Buffy's Decision
Author: Pattyanne
Summary: A little one act playlet about who Buffy will end
up with: Spike or Angel?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Angel: You have to choose.
Buffy: I know. It's a tough decision.
Spike: No, it's not. You've just been programmed to
think that it is.
Buffy: What's THAT supposed to mean?
Spike: I dunno. Just seems like you let other people do most
of your thinking for you and they always seem to be making
bad decisions.
Angel: Stop picking on her!
Spike: (Annoyed sigh) Oh, fine. Let's do it the scientific way.
Buffy: I don't think so. I failed science twice.
Spike: That's just cause you were never in class. Get a piece
of paper and pencil....now draw a line down the middle...label
one side 'Spike' and one side 'Asshole'....I mean, 'Angel'. Sorry.
Angel: Oh, this is VERY scientific.
Spike: Change it back to 'Asshole'. No? Right then...answer me
some questions. Who helped you save the world three
times?
Buffy: You did.
Spike: Put a little X on my side of the paper. That's my girl.
Angel: Technically, I helped with the last one, too.
Spike: Yeah. You made that long grueling trip from LA
to deliver a necklace. Right dangerous THAT was.
Angel: Hey! That necklace was key!
Spike: All right. Give him half an X. Satisfied? Now, who
DIED helping you save the world?
Buffy: You did. I know, I know...I'm X-ing.
Angel: Excuse me? Acathla?
Spike: Are you fucking kidding me? You didn't volunteer
for that, you buggering moron!
Angel: I still died.
Spike: You came back!
Angel: So did you!
Spike: That's different.
Buffy: Hey! Can we get to the next question please?
Spike: No X for you, Peaches.
Buffy: He's right, Angel. Besides, you started that one.
Spike: Hey, that's right! Take off that half an X.
Angel: Wait a second!
Buffy: Next question, please!
Spike: Who's better in bed?
Angel: Hold it!
Spike: What? That's something a girl has to think about
when she's making a decision like this.
Angel: Are you implying that you're better?
Spike: Ask the lady.
Angel: Buffy? Say something!
Buffy: Oh, um...well...I just...you know...we...you and me...we
only...just the one time...and then you...and I was...you
know, young...I didn't really have any...um...and you're kind
of...and Spike is really....I mean...oh, but...THAT doesn't
count...much. You know, I think...um...."
Spike: Well, I think THAT little speech is grounds for a great BIG
X on my side, don't you, Peaches?
Buffy: And besides...we should be...not totally basing this on...on
who's...although...a girl DOES have to think about these things
when...well...and...and....oh, dear..."
Spike: What's wrong, baby?
Buffy: I'm thinking about it. God, Spike...it's been so long.
Spike: Soon, baby. I promise. Mark down the X now.
Angel: This is SO not fair. She loved ME first!
Spike: Well, she loves ME now!
Angel: I am NOT bad in bed!!!!
Spike: Buffy? Who gave you more orgasms? Me or the poof?
Buffy: Let me think. (Begins counting under her breath)
Angel: THAT is a totally unfair question!
Spike: Whoever told you that life is fair? If life was fair, we
wouldn't even be having this discussion.
Buffy: (still counting) 122, 123, 124....
Angel: I was only with her one night. You had months with her.
Spike: It's not MY fault you only had one night. You're the one
couldn't control his demon.
Buffy: 182, 183, 184...
Angel: And you could?
Spike: I did. For years.
Angel: You had a chip!
Spike: Oh, buggering Christ...here we go.
Buffy: 210, 211, 212....
Spike: The chip meant nothing, asshole! I could have gotten
around it if I'd wanted to.
Buffy: 229, 230, 231....my hand is starting to cramp.
Spike: Sorry, baby. You can stop with the Xs now.
Buffy: I need another piece of paper.
Spike: Now, let's discuss....
Angel: Wait a second. Not even one X on my side? We were
together all night!
Buffy: Well...like I said...you're kind of... and Spike is really....
Spike: Sometimes, it IS the size of the boat!
Angel: I don't believe this.
Spike: Let's discuss souls.
Angel: Aha!!! I had mine first!!
Spike: I went looking for mine. I fought for it. Nearly died for it. Can
anyone tell me why?
Buffy: ( Happily raising her hand) Oh! I can! You did it for me!
Spike: That's right, kitten. You're such a clever girl.
Angel: I think I'm gonna be sick.
Spike: Let's wrap this up then. Buffy...
Buffy: Hmmm?
Spike: Who loves you more than anything on earth? Who's
loved no one but you for years now?
Buffy: You do, Spike.
Angel: So do I!!!
Spike: (picks up a newspaper) Hey, look at that! Gonna be a
full moon tonight. S'pose that means your puppy will be
showing up soon.
Buffy: You have a puppy?
Angel: She's not a puppy. (Looks guilty, mumbles) She's a werewolf.
Buffy: You have a werewolf?
Angel: But I don't love her!
Spike: Oh, I know. You're just boffing her for kicks.
Angel: Yes. NO! I mean...it's not like that...you...hey!
Spike: No, you LOVED Cordelia.
Buffy: WHHHAAAATTT???
Angel: Oh, Jesus....
Spike: And I think you had a little something for Fred, too.
Angel: EVERYONE had something for Fred!
Spike: Not me, mate. I liked her fine. She was a real lady. But
I love Buffy. I always will.
Buffy: Who's Fred?
Spike: Our last topic is gypsy curses.
Angel: Oh, no...
Spike: Oh, yes. Who's got one?
Buffy: Angel!
Spike: That's right, darling. Now, who DOESN'T have one?
Buffy: Lots of people.
Spike: Yeah, but...who in this room doesn't have one?
Buffy: You and me.
Spike: Another X on my side there, love.
Buffy: I'm out of room.
Spike: Well, then let's add up our scores.
Buffy: Does anybody have a calculator?
Angel: No. And don't start counting again. It's humiliating.
Buffy: That's okay. I really don't need to. (Turns to Angel) I'll
always care about you, Angel...but I belong with blondie
over there.
Angel: He's not a natural blonde, you know.
Buffy: Oh, I know...believe me, I know. Anyway, you have lots
to do here in LA, and I'm just not in the mood.
Angel: Buffy....I'm your first love. How can you do this?
Buffy: Oh, for goodness sake, Angel. You've really got to get past
that "First Love" thing. I was a kid, for crying out loud. I
didn't know any better. And, anyway...Spike is really...and
you're kind of....
Angel: Okay, okay! Don't say it again. Here. (Tosses keys to
Spike) Take the Viper. Go.
Spike: (Takes Buffy's hand) Shall we, love?
Buffy: (Eagerly) Yes, please. How big is the back seat of a
Viper?
Spike: Let's go find out.
Big Musical Bang Up Finish. Curtains Closing. Mad Applause.
On to part 2
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!