Never Let Go
Summary: Set after First Date and during Get it Done – What might have happened if Spike hadn’t let Buffy walk all over him during the infamous scene?
Rating: PG13
Genre: Drama/Romance
“Where the hell are you going?” Buffy asked, crossing her arms over her chest as Spike walked toward the door.
“Out,” he replied. “Since I'm neither a girl, nor waiting- all this speechifying doesn't really apply to me, does it?”
Turning to walk away, his eyes narrowed when he heard her cold voice. “Fine. Take a cell phone. That way, if I need someone to get weepy or whaled on, I can call you.”
Clenching his jaw, he turned toward her with flashing eyes. “If you've got something to say-”
“Just said it,” she said, never looking away from his gaze. “You keep holding back, you might as well walk out that door.”
“Holding back,” he repeated in disbelief. “That’s what you think of me?”
“It is,” she said, her lips tightening when he continued to stare at her.
“Fine,” he said, a low growl in his voice. “Guess you really don’t need me, then. You obviously have everyone you can depend on. This mean you’re ready for me to not be here, pet?” he asked, throwing her words from the other night right back at her.
Not giving her a chance to respond, Spike walked out the door, slamming it so hard he could hear the plaster crack. He could practically feel Xander’s anger at having to repair something else.
Her lips parted in disbelief as she watched Spike walk away.
‘He wasn’t supposed to leave,’ she thought, her heart sinking into her stomach. ‘He’s always been here…he’s always…’
“Buffy.”
Snapping out of it at the sound of Dawn’s voice, she suddenly realized that she was still standing in the middle of the living room with everyone’s attention still on her. Looking around for a moment, she took a deep breath before shaking her head.
“You all heard me,” she said in a strong voice. “If you don’t want to stay alive, feel free to leave now.”
Walking out of the room, her gaze briefly flitted to the door before turning and walking up the stairs.
* * * * *
Practically burrowing into her turtleneck later that night, Buffy sat on her bed, staring out the window. Her senses told her that Spike had walked in a few moments ago, and he was now down in the basement.
She was so in tune with his feelings at the moment that she could practically feel his restlessness.
Wanting nothing more than to walk down the stairs and talk to him, she willed herself to stay put, not wanting to cause another fight that would lead him to walking out on her again. She would wait until sunrise- at least then they might have a chance to actually talk and not fight.
Hearing a soft knock on the door, Buffy’s eyes snapped over to stare at it for a moment. Taking a deep breath before standing up and walking over to open it, she bit her lip as she stared at Spike, slowly moving out of the way and allowing him to enter her room, feeling disconcerted when he only took a few steps forward.
Shoving his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, Spike took a deep breath as he leaned against the doorframe.
“I’m leaving, Buffy.”
Her eyes widened in shock as she tried to suppress the tears that were fighting to make themselves known.
“What do you want me to say?” she whispered, looking at the floor.
“Nothing,” he said softly, avoiding her eyes as he shook his head. “I just owed it to you to tell you.”
“Spike…I need you here.”
“No, you don’t,” he said with a dejected smile, shaking his head slowly. “You never really did. Wasn’t any help to you against Glory. Wasn’t around when that wanker went on a shooting spree last year. You need your mates,” he continued, gesturing toward the stairs, leading to her friends. “You don’t need me. And I’m okay with that, but I’m not going to sit around and let the First use me however it sees fit. And I’m not going to sit around until you make a decision whether you want me here or not. I’m dead weight around here, Buffy. Literally.”
“Look…what I said earlier-”
“You meant it,” he said, clenching his jaw. “It’s done. No need to dwell on it. You have your own life now. You don’t need me in it.”
“I’m not ready for you to go,” she whispered, looking at him through pained eyes.
“And why do you want me to stay?” he asked in exasperation.
Glancing down at the hem of her shirt as she twisted it in her hands, Buffy swallowed.
“I have to go.”
Buffy felt panic rise in her throat when he turned away from her, feeling as if she was choking when he walked farther away.
“Spike!”
Clenching his jaw, he briefly closed his eyes, cursing himself for never having the guts to ignore her. He loved her too much to do that.
“Yeah, love,” he whispered, turning around to look at her.
“Don’t,” she murmured, shaking her head as she looked at him with pain evident in her eyes. “You have to stay.”
“Buffy.”
Both turned toward the voice, seeing one of the girls walking up the stairs.
“Principal Wood is here to see you.”
Glancing over at Spike, she could see the hurt in his eyes at the mention of the other man.
“Tell him to come back later,” she mumbled. “He’s wondering about the emergency kit, and I’m not going to bother opening it tonight.”
“Okay,” the girl said in a cheery tone, walking back down the stairs.
“Is this why you’re doing this?” she asked, tilting her head to look at him. “Because you still think I’m moving on?”
“Not gonna lie and say it isn’t a factor,” he muttered.
“Spike, it was just a date,” she whispered, stepping closer to him.
“Which is exactly what I could never give you,” he said, looking into her eyes, trying to ignore how the simple act of her looking at him gave him so much pleasure.
“Spike, I-”
“Buffy, think for a minute,” he interrupted in a choked voice. “Think if you had to live in the same house as Angel and watch him leave to go out with someone else.”
“What does Angel have to do with anything?” she asked in exasperation.
“Because, Goldilocks,” he said, feeling his heart ache as he reached out and gently stroked her cheek, allowing himself the contact that he so desperately craved. “When the one you love moves on…it’s hard to watch.”
“And who said that was Angel?” she asked, swallowing hard when he gave her a soft smile.
“You did.”
Staring at him in shock as he turned and walked down the hallway, Buffy watched as he grabbed a bag and proceeded down the stairs. Hearing the sound of the door opening, she felt like she couldn’t breathe.
“No,” she whispered. “This isn’t the way it’s supposed to happen. This isn’t…”
Feeling short of breath, Buffy ran down the stairs and out the front door, jumping off the porch as she continued to chase after him.
“Spike! Spike, please wait!”
Hearing her voice in the distance, Spike spun around to face her, a shocked expression on his face when she slowed down to stand in front of him, slightly out of breath.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, breathing heavily. “I’m so, so sorry. I-I’ve been taking you for granted and…you got a soul for me. That’s something Angel never would have done when he was soulless and I think…I was terrified by that. I think I still am, because it means that I’m…I’m responsible for it, but…I wasn’t lying when I said I need you and-”
Gasping when his lips covered hers, Buffy clung to his strong shoulders, feeling her body melt against his as she eagerly kissed him back. Slowly pulling away from each other, Spike pressed his forehead against hers as they stared at each other.
“Don’t go,” she whispered, shaking her head slightly. “Please. I’m not ready for you to not be here…I’ll never be ready for that. I love you, Spike.”
Seeing his chin quiver with emotion as he smiled, Buffy pressed her lips to his in a tender kiss, pulling away to run her hands along his face as if she was trying to memorize everything about him.
“I love you,” she repeated with a soft smile.
“I love you, too,” he murmured, holding her close. “You know I do.”
“I know. You better be ready to stick around,” she said with a bright smile, seeing the happiness in his eyes. “Because there’s no way I’ll ever be ready to let you go.”
THE END
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!