Prologue

Present

“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!! Look!”
“Sssh, not so loud honey, people are trying to sleep right now. You have to be as quiet as a mouse.

Her nearly 4 year old daughter put her little finger in front of her mouth and nodded her head in agreement.

So what is it sweetheart?”

“Look at all the pretty lights Mommy.” Dawn pointed out the window and pressed her face to the glass in an attempt to see more of the view outside.

Buffy looked outside the airplane window to see an intricate pattern of lights weaving beneath her. The luminescent buildings below were tightly packed together forming girds, while the streets and highways looked like flowing rivers of light intersecting them. She suddenly remembered Tron, an 80’s movie she watched as a young child. Because she always yearned for a lifestyle of fantasy, action, and adventure she couldn’t help but be drawn to the silly sci-fi picture despite its strange premise. As she looked out the window, she could feel that childhood yearning for adventure building once again, especially considering the reality she faced once she landed. Because of it’s large concentration of lights, the landscape below resembled the surreal computerized city landscape of the movie. Although Los Angeles during the day could be smoggy and unspectacular, at night from above it was absolutely breathtaking.

Dawn dragged herself away from the window and leaned on her mother. She yawned widely, clearly displaying how tired she was due to the late hour. “Mommy, I want Nana, she was gonna read me a stowy.”

She looked into her daughter’s blue eyes and could see so much of him. She wondered if he was still in Sunnydale? Would he forgive her? Would they still be friends? Would he even care? How about Angel? So many questions bombarded her as each minute brought her closer to home. Nervousness suddenly rolled around her stomach as she questioned whether she was making the right decision by returning.

“Nana is going to meet us at the airport honey, and then she can read you a story before you go to bed.” Buffy finally answered, as she focused back to her child’s question.

“I’m sleepy”
“I know baby. Just put your head down on my lap, we’re almost there.”

Buffy ran her fingers through her daughter’s soft brown hair, just as Dawn started closing her eyes, she heard the captain announce that they would be landing in a few minutes. ‘Oh God, here we go.’

*************

Chapter 1 - Debriefing

“Huh, so she’s coming back to good ol’ Sunnydale, isn’t that just swell.” Spike could barely contain the sarcasm that seeped into his words and his friends couldn’t help but notice. The gang consisted of Spike, Xander, Willow, and her girlfriend Tara. They gathered daily for lunch, relaxation, and an any needed debriefing sessions concerning hot topics, which today consisted of one Elizabeth Anne Summers, a.k.a. Buffy..

“Come on Spike, having the Buffster back is a good thing. Shouldn’t you be saying something like ‘jolly good’?” Xander could never resist needling his friend. It was an ever constant mission to see how much he could irritate Spike before physical pain became involved.

“Shut up whelp.”

“Don’t be such an idiot.” Willow leaned over and smacked Xander on the arm. She looked back to her spikey bottle blond haired friend and said “Spike, he does have a point though, I know you missed having her around and it’s not like she had a choice about leaving. We should all try to make her welcome. We could have a little ‘Yay, you’re back!’ party.”

“Yeah, I guess. It’s just that it’s been five years since she left and she hardly even wrote. It doesn’t make a guy feel very special.”

“She missed you, she missed all of us, she’s just had a really bad time of it, don’t take it so personally.” Tara interjected.

Buffy’s absence from the group had definitely hit Spike the hardest. He hated how transparent his feelings were to all his friends. And considering how many stupid conversations they had on the damn subject he was positive he was apparent as a glass house. Well, this was one time that he did not want to dive into that murky subject again, so he decided that redirection onto somebody else would be the best strategy to avoid more sympathetic looks.

“Okay, enough about my feelings on the subject. This conversation is getting too girly for my taste. So how about Angel, does he know yet?”

Three pairs of eyes dramatically rolled, but they couldn’t help but chuckle at their friend’s obvious diversionary tactic.

“Nope, I saw him yesterday, but he was in one of his broody moods again so I decided not to bring it up, especially since I’m not one of the most tactful of people.”

Spike couldn’t help but smirk at Xander. “Glad you know how amazingly annoying you are.”

Xander smiled goofily and said, “Hey, don’t be so smug, my motto is ‘know thyself’ and yes I can be a bit loud-mouthed, but it’s part of my charm. Besides, I know you love it. Come on Spikey, give the Xandman a big ol’ kiss, stop repressing your desire for my luscious body.” Xander lunged for Spike, his lips ridiculously puckered as he tried to annoy his friend with a kiss. Spike could barely hold him off, and his face scrunched up in a frown as he desperately tried to defend his personal space. Much to Spike’s annoyance, Xander finally won out in the end and laid a big sloppy one on his cheek. As Spike furiously whipped at his cheek, he looked over to see the girls hysterically laughing, nearly falling off their stools. Willows face was nearly as red as her brilliant hair, and as for Tara, she was clutching her stomach desperately trying to catch her breath, her dark blond hair falling down hiding her face.

“Thank you for finding my predicament so amusing. God, now I think I’m scarred for life. Why must I always be the object of ridicule!”

“No Spike. Thank You! I needed a good laugh.” Willow said as she dabbed at the tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Plus you’re always the ‘object of ridicule’” Xander said using hand air quotes “because you are just so easy to annoy.”

“Why the bloody hell do I put with you guys!”

“Like you could do better than us.” Xander answered back to a completely exasperated Spike.

“Sad state of my life that I only have you twits as friends.”

“Hey!!!” The gang objected in unison.

“Xander may be a twit, but you better thank your lucky stars that you have Willow and I as your friends, and you know it.” Tara answered confidently back to Spike before hiding behind her cup of tea.

“Hey!!!” repeated Xander once again, this time directing his indignation to his other friend.

“Okay, I’ll give you that. And I guess even Xander has his uses, but you’re all still fucking aggravating. All right, I have to be off. I’ve been ordered to take Cordy out to lunch.”. Spike threw on his black duster and tossed some bills on the table for food.

“But you just had lunch with us!” Willow exclaimed.

“I just won’t mention it to her.” Spike answered back.

Xander shook his head in confusion. “Why you go out with her is beyond me, and I should know, I used to date the monster.”

“Oy! She’s not a monster, well not completely. Anyway, we have already discussed Buffy, let’s just skip the little conversation about Cordy. You can grill me about that another time. I’ll see you ladies later. Call me if you have the ‘yay, you’re back’ party for Buffy.”

A chorus of “Bye Spike!” followed him out the door as he rushed out to meet his girlfriend.

As the gang watched him weave carelessly through traffic, Xander couldn’t help but ask the question “Do you think he’s still in love with her after all these years?”

Willow and Tara looked at each other, smiled, and replied in sync, “Definitely”.

Chapter 2 - Doubts

Past – 5 years ago

‘Oh God, that feels good! What the hell is he doing?’ Buffy pondered as the large hands coasted over her skin. She was slowly but surely turning into a big Buffy puddle.

“Mmmm right there, don’t stop!” She couldn’t stop the moan that escaped from her mouth.

“I can only go for so long, I’m not a robot.”

“Too bad, you would make an excellent massage robot. I could be your massage pimp and sell your services to stressed-out women. I’d make myself a nice little profit.”

“Hah, hah, very funny. Okay just for that, it’s my turn.”

“But my hands are small, they can’t do it as well as you.” Buffy whined.

“Does it look like I care? Nope, so put your hands on me woman.”

“Alright, alright, alright, just give me a second,”

Reluctantly Buffy pulled her pink tank-top back down and slowly moved herself on the bed to sit right behind Angel.

“I warn you, my massages suck. They’re sooo bad, they put a general surgeon’s warning on me. ‘Use at your own risk.’”

“Whatever, I bet you’re exaggerating, what could be so bad about it.”

“You’ll see.”

Buffy proceeded to attack Angel’s large shoulders as aggressively as possible. As much as she loved his body, she wished he were a bit leaner, not so overwhelming, a bit more like Spike. Xander once told her, “If you don’t like doing something, do it bad once and you’ll never have to do it again”. Right now that advice was looking pretty darn good. A few minutes later, the theory was proven right as Angel shrugged her hands off his shoulders and announced, “Okay, enough already, you’re right, you suck at giving massages. Hmmm let’s see if you suck in any other ways.”

Unfortunately her plan had backfired in a big way. Buffy suddenly found herself pressed between the bed and a very hard Angel with his tongue probing her mouth. She was hoping for a nice relaxing night watching cheesy movies, but once again she was disappointed. She knew the subject was going to come up sometime tonight. They had been dancing around it for a while now, and the subject was sex. Up until a month ago, not a word was ever said about sex. Now it was completely the opposite. When they first started dating a year ago he never even brought it up. When he first asked her out she knew she had hit the jackpot. Sweet, strong, smart, sensitive, and since he was older than her, he was way more mature than boys her own age. It didn’t hurt that she found him completely gorgeous. With dark hair, beautiful brown eyes, and a killer body how could she help but be attracted to him. At first he was a perfect gentleman with only chaste sweet kisses. As the months progressed, she could feel the lustful desperation increase with every glance and touch. Now it felt like it was the only thing they discussed. The more she tried to ignore the topic, the more he brought it up. She could tell that his patience was starting to wear thin, very very thin. Angel was always a considerate and loving boyfriend, but when it came to “the subject”, it felt like she was dealing with a different person. A person she liked to call Mr. Penis, and Mr. Penis was persistent. Currently Mr. Penis was also poking her in the leg. It’s not that she didn’t want to have sex, she just felt that when it was time, she would know without any doubt that it was right.

In the time that it took Buffy’s mind to wander off Angel’s hand had somehow found it’s way on to her left breast. His mouth had also moved to her neck, which he was now sucking and nipping at aggressively. There was no doubt that an enormous mark would remain the next day. ‘I guess it’s going to be another scarf day tomorrow’ thought Buffy with resignation.

“God Buffy, you taste so good. Mmm you feel so good too. I just want to be with you completely. I know it will be wonderful. Please let me make it wonderful, I don’t know how much longer I can wait. I’m burning for you.”

Angel’s pleas finally caught Buffy’s attention. She pushed on his chest so that he could lift up enough to look at her. She hated how mercurial his moods always seemed to be. The light happy banter from a moment ago was now gone, replaced by the sexually charged atmosphere that Angel had created. Buffy sighed as she looked into his expressive brown eyes.

“I just don’t know Angel. I just don’t feel like I’m ready yet. I just want it to be perfect, and to be honest, I’m a bit scared as well.” She tried to search his eyes for any bit of understanding but all she found was lust and frustration.

“Baby, just trust me, it will be perfect because it will be the both of us completely together. There is nothing to be scared about. Don’t you love me?”

“I do love you, I just…” Buffy broke off and looked away. She could see the rain beating against her window and she couldn’t help but think of the boy who frequently came by to knock on it. William Giles was one of her best and closest friends. They fought so often that to most it seemed like they were bitter enemies, but it was just a cover, in the end they both relied heavily on each other, which included comfort, stability, and very honest advice. She desperately wished she had his brutal honesty on her relationship with Angel. But the topic of his brother was the one thing she was afraid to bring up.

As she looked back at Angel waiting as patiently as his lust allowed, she came to her final decision. She didn’t want to rely on the opinion of others and she didn’t want to be a little girl anymore even if she still felt like one. She wanted to make the adult decision and put her fears behind her. In a tiny voice she finally uttered “Okay”. Angel’s eyes instantly lit up as he finally received permission for what he had been pursuing for so many months. He started kissing every single inch of her face. In between each kiss he uttered “Thank you baby, believe me, you will not regret this. God it feels like I’ve been waiting so long for you.”

“Silly Angel, I’ve been here the whole time. Just because we haven’t had sex yet doesn’t mean I haven’t been here with you.”

“I know, it’s just that…” Angel paused trying to figure out the right thing to say so that he wouldn’t piss her off. “It’s just that, I feel that you have been holding back from me, not giving your all to this relationship.”

“But I have! And I’m not the one who doesn’t want anybody else to know!” Buffy cried out indignantly. “Just because I’ve been hesitant about sex, doesn’t mean I haven’t given my all to you, to us.”

This was definitely not where he wanted this conversation to be heading, in fact he was hoping for no conversation at all. ‘I just had to open my big mouth’ thought Angel. ‘Okay, now for some major cleanup’.

“I know that baby, it was just a little worry I had. I just love you so much, I just never want to lose you.” Saying ‘I love you’ always made Buffy melt and this time was no exception and he saw her eyes light up.

“And you won’t lose won’t lose me silly. Come here and kiss me.” This time he approached the kiss with more caution and it was gentle and hesitant. Angel didn’t want to piss her off anymore, especially now that he was so close. Angel broke the kiss and asked “Are you sure you’re ready?” After a few moments, Buffy once again answered a quiet “yes”. She was thankful that he could not sense the fear that overtook any excitement about losing her virginity.

**************************

“Come here my pretty boy and give princess a kiss.”

Spike’s hands coasted over every part of her skin, following every beautiful rise, curve and valley. Her body was a landscape that he was still becoming familiar with and uncertainty followed his every stroke. Even though she wasn’t entirely foreign to him due to their many make-out sessions, he never before had Drusilla displayed before him so freely open to him and waiting, totally naked and exposed. It was utterly frightening. A small part of him wondered why she changed her mind concerning the intimacy of their relationship, but he squashed that fear down, fearing where that path led.

Her glossy black hair fanned out around her head, a stark contrast to the bleached white sheets beneath her. As his hand moved down her body, she stretched and writhed beneath his fingers. Her eyes were closed and her head was thrown back in pleasure. Spike wished she would look at him while he was touching her. Right now, she felt too distant, like she was in her own world, and he wanted her to be here with him.

Drusilla Edmonton was a dream, a dark mysterious luscious dream. Ever since he first laid eyes on her after moving to the states he knew that he wanted her. With her pale luminescent skin and dark black hair, she always seemed a bit unearthly. She often got far away looks and constantly sang to herself softly, making him wonder what was going on in that strange pretty head of hers.

Now that he had full access to her, he didn’t quite know what to do with her. He rolled onto his back and ran his hands through his soft brown curls in frustration. ‘God I wish I wasn’t such a git’ he thought to himself.

Drusilla opened her eyes when she finally noticed the absence of Spike’s touch on her body. She turned her head to see him lying besides her staring up at the ceiling. “My sweet William, what’s wrong.”

“Don’t call me that!” he growled out roughly.

He instantly regretted lashing out at her and sheepishly turned to her. It wasn’t her fault that doubts constantly crept in to his head. “I’m sorry Dru, I didn’t mean it.”

Suddenly he could see a hungry predatory look spark behind his sweet Dru’s eyes. “Why did you stop? She slowly crawled over to him and straddled him. Her bare quim rubbed against his stomach as his hard length lay against her backside. He looked at her in awe and softly said to her “I don’t mean to be such a git, it’s just that you overwhelm me.” He slowly brought his hand up to her face and gently touched it as if it was made of fine porcelain. Sympathy for him shown through his eyes, and he couldn’t help but be embarrassed.

After what felt like ages, she finally lowered her face to his and kissed him. When she let go of his lower lip with s soft pop, Drusilla whispered “I know I’m your first, let me be your guide. Mummy will show you the way.”

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. He desperately wished he could ask Buffy’s advice. Although she did not approve of Drusilla, he still would have liked her opinion, but he was too afraid to ask. God, why was he so scared of this? This was his moment to become a man and he was bollixing it up. Before he could make a decision about his next move, he found himself fully encased in Drusilla’s warmth and every other thought rapidly disappeared, except Buffy unfortunately.

Chapter 3 – Girl Talk

Present

“Honey, wake up, we’re here.”

Buffy snorted and quickly sat up as the car pulled into the driveway of 1630 Revello Drive. As she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, she couldn’t stop the yawn that escaped her mouth.

“Thank God! I just want to be at home, asleep, in bed. Or maybe a shower first. Definitely a shower first. I’m a big disgusting ball o’ grossness. I hate traveling, I always feel like I have layers of grease on my face by the end.”

Joyce chuckled at her rambling daughter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Buffy, I look beautiful whenever I travel; I’m practically perfect in every way. Besides, I don’t understand why you couldn’t have taken an earlier flight.”

Buffy rolled her eyes at her mother then unsuccessfully tried to stifle a yawn. “I told you before Mary Poppins, the flight was $50 bucks less late at night, and I’m cheap. Just call me George Costanza. Plus, starving student here, I still need to buy supplies.”

“Honey, how about all that money that your father left you, it’s definitely enough to support you for a long while.”

Buffy’s face instantly soured. “That’s all guilt money, and I don’t want to be bribed into forgiving him. Besides I don’t want to dip into it too much. I want Dawn to have something from her ‘so-called’ grandfather.”

Joyce decided that it would be better to drop the subject. She couldn’t help but worry about how Buffy had dealt with Hank’s death. She knew her daughter was devastated by the sudden loss, especially considering they never had a chance to resolve their differences. Besides Buffy’s breakdown when they initially heard the news, she had yet to express any emotion except for the resentment she still harbored for what happened so many years ago.

“Hey Mom, can you take Dawn in? I’m going to grab our luggage.”

As Buffy’s words broke her somber thoughts, she realized that they were still sitting in the car. This time a yawn escaped from her mouth as she dragged a hand through her short dark blond hair. “That’s a good idea” she replied, “I’ve already put together most of her room. Yours, however is still filled with boxes, so you’ll have to sleep with me.”

“But you snore like a bear!” Buffy protested

“Ha Ha, very funny Buffy. It’s either that or couch city for you.”

“”Well, you do have that big comfy bed. It’s a good thing I have ear plugs.”

Joyce gently removed Dawn from her car seat and took the sleeping girl inside the house while Buffy retrieved the few bags she had in the trunk. She was so thankful that they had the forethought to ship most of their belongings from San Francisco before flying over. All she had to deal with where the few bags carrying her clothes, makeup, and shoes. Since she was too lazy to take multiple trips, Buffy struggled to get all the bags in the house at once, and finally gave up, dumping them by the stairs. ‘I’ll deal with that in the morning’. Glad the long day was over, she grabbed the small bag with her pjs and trudged upstairs to get ready for bed. As she passed Dawn’s room, she peaked in to find Joyce sitting in a rocking chair with the little girl in her lap reading ‘Where the Wild Things Grow.’

“I thought she was asleep.” Buffy commented

Joyce paused in her story and gave a little chuckle, “She was, right up until I lay her down and then she was wide awake asking for a story.”

“Well sweet pea, only one story and then straight to bed for you.” Buffy walked over to the little girl and gave her a gentle kiss before kissing her mother on the cheek and heading out the door. “Goodnight ladies, I’m hitting the sack”.

“Goodnight Momma” and “Goodnight Buffy” echoed back to her as she shut the door.

As she paused by her old bedroom she couldn’t help but peak in and take a look. ‘Had her father kept it the same?’ she wondered. When she turned on the lights, she let out a gasp. The bed and surrounding floor were completely filled with boxes. She could see why her mother waited until Buffy arrived to clear the clutter. Apparently everything that was shipped over was just piled into her old room. She would have to remember to complain to her mother about that in the morning. The reason for her gasp however, was the fact that her room did indeed look exactly the same. Not one poster or knick knack from her room had been removed. A fine layer of dust covered every surface that didn’t have a box on it. Part of her was relieved that her father never touched anything, but a large part of her worried that maybe this meant that he just didn’t care what happened to her, to them. Not that it mattered anymore. She would never be able to ask her dad all the questions that continually ran through her head. With a sigh she pushed all the anger, regret, and feelings of loss away. It was something she couldn’t change so she chose to not deal with it at all.

She walked over to the pink phone by her bed-stand and picked up the receiver. It was close to midnight but she knew that Willow and Tara would probably be awake. Sometimes she longed for the days when she could stay up to all hours and then sleep until noon the next day, such a luxury! The other line rang twice before a chipper “Hello” answered. She could tell instantly it was Will and not Tara on the line.

“Hey Willow, it’s Buffy. We just got in, do you have time to talk?”

“Most definitely” Willow answered “I was hoping you’d call us. I just wasn’t sure when you were flying in. How was the flight?”

“It was fine, but I’m so tired, I’m ready to just fall asleep. But I needed to talk to you first, I just wanted to hear a friendly voice.” Buffy pushed over some boxes, moved over the top blanket, lay down, and repressed the urge to sneeze.

“God Willow, am I making the right choice? Maybe I should have just stayed in San Francisco. Why did I come back? He’s going to be so mad at me. I was totally stupid to believe her. What if he hates me, what if he hates Dawn?”

“Buffy stop, just breathe for a moment.” Willow halted Buffy’s ramblings before it became a full out panic attack. She couldn’t help but feel bad for what her friend was about to face and hoped he wouldn’t be too angry at Buffy, as well as well as herself, for keeping this secret from him.

“Buffy, you have made the right decision, and you know it. Spike needs to know that he is a father, and I think he’s mature enough now to understand the reasoning of why you didn’t tell him. At least I hope.” Willow nervously twisted a lock of her red hair between her fingers. She wanted to put it off, but now was as good a time as any.

“Umm, I just thought you should know that Spike is kinda dating Cordelia. I know you don’t like her too much but she sorta grows on you.”

Buffy sighed and picked up her old stuffed pig Mr. Gordo. “Okay, so that is news to me. I’m not too excited to hear about it, but don’t worry I’m not upset. Cordy has to be better than Harmony right?” Despite her words, it felt like somebody had just punched her chest and couldn’t help but think ‘Why was I stupid enough to hope’. “I knew he was never in love with me, I just kinda…well hoped…anyways, I just want him to be happy and I just want him to not hate me and hopefully accept Dawn.”

Buffy clutched Mr. Gordo tighter, hoping that her little good luck charm could make all the bad things go far away.

“Well, it won’t be easy, especially considering his temper,” Willow answered back bluntly, “but he’ll forgive you because he loves you. And don’t forget Tara and I love you too and we’ll be here for you.”

“Thanks Willow, you guys mean the world to me. I just hope that someday I can find a relationship as good as yours.”

“Aww shucks Buffy, you’re making me blush. So, are you ready for your welcome back party on Saturday? I almost have it all planned. There will be lots of drinks, snacks, and chocolaty cake goodness!”

“Willow, you didn’t have to. I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Hey, do you and Tara want to come over tomorrow for lunch? I’ll order some pizza.”

“Sounds great! We’ll come over around Noonish.”

“Perfect. Thanks for the pep talk Willow, I really needed it.”

“Anytime sweetie. Goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Night Willow”

Buffy hung up the phone and sighed. Talking to Willow or Tara always made her feel loads better. She knew that the next few weeks wouldn’t be easy but with her friends and mother at her side, she felt she could face anything. At least she hoped.

Chapter 4 – Knocking on a Window

Night filled the room as Spike lay down on his bed staring up at the crack filled ceiling. Thankfully the house was still and somber. The only sounds he could hear were the soft chirps of a grasshopper somewhere in his room. His parents were currently living it up at some function or other and Angel had yet to come back from God knows where. He didn’t even have Drusilla to keep him company anymore. She left hours ago and tore his heart into shreds on the way out the door. Yup, right now it was nice to be alone in the dark where nobody could see how utterly pathetic he was. He wasn’t brooding, nope, not at all, he was just simply feeling totally sorry for himself and self-pity was a perfectly respectable thing to do.

Before he could settle down for a very manly cry, he heard Angel’s sports car pull up into the driveway. Actually pull up was a loose interpretation considering he was parked half on the lawn. ‘Shit, that’s all I need. He must be plastered again.’ Spike thought as Angel stumbled through the door. He just didn’t feel like dealing with a drunk and potentially belligerent brother. Being a younger sibling had automatically earned him enough ass kickings to last a lifetime. Spike slide quietly out the window and down the tree as quietly as he could. He heard Angel yell “Hey! Where are ya you little fucker!” as he landed on the lawn. Spike ran over to his beat up DeSoto and luckily it started running on the first turn. There was only one place he wanted to go, Buffy’s.

Ten minutes later Spike was crawling up a different tree to a house that he was very familiar with. Their parents were such close friends that for a majority of their childhood he thought they were cousins. The Summers family was even known to spend a few weeks at the Giles family home in London. As he peered into the window he expected to find Buffy asleep, but instead she was huddled against the headboard hugging her knees tightly to her chest. Even in the dim moonlight he could see the soft sheen of tears as they trickled down her cheeks. When he knocked softly on the window to get her attention, she was clearly not expecting him because she jumped into the air and looked at the window with a startled expression. She wiped away a few tears with the sleeves of her yummy sushi pajamas then went to the window to slide it open.

“What are you doing here?” she asked while he crawled over the ledge.

“I was feeling sorry for myself then Angel came home drunk and I didn’t want to deal with him. As much as I admire the idiot, he can be an ass. But never mind that. Are you okay? I hate seeing you cry.”

Spike settled in next to Buffy on the bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He noticed her flinch when he mentioned Angel’s name but quickly dismissed it as his imagination. A few moments of silence passed by as she wondered how she should answer him; she finally said, “I just feel like an idiot. I feel like I’m doomed to make colossal mistakes. I’m just such a screw-up. It’s a wonder anybody could love me. I just hate everything about me right now.”

“Don’t say that!” Spike exclaimed, “I love you, and you’re a bloody marvelous woman. I wouldn’t want you to change one bit. Is this have anything to do with your mysterious new boyfriend?”

She whipped her head around so fast she could feel her neck crack. “How did you know I have a boyfriend? I haven’t told anybody yet.” She looked at him with eyes full of alarm. ‘Oh God! Please don’t let him know it’s Angel.’

He gave her a kiss on the forehead then hugged her a little tighter. “ Because I know you is how. I know all your quirks and twitches, plus you’ve been acting very peculiar lately. Ditching us after school, running away to answer that ruddy phone all the time, not to mention your notebook is filled with hearts. Completely obvious. So who is this lucky fellow so that I can beat him to a fuckin’ pulp for making my Buffy cry.”

Buffy gave a little laugh and wiped away the last of the tears, Spike could always make her smile, no matter how miserable she was. ‘I should have known he’d find out. Well at least he doesn’t know it’s Angel’. She gave him a little shove with her shoulder then lay her head down on his chest. “Now is really not the time to tell you, besides who the hell knows if I’m still with him. I just keep making mistakes and I don’t know how to get what I really want”.

“Let’s just get comfortable and I’ll tell you something that’s bound to make you feel loads better.”

“Okay, go for it.”

He gently shoved her onto the bed then leaned down to take off his boots. He rolled down the blankets so that they could both get inside. Once she was lying down with her head on top of his chest, he spoke up again.

“If you keep making mistakes, you’re not the only one. Let me tell you a story of William ‘the git’ Giles. So picture this: me and Dru tonight with the touch feelies, it was brilliant. It felt pretty damn good. There I was ready to leave my virginity behind and I’m so close I can taste it. So she takes me ‘inside’ and…”

Buffy promptly interrupted him by smacking him on the chest and with an exclamation of “Ewww Spike, totally TMI. I do not need to know the details of your hot and heavy moments with Drusilla. And besides…”

Spiked stopped her by putting his hand over her mouth. “Sssh! Yee of little patience. You’re just gonna have to deal with it. Besides there is not ‘too much information’ in this story, that’s the whole point! I forgot the fucking condom. I pulled out to go look for one and when she was putting it on…well…it was too much…I kinda… you know…please don’t make me finish.”

“It’s called pre-ejaculation Spike, and it’s nothing to get all tongue-tied over.”

“Not if you’re a girl! After that, the moment was just over. I was so embarrassed I could barely look at her. She just shrugged her shoulders and left. Didn’t say a thing, just left. So see, you’re not the only one to bugger up and I can’t see yours being any worse than mine. So I hope my humiliation has made you feel better.”

Buffy snuggled in deeper and let out a yawn. “My situation was about the same, but unlike an unnamed person in this room, I am not going into details.”

She looked up into his face and gave him a shy smile. In his warm eyes she could see how much he really did care about her.

“Thanks Will, you didn’t have to make me feel better by revealing your ‘humiliation’ but I appreciate it all the same.”

“Anything for you luv. Besides, telling somebody actually made me feel better. Just don’t go spreading it around.”

“What? That you’re a total sweetie or that you had a moment straight out of American Pie?”

“Both! You’re gonna pay for that woman.” He then went into full attack mode and tickled her with his nimble fingers until she could barely breathe out “Uncle! Uncle!”

Her chest rapidly moved up and down while she tried to catch her breath. Spikes eyes glazed over a bit before he finally shook himself out of his daze. When she finally looked up at him, they couldn’t help but burst out into boisterous laughter that lasted for a good five minutes. When they finally stopped, Buffy let out an enormous yawn.

“Well on that note, I think our pathetic asses need some sleep. I think we both need it. I’m just glad it’s Friday and there’s no school tomorrow. I’m exhausted” said Spike.

As they both snuggled further into the blankets, Buffy couldn’t help but let out a big sigh which held all of the “If onlys” floating in her head. ‘If only Spike hadn’t started dating vampy Dru. If only Angel hadn’t started paying attention to me. If only I could tell Spike I’m in love with him. If only he didn’t love me just as a friend. If only I could forget.’ But as she fell asleep with Spike’s arms wrapped around her, she couldn’t help the smile that touched her lips.

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I want to give so much thanks to the people who have reviewed my story: SarahandJamesFanatic, MarstersGirl13, jt, DaniD, and willowmouse. Especially considering I am a new writer. I really appreciate it!

Chapter 5 – Awkward Much?

She had successfully ignored the bright sun beam shinning on to her face. She was also able to ignore the truck at 6 am, Joyce’s loud movements when she got ready, and the neighbor’s car alarm. She could not ignore the giggly toddler bouncing on the bed however.

“Morning sweetie” Buffy was able to get out between yawns.

“Hi Momma, can I go to the swings?”

“Baby, I’m not even awake yet.” As Dawn snuggled into the crook of her arm Buffy smiled down at her rambunctious and beautiful little girl. ‘What would I do without her?’

“Please Momma!”

“Okay, I just need to get ready sweetie. But first I think somebody deserves a tickling for waking me up.”

Happy mirth filled the house as the two girls playfully attacked each other. Joyce heard the ruckus from her bedroom and couldn’t help but be drawn to the happy sound. She joined in the laughter from the doorway as she gazed at her two beautiful girls.

When the giggles died down Joyce said “I decided that you deserved to sleep in a little, but since it’s already ten I decided you needed a little wakeup. Who better to get you up than your own daughter, so I brought her in to do the dirty deed.”

“I wondered how she got in here.” Buffy was now sitting up and very unsuccessfully trying to play hand-games with her daughter. “Do you have to work at the gallery today?”

“Nope, it’s closed on Mondays so I am here to help you officially move back in.”

“Don’t remind me! Can’t the actual moving part just be done? I’m still grasping the concept of waking up.”

Dawn then reminded her, “Momma, swings please!” The littlest Summers’ short patience had definitely come to an end.

Joyce decided to take mercy on her still sleepy daughter, “Why don’t you take a shower and get some breakfast. I’ll take Dawn to the park and we can start unpacking when we get back.”

“Thanks Mom, I owe you so big.”

“You better believe it!” Joyce answered. “Come on Dawnie, I’ll take you to the park but you have to promise to eat all your veggies tonight.” Dawn eagerly nodded yes. “Okay, we’ll back in a bit.” Buffy gave Dawn one last big hug before she bounded off the bed and out the door with her grandma.

********************

After a long hot shower, Buffy decided to snuggle into the couch and watch a little TV. Sitting in her robe, wasting time felt like absolute heaven. Quiet moments like these were few and far between and she planned on taking complete advantage of it. As she giggled softly at the Bugs Bunny cartoon she didn’t notice that the door handle was turning on the front door.

“Joyce, are you here? It’s Spike. I picked up that furniture you ordered.”

Buffy’s head quickly turned to the living room door as Spike’s voice boomed from the hall entry. ‘Oh My God! What’s he doing here?’ She looked down at her serious lack of clothing and panic quickly set in. This was not how she ever expected to see Spike for the first time in over four years. She was completely physically and emotionally unprepared, especially the ‘emotionally’ part considering she was still struggling not to be in love with him anymore.

Oblivious to the panicking female, Spike struggled with a box as he came through the front door. “Joyce? Are you here?” And still nobody answered back. ‘That’s odd, the door is open and she said she would be home right now’ Spike thought.

Buffy rushed to her feet to make a hasty retreat into the kitchen, but in her attempts to gather her stuff and navigate the coffee table she ended up tripping on large robe and hitting the ground hard, very hard.

Spike heard a large thump followed by an “Owww!” inside the living room. He quickly dropped the box he was carrying and rushed towards the sound half-expecting to find Joyce hurt inside the living room. What he did find took the breath right out of him. “Buffy? I thought you weren’t coming back for another week?” Spike couldn’t help but squeek out like a 15 year old boy.

“Question later, help now.”

On the floor lay Buffy on her back. She made no attempts to get up. She didn’t know if it was her throbbing head or the humiliation that kept her down. She had major rug burns on her knees, arms, and hands. Not to mention she hit her head on the armchair. For a moment she swore she took flight. She had just managed to roll over on to her back when Spike found her. ‘Why do I have to be such a klutz?’

Spike gently gathered up the dazed girl and lay her on the couch. It was extremely hard to ignore how beautiful she had become. Every curve was a little more luscious and he felt the warmth radiating from her body as he held her. Not to mention her robe kept slipping down in the most tantalizing way. ‘If it just moved down a little bit further…God what am thinking? Girlfriend, I have a girlfriend.’

Buffy rubbed her head and looked up at Spike. She noticed that his eyes were focused a little too low on her body. She hastily closed the opening at her chest and it was enough to snap him from the haze he had fallen in. In embarrassment he quickly turned away. “Umm, I’ll just find you some bandages.” She had never seen him move so fast outside a soccer game. ‘I didn’t know he could get so red!’ Buffy giggled in amusement but tried to stifle it with her hand as best as she could. When he returned, he was loaded with supplies having successfully located them in the downstairs restroom. Awkward silence filled the air as Spike rubbed some medicine into her rug burns.

“Ouch!”

“Sorry”

“It’s okay. I’m just a big spaz, it was bound to happen. So, umm, what are you doing here Spike?”

He finished up and sat back down at the other end of the couch as she sat up. “You always were” he smirked. “Joyce found some furniture she liked online and commissioned me to pick it up at the store. I could ask you the same thing. What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t supposed to arrive for another week?”

“I changed the flight. I decided I shouldn’t linger up here too long. I have to get ready for college, move in; find a job; all that crap.” She looked up from her lap and caught him staring at her. She couldn’t help but look into his piercing blue eyes. She was hypnotized as ever, but unlike the past, she couldn’t read them, she couldn’t decipher the words in his head. That saddened her more than words could say, no matter what, she couldn’t help getting lost in the warmth of this eyes. She finally felt that she was home.

Spike was having similar feelings. Just having her here with him after her sudden disappearance meant everything to him. Despite the anger and the resentment that still lingered in the back of his mind, he still cared for her. He reached over and gently cupped her check. “God Buffy, where did you go? Why did you go? Why did you come back? I have so many questions. I don’t even know where to start.”

Buffy’s eyes widened with fear. ‘Oh God! He really knows nothing. I was hoping somebody would fill him in so I wouldn’t have to.’ She said out loud, “Nobody filled you in, did they.” At the small shake of his head, she abruptly stood up and broke their tenuous connection and she started pacing up and down the living room.

“I can’t do this, I didn’t think it was going to be THIS hard. I was totally delusional, living in happy Buffy land once again. Of course you don’t know, I knew that, but somehow I was hoping that you really did know. What am I going to do?” Warm arms wrapped around her, stopping her frantic pacing as well as halting her rambling.

“It’s going to be alright Buffy, we’re still friends, despite the time distance, and the bloody silence. Just tell me what the hell happened.”

Just then, the door opened a little burst of energy came flying in. “Momma! Momma! Look what I found!” Dawn tugged on Buffy, one hand holding a small poppy a bright smile lighting her face.

Spike quickly dropped his arms in shock. “You’re a Mom? How did that happen?”

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Thank you DaniD, vitalis, xyz, Marta, and SarahandJamesFanatic!

Hey Everybody. Just as a warning, this story will jump between past and present for every other chapter until it all comes together in the end. I have enjoyed this style with other stories I've read and I wanted to try it out. Please give me feedback on how it's going, I hope I don't make it too confusing.

Chapter 6 – Dealing with Mr. Happy

Past – 4 1/2 years ago

Everything was perfect; she wanted to stay like this forever. The sun was shining down through the purple flowers of the jacaranda tree above her while she lay nestled in Spike’s arms on a green meadow besides a sparkling lake. At the moment he was pressing kisses across the back of her neck as he slowly pumped two fingers in and out of her. She could feel his erection pressing into her ass as his hips moved in time with hers, back and forth, in an unhurried manner. She was in absolute heaven. But where was that flushing noise coming from? Her eyes popped open in a snap. The flushing noise was from the bathroom next to her room. Instead of lying under a tree outside in a field, she was in her bedroom staring at the dawn rise outside her window. The only problem was that Spike really was pumping two fingers in and out of her body. She twisted around as best as she could to take a look at his face. Sure enough, his eyes were closed and he seemed sound asleep. ‘Is this some perverted version of sleep walking?’ she thought.

She tried, she really did, but she still couldn’t help the soft moan that stole out of her mouth. Heat flushed from her belly to the tips of her fingers and toes as his ministrations started to affect her. She really wanted to end it before it became too late, but she seemed powerless to move her body, all except her hand that is. Her hand traveled up to her already sensitive nipple to roll it around while her hips started to move at a more frantic pace. She could feel the tendrils of an orgasm making itself known. In a last ditch effort to stop it from coming, she tightened her thighs around his fingers in order to make him stop, but that was definitely the wrong course of action. The movement only served to heighten the sensation since his hand rubbed more harshly against her clit. She fell completely apart as the orgasm hit her hard.

As the tremors going through her body finally subsided, she opened her eyes and desperately tried to catch her breath. She could taste blood in her mouth from the cut she gave herself while biting her lip to keep silent. She slowly peaked over her shoulder again to find out if Spike had woken up, but to her dismay and relief, she found that he had simply rolled over onto his back and was now softly snoring.

‘Okay, what just happened?’ She was flustered, embarrassed, and not to mention still extremely turned on, while all the time Spike had been completely and utterly asleep. ‘Well at least he didn’t mutter Dru’s name.’ She knew that Spike slept like the dead, but this was just ridiculous. She quietly slipped into her robe and stole out the door towards the bathroom. She was in desperate need of a long hot shower to calm her frazzled nerves.

**************

As Buffy quietly shut the door, Spike was actually struggling to not wake up. He was in the middle of the most wonderful dream ever. His Desoto was parked under the stars at the cliff-side and it had never looked so beautiful. All the dents were completely gone, and it sparkled under the blue moonlight. The upholstery had all been replaced with new leather and the engine purred like a kitten. But that wasn’t even the best part. He was lying down in the back seat with Buffy riding his cock nice and hard to the sounds of “Pretty vacant” by the Sex Pistols playing in the background. It had been a long time since he had such a perfectly detailed dream and he planned to never wake up. Unfortunately the dream was drifting away and the harder he tried to hold on to it, the faster it left.

His eyes popped open and he realized that it was too early to be awake. He also realized that he had come in his knickers. ‘Bollocks! I’m too old to be having wet dreams!’ As he lifted his head, he noticed that Buffy was missing from the bed. He could hear the soft sounds of the shower coming through the closed door. Thank God for small favors. He sighed in relief; maybe this wasn’t quite a disaster. He quickly scrambled from the bed then took off his clothes and knickers. He desperately looked around the room trying to find a place to stash the soiled goods. He ended up shoving them into the middle of her laundry basket then promptly got redressed. He crossed his fingers, hoping she wouldn’t notice a little extra in the already overfull basket. Once he was done, he quickly stole back under the covers hoping for a little more shut eye and surprisingly fell right back asleep the instant his head hit the pillow, not one though about Drusilla entered his head.

Buffy wasn’t at all surprised to find him sound asleep when she came back into her room, he usually slept like the dead. Refreshed and relaxed from the shower, she felt like she had new perspective on the whole situation. She would simply handle this like an adult. It was still too early to be up and it wasn’t like he would remember what happened so might as well just go back to bed and store this little event as a happy memory never to mentioned, ever. Seeing Spike lie there happily murmuring in his sleep she couldn’t help but put a soft kiss on his cheek before rejoining him back under the covers. He rolled over spooned against her and wrapped his arm around her waist. ‘Why does he have to be such a snuggler? It just feels too nice.’ She shoved the small bit of sadness to the back of her head and followed him into sleep.

***********

“Wakey! Wakey! If you don’t get up in 5 minutes, I WILL start singing, and believe me you definitely do not want that.”

Buffy groaned and buried herself further under the blanket as she mumbled something incoherent into her pillow. Spike on the other hand clearly muttered. “I’m drowning in cool whip” before starting to snore again. Joyce walked over to the bed and whipped the blanket off her daughter. “What was that? I couldn’t hear you with all that grumbling.”

“I said ‘You’re a cruel mother to threaten me with your singing voice’ and on a Saturday too!”

“Well, I’m not the one who signed up for karate lessons my dear. It’s already 10. If you get up now, you have 2 hours to laze around the house. Besides your father is still asleep, if he finds out that Spike slept in here again, he’s going to flip. You guys are getting too old for this. I may be a tolerant mother, but I have my limits.”

Buffy yawned before sitting up to give her mom a kiss on her cheek. “It’s not my fault Will decides to show up in the middle of the night, besides it’s not like anything will actually happen.” So she wasn’t really telling a lie since Spike probably wouldn’t remember, but she still couldn’t help the blush that crept on her cheeks and desperately hoped her hair covered her face enough of her face.

“Well, make him sleep on the couch the next time” answered her mother. “As much as I love him, I’m still a mother and it’s built in us to be suspicious of all teenage boys, including best friends. Now try and wake up William please, then you can help me with breakfast.”

As Joyce walked out the door, Buffy pondered the best way to get him up. ‘I think a full attack is in order.’ With a Xena yell, she pounced on him then started bouncing up and down. “Come on Spikey, time to get up. I bet there’ll be pancakes, eggs, and bacon for breakfast.”

“Did you say pancakes?” Without even a good morning, he was out the door like a shot and she found her butt on the floor with an “Oooff!” As she rubbed her bottom, she muttered, “So maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned the pankcakes.”

She wandered downstairs to find her mom laying bacon down in a pan while Spike whisked the pancake patter.

“Honey, can you scramble some eggs?”

“Affirmative” she said with a salute.

Still whisking the batter, Spike walked over to her and gave her a peck on her forehead. “Forgot to say mornin’ love.”

Buffy smacked him on the arm and said, “Because you’re a big doofus who thinks with his stomach, but I forgive you.”

Joyce couldn’t help but shake her head and wonder, 'Why aren’t they a couple again?'

**********

Angel slowly blinked his eyes open and wondered what the hell had woken him up. The painful pounding behind his eyeballs felt like someone was drilling into his head. He couldn’t really remember anything that happened the night before. His last memory was of leaving Buffy’s room and heading straight to the bar. It was a complete blur after that, especially considering he probably consumed half his weight in alcohol. But the blinding headache wasn’t the only thing he could feel; something soft was touching his chest. He slowly pried his eyes open to investigate and saw a dark headed girl leaving kisses on every place she could reach. He grabbed the hair in front of him and lifted her head to find Drusilla’s eyes staring back at him and thought ‘Not again!’

“What the hell is going on here Dru. God dammit! I don’t remember a thing. How the fuck did you get in here? I told you we couldn’t do this anymore.”

“Don’t say that. You’re going to make princess cry” she said with a pout.

Angel groaned and tried to move away from her, but his head hurt too much and she was too persistent. “You’re with Spike, I’m with Buffy, that was the agreement. You’re going to fuck this all up for me.”

“Not if the Ace of Spades and the Queen of Hearts don’t sit down in the rose garden” she said cryptically. “Now let me make you feel all better.”

Angel sighed. He hated that he didn’t remember last night. He hated that he was betraying his brother and Buffy. He hated that Dru was completely nuts and that he had ever started up with her in the first place. But most of all, he hated that he couldn’t push her away even when he wanted to.

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Mucho mucho thanks to Renee, DaniD, SarahandJamesFanatic, seraiza, vitalis, rockerbaby, and disgruntled fan.

Temper, Temper

Present

“You’re a mother?”

Buffy bent down and covered Dawn’s ears before looking up and sarcastically saying “No shit Sherlock. You can tell by the whole child calling me a mom thing.”

“Buffy language!” Joyce exclaimed with a disapproving look on her face. The look on Spike’s face wasn’t any happier. The glare he was sending her chilled Buffy right down to the bone. She sheepishly looked down and muttered “Sorry”. She uncovered Dawn’s ears then gathered the little girl up in her arms before standing back up.

Since the adults all felt at a loss for words, awkward silence filled the air. Spike had so many questions floating in his head and he had absolutely no idea where to start. Buffy softly combed her fingers through Dawn’s hair as she tried to figure out what to say. She was absolutely frozen with trepidation at the conversation to come. She anxiously waited for Spike to start and hoped he would take the new in a calm and rational manner. However, he wasn’t exactly know for having an easy temper and she was positive a storm was about to break. Before Spike could gather his thoughts, it was Dawn who broke the silence, curiosity getting the best of her. “Momma, who’s he? He’s got funny hair” she said crinkling her little nose.

Before Buffy had a chance to answer, Spike answered “The name’s Spike poppet. You’re a pretty little girl, what’s your name?” The initial shock of learning about Dawn’s existence had worn away a bit and curiosity naturally took over. He couldn’t help but notice what a cute kid she was. She was miniature version of Buffy, except big blue eyes replaced green and Dawn had beautiful chestnut brown hair instead of Buffy’s luminescent bottled blond.

“I’m Dawn. Can I touch?” the little girl answered pointing to his spiky hair.

“Sure niblet, go ahead.”

Spike tentatively walked over to Buffy and bent his head while keeping his eyes fixed on her curious face. She carefully reached up and touched the blond spikes with a look of awe on her small face. Buffy struggled to keep her eyes dry and finally found the courage to speak again while watching the touching scene. “She’s three years and 8 months old and very talkative for her age. She’s usually pretty shy around new people, but you always were a charmer to the ladies.”

Dawn giggled as she touched the top of his head and looked at her mother. “Can I have that?”

“Definitely no, I am not bleaching your hair. You’ll have to wait until you’re 18. How about we have Nana take you to the kitchen for a snack then you can watch Winnie the Pooh.”

“Yay!” Dawn exclaimed and scrambled out of Buffy’s arms so fast it looked like she took a flying leap, then she was off to the kitchen in a flash. Joyce looked at Spike and said. “It was nice to see you William. Don’t forget to stop by again for some hot cocoa.” And with that she quickly walked back to the kitchen as well. Unfortunately this once again left the two in awkward silence. Buffy couldn’t look at Spike but could practically feel the anger and frustration radiating from him. The temporary calmness that Dawn had given him was totally gone. He couldn’t hide the burning fury in his gut from the knowledge that Buffy had kept such an important secret from him for so many years. Even though they hadn’t left on the best of terms, he thought he earned a little bit more consideration and respect than the average bystander to Buffy Summers’ life.

“Buffy, I think we definitely need to talk about this, and now.”

“Come on, let’s go sit on the porch swing. If you start yelling, I don’t want Dawn to hear it, plus this way I have witnesses.”

Buffy tried to stop her hands from shaking as she opened the front door. If she had a perfect scenario for what would happen when she told Spike about Dawn, this definitely would not be it.

As they both sat down, Spike was the first one to speak up. “So I take it you got preggers at the end senior year, ohhh about the time you disappeared. Why didn’t you tell me Buffy? I would have supported you.” He was staring intently at her face trying to discern the mysterious thoughts floating in her brain, he expected remorse, he didn’t however expect to see the anger come into her eyes.

“That’s a load of shit Spike! As soon as Drusilla wanted you back, it was like I didn’t even exist. You hardly even looked at me, let alone speak to me!” She hissed out Drusilla’s name like the poison that she was, and the last bits of fear disappeared as memories of what occurred so many years ago surfaced.

“I told you that it’d only be temporary,” he answered back defensively. “As soon as I was back on Dru’s good side I would’ve been able to see you again, but I couldn’t chance getting her upset. You told me you understood! I had to try to get her back. I was in love with her. A feeling you apparently don’t understand.”

Buffy felt like she had been slapped in the face. After all these years, he didn’t understand why his actions hurt her so much. She stood up quickly wanting to be as far away from him as possible.

“You heartless bastard! Don’t throw that at me. You know only about lust and obsession. That’s all Dru ever was, somebody you couldn’t have, not completely anyways. I was the one there for you through good and bad and you threw me away like I was nothing. I’ll never forget the words you said to me the last time I saw you.” She was barely holding back the angry tears that were threatening to roll down her cheeks. She wanted to appear strong and not the utter mess that was churning inside her. Spike got up with fury in eyes and prowled right up to her. He stood imposingly over her with his face was inches from hers. She tried not to shrink back and stood as tall as her 5’2” frame would allow her.

“Well, I’ll never forget that you lied to me about Angel. You never told me about your bloody relationship! Then you ran right back to that bastard. And what did he do? He left you alone and pregnant. I’m not the stupid one Buffy.”

“Angel’s not a bastard and he’s not the father of my baby you idiot!” She yelled back at him. Spike was so angry he barely knew what was coming out if his mouth by this point.

“Well who the fuck else did you open your dimpled knees for then!”

“You!!” She yelled back. The tears were now streaming down her face in force and desperately tried to wipe them away. She then said softly “You’re the only one you bastard. The only one.” Before running back into the house and slamming the door in his face.

Spike let out a frustrated roar before he realized that he was still on the porch for all her neighbors to see and hear. He sheepishly looked around to find Willow and Tara on the walkway with wide eyes and astonished expressions on their faces. He quickly found two new people to focus his anger on.

“You! Both of you! You bints knew all about this. How could you keep this from me?”

All Willow could utter was “Eeep!” Tara stuttered out “It w-wa-a-sn’t our fault.”

Willowed followed up with “Yeah, she’s right. We didn’t ‘keep’ it from you. Why don’t you tell him all about it while I talk to Buffy” then she promptly skittered past him up the stairs and was gone in a blink of an eye.

Tara muttered “I’m going to kill her later” then looked at Spike. “Come on let’s sit down.”

As they sat on the porch swing she grabbed his hand and leaned her head on his shoulder hoping death wouldn’t be in her near future. “Honey, I know we’re not entirely innocent, but you have to understand, it hasn’t been entirely easy telling you either. By the time Buffy told us, you’d disappeared to God knows where with Drusilla. You only came back a year ago and by that time, we decided it wasn’t our place to tell you. Besides you always shut us up whenever we mentioned her name.”

“Oye! I didn’t do that. Well not all the time. You could have tried a little bit harder.” Tara looked at him sympathetically and he could see the remorse written on her face. All at once every emotion seemed to hit him at once, and it was just too much to handle.

“God, what the fuck have I done? She’s never going to forgive me for what I just said. She just gets me so angry. At the same time, I don’t know if I can ever forgive her for keeping this from me. There’s a little girl in there with my DNA and she’s an absolute stranger to me. What do I do?” he babbled.

Spike leaned forward and put his head between his hands. The headache of the century was starting to form behind his eyes brought about by the turmoil creating havoc inside of him. He didn’t know if he was going to start crying, hitting something, or just laughing hysterically. His life had been so simple and so easy a moment ago. It was amazing how one little chit could change it all.

Tara rubbed his back and tried to comfort him as best she could. “You just need to talk to her, without the yelling of course. You need to discuss what happened all those years ago. I don’t know the particulars, but you’ve both ignored it long enough. Besides you have a beautiful little girl inside who I’m sure would love to get to know you.”

Panic rose inside of Spike. It was too much to handle, everything was happening too fast. He looked at the door in dread, there was no way he could go in there and face any of them. He also didn’t know whether he wanted to strangle Buffy or to hug her, so he just said, “Fuck that, I need a drink” before pounding off the porch, jumping into his car and driving off.

As she watched his Desoto turn the corner of the street, Tara sighed softly and said, “Well that went well”.

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Please give feedback on whether I should continue this story or whether it's not worth it.

Thanks to DaniD, vitalis, jenny, SarahandJamesFanatic and everyone still reading.