks to Netflix :D 

Love your writing and looking forward to any more work by you.

And update darn it!

Reviewer: SpikesGirl8472 Signed Date: 12/10/2011 - 11:12 am Title: Chapter 25

I totally love what you are doing in this story! How you have completely deviated form canon is refreshing but still keeping the same Big Bad that was in season one. Please add more!!!!!

Reviewer: Sintares Signed Date: 09/27/2010 - 08:20 pm Title: Chapter 25


You must continue the story.. Pretty please ?


Reviewer: cordykitten Signed Date: 08/09/2010 - 03:10 pm Title: Chapter 25

In my eyes it's worth wise to read to see a story continued. :D
Mmmh Angel has dark thoughts....
I fear Giles won't find a solution in his books.
I'm glad that Buffy is so determent, it seems as if she got though to Spike now. Even if Spike is still mad.
Enjoyed the update. :)

Reviewer: Amaya Anonymous Date: 08/09/2010 - 09:29 am Title: Chapter 25

Please update as soon as you can.

Reviewer: victoria2 Anonymous Date: 08/09/2010 - 12:53 am Title: Chapter 25

Oh...such lovely writing hun. I'm so glad that you're updating this again!

So looking forward to seeing how this story reveals itself. I do hope that it's not Buffy that Spike is angry with.

More please?

Reviewer: SeaPea Anonymous Date: 08/07/2010 - 11:30 pm Title: Chapter 24

I thought this chapter was exceptional. Really hits on how they all feel. Nicely done.

Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous Date: 08/06/2010 - 02:52 pm Title: Chapter 24

Thank's a lot for the update. I have the story in my favourite list for a long time. I am reading now Taste of Juliet, which also has the idea of primal Spike. First I had my problems with Buffy's behavior after being raped by Spike. But we are dealing with pure demon-Spike and
may be the slayer-demon in Buffy. It is demon law and not so much human moral standards. So I can live with it. Love your stories chamita

Reviewer: cordykitten Signed Date: 08/06/2010 - 01:54 pm Title: Chapter 24

I'm still reading - so it's good to see the story got updated. :D
Enjoyed the new chapter and look forward to read even more.
Jesse together with Dru doesn't bode well....

Reviewer: Bridget Anonymous Date: 08/06/2010 - 01:26 pm Title: Chapter 24

I have reread your notes from the previous chapters and I felt it important to leave a review. I am sure that it is hard t write dark chapters but you have done a good job relating the darkness with light. By that I mean that there is an element of hope in the chapter because of how you have written the characters. I have difficulty reading dark fics because they are full of hopelessness. Please keep writing. I think you have done a nice job on all of the chapters.

Reviewer: Brunettepet Anonymous Date: 07/14/2009 - 05:00 pm Title: Twenty One

Xander is actually quite self aware in this story, and it's excellent to read him taking the burden of blame for Jesse's turning. His request led to Spike fleeing the scene of the crime, too, so he's partly responsible for the vampire's capture and torture. I like that Xander realizes how awful Spike is going to feel when he comes back to himself. If he ever does after this last terrible act.

Buffy getting caught up in the sadness and horror of her sweet Spike being a monster at his core left her vulnerable, and Spike took full, awful advantage. He may not have drained her, but he stole something from the both of them. It was powerful and awful to read.

This story is dark, but it's also a riveting read. I certainly hope you continue it.

Reviewer: Brunettepet Anonymous Date: 07/14/2009 - 04:46 pm Title: Arrival

The rescue mission was vivid and made more tense by Jesse's running monologue of the horrors going on in Spike's mind. Buffy, being force fed Spike's darkest thoughts, was understandably shaken, yet you deftly conveyed the depth of her softer emotions for her vampire.

Dru lying in wait for her now boy was also beautifully written. I don't think Jesse really is a fair exchange, though, no vampire will ever be as devoted as Spike.

The attack was vicious and vivid, and it's horrible that it happened in front of Willow and Xander. Here's hoping the vampire is so weak, he stays passed out until they can get him into Jesse's chains. He's going to be horrified when he gets better.

Thanks for updating this intriguing story. I had to re-read it and had forrgotten how much I enjoyed this universe.

Reviewer: quirks Anonymous Date: 07/14/2009 - 02:59 pm Title: 12

spike suppressing the urge to hug the scoobies is too adorable for words. of course the phrase "he loved everything about his current existence" makes me think all hell is about to break loose. meep!

Reviewer: quirks Anonymous Date: 07/14/2009 - 02:50 pm Title: 11

yay xander! i think.

Reviewer: quirks Anonymous Date: 07/14/2009 - 02:36 pm Title: 9

oooh! saw this updated and realized i need to do some re-reading and catching up. am enjoying immensely. especially spike finding himself able to hurt dru in the way that might have kept her.

Reviewer: victoria2 Anonymous Date: 07/12/2009 - 08:33 pm Title: 23

I'm always thrilled when this fic get's updated. The struggle of these two characters to make their way back to each other is so engrossing. I just can't get enough. More please?

Reviewer: Carol Anonymous Date: 07/12/2009 - 07:46 pm Title: 23

Good to see an update. I hope Spike gets back to himself soon.

Reviewer: cordykitten Signed Date: 07/12/2009 - 07:20 am Title: 23

Angel doesn't listen if he doesn't want to. He should listen to Giles' warnings.
They could come true. ;)
Spike seems to be a bit more back to himself. Hopefully giving him blood will speed the process.
Enjoyed the update, good to see you posting.

Reviewer: cordykitten Signed Date: 04/10/2009 - 06:12 pm Title: Twenty Two

Angel probably took Willow and Xander home now so they will be protected.
Ah Buffy - not easy what she is going through but she is coping.
By giving freely what the demon wanted fiercely to take, allowed her to pass beyond the earlier experience with some kind of acceptance. It returned her power and left her free to accept and love the demon as well as the man. It was right. That sums it up better than I could. :) Buffy has won.

Reviewer: victoria2 Anonymous Date: 04/10/2009 - 12:20 pm Title: Twenty Two

What an amazing chapter! The feelings in Buffy are so confused and complex and yet so brave. Loved it! More please?

Reviewer: quirks Anonymous Date: 04/04/2009 - 04:36 pm Title: 6

oh jesse! nice plot twist here, from the little we know of him this feels wonderfully in character, a little denial and a lot of need to prove himself.

Reviewer: quirks Anonymous Date: 04/04/2009 - 04:27 pm Title: 5

heh. brilliant!

Reviewer: quirks Anonymous Date: 04/04/2009 - 04:19 pm Title: 4

i'm really enjoying this! great job exploring spike's internal contradictions.
i should go get some work done now, but maybe i'll read one more chapter. :)

Reviewer: mscotstar Signed Date: 04/01/2009 - 08:18 am Title: Twenty One

I don't know what to say... I can't even describe how much I've enjoyed this story, I really am lost for words... I know the last two chapters have been dark, which hasn't put me off at all. If anything it's captured me more. I don't know one season of Buffy that wasn't dark. Your writing is beautiful, filled with such passion. When Spike and Buffy let there tears flow. So did I. Thank you.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! You've given me a boost to hopefully make it through this next chapter without suffering a bout of nerves and tearing it down before anyone can read it. I need to go distract myself, LOL. I really appreciate your kind words. Truly, thank you.

Reviewer: mscotstar Signed Date: 04/01/2009 - 01:07 am Title: 10

I loved this chapter. I'm so glad Spike went for the truth, even at the risk of losing Buffy. So well written. Loved every word. This is such a fantastic story.