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WARNING: Controversial and definitely not for everyone. This fic deals with voyeurism. If that's not your thing, can't say I didn't warn you :-) And for those of you who embrace their inner voyeur... enjoy the fic!


AMERICA'S SEXIEST HOME VIDEO


Xander quickly unlocked his apartment door and walked in. He didn’t even bother to turn on the lights. He made his way to the spare room in the dark. It was more a like a closet, really, but he had transformed it into a computer room. His sanctuary. Xander turned the computer on and sat to wait.


He had got the computer a month ago. Buffy had found the Trio’s hideout and he claimed the computer. He was the only one of the gang who didn’t already have one, so it was only fair. They had let him take the thing home without protesting. It would give him something to do other than watch TV. Xander cursed at how long the damn thing was taking to start up.


He had been with the gang at the magic shop tonight when Buffy had suddenly mentioned that she was going for a quick patrol. He had left mere minutes later, running all the way back to his apartment. He knew where she was going.


When did he start doing this? When did he become so addicted to the blonde duo? He couldn’t remember. He could tell exactly when he had discovered that the computer was hooked to many web cams strategically placed all over Sunnydale. One in the Magic Box, one outside of Buffy’s house, one in her bedroom, one outside his own place, two in Spike’s crypt. One in the upper lever, and one in the lower level, focused on the bed. He had every intention in the world to tell his friends about this. It was sick and they had to find all the cameras and remove them. His intentions had been good ones. He only wanted to see what Spike was doing in his free time before. Just to get some blackmail material on the annoying vampire. He never imagined that he would see Buffy walk into the crypt, throw the vampire on the floor, and fuck herself on his cock. If he had known, he would have never touched the damn thing. He knew he should be sickened by what he saw, but the truth is, he hadn’t been able to turn away from the monitor. Never in his life had he come so hard. And this peeping Tom thing soon became an habit.


The computer was taking forever and Xander hoped that he wasn’t too late. The screen finally came to life. He wondered once again, in amazement, how the geeks had managed to put their hands on such high quality material. The sound and image were so good that it was as if he was there in the crypt. Spike was sitting on the sarcophagus, reading. Xander got worried for a second that Buffy maybe had meant that she really was going to patrol. It wouldn’t be the first time that he’d run for a false alarm.


But just as the thought crossed his mind, the crypt’s door crashed open and Buffy walked in.


Xander shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable. His cock was already hard in his pants from the anticipation, and pressing painfully against the zipper. He unzipped his pants to free his engorged member. His hard cock came to rest against his stomach, begging for attention. But it wasn’t time just yet.


He watched as Buffy went to stand in front of Spike, wondering what she would come up with this time. Spike made a move to stand up but she stopped him.


“Don’t. Just stay where you are and don’t move.”


Spike obeyed her. He put his book down next to him and gave her his full attention.


Buffy’s back was to the camera, but by the way her arms moved, Xander could tell that she was undoing the buttons of her blouse. She let the garment fall off her shoulders, then slide down her arms to land on the floor. She shimmied out of her long skirt and kicked it out of her way. The Slayer was standing in front of Spike wearing nothing but a red lace bra, a matching thong and garter belt. Buffy turned to make her way towards the armchair. As she did so, she unclasped her bra and threw it casually at Spike. The vampire caught it and brought the scrap of red lace to his face, inhaling deeply.


Fortunately for Xander, the armchair was almost facing the camera. She stopped in front of it, her back to both Spike and the camera, and bent down really slowly, exposing her luscious ass as she pulled her thong down. Buffy then sat down on the armchair, her left leg hooked over the armrest to expose her dripping wet pussy to Spike.


This time, Xander couldn’t help put grabbing his oversensitive dick to release some pressure. He couldn’t take his eyes off the monitor, not even for a second. Just like Spike, he was under the thrall of the blonde beauty.


Taking Buffy’s display as in invitation, Spike straightened up to go to her, but she stopped him again.


“Did I say you could move?”


“But, pet--I just…”


“No. You’ll move when I say so. It’s my time to play.”


Sitting back down, Spike took his cigarettes out of his pocket.


“Is it ok if I smoke luv?”


“Mm, yeah. It’s fine.”


The hand that had been resting on her left knee slowly made its way down her smooth thigh. Her fingers brushed lightly over the curls covering her sex, then traced a path back up her flat stomach until they reached her left breast. She brushed her thumb over the sensitive flesh of her nipple and let out a sigh of contentment. Soon, her other hand joined the fun, pushing both breast together and teasing her nipples between her fingers until they were two rosy hard little peaks. She threw her head back with a moan of pleasure.


Xander and Spike moaned as well, though she was only aware of Spike.


Xander saw Spike reaching down to unbutton his jeans. He was amazed that the vampire had lasted this long without jacking off. Heck, he was on the verge of shooting his load already and he wasn’t even in the room with the Slayer.


Buffy noticed Spike’s action and stopped him harshly. “Touch your dick and I’m out of here.”


“It’s getting painful luv--can I just take it out?”


“Sorry but no.” She answered, her voice breathy. “It’s my show. There will be time for your dick later.”


Buffy spread her legs wider to make sure he had a good view of her sex. She was so aroused by her little game that she was dripping. She plunged two fingers between her folds and visibly shivered from head to toes.


The funny thing was that Xander had always imagined Buffy to be an old fashion girl when it came to sex. The “lights off, under the cover” type of girl. He always thought she would be the kind of girl to enjoy slow and romantic. Riley even told him once, while bounding over a beer in his basement, that she was a missionary girl, and that he even had to beg her once for a blow job--the only one he ever got--and that she would never allow his head anywhere near her pussy. That description of Buffy had nothing to do with the wild sex goddess that was currently masturbating in front of a vampire for kicks.


Xander was so taken by the show that he was taken by surprise when he came. He gasped, his eyes getting wide. He watched in fascination as ropes of semen landed on his shirt, but didn’t do anything about it.


Sitting back, he watched Buffy as she started flicking her clit back and forth quickly, her hips rising up from the armchair, her chest heaving. She was a vision. She came, shouting Spike’s name again and again while riding the waves of her massive orgasm.


**Definitely not lights off, missionary, chick** Xander thought, a goofy grin still on his face from his own orgasm.


“Poor Spike. It looks painful baby. Wanna make it better?” She went on her knees, facing the armchair, and bent down.


The vampire didn’t have to be told twice. He walked up to her while undoing his pants and shoving them down to his knees to free his erection. Kneeling behind Buffy, he pushed his cock inside of her without a warning and proceeded to fuck her roughly.


She gripped both armrests to brace herself the best she could against the vampire’s hard trusts but with little success. The armchair wouldn’t stay in place and kept sliding backwards. She finally decided to push it completely out of the way and went on her hands and knees as Spike fucked her doggie style.


“Oh yes! Please… Harder, Spike. Don’t hold back.”


The noises that they were both making were so erotic that Xander had to get himself off again. He grabbed his hard dick and started pulling on it hard and fast, trying to match Spike’s trusts… Trying to imagine that he was there with them--Buffy’s lips around his dick sucking on him while Spike was slamming his cock into her.


“Please Spike, fill me up… come for me baby.” The Buffy on screen was almost begging. “Make me come like only you can do”


Buffy came, gasping and moaning loudly. Her arms had given way under her and Spike was holding her up by her hips, her round butt sticking up in the air as he pushed his long shaft deep into her wet hole, again and again. He started losing control and slammed into her in a way that looked almost painful.


“Take it Slayer, take it all. Buffy--My Buffy. So bloody hot, so perfect.”


Spike came loudly. Actually, the three of them did. Buffy for the third time that night. She was almost sobbing at the pleasure, desperately trying to catch her breath.


Spike lay down next to her and tried to pull her into his arms but she evaded his embrace and started pulling on her clothes.


Xander watched as Spike turned on his back and put his arm over his eye with a deep sigh. The brunette frowned at the scene, shaking his head, saddened by his friend‘s behavior.


“And off she goes… Again.” He whispered to himself, feeling oddly sad for the blonde vampire.


Xander dragged the mouse of his computer to the “start” menu and clicked on “switch off”.

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A/N: Originally, I wrote this fic for a PWP fic challenge on one of my groups. But I got so many positive reviews on other websites asking nicely for me to turn this into a multi chapter story, that I decided to give it a go. See? That's why reviews are so important **hint hint** Ask and you shall receive. So go ahead and review lol

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CHAPTER 2: Reruns


9 am. Anya had left half an hour ago to go to work and Xander was now sitting on his couch, eating Captain Crunch right out of the box. It was Saturday morning, he had the day off, but couldn’t come up with anything to kill the boredom that had already settled over him in this early hour. Going back to sleep came to mind, but the empty bed didn’t appeal to him one bit. Saturday morning cartoons? Yeah, that’d be the smart choice. He stared at the remote sitting on top of the TV while munching his cereal noisily, but didn’t make a move to go get it. Without really making a conscious decision, Xander got up and made his way to the computer room. He turned the computer on and sat in front of it, waiting for the thing to come to life.


“Hi, the name’s Harris… Xander Harris. And I’m a creepy little perv who enjoys watching his friends fight, fuck, and fight some more.” He said derisively under his breath.


His desktop wallpaper finally appeared on the screen. Snoopy doing the Snoopy dance. As always, he couldn’t help but smile. It seemed so innocent. Especially considering what he used the computer for.


Xander put in his password--wouldn’t do for Anya to find out about his new hobby--and his own settings appeared. All kinds of web games, some Star War stuff, most of which was already in the computer from the previous owners, and there, in the corner, the little camera icon.


**Come on Harris, do it. Just delete everything and be done with it. If someone finds out, you’ll lose your friends, you’ll lose Anya… **


Taking a deep breath, he dragged the mouse to the documents icon, then opened the video folder. A long list of videos appeared on the screen. They were classified by date, all the way down to the newest. He had even given them titles. He looked at the very first one. It was called: Harris, king of denial. Xander chuckled. Not only did he love this one, but he was actually in it. Though he had been clueless about it at the time, as usual.


Unable to resist, Xander clicked on the video. He just wanted to see it again before deleting it for good.


The screen was black for a few seconds, then Spike appeared and Xander watched as the now familiar scene unfolded in front of his eyes.


The blonde vampire was sitting in his armchair, then looked up when the door crashed open. Xander gave an amused chuckle as Spike looked around, a confused expression on his face, calling out for the ghost to show itself. That was pure comedy material.


Spike flew into a wall and his shirt was ripped open by invisible hands.


Xander fast forwarded through the trashing of the crypt until Spike was in his basement, seemingly alone, his arms wrapped around nothing. That’s what Buffy had wanted to be back then… Nothing. And maybe she still wanted that. It was hard to tell.


Even knowing that Buffy had been torn out of heaven, Xander hadn’t really understood what was going on with her before seeing her interact with the vampire. He wasn’t really good at psychology, especially not at understanding issues caused by something as unusual as being resurrected. But watching the videos had helped him understand her more.


She was damaged. Damaged by something they had done to her. And the only one she was willing to show the wreckage to was Spike. When she was with her friends, she was fooling them by showing a carefully crafted façade. A beautiful lie meant to make them believe that she was fine. That she was back to being good old Buffy. But it wasn’t true. And thanks to this invasion of privacy Xander was doing, he knew the truth. Buffy was desperately trying to come to terms with life, and she wasn’t coping well. Invisible Buffy was the best example and it broke Xander’s heart to realize it.


The videos. They were not only about getting off watching his friends having sex. It was about watching Buffy drowning on the screen and praying that she’d make it to the surface. Because he had caused it. And if she didn’t make it, it would be his fault. So he kept watching, hoping that maybe next time, Spike would get through to her and save her.


He watched through teary eyes as Spike carefully made love to the ghost of the Slayer. He was moving like a snake, the muscles of his back tensing and releasing as he dived into her rhythmically. The white sheet was barely covering the blonde vampire’s ass, and his arms were straining to keep him from crushing the girl beneath him. That’s when Xander walked in, interrupting them without even realizing it.


“What are you doing?” The Xander on the screen asked.


“What does it look like I’m doing…” Spike said, clearly embarrassed, and looking for a good answer. “Exercising.”


“In bed?.. Naked?”


Xander laughed out loud, his hilarity resonating in the empty apartment.


**Holy Moses, I can’t believe just how clueless I am! There I was, looking for invisible Buffy, and I caught Spike in bed having sex with invisible girl and I didn’t make the connection? His ear was moving on its own for Christ sake!**


Xander shook his head, still not believing his own stupidity but able to make fun of himself.


**It proves that when you don’t want to see something that’s right in front of you…**


No, he really hadn’t wanted to see it. He still remembered his reaction the very first time he’d witnessed an encounter of the steamy kind between the two blondes. The shock, the anger, the disgust, mixed with the curiosity. He had wanted to throw the computer out the window, and at the same time, hadn’t been able to take his eyes away from the screen. He hated the mere idea of them together, but watching them was the most beautifully erotic, yet disturbing thing he'd ever seen. And before he knew it, he was too engrossed in their violent and desperate embrace to look away. The heat between the two. No, not heat, not sparks. Flames. They were fucking each other with a passion that was almost hypnotizing.


That night, Xander had stayed awake all night trying to convince himself that he was disgusted by what he’d seen. But he couldn’t. He had stayed away from the computer for three days, trying to believe that it had never happened and that he never wanted to see it again. He had failed. Obviously. When he had turned the machine back on again, he justified it by telling himself he wanted to make sure it had been a one time deal and Buffy hadn’t done it again. But the truth was, he wanted to see what would happen next.


It was like watching a soap. You bitch, you complain about the acting, the poor writing, the lame plot… but next thing you know, you're watching it again. And again. Until you're too addicted to miss an episode. You develop a fondness for the characters, and you hope that things will get better between them. That's what happened to Xander.


He had gone from hating Spike’s guts, to feeling sorry for him and realizing that he really did love Buffy. After seeing the way she treated the vampire, Xander had a new found respect for Spike. The vampire was willing to take everything she threw at him patiently, all the pain she was causing him, just to try to help her deal with her own pain. If that wasn‘t love…


And Buffy. The girl was such an emotional mess. He couldn’t even blame her for acting so screwed up and only hoped that she’d wake up before it was too late. Before she’d manage to push yet another man away from her. And Xander knew that she loved Spike. A few times, when the blonde vampire had his back turned or wasn’t there to witness it, Xander had seen the look in Buffy’s eyes. Sadness, pain, love, and self-hatred fighting to come out all at once.


He wondered quite a few times why she was doing this and came up with different theories but only her knew. It almost looked like she was trying to prove herself something. Prove that life wasn’t worth living, that happiness wasn't possible, that men always left her, that she wasn't worthy of anybody's love. Not even the love of a vampire. Xander hoped that Spike figured it out too and wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of being right.


The video had come to an end after Spike kicked Buffy out. Xander dragged the curser to the file menu and down to delete. He couldn’t click it. He ran his fingers wearily through his thick brown hair and sighed.


**Maybe I’ll just keep this one** He thought, then rolled his eyes.


He knew he’d keep them all and keep watching. The Buffy and Spike Variety Hour was now his favorite show and there was nothing he could do about that.


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A/N: Liked it? Don't be shy... tell me!

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CHAPTER 3: Unlikely ally


They were all gathered around the table at the magic shop doing some research over the latest big bad. All except Buffy who was pounding her tiny fists into the poor innocent punching bag in the back room. Even Spike was there, sitting on the counter, looking as bored as ever. Anya was spraying Windex on the counter around him and cleaning vigorously, trying to get the message across that she wanted him to get off. She finally lost it.


“Spike! That coat is filthy. You’re getting my beautiful counter all dirty. It’s not very attractive to paying customers.”


“S’not bloody dirty.”


“Oh really? When’s the last time you had it dry cleaned?”


“…”


“Weren’t you covered in demon guts last night when you walked in here after killing that thing?”


“Well, I…”


“See? Dirty. Get off.”


Spike huffed, but got off the counter anyway. “Bossy chit.”


Xander lifted his head from the book he was reading to give Spike a sympathetic look. “Now, try to imagine this: I LIVE with her.”


“I feel for you, mate. Really.” Spike seemed surprised by Xander’s sudden friendliness towards him, but decided it was better not to comment.


That’s when Buffy walked into the room. She looked tired and winced when she flexed her right wrist. She sat at the table without a word and started removing the tape wrapped around her hands. Xander discretely watched Spike who was watching Buffy.


“If you want, I can patrol for you, Slayer. You could have the night off, go home, and spend some time with the Little Bit.” Spike suggested, concern obvious in his voice.


“What is it, Spike? You think I can’t do my job anymore?” She snapped at him.


“That’s not what I meant…”


“The Slayer is losing her touch, might as well take the opportunity to step in and show everybody that Spike the Great can save the day?” She said derisively.


“No, you stupid bint. I know you can bloody well do your job. I just thought you needed a break.”


“You don’t know shit about what I need Spike. Wanna know what I need? I need to kick some demon ass. Oh, look,“ she said, looking pointedly at him with a cold smile and dark eyes, “a demon.”


Xander didn’t look up from his book, but couldn’t help commenting. “That was harsh, Buff.”


Buffy turned sharply to face Xander, giving him a disbelieving look. “Excuse me?”


“I‘m just saying--you didn‘t need to be a bitch about it. He just wanted to help.”


Xander saw something passing in her eyes. She blinked several times. But her face remained cold. The slamming of the front door made them all jump. Buffy looked back, only to confirm that Spike was gone. She went back to looking at Xander.


“Since when are you member of the Spike fan club, Xand? What, you guys are best pals now or something?”


“No. I'm just saying that was kinda mean.”


“I’m always mean to Spike.” She said in a voice that sounded almost resigned, as if she was stating a truth that couldn’t be changed. Her face was blank of any expression.


“You don’t have to be that way.” Xander tried to say, but she was already half way to the door.


Willow, Tara, Anya and Dawn gave each other curious looks, then decided it was better not to ask. They went back to reading and dusting, pretending nothing happened.


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“Xaaaannnder!!” Anya bellowed from the bedroom, obviously tired of waiting for him.


Xander poked his head through the bathroom door. He tried to speak with the tooth brush in his mouth. “Sham comshing.”


She frowned. “What?”


He took it out of his mouth. “I’m coming.” He repeated, more clearly this time. “I just have to go turn off the computer. Give me a sec.”


Anya crossed her arms over her chest and pouted while he went back to the bathroom to spit out a mouthful of toothpaste. “Stupid computer! Why don’t you marry it if you love it this much. You spend more time with that stupid machine that you do with me. What do you do with it that’s so interesting anyway?”


“Nothing!” Xander quickly replied from the bathroom. “Games and stuff. You wouldn’t like it.”


“Is it something geeky again? Cause I don’t mind. I love you anyway.”


“Yes. That’s it,” he said, turning the bathroom’s light off. “It’s really geeky.”


“All right then. But hurry up. I’ve had a hard day. Sexual pleasure would be a nice way to relax before going to sleep.”


“I’ll be right back, baby.”


Xander went to turn the living room’s light off, then made sure the front door was locked. He then went to switch the computer off. Before doing so, he decided to take one last look to see what they were doing, hoping that Buffy had stopped brooding.


He had checked earlier while Anya was watching some stupid dating reality show. He wanted so see if Buffy was all right after their little altercation at the Magic Box earlier tonight. He’d checked the crypt first, but all he found was Spike laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t looking too cheerful, but Xander couldn’t blame him. He then looked at the image from the camera in Buffy’s bedroom. He rarely looked at this camera. Strangely, it didn’t feel right. As if watching them have sex was right! But it wasn’t the same. Except that tonight, he felt like it was justified. He just wanted to make sure she was ok. She was there. She was on her bed too, fully clothed. Her eyes wide open.


That was two hours ago. Xander opened the two windows again to check on his friends. They hadn’t moved an inch. The only difference was that Spike’s crypt was darker, now that some of the candles lighting it had burnt out.


Wishing he could do something for them, Xander sighed and turned the computer off. There was nothing he could do.


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CHAPTER 4: Three little words

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A/N: Lyrics at the end of the chapter are from Third eye blind, How's it gonna be



CHAPTER 4: Three little words



A movement on the screen. Blonde hair, petite body. Buffy. She walked to the end of the bed where Spike was laying naked under the white cotton sheet. He was asleep, completely oblivious to her presence in the crypt.


Xander didn’t even wonder what she was up to. He had seen enough over the past couple of weeks to know. Though he couldn’t stop himself from hoping that maybe she was there to apologize for the way she had treated Spike the night before. But it was very unlikely.


He watched as she slowly stripped off all her clothes. She stood there, naked, silently looking at Spike. Xander couldn’t see her face because she was facing away from the camera. He wished there was another camera so he could see the expression on her face.


After a few moments, she finally moved, crawling carefully over Spike’s body. She had almost reached his head when he suddenly grabbed her and flipped them over. Buffy was now sprawled on her back with Spike looming over her. They maintained eye contact for a few seconds before he finally spoke.


“What do you want, Buffy?”


She laughed. “What do you think?”


“What. Do. You. Want from me?”


She smiled mockingly up at him, batting her eyelashes, looking love-struck. “I thought we could go for a romantic walk on the beach, hand in hand, under the sun. Maybe talk about what our kids will look like and making plans for our wedding…” She snorted. “What do you think I want, Spike?”


“Yeah, well, since you turned into the Great Queen of Sarcasm this lovely morning, I’ll have to guess. Lets see--you seem to think the only thing I’m good for is to shag your brains out, so I’ll just assume that’s what you’re after. Am I right?”


Buffy pouted. “What else?”


“Right then. Service the girl.” He said through clench teeth. “All I‘m bloody good for.”


Spike roughly crushed his lips to Buffy’s in a bruising kiss. He shoved her legs apart and positioned his body between her thighs, brutally entering her in one trust. She cried out, but instead of telling him to stop like Xander was expecting, she just brought his head back down to her and resumed the hard kiss.


It was the furthest thing from love making he had ever witnessed. It wasn’t even sex. It was fucking. Like only a Slayer and a vampire could do without internal injuries. Spike was slamming his cock into her so hard and so fast that Buffy couldn’t make a sound. Her body was backing up with each trust of his strong hips, pulling the sheets along with her. She finally had to put her hands up and brace herself against the headboard to avoid breaking her neck on it.


Everything had happened so fast that Xander hadn’t even had a chance to react. He couldn’t do anything but look, too shocked to be aroused. He sat motionless in his chair, hands on the keyboard, almost afraid to blink. The blonde couple’s sex life was usually on the rough side, but normally, it was Buffy’s doing and Spike going along. Xander had never seen Spike this mad before.


Not that his anger wasn’t justified after the way she had been acting lately, what she said the night before, and her cruel comments a moment ago. Buffy’s behavior had gotten worse and worse instead of improving. He really couldn’t blame the vampire for having enough of her shit, but still couldn’t help cringing and be a little afraid for Buffy’s well being. It was easy to forget sometimes, but Spike was a soulless demon. Who knew what he would do if pushed too far. His chip didn’t work on Buffy anymore.


Spike grabbed Buffy’s legs and hooked them over his shoulders. She was now half moaning, half sobbing, and it was hard to tell if it was from pain or pleasure. Xander had his answer about Spike at that moment. The blonde vampire stopped.


“Am I hurting you?” His voice sounded harsh, but the intention was there.


“No! Don’t stop!”


He resumed pounding her pussy with renewed vigor. It didn’t take long before she came with a loud shout, her entire body convulsing. Spike didn’t.


He pulled out of her, and said three words Xander never thought he’d hear coming out of the vampire’s lips.


“I hate you.”


Shock, then pain, crossed Buffy’s features. She pushed him off of her and rolled on her side, covering herself with the sheets.


Xander was shocked and saddened as he watched the drama unfold. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen.


He watched with a sense of doom as Spike got out of bed and put on his jeans. He picked Buffy’s clothes off the floor and threw them at her.


“Here are your clothes. That should speed up your ‘run from Spike’s bed’ routine. Get dressed and leave. You got what you came here for.” And on those words, he went up to the upper level of the crypt.


“Spike…” She murmured, her eyes shining with unshed tears. But he wasn’t there anymore to hear her soft plea.


Xander quickly opened another window to see what he was doing up there, while still watching Buffy.


Buffy sat on the edge of the bed and cried while putting on her clothes.


Spike went to his mini fridge to get a bottle of Vodka, then sat in his armchair.


Soon, Buffy pulled herself back together. She wiped furiously at her eyes, then made her way to the upper level as well.


Xander closed the window that gave him the image of the lower level so he could make the other window full screen and focus on what was going on.


Buffy walked slowly passed Spike, not looking at him. She went to the door.


Spike finally opened his mouth. His voice was hoarse from the crying he was trying not to do.


“I didn’t mean it. You know I didn’t. But I don’t get why you don’t just buy yourself a bloody vibrator instead of torturing me like that. Batteries don’t complain. You’d probably be better off. I obviously can’t do anything more for you so why bother with me.”


Buffy paused by the door, her hand on the knob, her head low.


“I’m sorry my issues are such an inconvenience to you, Spike.”


She said it softly, her voice laced with pain. Then, without another word, she was gone.


Spike broke down.




I’m only pretty sure that I can’t take anymore
Before you take a swing
I wonder what are we fighting for
When I say out loud
I wanna get out of this
I wonder is there anything
I’m gonna miss…




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Chapter 5: The show's been canceled

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CHAPTER 5: The show's been canceled


It had been a week. A week of watching Buffy crying, but not going to Spike. A week of watching Spike drinking himself unconscious. Buffy hadn’t been at the crypt all week. Well, that was not completely true. She had been there, but only when she knew Spike wasn’t. She’d move around the crypt like a ghost, picking up things randomly, touching his clothes, laying in his bed, then leaving before he’d come back. But every time, Spike knew she had been there and as the days passed, his state degraded considerably.


Xander felt powerless in the face of his friends’ pain and it was killing him. Guilt was also consuming him. Most of the pain Buffy was in right now was caused by him and the girls doing that spell on her. He couldn’t help but think that there must have been a way they could have found out if she was at peace or not before deciding to do the spell. Psychics contact dead people all the time, don’t they? If Willow was powerful enough to raise the dead, couldn’t she try to contact her first to ask if she wanted to be brought back to life? Couldn‘t he have thought of it?


Thoughts were bouncing around out of control in Xander’s head. He wanted to talk to Buffy, help her. But It’s not like he could walk up to her and say: “Yeah, I know about you and Spike because I’ve been watching you screwing and fighting for the past two months. Wanna talk about it?”


He did try to get her to open up to him, but it didn‘t go very far. All he got out of her was an: “I‘m fine.” Not a great base for conversation. He still wished he could do something for them though. At first, he thought it wouldn‘t take too long before Spike would come running back to her, but he started to have doubts. And all he could do was sit back, and watch as the relationship between the two blondes seemed on the verge of imploding.


It was late. Anya was gone on a week-end of shopping in L.A. with Halfrek. She said she needed some girl time before the wedding. Xander couldn’t sleep. He was too used of having Anya’s warm body wrapped around him. Now, the bed felt cold, empty, and just plain uninviting. So he sat in the dark, the room only lit by the computer screen. Addiction ran in his family. Thoughts of his mother and father’s destructive addiction to alcohol flashed briefly through his mind. At least, his little addiction wasn’t really hurting anybody. It’s not like he was neglecting Anya in favor of watching Buffy’s love disaster unfold on the screen. Anya was still his priority. But she wasn’t there now, so it really wasn’t cutting into his quality time with her.


Xander looked at the clock on the bottom of the screen. 11pm.


**Another hour, then I’ll hit the pillows** He thought, opening another video.


He opened an old video and watched Buffy and Spike having sex under the oriental carpet. He rolled his eyes and chuckled when Spike dangled a pair of handcuffs in front of the girl. Xander yawned. He decided it was enough, but wanted to check if there were any new developments before going to bed.


He opened the camera to Spike’s crypt. Things looked normal, though much darker than usual. The candles were all out, so the only source of light came from the moon outside. The vampire was pacing aimlessly around the crypt. Xander jumped in his chair when Spike stopped and unexpectedly punched the stone wall with all his strength. No sound of pain came out of him even though his fist was smashed to a bloody pulp. Even in the relative darkness, Xander could tell how bad it was. He winced in sympathy, remembering when he had put his own fist through a wall after Joyce had died. Not a pleasant thing to do. And that was only plaster. Vampire or not, this was stone. For a second, the thought of blowing his cover and going to talk to Spike crossed Xander’s mind. But he quickly dismissed it.


That’s when everything went to Hell.


“Bloody fucking bitch!”


Xander just stared in shock as Spike started half destroying, half packing, everything he had in his crypt. This was the implosion he had been waiting for. It was happening. Needing to do something, Xander checked Buffy’s room to see if she was home. If she was, she wasn’t in her room. He realized, at the speed Spike was packing, that he didn’t have enough time to go get Buffy, explain her how he knew Spike was leaving, and get her to stop him. Getting up, he decided that it was time for him to do something good for Buffy. Even if it meant that the truth would come out and they’d all look down on him. He owed her that much.


Picking up the phone, he called her place while trying to put on his jeans at the same time. There was no answer. He remembered Willow was supposed to chaperon Dawn and her friends at the Bronze tonight. Buffy must have been on patrol, or maybe she went with them.


“Hi, you’ve reached Buffy, Dawn, and Willow. We’re probably out battling the evil forces of darkness right now, so leave us a message, and we’ll call you back if we survived.”


“Buffy? It’s Xander. Are you home? Please pick up the phone, it’s important… Ok, I guess you’re not there. I need to see you, it‘s urgent. Call me back.”


Xander grabbed his car keys and left.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The car stopped right in front of the cemetery’s gate closest to Spike’s crypt. Xander hurriedly locked the car door and made his way as fast as he could to where Spike lived. Or, if he was too late, used to live.


He arrived just as the vampire was struggling to tie his duffle bag to the back seat of his bike.


Xander slowed down and shoved his hands down his jeans pockets. He suddenly felt awkward, not really knowing what to tell Spike to stop him from leaving. He didn’t want to screw this one up.


“Hey bleached wonder, what you doing?”


Spike looked up, his face a mess of raw emotions. He made an obvious effort to look detached nonetheless.


“What does it look like, Harris? Making your wildest bloody dream come true. I’m leaving town. What are you doing here by yourself in the middle of the night anyway, whelp? ”


“Couldn’t sleep so I decided to take a stroll. What? You think I need my girly bodyguards to protect me?” Xander asked.


“Unless you have a death wish, I’d say yes.”


“Hey!” the brunette exclaimed offended. “I’m a big man, I don’t need girls to protect me from the baddies. Lots of years of fighting experience under this construction worker’s belt. I was bornand raised in Sunnydale you know.”


Spike sighed. “Look, I’m not in the mood, Harris. So be a good whelp and bugger off.”


“Don’t leave.”


Spike looked up, surprised at the unexpected request. “Excuse me?”


“Don’t leave. Buffy needs you.”


Spike barked out an hysterical laughter bordering on scary. He finally managed to calm down enough to talk.


“Bloody hell, that’s rich. Never thought I’d hear something this funny coming out of your mouth.”


“Well I’m glad you find it amusing, but I wasn’t kidding. She needs you here. She’s at the lowest she’s ever been in her life right now, and you’re the only one who can help her.”


Spike resumed his task of tying his bag to his ride. “I should be honored that you think so highly of me that you think I can do something for her, but you’re wrong. She’s beyond helping. And don’t think I haven’t tried.”


“I know you did. Look,” Xander started, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “I know you guys have been… together.”


Spike looked up in surprise and opened his mouth to speak, but Xander cut him off before a word could come out.


“Don’t ask me how I know, I just know. And I also know that something happened between you two about a week ago, because Buffy’s been an even bigger mess ever since. But, no matter how bad things turned out to be… don’t give up on her now.”


“I'm shocked. You know you’re the one person I thought would go completely stalkers if you’d ever find out about me and her? What’s with the change of attitude mate?”


“I’d love to enlighten you, but this is not about me.”


“What is it about then?” Spike asked, standing up. He lit up a cigarette, and despite his bravado, his hand was shaking slightly.


“I know you love her. Took me long enough to accept it, but I see it now. And I also know for a fact that she loves you. She turns to you, when she can’t turn to her friends. She lets you see behind the façade she puts up for everybody else. I know it’s not pretty. I’ve had a few glimpses here and there and it scared the shit out of me…”


“Sorry, Harris. Under any other circumstances, I’d be real happy that you’re all in favor of the Spike and Buffy loving. But you’re just a little too late. There’s nothing left I can do for her.”


“You’re wrong. You’re just doing what she wants you to do. By leaving, you’re proving her right. You‘re proving her that men always leave her, that life‘s not worth living, that happiness doesn‘t exist. She doesn‘t want to find a reason to enjoy life again so she‘s pushing you away to show herself that she‘s right. Don‘t give her the satisfaction.“


Spike went to sit on the steps leading up to the crypt’s door. He lowered his head and ran his fingers through his messy hair.


“You don’t know Harris. You haven’t seen what I’ve been putting up with. The things she’s done to me. I thought I could take everything she’d throw at me and always be there for her no matter how much it bloody hurts. But I’m not as strong as I thought I was. It hurts too much.”


Xander went to sit next to him. “She doesn’t mean it you know. She’s all broken inside, Spike.”


“You think I don’t know that?” The vampire let out a derisive snort and shook his head. “I know it’s nothing to you, but… She’s the love of my life. She’s hurting and there’s nothing I can do--nothing she’ll LET me do--to help her. And I just end up hurting her more.” Spike took a deep steadying breath and closed his eyes. “God, Harris. I told her… I told her I hate her. I’m not the rock she needs, I’m just sinking down with her.”


“Look, man, I know things look bad right now, and maybe they are. Try to look at it this way. Maybe that ‘I hate you’ thing was the slap in the face she needed to realize how far she pushed you and how close she is to losing you. I know it’s not something you feel good about saying, but maybe that’s what she needed--for you to shake her a little instead of just lay there and let her do as she please.”


“I don’t know. But I think it hurt us both as much when I said it.”


“She knows you didn’t mean it. But at least, now she knows to what extreme she’s pushed you. She’ll come around. I’ll talk to her. Even if I have to tie her up to make her listen. I’m done doing nothing.”


Spike gave Xander a small grin. “I wouldn’t try that if I were you. Been there, done that. Tying her up doesn’t make her listen, it just makes her real scary.”


Xander gave him a confused look, but Spike didn’t explain.


“I can’t stay here, Xander.” he said in a pained voice.


“Yeah, but you can’t leave either. Why don’t you just go somewhere and take a few days to calm down and think about it instead of making a rash decision?”


“What are you suggesting?”


Xander pulled out his wallet and handed Spike one of his credit cards. “There’s a motel just outside of Sunnydale, on the highway to L.A. Why don’t you pay yourself a couple of nights. You’ll be away from Buffy and you can think about what you want to do. Decide if you really want to leave, or if you‘re gonna stay.”


“I don’t know…”


“Just think about it, ok? Don’t do anything you’ll regret. We both know you can’t stay away from her anyway. So what? You’ll leave, then a few months down the road, you’ll realize you made a mistake and come back? I don’t know if she’ll be able to forgive you. Too many people have done it to her, even Giles. Everything will be ruined if you leave. Tell me you’ll think about it.”


“I will.”


“And no matter what you decide, keep the card.”


Spike smirked. “Are you sure about that, whelp?”


Xander rolled his eyes and got up. “Yeah, go crazy. There’s a five hundred bucks limit on it. Use it for gas, blood and Ho-Hos, or something.”


“Thanks mate.”


Spike got on his bike. “Don’t miss me too much.”


“Oh I won’t. You won’t be gone long enough for me to miss you.”


Xander watched as Spike’s tail light disappeared into the night, hoping that he was right and the vampire wouldn‘t leave for good. Once he was gone, he pulled out his cell phone and called Buffy’s home. This time, there was an answer.


“Hello?”


“Will? It’s Xander. Is Buffy home yet?”


“Huh.. No. She went to your place. Didn’t you see her?”


“…”


“Xander?”


Xander finally found his voice back. “How--how long ago did she leave?”


“I don’t know. About 45 minutes, an hour maybe. Why? What‘s going on?”


Xander broke into a cold sweat. He hadn’t locked the door. He wasn’t even sure if he’d closed it.


“Xander? Are you all right? Xander?..”


**Not all right. Not all right at all.**


“Can’t talk right now, Will. Bye.” He hung up.


**And even less all right once I’ll get home** He thought grimly.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Are you all scared for the Xandman? (I hope you are or else, I'll feel like I failed as a writer lol) Do you like the story? Tell me! I really do wanna know. Review.

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CHAPTER 6: Trying to save the show


The front door of the apartment wasn’t closed. Xander slowly pushed it completely open. He could almost hear the dramatic music playing in the back of his head, a soundtrack to the suspense of the moment.


“Buffy?”


Only silence answered him, but instead of making him feel relieved, it made him want to run as far away as possible.


He made his way to the computer room like a man walking to his death. Sure enough, she was there, the blue light of the screen casting a halo around her blonde hair. There was a picture of Spike frozen on the monitor in front of her.


“Buffy?” He called again.


She slowly turned her head to look at him. She was frowning, her eyes wide with incomprehension. “…Xander?”


Her voice was carrying a hundred questions that Xander didn’t think he could answer.


“Buffy, I’m sorry you had to see this, so sorry…”


“What IS this?”


“I wish I could explain, but not right now. There’s something you need to know first.”


“Yes, right now. And please tell me there’s a good explanation because I don’t understand.” She shook her head, trying to make sense of what was going on.


Xander wanted to scream, cry, run away, all at once. “I can explain, Buff, but it’ll take time and there’s something more important.”


“More important than this?” She asked, incredulous. “You have about fifty or so video on that computer--of Spike and I. God, I WANT to understand, Xander. Please explain to me why? I don’t get it.”


“Nothing I can say will make it all right. I can’t get out of this one with a joke or by playing clueless. I don’t know how or why I got caught up doing that. I can assure you though, the first time was an accident…”


“An accident? What? So these cameras just appeared out of nowhere?”


“No, they didn’t. But I didn’t plant them there. It was Warren and his geeky friends. They were spying on us all and the hardware was still in the computer when you guys gave it to me. I found out while I was trying to figure out how to use the thing. And the first thing I saw was--you and Spike--you know…”


“Spike and I fucking each other? Couldn’t you just do what I would expect you to do? Drive a baseball bat through the screen and yell at me for sleeping with another vampire? Why did you keep watching? I don’t get it. I don’t think I’ve ever had such a hard time understanding something.”


“I know. I should have stopped watching right away. But I was shocked, I didn’t understand what you were doing, what was going on with you. So I kept watching and before I knew it, I was engrossed in your life and your problems and I just needed to know more. I couldn’t stop.”


He walked up to where she was sitting and crouched down in front of her. “Buffy, I’m sure you’re thinking horrible things about me right now. You’re probably angry and disgusted, and you’re right to be. We could talk about this all night. But…”


She interrupted him again. “Xander..”


“Buffy. He left.”


“What?”


“That’s what I kept trying to tell you.”


Xander reached out to take the mouse. He dragged it to an icon and opened it. Buffy watched the rather sad display of Spike, half destroying, half packing his belongings. The blood drained from her face.


“What?.. When--when was that?”


“About an hour ago. That’s why I called you.”


“He’s gone?” Tears welled up in her hazel eyes. “He left town? He--left me?”


Xander took both her hands in his, forcing her to take her eyes off the screen. “It doesn’t have to be, Buffy. You can still catch up to him. When you didn’t answer, I went to talk to Spike. He was really upset but I think I convinced him that he was making a rash decision. I tried to get him to think about it. If he listened to me, that means he’s spending the night at that motel on the highway just outside of town. I don’t remember the name of the motel. It has a number in it… Lucky 7?”


“Super 8?”


“Yeah, that’s it. Buff, I never thought I’d have to give you that speech again, but, if you want him, don’t let him go. You love him, don’t you?”


She looked away, blinking to hold back her tears. “I think so.”


“You think so?”


“Yes, I do. Ok? I do.”


“Then why are you still sitting here?”


She opened her mouth to protest, but he pulled her to her feet.


“Go!”


“But… How am I gonna get there?”


“I’d give you my car keys, but that’d be like giving you a gun and helping you aim it at your head.”


“Hey!” Buffy pouted. “I don’t think you’re in a position to tease this Slayer, buddy. I’m still angry at you and I sense a lot of kissing of my ass in your future.”


“I’ll write that down in my agenda, but for now, I’ll just call you a cab.”


She turned to leave, but hesitated. “What if he’s not there, Xander?”


“He will be. I know he will.”


“We still have a lot of talking to do when I get back so don’t go anywhere.”


“I’ll be here.” He smiled nervously at her.


She left and Xander took the phone to call her a taxi.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Hello?… Hellooo? Anybody working here, or do I just walk out with the money?” She rang the little silver bell a couple more times before a greasy looking, overweight, man walked out of the back room.


“Yeah, what do you want?” He grumbled.


The blonde girl plastered a fake smile on her face. “I’m sorry to bother you. I’m looking for someone who was supposed to be staying here tonight, maybe you’ve seen him? Billy Idol look alike, long leather duster…”


“Stalker? Crazy ex-girlfriend? Jealous wife?”


Buffy’s smile tightened as her patience thinned. “No--huh.” She looked at his nametag “Buddy. I’m just a friend. Could you please help me? Is he here?”


“Yeah, I’ve seen the dude.”


“Could you please tell me his room number?” She flashed him her most brilliant smile and leaned on the counter, exposing some cleavage.


“Well--I guess I’d better call his room first. My customers like their privacy if ya get my drift.”


“Please, Buddy?”


“Oh, what the heck. He can’t be too upset to see such a pretty thing knocking on his door. I sent him to room 336.”


“Thanks so much.”


“No problem, sweetheart. If he disappoints… I’m all alone here and wouldn’t say no to some company.”


Buffy shuddered at the idea, but smiled anyway. “We’ll see. Thanks again.” She almost ran out of the office.


Her heels clacked on the pavement as she walked across the parking lot, but she didn’t noticed. The sound of her heart beat drowning the noise. She quickly made her way to room 336, then stopped in front of the door.


She hadn’t prepared what she was going to say to him and she was nervous. She didn’t want to screw this up. But she soon realized that the best way to go about this was to follow her instincts and be truthful for once. She hadn’t done that for a long time and it was time for her to stop hiding behind words she didn't believe in and just be honest. With him, and with herself.


She knocked on the door and waited. There was no answer. After a few moments, she knocked again, harder this time. “Spike? It’s me. Open up, we need to talk… Spike? Are you in there?”


Again, she got nothing. Panicking at the idea that he didn’t want to see her, that he was serious about leaving town, she started banging on the door.


“Please, Spike, answer the damn door!… I swear I’ll break it down. I need to see you.”


When he still didn’t answer, she took a step back.


**Fuck it.**


She kicked the door open… Just in time to see a forty something years old bald man walking out of the bathroom, a short towel wrapped around his skinny naked hips.


“Who are you? Not that I’m complaining.”


“Oh God, I’m so sorry, sir.”


The ugly man leered at her, almost drooling. “Well I didn’t order anything, but I’m sure we can find something to do if you wanna stay.” He winked suggestively at her.


Buffy put her hands up and took a few steps back until she was standing outside.


“Sorry, but I'll pass. I’ve got the wrong room… Or at least, I hope I do. Spike is not in there, is he? Please tell me he’s not cause that'd be really disturbing.”


“No. He’s not.” Spike answered from the doorway of room 337.


She turned her head sharply to look at him. He was a mess. Barefoot, wearing nothing but his black leather pants, his hair sticking out in every direction, his eyes red. And he didn’t seem too thrilled to see her. She took a few tentative steps towards him, until they were standing face to face.


“Spike…”


“If you’re here to fuck me, hurt me, and walk away, then you can skip straight to the walking away part. “


“No! No, that’s not…” Buffy broke down, not even bothering to try fighting the tears.


Spike stood there, not sure of what was happening. He was internally fighting with his own emotions. Caving in, he took Buffy’s hand and gently led her inside the room and to the bed where they lay down. She hid her face in his chest, doing all the crying she hadn’t let herself do for the last six months since she’d been back.


Things were done according to Spike’s rules for once: there was no fucking, no hurting, and no walking away.


He just held Buffy until she cried herself to sleep.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Never thought I'd get such great reviews for this fic. Not that I don't think it deserves it, but I got one bad when I first started writting it and it kinda made me insecure. You guys know how to make a writer happy. Thanks, and keep 'em coming!

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CHAPTER 7: Paging Dr. Phil


When Buffy finally woke up, she was alone in bed. The room was dark and she wondered with confusion if it was still the same night, or if it was the next day and the sun had already set. But her body was telling her that she had slept for a long time, so it must be the next day. The sun wasn’t completely down yet, but the heavy curtains were keeping the last rays out for Spike’s sake, giving her the impression that it was night time. She tried to clear her foggy mind and sat up, slightly dizzy from oversleeping. It didn’t take her long to locate Spike. He was sitting in the armchair facing the bed, seemingly lost in his thoughts, the burning tip of his cigarette bright in the darkness of the room.


He’d had plenty of time to think while the emotionally exhausted girl was sleeping the day away. He’d came up with a desperate way of getting her to vent her pain and frustrations and hoped his idea would work. He knew it was the last resort. The fact that she’d show up in the first place was a good sign that she wanted to be helped and she had enough of keeping the pain inside. So maybe there was a chance.


“Slept well?”


She nodded, warily keeping her eyes on him, not sure what to expect. She knew she had pushed Spike too far this time and the fear of losing him she had felt the night before wasn’t completely gone. Suddenly, predictable Spike wasn’t so predictable anymore. Buffy was nervous about what he would say, or what he would do. Would he tell her it was over? Would he ask her to leave?.. And his prolonged silence wasn’t helping any. She opened her mouth to try to break it, but he cut her off.


“Right then. Now that you’re well rested, get up and get dressed.”


At the stricken look on her face, he calmed her fear by adding “There‘s some place I want to take you.”


Buffy obediently got up on wobbly legs and made her way to the bathroom to take a quick shower.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Where are we going?”


“Not far.”


They had left the motel just after sunset, at that moment when the sky look like a crazed painter has thrown buckets of dark coral, light red and deep blue paint across it. It was beautiful. The closest Buffy and Spike would ever get from taking a walk under the sun. They had walked for twenty minutes and were now surrounded by a harsh looking rocky landscape. Civilization had given way to the desert. To Buffy, it felt like they were completely alone in the world. That’s exactly what Spike had planned.


After another five minutes of walking in silence, Spike stopped and turned to her.


Confusion was etched on Buffy‘s features. She looked around curiously, trying to figure out what it was that he wanted to show her.


“What are we looking at exactly?”


“Hit me.”


“What?” She turned around sharply to look at him with a disbelieving look.


“I said, hit me. Take your best shot Slayer. Don’t hold back.”


“Is this some kind of sick joke? Cause watch me not laughing.”


“It’s not a joke. I want you to let it all out. I want us to fight here until we both fall from exhaustion. Don’t worry about me. I can stand my own in a physical fight. That sort of pain I can deal with. I want you to let out that anger, pain, denial; whatever it is you’ve been keeping inside and just hit me. Let The Slayer out."


Silent tears were streaming down her face as she stared at him without a word. She shook her head.


“Do it, Slayer! Come on, pet, you have no problem hurting me with words, but you’re squeamish about using your fists? Since when?”


She lashed out; her fist connecting with his torso and making him fly back. He charged her.


“That’s my girl.”


It was like good old times. When everything was simple between them and fighting seemed to be the only right thing to do. But were things ever simple between them? Even as mortal enemies, there was always more depth to their relationship than just kill or be killed. Competition of skills and power, need to show who the best was, connection in the violence of the fight, perfect understanding of who the other was, and maybe just a little bit of lust thrown in the mix for good measure. But with time, things only got more complex as feelings were added to the equation, leading to this moment. Things were now coming full circle as they fought. Only this time, death was not to be the outcome, and who the winner would be had no importance.


Buffy’s mind was blank as she blocked Spike’s every punch and kick quickly and efficiently. She wanted to think of nothing, concentrating on the pain and anger boiling inside of her instead.


She got a few good shots in. It felt good. Not to hurt Spike, although by the grin on his face, she could tell she wasn’t hurting him. No, what felt good was the familiar thrill of fighting with him, something she had missed greatly, and also feeling the anger seep out of her with every punch. The pain would without a doubt still be there at the end of the night. These kind of wounds took longer to heal. But the rage she had been holding back inside was deflating.


Spike round house kicked her twice. She managed to avoid his first attempt. He got her on the second. She fell but got up almost as soon.


“Come on, Slayer, I won‘t break. Let it all out. Admit it once and for all. You’re angry.”


Buffy grabbed him from behind, and he head butted her.


“It’s alright to say it, pet. You have every right in the world to be resentful and angry.”


She didn’t answer, but he could see the emotions in her hazel eyes. Her teeth were clenched and she was breathing hard.


“Come on. Don’t tell me you feel nothing. I wouldn’t believe you.”


She threw a side kick at him, her small foot landing in the middle of his chest making him back up a few feet.


“I don’t want to feel these things.”


“But you do! Accept it. You can’t keep it inside of you. It will tear you apart.”


The fight was slowly running out of her. Tears were streaming down her face.


“They didn’t think they were doing something wrong. They don’t deserve my anger.”


“Do I?”


“No. You don‘t. It‘s them. I‘m--I‘m pissed off. I‘m mad at my friends, all right? Are you happy now? I said it.” She attacked again.


“I am pissed. Ok?” She yelled. “I’m fucking pissed off at my dumb ass friends who thought it would be a genius idea to interrupt my eternal rest so I could continue to fight for the goddamn world. I’m so mad that sometimes, I wish I could kick their stupid asses for being so selfish.”


Spike smiled and started approaching her, carefully blocking the punches she was still throwing at him, until he was too close for her to be able to hit him anymore. She let him pull her into his arms. She chuckled through her tears, her face buried in the leather of his coat.


“Dumb asses.”


Spike laughed at the mumbled words. He pulled her down until they were both sitting in the dirt. Buffy wiped at her tears.


“I’m sorry, Spike. I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I did the past two months. I’m tired of taking it out on the wrong person. You’ve done nothing to deserve this. I’m sorry. You were right. I love them, they’re almost like family to me, but I’m angry with them.”


“It’s all right, luv.” He said while smoothing her hair back soothingly. “You can love them and still be angry. One doesn’t exclude the other.”


She looked up and gave him a watery smile. “When did you get so smart, Blondie?”


Spike huffed. “I’ve always been. About time you noticed.”


After a moment of silence, he asked out of the blue. “What’s the deal with the Whelp anyway? Not only did it look like he knew about us, but he seemed on board the Buffy and Spike lovin’ bloody train. Has he gone off the deep end?”


The vampire frowned when he noticed Buffy turning bright red. She started telling him everything that happened in the past twenty four hours.


“So--when you say he’s seen it all--do you mean just the nice, entertaining stuff, or the bad, rough moments as well? Cause our last encounter was rather dark, even by my standards.”


“He saw it.”


“Hard to believe he’d still be rooting for our team after seeing that little stunt. Can’t say I’m proud of what I did that morning.”


“I asked for it.”


“Didn’t mean I had to do it.”


“Maybe I wanted to be punished. I took it without a word, didn’t I.”


“Punished for what, luv?”


“For the things I do to you, the things I say. The way I treat you.”


“Why do you treat me like that then? You said you don’t hate me. Then why? I know you’re angry at your mates and all, but I don’t understand why you’d turn it into a ‘you and me’ thing. And I want to. It’s only fair that you’d explain to me because to be honest with you, I’m completely lost. Tell me why.”


“Because you love me.” She answered in a small voice.


Spike frowned, trying to make sense of what she was saying. “So you kick me in the balls for loving you? I’ve been condemn for many things, pet, but never that. You don’t want me to love you, is that it?”


“Yes. No…” She took a deep breath “I need you to love me. But I don’t want you to. Because love never lasts, and I think I’ve had just about as much pain as I can handle.”


“So let me get this straight. You’ll just refuse happiness because happiness could possibly, in theory, hurt you?”


“I don’t think there is real happiness here. We call it happiness because we don’t know any better. But it’s volatile, it’s tainted, and it hurts so much when it doesn’t last.”


“Buffy… maybe it’s just a crazy thought, but luv--are you afraid you might forget what it was like?”


“What it was like?”


“It looks to me like you’re voluntarily trying to make life into Hell. Always comparing this world with heaven, seeing only the worst in life and turning your back on every opportunity to experience happiness. You refuse to give life a second chance. You’ve tasted something better after you died, and don’t want to let it go. But what if it’s not better, just different?”


She looked down, doing her best to avoid his eyes. She started drawing meaningless patterns in the dirt and he thought she wouldn‘t answer. But she finally did.


“I don’t know, Spike. I’m so confused sometimes that I don’t even know what I’m doing or why. I don’t know who I am anymore. I want things to be normal, I want to be Buffy again and I work so hard at showing a convincing image. But once in a while, I fall apart. And you always happen to be there at that moment. I’m sorry.”


“They buggered things up real nice for you pet, didn’t they? I’m sorry they didn’t leave you in peace, but what’s done is done and you have to live now. I just wish I could make things better for you. I tried. But you won’t let me.”


“I know. I’m sorry. I want to let you. I really do. I know how much you love me. Sometimes, I wonder why. But I know you do. And I want to let you help me, but there are times when the anger I keep inside becomes too much. I don’t know why I let it out on you instead of the ones who deserve it. I do the same with Dawn, you know. And God knows she hasn’t done anything wrong. Maybe it’s because you two are the only ones I love. I have strong feelings for you that I don’t understand and can’t bottle up like all my other feelings. And everything comes out at the same time in a confused mess. Or maybe I just need to be locked away in a mental institution and be fed multi colored pills.” She finally looked at him with a small smile.


“No. You need to be aware of all this. Stop worrying about your friends’ feelings and put Buffy first. You need to let me and Dawn in and accept that there can be good in life. And by the way, love doesn’t always end in pain. You can’t base your perception of love on a few wankers who were too thick to realize what an amazing woman you are. If they were idiotic enough to let you go, that’s their thing. But don’t judge me after them. It’s unfair to me. It’s unfair to us. Just let us be, Buffy.”


She smiled. “Should have spent more time talking to you instead of screwing your brains out. Not that the screwing isn’t good.”


He chuckled softly. “Yeah. I can be surprising like that. I’m not all looks you know. There are brains hidden under that sex god image of mine.”


She punched his arm lightly. “Full of yourself much?”


He rolled his eyes at her and pulled her back in his arms. A comfortable silence settled over them and they remained like that until Buffy shivered. Spike let go of her long enough to take off his jacket and put it on her shoulder.


“Let’s go back to the motel, pet. It’s getting cold.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The motel finally came into view. Buffy was glad because she really was getting cold. Freezing even. But it had been worth it. She felt a hundred pounds lighter now than she did when they left earlier. She knew she still had a lot to work on, but Spike’s intervention had helped her facing her issues.


“Oh. I meant to ask. Why did you take me all the way to the desert for this?”


They were walking slower now that they were almost there, and they were holding hands. Which at first, felt odd to Buffy. But she had fought the urge to pull her hand out of Spike’s grasp the way she would have not long ago, and now she was starting to enjoy it. It felt comfortable. She realized suddenly that she had almost ruined a relationship that had the potential to be amazing. Yet another guilt trip to put on her already long list when it came to Spike.


The blonde vampire tilted his head to look at her, the smirk on his lips a testimony of his lighter mood. “Well at first, I thought about kicking your tiny slayer’s ass here in the parking lot, but I think it would have been hard to explain the cops when they showed up.”


Buffy rolled her eyes. “Smart ass.”


That’s when Buddy, the motel manager, walked out of the office across the parking lot and headed straight for them. His beady eyes were almost popping out of his sockets and his forehead was glistening with sweat.


“Do you think he’s having a heart attack?” Buffy whispered while watching the short man approaching them quickly. “Cause there’s no way I’m doing CPR on him. My lips are not going anywhere near that guy.” She shuddered at the thought.


“Hey! You two. Wait up.” Buddy jogged the last fifty or so feet that still separated him from the blonde couple. He stopped in front of them and bent in half with his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. “God, I gotta cut back on the junk food.”


“Can we help you with something? Is there a problem with the credit card I gave you?” Spike asked, not in the mood to deal with the wanker.


“Someone broke into room 336 last night. The guy must have been fucking huge cause the damn door is broken in half. The guy who rented the room just left. The son of a bitch probl’y didn’t wanna pay for the damage. Did you guys see anyone last night?”


Buffy and Spike just looked at each other, both biting their lips to stop themselves from laughing. They shrugged.


The two blondes answered as one. “Nope. Haven’t seen a thing.”


They walked away, laughing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Sorry for the lack of smuttiness, but things needed to be said to save the relationship. Sex is not the answer to everything. Almost to everything, but there are exceptions lol Don't worry, the Spike and Buffy action is returning in the next chapter. Thanks to all my reviewers. I love you guys! Reviews make this bitca really happy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Much lighter chapter. Back to humor and smut.. Almost. I hope you will all like the chapter. We’re getting close to the end of this story so don’t forget to make me happy and review.


CHAPTER 8: Back on the air


“So--will you help me?” Buffy asked shyly while munching on the pizza they‘d just ordered.


They were sitting Indian style on the bed, facing each other. Spike looked up from his own slice of greasy Italian food. He looked at her without a word, his head tilted to the side in a way that was typically Spike.


She repeated her plea, her voice lower and more uncertain, eyes downcast. “You‘ll help me, right? I know I have no right to ask…”


“You have every right. Actually, you shouldn’t even feel like you have to ask. And--to be honest with you, pet--I thought that’s what I had been doing. Or at least, I tried to do.”


“Yes. And you have. But I realize now just how far gone I have been and that I’ll need to face my demons on a daily basis to get better. I’ll need your help for that. It will be tough sometimes and I’m afraid it might take a while before I’m back to my old self. I know it’s a lot to ask from you and I don’t want to take you help for granted anymore.”


“I’ll be there every step of the way. You should know that. Though I guess with me being a right bleedin’ wanker and running away last night, I can‘t blame you for doubting me. Sorry bout that by the way. I know I shouldn’t have but it was just--too much.” He hung his head, too ashamed of having broken his promise to look at her.


She took the pizza box that was separating them and carelessly dropped in to the floor, then scooted closer to him. She tilted his head up by putting a finger under his chin. “Hey, look at me. It would never cross my mind to blame you for this. Never. I had it coming. I can’t just punch you around without concern for your feelings and expect you to just take it. I can blame my father for cheating on my mom and leaving us, I can blame Angel for being a coward and running away without even saying goodbye, I can blame Riley for being a selfish bastard, and Giles for leaving me here alone to deal with things when I’m not ready to do it on my own yet. But you… I can’t blame you. And I’m sorry. Kiss me?”


Spike smiled at her and lowered his lips to hers. He kissed her softly, pouring all his emotion into the act.


He soon pulled back, still having things to get off his chest. “Luv? I just wanted to tell you--I’m sorry for saying… You know. That bloody horrible thing I said to you the other day that I didn’t mean? I’m sorry. I was a right bastard and I’ll make up for it. I love you. I love you and I’ll tell you fifty times a day every bleedin’ day of the week and right now, I’m planning on making love to you like I never did before to make you forget I ever said that I… hate you.”


“Spike. You don’t have anything to make up for. Don’t feel guilty about that. I was a real bitch that day, we both know it.”


He looked away, clearly still upset about it. “I can never forget the look on your face when I said it. You trusted me to love you and I turn around and say this to you…”


She straddled him and ran her little hands up and down his chest, looking straight into his blue eyes. “That’s the problem. I took your love for granted and abused it. It was a good wake up call and it made me realize things I wasn’t ready to face. Maybe I should say thank you for saying it.”


He tried to interrupt, but she wouldn’t let him.


“If you had just kept it inside and let me continue on this path I was on, maybe it would have gone on until there was nothing left of our relationship to salvage.”


“Maybe. But still…”


“Hush and kiss me. Even if I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about doesn’t mean I don’t want you to carry on with your plan.”


Spike chuckled and went back to devouring her lips. He lay back, pulling Buffy down on top of him. He was holding her so tightly that she couldn’t even move. No that she would have wanted to, mind you. She was perfectly content where she was. Soon, the kiss heated up, turning into a frenzied lip-lock. The bed squeaked loudly and Buffy broke the kiss, grinning down at Spike.


“Pretty crappy motel you got us. You’re lucky I really want you right now; it makes me overlook the ick factor.”


“Sorry, princess. It’s all I could afford with the money Xander gave me. You’ll have to blame him.”


She kissed him soundly. “Just hope we don’t catch crabs.”


Spike made a face. “I got to say, you must be the most bloody romantic chit I’ve ever met.” He said mockingly.


“Sorry for my lack of romanticism. You‘ll have to teach me I guess.” Buffy giggled, not sorry at all, and tore his shirt open in one fluid motion.


He smirked at her. “Now THAT’s what I call romance!”


Soon, he was naked and Buffy sat back on her heels to admire the result of her handy work. “I’ve never told you this, but no man has ever turned me on the way you do. You’re so good looking, Spike, it’s almost a sin.”


He wasn’t the shy type, but he had never felt so naked under a woman’s gaze before. He quickly covered his sudden shyness with a smirk. “And I’m all yours, kitten.


She ran her hands lightly over his washboard abs, his chest, all the way up to his shoulders. “Goodie.” She murmured and went back to kissing him. While she was busy with his lips, he managed to undress her as well.


When Buffy got too carried away though, Spike stopped her by wrapping his arms tightly around her and flipping her on her back. He pulled away from her and she looked up in confusion.


“Impatient little bird, that you are.” An affectionate smile was playing on his generous lips. “How about we try the slow and romantic thing tonight, pet? Despite the crappy room.” he added with a bashful grin.


Buffy ghosted a finger over his cheekbone, down to his lips. She realized that almost every time they’d have sex over the past few months, she’d been the one calling the shots. It was only fair that she’d yield some of the power to him for once. “You wanna be in charge, don’t you?”


His smile widened and he nodded enthusiastically.


“I’m all yours. I trust you.”


Spike’s eyes shone with wonder at her statement. “I love you.”


Buffy blushed in what Spike thought was the most adorable way possible, trying to get the words out. Her voice was slightly shaky when she spoke, but her gaze never wavered. “I.. I love you too.”


She pulled his shocked face to hers and their tongues battled for a moment before Spike moved on to her breasts. He took one rosy nipple between his lips and suckled it gently, making it hard, then gave the same attention to the other.


Buffy watched him as he sucked on her breasts, thinking it was more erotic than any crazy things they had done together so far. It was both soothing and exciting, sending shocks to her lower belly and making her warm all over. The tingling feeling was slowly spreading to her limbs and she relaxed under him, closing her eyes to enjoy the attention he was lavishing upon her.


His busy hands slid along her slick skin, venturing between her legs. He separated her wet folds with firm, but gentle fingers. He knew her body by heart, memorized every part of her, yet, it felt like he was discovering her for the very first time.


Buffy wasn’t used to the teasing between them and had to use all her self-restraint not to shove him on his back and have her wicked ways with him. So far in their relationship, she had adopted Faith’s mentality: want, take, have. But she was now realizing what she had been missing. The teasing was exquisite, building up her arousal to heights it had never reached before. The combined feel of his mouth on her nipple and his fingers gently pumping inside of her was slowly driving her insane. Her head was thrown back and she writhed beneath Spike, her hands trying to touch every part of him at once.


He let go of her nipple with a wet sucking sound to look at her. “Do you want me, Buffy?” He whispered in a husky voice. He was nearly overwhelmed with desire and hoped to all Gods her answer would be yes.


“More than ever, Spike. Enough with the teasing. Please.”


He lay on top of her, his hips nestled between her spread legs, then pulled her on the side with him so he could comfortably hold her against him. They lay on their sides, facing each other. Spike lifted her leg up higher around his hip to give himself more space to maneuver and sank into her welcoming heat. A sigh of relieve escaped both their lips as his large cock stretched her.


Buffy closed her eyes briefly, enjoying a feeling that only last night she thought she’d never get to enjoy again; being one with the man she now knew she loved. No. She had known. But knowing and accepting were two very different things. Now, she was accepting it, and ready to fight for this. As Spike thrust into her, she thought it was all worth it. Her friends, family and Watcher would just have to understand.


Spike was wondering what was going through Buffy’s mind at this moment, but for once, he wasn’t worried. He knew she wouldn’t be running off after it was over. So he could just focus on enjoying the feel of her wet, silky walls surrounding him and think of nothing but how much he loved this girl. She was his world.


Their breath was coming out in short gasps, grunts and sighs echoing loudly in the empty room. They were both vaguely aware of a banging noise coming from the other room, but chose to ignore it, too lost in each other to care.


Buffy was jerking roughly in Spike’s arms, her hips meeting his with increasing strength as she approached her climax. She was letting out incoherent pleas that he didn’t really understand, but didn’t need to. He knew what she wanted and gave it to her. After a few more thrusts, he ground his hips against her, stimulating her clit. That was all Buffy needed to come. Hard.


“Spike! Oh God!”


She stiffened, her insides squeezing his hard cock mercilessly as she rode the waves of her orgasm. It was all he needed to follow her. She reached down to squeeze his balls and he slammed into her one last time, coming with more intensity than he’d ever done before.


Calm settled over the room and all that could be heard was Buffy’s heavy breathing. Spike kissed her nose and rested his forehead against hers. They smiled at each other, enjoying the aftermath of their love making.


No. This time, she wouldn’t be running away.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“I still think we should tell Demon girl so she knows where the Whelp got his new moves from. I bet she’d be grateful. Maybe she’d even let me get stuff for free at the Magic Box as a token of her gratitude.”


“Spike…” Buffy growled warningly. But the severity of her tone didn’t reach her eyes that were dancing with amusement. They were walking down the hallway that led to Xander’s apartment. Spike was carrying a box packed with Buffy’s computer stuff, and sported a huge grin on his face. He was obviously finding the situation very amusing. Of course, he wasn’t known to be a humble man, and wasn’t too shy about the fact that Xander had seen his private life in Technicolor details. The one thing that bothered him was the more emotional moments the boy had witnessed. But he’d rather not dwell too much on it. At least now, Xander knew Spike wasn‘t bragging when he called himself the “big“ bad.


On the other hand, Buffy might not have been too mad at her friend, but her cheeks were a pretty shade of pink. And the color was only getting brighter as they neared Xander’s door. Sure, they had talked about it and after forcing herself to calm down and listen to her friend’s point of view, she had forgiven him and decided that the whole story would stay between the three of them. But it didn’t mean she wasn’t more than slightly embarrassed. Who wouldn’t be?


To herself, Buffy could admit that the worse thing was mostly the shame of being seen at her worst and the fear of being judged by her friend for some of the things she’d done. She knew she had an appetite for sex that wasn’t common to most girls and an outsider could easily mistake this for major sluttiness. Heck, she often wondered herself if she was a nympho for needing so much sex. But at least, she wasn’t a sleep around. Four guys, that wasn’t too much, right? And she has only slept once with two of those four. So what if she liked it sorta kinky and rough?.. If she liked to experiment and keep things exciting and new?


Nah. She talked about this with Spike for a while, and he convinced her that there was nothing wrong with her. Xander had confirmed that too. He seemed to have understood that she wasn’t just any normal girl, and that Spike had the vampire thing going on for him. Not that they’d sat down over coffee to discuss her sex life or anything. More like a quick exchange of vague, embarrassed comments, a speedy explanation for his behavior, eyes looking at anything but the two blondes.


Now, Buffy was standing in front of his door, ready to knock and reminding herself that she had no reason to be shy and to blush like a school girl. Xander was the one who did something wrong, not her. And even then, wrong was relative.


Spike’s secret theory was that she was only blushing because she was ashamed of herself for being turned on at the idea of being watched. She would deny it, of course, but he reminded himself to get a confession out of her tonight. It could be interesting. Maybe he could get her to explore a new sexual taboo. Could be fun. After all, poor Whelp. The boy did stop them from splitting and he was so disappointed that he‘d never get to see the end of his favorite sitcom. Didn‘t seem quite fair.


Spike smirked evilly at his twisted idea, but decided to keep that thought for later.


Buffy knocked on the door and Xander opened it almost immediately. He had been expecting them. Buffy and Spike had made sure Anya would be working at the magic shop when they stopped by because she would have asked questions. For Xander’s sake, the ex-vengeance demon could never know about this. They still loved him--or at least, Buffy did. Spike might never admit it, but the Xander liking was definitely there somewhere in his undead heart. Especially now that Xander'd saved his relationship with the Slayer. So they didn’t want to ruin his chances to get married and be happy.


The blonde couple followed Xander into the computer room. Xander’s computer sat in a corner, unplugged, the cables twisted neatly and held together with tie wraps, ready to be taken away. Spike put the box he was carrying down on the computer desk.


“So…” Buffy drawled. “Here it is. You take my PC, I take yours, and everything goes back to normal as if the weirdness never happened.”


“Good. That’s--really good.” Xander shifted his weight from one foot to the other, obviously uncomfortable, but smiling nonetheless.


“Spike saved all my files on CD-Rs and reinstalled the whole system. So, no compromising Buffy stuff for you to go through, mister. It’s like a brand new computer.”


Xander looked down shamefully, but soon realized that Buffy was teasing him. He rolled his eyes at his friend and Spike chuckled.


“I…” He took a deep breath. “Man, this is awkward.”


“Come on, Whelp. Just spit it out already so we can leave. We have more interesting things to do. You’d know what I’m talking about, now wouldn’t you?”


“Spike!” Buffy warned. “Leave him alone. You promised no stupid jokes.”


Spike looked sheepish. “Sorry, luv.”


“What were you saying, Xander?”


“Huh, I left the videos. I didn’t know if you wanted me to erase them or not so I figured you’d do it yourself. It’s all right, right? Not sure I wanted you to see for yourself the extend of the things I’ve seen but since I’m already in trouble anyway and I didn’t know what you wanted me to do I…”


Buffy put an end to her friend‘s misery. “It’s fine, Xander. Really. Don’t worry about it, ok?”


Spike eyed Xander’s computer with sudden interest. “Is there a DVD burner on that thing?”


The two friends shot him a look and the vampire put his hands up. “Never mind.”


“So, we’re cool?” Xander asked, turning back to Buffy. He gave her his best patented puppy dog look.


“Of course.” She gave him a hug, then turned to Spike.


“Come on, Blondie, take the box and let’s go.”


Spike pouted like a petulant child. “Oi! How come I’m the one who has to carry the bloody computer all over town again? What happened to bleedin‘ fairness? You’re just as strong as I am!”


Xander answered that question for him, patting the blonde vampire on the back. “You want a girlfriend man? You gotta pay the price. That’s the way the world goes ‘round. And believe me, you get off easy. You should see the things Anya makes me do.”


“Bloody women.” Spike mumbled, lifting up the box.


“You can say that again!”


Buffy rolled her eyes at the male bonding and walked out of the room, her boyfriend following behind her.


She was lucky. She knew it now.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: All right, so, this is the conclusion of the story. It makes me sad, but it had to end eventually. I waited a long time before writing this epilogue because I wasn't sure how people would react to my idea. But like my beta said to me "You think this is too kinky for Buffy?! The girl did it at the Bronze in public for crying out loud, of course she'd do that. Now go and write!" So I did. I hope you've enjoyed ASHV and that you'll enjoy the epilogue just as much. Drop me a line to let me know, reviews are always welcome




CHAPTER 9: Full Circle


Xander walked out of the elevator on his way to his apartment, and passed a UPS guy who was leaving. The guy took a few steps before turning to Xander.

“Hey. You wouldn’t happen to be X. Harris, would you?”

Xander stopped and turned to face the man. “Depends. Are you an IRS guy undercover?” he said with his trademark goofy grin. But seeing the guy rolling his eyes and walking away, he stopped him.

“Hey, don’t go. I was kidding. That’s what I do, I kid.” Seeing the guy wasn’t amused, he quickly added “Never mind. Xander Harris at your service. Do you have something for me?”

The UPS delivery guy walked back to where Xander was standing and handed him a thick brown envelope after making him sign. “Here ya go.”

“All right, then.” The guy mumbled. “Have a nice day, sir.”

He didn’t wait for an answer before turning around, leaving Xander to look at the package with a puzzled expression on his face. He shook it, like a curious kid shakes his presents on Christmas morning. He had no idea what it could be, or who would send him a package. Knowing how things were in his home town, it was probably something evil that would bring on the apocalypse.

Shrugging, he unlocked his apartment door and walked in. He dropped his keys and mail on the kitchen table and went to sit on the couch, the package still in hands. He turned it around, inspecting it carefully as if it was going to explode. There was no return address.

Taking a risk, he opened it and peered inside. The package contained two items. A DVD and a note. The DVD had nothing written on it. It was the kind you use with DVD burners on your computer to make home movies. He unfolded the note. The words: ‘Don’t watch this in front of Anya or she’ll probably call on all her little vengeance demon friends to do unspeakable things to you’, were underlined many times. The rest of the note read:


Hey Whelp. Figured it wasn’t bloody fair to leave you hanging after you watched your little reality show religiously for so long. Here’s what you can consider the show finale. My girl felt kinky the other day and I convinced her it could be fun. But she only agreed under the condition that you never, EVER, mention this to her, and destroy the DVD after you watch it. So you better do it or I‘ll kick your arse.
Consider this as being our special thank you for saving our relationship from being just another footnote in the book of Buffy’s history of love disasters.

Take care mate,
Spike and Buffy


Xander shook his head, as if waking up from some weird dream. **Nah, they did not… Did they? They couldn’t possibly have..** He turned the DVD case in his hands, looking at it suspiciously.

It was probably a big joke, he was sure of it. He could imagine Buffy and Spike, sitting in front of their computer, Buffy giggling madly as they downloaded a porn movie staring two blonde actors. Maybe they went as far as removing the original sound track and made their own. “Oh Spike! Yes, take me!” Buffy would scream, then giggle some more.

**Nope, they wouldn’t know how to do that kinda thing on the computer** He rationalized, still not knowing what to think.

He was very confused. Very. And a little shocked. But as usual, the great king of denial made an appearance to explain the whole thing away. Yes, that’s it. He’d pop the DVD into the DVD player, press play, and Buffy’s face would appear on the screen and she’d scold him for even playing it in the first place and would tell him to get a life and stop being such a pig and that she’s very insulted that he’d even think for a second that she’d do such a thing. He threw the case on the coffee table and slumped on the couch, deciding against watching it.

And then, it started. Just like in that episode of Seinfeld, when Jerry’s dick played chess with his brain to decide if the very annoying hot girl he was dating was worth the mental suffering just so he could sleep with her. Xander briefly wondered if Spike ever had such thoughts when he was dating Harmony. Very likely. He shook his head and when back to his mental game of chess. He could see in his mind eyes naughty Xander sitting in front of nice Xander at the kitchen table, arguing over watching the video or not. When he realized that he was hoping for naughty Xander to win, he gave up and took the DVD case from the coffee table.

Taking a deep calming breath, he stood up and went to the TV. He knelt in front of the DVD player and put the movie in. He pressed play, and went back to sit on the couch with the remote control. He adjusted the volume just in case. He didn’t want the neighbors to think he was a big ol’ perv who spent his afternoons watching porn. Especially since Anya told pretty much all the neighbors that they were getting married. Not that it would be porn, Xander reminded himself. Just a big joke his friends played on him. Nothing else.

Anya wouldn’t be back for a few hours, he was safe enough. So he waited for something to happen. It didn’t take too long.

The screen came to life, revealing Buffy. She was standing very close to the camera, making adjustments. Her long golden hair was falling over her shoulder and she seemed to be concentrating on something, her pink tongue peeking through her glossy berry colored lips.

“How do you know this thing is recording? Is it even on?” The Buffy on the screen asked.

Spike’s face appeared right behind her. He was frowning slightly, deep in thoughts.

“I don’t know. Shouldn’t it say on the computer screen somewhere?”

She pouted, a matching frown on her pretty face. “I guess we’ll just have to assume its working cause I have no clue.”

Spike went back to the bed that Xander could see in the background. Buffy’s bed. Well, it was Buffy and Spike’s bed now, since he moved in with her. The blonde vampire knelt on it, bouncing slightly in eagerness.

“Come on, pet. If it is recording, you’re ruining it right now. We don’t know how to edit the bloody thing so he’ll get all the yapping.”

The screen suddenly switched to night vision, then back to normal and Buffy giggled, obviously pleased by her discovery.

“Hey!” She said excitedly. “Did you know we could make it in night vision? That is so beyond cool. Just like Paris Hilton’s sex video!”

Spike smirked and tilted his head to the side. “You’ve watched that, didn‘t you? Naughty girl. ”

Buffy blushed, clearly embarrassed by her slip. “What? No! No way. I would never waste my time watching trash like that.”

“How would you know about the night vision thing then?”

She bit her lower lip while trying to come up with a possible answer, but finally gave up. “Like you haven’t watched it! The entire world has seen ‘A night in Paris’. I‘m surprised Fox hasn‘t aired it yet. And can we get back on topic here?”

“Fine pet, whatever you say. So let’s just assume it’s working and go ahead.”

She gave the camera her brightest smile. “Hi Xand. Since we’ve so rudely interrupted the Spike and Buffy show a few weeks ago, and in the middle of a cliffhanger too, we thought you needed some closure. So we decided to send you one last episode so you wouldn’t feel like you’ve missed anything. Well, Spike thought it would be nice, and he kinda convinced me. You know how it is… the guy can make me do anything he wants with his unfair convincing techniques.”

“Slayer…” Spike growled warningly. “Get on with it would you?”

“Hey! Don’t rush me.”

Xander couldn’t help laughing at their antics. These two were really something else. He could honestly not remember why he was ever against them being a couple. He must have been out of his mind. They were perfect for each other. Completely insane, but at least, they understood each other in their own wacky way, and loved every second of it. Obviously.

On the screen, Spike came up behind Buffy. He wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and lifted her clear off the floor. She squealed and laughed when he dropped her unceremoniously on the bed then pounced on her.

“So…” He drawled, his voice a sexy rumble. “Where were we again?”

He started undoing the button of her shirt slowly, kissing every inch of skin he uncovered.

“If memory serves well, in the last episode, the Slayer’s tortured vampire lover was right pissed off and destroying his crypt in anger…”

He separated the sides of her now unbuttoned shirt and dipped his tongue in her belly button, making her sigh and laugh softly, before continuing.

“He thought his Slayer didn’t love him and never would. What pity. So like the right git that he is, he decided it was best to leave town.

Spike buried his face between her soft, round breasts, inhaling her sent and enjoying the warmth of her silky skin. He gave the curve of her cleavage a slow lick before undoing the front clasp of her red lacy bra.

“So, in an impulsive and over dramatic move, he jumped on his bike and drove off into the sunset.”

“Spike?” Buffy interrupted in a throaty voice. “If you’d drove into the sunset, you wouldn’t be here right now, honey.”

“Details, Slayer. Let me tell the soddin’ story. It sounded good.”

She chuckled and closed her eyes as he sat up to look at her. He took her breasts in the palm of his hands, playing with them and squeezing in a way that, by the sounds she made, she clearly enjoyed.

“But our beautiful heroine wouldn’t accept such a thing. Not after every wanker in her life abandoned her, leaving her behind without looking back. No. Their story wasn’t meant to end this way. So after her mate Xander told her what was going on, she decided that was bloody unacceptable, and she ran after her lover.”

“Spike,” Buffy warned. “Stop teasing me you undead… tease!”

He grinned at the beauty laying beneath him. “Sorry, pet. What is it you want? I’m kinda busy right now, what with telling the story and all.”

She pouted. “You’re infuriating, you know that?”

“I try my best.” He winked at her, then unzipped her pants and roughly pulled them down her legs. “Here. Better?” He asked, lightly biting the inside of her thigh.

“Getting there.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief.

He put his hands on her ankles and caressed his way back up to her red lace thong. He grazed his thumb over her mound, getting a whimper for his trouble.

“Good girl. Now where was I? Oh yeah, the Slayer was pissed that her vampire had left town, so she decided to go after him. Good thing she did because the poor bloke was slowly losing his mind in an old motel room outside of town, wondering how he would ever survive without his beautiful love.”

“Slowly losing his mind? You stayed in that room maybe two hours before I got there! You definitely need to stop watching Passion, it’s…”

Spike decided that it was more than time to interrupt her tirade and so he kissed her senseless until she had to push him away to draw in a desperate breath.

“Nice way to shut me up, lover.” She had the decency to look somewhat sheepish when he gave her a scolding look. “Sorry, go on.”

He rubbed his cheek lovingly on her warm breast, one of his hands diving between her welcoming thighs and into her wet heat under the lace of her soaking underwear. She mewled softly at his action, encouraging him.

“That night, in the motel room, the two lovers slept in each other’s arms. They were tired. Tired of fighting, tired of hurting, tired of not letting themselves love each other the way they should.”

“Oh God,” Buffy whimpered, lost in her own sea of lust as he ripped her thong off her body in one move. “You’re as good with your hands as you’re good with words. You should write books… and keep using your hands.”

Spike chuckled and rose above her on his knees to unbuckle his belt and undo his pants. He took his t-shirt off in one swift motion and threw it carelessly to the other side of the room, then sat to remove his jeans. He quickly reclaimed his rightful place between her legs. He captured her lower lip between his teeth, nibbling lightly before covering her mouth with his.

Xander stood up from his position on the couch to get closer to the TV, fascinated by the show they were giving him. Of all the times he’d seen them together, this was by far the best. It made him giddy to think that they might have never reached that point in their relationship if it wasn’t for him and his little perverted addiction. Who would have known, when he started watching those videos, that it would lead to this. That his voyeur tendency would have positive consequences. He still felt shame, but his friends were happy. Nothing else really mattered. And obviously, they were not holding a grudge against him. That was a plus. He had been so afraid he’d lose Buffy over this.

“The next day,” Spike said, taking a nipple between his lips and giving it a quick suck before letting it slip out of his mouth with a wet sound, “The Slayer and her vampire lover fought under the stars, the way they used to in what seemed like another life. But it felt good. It made her face feelings she hadn’t wanted to face before. Made her release the anger she’d been carrying around for too long.”

Spike reached down and positioned his oversensitive cock at Buffy’s wet opening, but he held back.

“Spike, please…” Buffy moaned, desperate for the release only he could offer her. She shimmied underneath his body, seeking contact. Her hands traveled restlessly over his taut body, exploring his hard muscles. She could never get enough of him. Never.

“And then, the Slayer told her vampire the three most beautiful words in the world.” “I love you.” She said before he could say it. “I love you so much, Spike.”

He smiled down at her lovingly and kissed her swollen lips with a tenderness that warmed Xander’s heart.

“I love you too, Buffy. Always.”

Spike penetrated her, making her cry out in pleasure. They both had a look of ecstasy on their faces.

Xander smiled broadly. He reached out, and turned the TV off.

Happy.

His friends were happy.

He shook his head, still grinning madly, and stood up. Man was he ever a sucker for happy endings!

THE END

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