First: There’s my path.
There are many paths in life.
There's the "Hey, you're cute, sure,
I'll marry you after graduation and med school"
and the "Can you drive Susie to soccer today,
'cause I've got a pediure?" path.
And then there's my path,
where I found myself 16 and pregnant
and I realized
"I have to get a job,
I have to raise a kid and being me,
I have to do it all by myself."
Not easy.
But the thing with my path was,
when I reached the end,
I turned around and realized
I'd ended up someplace really good.
Lorelei, the Gilmore Girls
Buffy stared at herself in the mirror. The same face she’d seen every morning since she was tall enough to see into the mirror stared back at her. But she wasn’t the same girl she’d been even yesterday.
Because yesterday she’d still been pretending. Still fooling herself what she knew wasn’t real. Today though, she couldn’t pretend anymore.
The proof she was different was on the counter in a little blue and white container. With two blue lines. And in case she needed any more proof, the nausea she fought all the time overwhelmed her.
Leaning over the toilet, she emptied the contents of her belly, even though there wasn’t much there.
Wiping her mouth after brushing her teeth, which was a mistake, coz, hey that didn’t sit well with baby. . . Buffy fought back a tear.
This is so not good. What the hell am I gonna do? Mom’s not home, won’t be home until Wednesday. Maybe Willow will be home . . . she didn’t really want to tell anyone, not even Riley and it was just as much his as it was hers. She wanted her mommy. This time she let the tears fall. Mommy wasn’t going to be happy about this. And who knew if her father was even gonna care.
She had some serious thinking to do.
The next couple of days passed by in a blur, consisting of her waking up bleary-eyed and nauseous, getting dressed, throwing up, going to school, throwing up some more, falling asleep in almost every class including English (which was her favorite), fighting with Riley and just . . . thinking.
She didn’t want to have an abortion. That much she’d decided pretty much right away. What she wasn’t sure about was whether she could keep this baby or give it up for adoption.
Buffy found herself addressing her inner thoughts to the baby one morning on her way to school and realized she didn’t want to give this baby away.
Okay. Two decisions made. Now what baby?
Buffy was sitting in English, listening to Mr. Stevenson read poetry. Normally she paid attention – it was hard not to pay attention in his class, especially when it was poetry slam week or playwrights section – but even when he was dissecting sentences it was great. It certainly didn’t hurt that Mr. Stevenson was, hands down, the hottest teacher ever, or that he had this voice that just took you away. But Buffy wasn’t paying attention today. Today, like every other day this week, Buffy had fallen asleep.
Mr. Stevenson watched her, beginning to get really worried about the tiny blonde. She was usually very attentive and had great things to contribute to his class but for the last week or so, she’d been too quiet. Will was worried about her.
Flicking his eyes around his classroom, he realized no one had yet noticed she was asleep, not even her overly dense boyfriend, one Riley Finn. Deciding not to embarrass her, but determined to find out what was wrong, Will went back to reading Robert Burns out loud.
After class was done, he knelt down next to her chair, gently shaking her awake. “Buffy? Miss Summers? C’mon, wake up.”
Took her a couple of minutes, but eventually very groggy Buffy opened her eyes. A sleepy smile crossed her face as she leaned heavily on her arm. “Hey.”
“Buffy you need to wake up.” His big hand cupped her shoulder and she smiled dreamily at him again.
For a moment Will was struck by her. She was adorable, but he knew better than to allow much more than that thought. Student, Will. In trouble. Leave it alone.
Buffy shifted, trying to get more comfortable. “Lemme sleep more, ‘kay?”
“C’mon Buffy. You need to wake up and tell me what’s wrong.” Will was getting more worried the longer it took to wake her.
“Wanna sleep. Nice voice. Talk to me teach?” She was waking up, but Buffy didn’t want to. She’d fallen asleep to the deep husky tones of his voice and that had caused all sorts of nice quick dreams.
“You really need to wake up now.” His voice was soo nice and he was soo close. Buffy could smell his aftershave and cologne and . . . uhoh. Her eyes flew open and a hand covered her mouth. She gaped at him, pushing him away, scrambling up out of her chair. She wasn’t going to make it. . . oh god. . Running from a stunned Mr. Stevenson, Buffy barely made it into the boy’s bathroom before violently throwing up.
He got to his feet slowly, his brain trying to deny what he’d just witnessed. He’d never seen a girl or woman react that way to waking up. Buffy had nearly thrown up in his lap.
Waiting patiently outside the bathroom, listening to the sound of a retching teenager, Will had to admit the evidence. Evidently Miss Summers had a potentially big problem.
She so didn’t want to go out there and face him. Maybe I can just pretend. . . . and . . . checking her reflection in the small mirror, Buffy realized this just wasn’t an option. She felt like she looked, crappy with a heaping side order of yucky.
Putting on a brave face, Buffy headed for the door. He was waiting for her, just like she figured. Without a word he held out his hand and Buffy looked at him blankly until she realized he had a package of lifesavers in his hand.
Smiling at him gratefully she said “thanks.”
Without any other words he led her back into his classroom.
“I’m not going to pressure you. But if you want to talk, I’m here any time you want, okay?”
“Yeah.” Ducking her head, Buffy quickly gathered up her books. Turning to leave, Buffy said quietly, "Thanks Mr. Stevenson.”
“Buffy. I meant what I said. And I promise not to say anything.”
But she was already gone.
Instead of going onto the rest of her classes, Buffy headed home. Getting busted by her favorite teacher was not part of her plan. She didn’t want anyone to know just yet – she hadn’t even told Willow – and they were best friends – or her mom. Mom doesn’t know. How am I gonna tell her?
Lost in her own thoughts, Buffy didn’t realize she was home until her feet hit the front steps. In a daze, she put her books down on the dining room table, sat down and promptly burst into tears.
Which kind of explained why she didn’t hear her mother when she came in and why she jumped when her mother touched her shoulder.
“Buffy? Honey, what’s wrong?”
Weepy hazel eyes looked up at Joyce and Buffy crumpled at the concern written on her mother’s features. “Mom? Mommy?”
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Joyce pulled her daughter close, running her hand over Buffy’s head.
“Oh Mom. I’m pregnant.”
Joyce froze listening to her daughter’s heartbroken sobs. Disappointment flooded her, but then her little girl’s sobs broke through. Whatever else, Buffy was her little girl who right now needed comforting more than she needed to be yelled at. Rocking her back and forth all the while murmuring nonsense words, Joyce held onto her daughter.
She would wait until later to start yelling.
“All right. All right. Stop yowling at me, you ungrateful hounds.” Will grabbed the leashes from the hook, then stooped down to corral his dogs. “C’mon Clem. Get over here.” Getting his feet untangled from the leashes he stepped over the floppy-eared basset hound he’d named after one of his uncles and whistling for Kennedy, the nasty high-strung Jack Russell terrier he’d inherited from his mother, William headed out the door.
He and the dogs set out on their usual mile walk. Only minutes into their nightly ritual, his mind roved back over his day. It had been uneventful, except for those few minutes worrying about Buffy Summers. Poor kid.
Seventeen years old. And pregnant. And adorable as hell when she slept – and even cuter when she woke up. He caught himself before his dirty mind went further down that path. Student, Will. She’s your student. Knock off the noticing thought.
Pregnant. She’s a teenager and she’s pregnant. Focus on that Will. He’d meant it earlier that she could come to him – he’d keep her secret, would give her someone who wouldn’t judge her – which she was no doubt getting a lot of at home.
He really did hope she was okay.
Okay, so, let me know what you think, and hey, can I hear from some people who don't normally review? I know I have some people that review all the time, but I know there's other people reading my stuff. So c'mon, let me know what you think -- good, bad or otherwise. Slainte, Nia