“I can’t do this anymore, Will.”
That stopped Spike in his tracks. He had been running on a high since performing and had taken her out to celebrate his latest sucess.
“Do what?” He asked, though he already knew the answer.
“Be with you. I don’t love you anymore” She said as she got up.
‘Ya but for how bloody long this time?’ he thought to himself as he watched her leave the restaurant.
He paid the bill and left. The streets of LA, though busy, seemed empty and lifeless to him. He can’t count the amount of time she’s done this. He’s been seeing her for three years on and off. It was always the same; they'd have a few perfect weeks, where they'd be completely inseparable and he’d happier than he could ever remember being, then all of a sudden she'd decide she didn’t love him anymore. Give her a month maybe a month and a half and she'd come crawling back insisting she loved him and it will be different this time. Then history would repeat itself, and every time it did his heart would break a little bit more. ‘Well not this time’ he thought vehemently ‘this time it’s over!’
With that thought fresh in his mind, he sat in his car and sped home. He suddenly had the urge to write.
“I broke up with him wills”
“Why Buffy?”
“Because he deserves better”
“Okay firstly; you’re the best, he won’t find better, and secondly; I really don’t think that’s for you to decide”
“I’m holding him back, wills” she heard willow’s exasperated sigh down the phone.
“When are you gonna move past this buff, you did not stop-“but the rest of her sentence was cut off.
“Yes I did! You know as well as I do that he only turned down that contract so he could be with me!”
“Yeah, because he loves you!”
“Well look where that got him. He’s still stuck here playing clubs when he could have been travelling the world doing what he loves to do.”
“Buffy he stayed because he. loves. you! If the band was more important than you he would have left! You should recognise all he’s given up for you and love him even more for it!”
“I do wills, that’s what makes it so hard for me to keep leaving him.” Willow could hear the despair in her friend’s voice.
“Then why do you keep doing it?”
“Because it’s what’s best for him!”
“No it’s not and you have no right to decide what he wants, he chose you Buff!”
"yeah well he shouldn't have!"
"then why do you always go back?"
“Because i'm weak! I gotta go wills, bye.”
“Buffy wait," but she had already hung up.
Spike was sitting on his bed surrounded by bits of crumpled paper. He’d spent the better part of the last day perfecting his song. He just knew it was perfect. He was taking their latest break up far better than he usually did. He decided he was going to try and forget about Buffy and start concentrating on the band again.
He left his room to make himself something to eat and called Xander. The band needed to learn the new song; he wanted to play it this Saturday at Midnight. It was where this all started and he felt it was the perfect place for it to end. He knew she’d be there to see it. Even when they weren’t together she never missed a show.
FLASHBACK
Spike had just finished his set. His band, Black Light, had been together for about a year and they were doing well. He was heading back towards the table he’d left his friend Willow at earlier. It was the band's first performance at Midnight and it had gone great. When he got to the table his jaw dropped. Sitting with willow was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was a goddess.
“Spike, hey. This is Buffy; she’s a friend from collage.”
Spike neither heard willow nor cared what she said. He walked to the other side of the table and addressed the little blond angel “Hi, I’m spike.”
“Buffy” she replied and he thought her voice was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.
Willow just sat there with a knowing smile on her face.
FLASHBACK OVER
Spike shook himself out of his reverie. He was not going to spend his time sulking over Buffy. He was sick of it. He called Xander and told him about the new song.
Spike didn’t offer any information about Buffy but Xander knew. His friend’s voice was hollow when spike mentioned the new song. Xander wondered when the hell Buffy was going to come to her senses and stop messing with Spike.
“Sure man, I can come over tomorrow”
“Thanks, will you call Oz and Devin and let them know?”
“I can do that, and Spike?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry”
After spike hung up the phone he started making himself a sandwich. This was good, he would move on. It was what he’d been trying to do for so long. He knew he should feel accomplished and relieved but he didn’t; he felt like running to her and begging her to take him back. But he would’t do it. He could’t keep doing it.
It was Saturday night and Spike was on stage playing with the band. He looked up and saw Buffy had just entered the club. She looked up at the stage and for a moment their eyes met. She quickly looked away. He turned to his band mates and
signalled that it was time to play the new song. He turned back to the crowd.
“This is a new song I wrote a couple of days ago, I hope you guys like it!”
The music started and Spike sang:
I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart
This love has taken it’s toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And my heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won’t say goodbye anymore
I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again
He changed the words slightly when he saw the look on Buffy’s face.
This love has taken it’s toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won’t say goodbye anymore
I’ll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything’s alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that’s what you want me to do
This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
and her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won’t say goodbye anymore
When Buffy entered the club the first thing she saw was Spike’s blue eyes shining down at her. She looked away. She couldn’t bear to look at the hurt she placed there. Moments later she heard Spike announce a new song. She didn’t know what to expect.
Buffy listened to the song and felt like she was dying. It had finally happened, he didn’t love her anymore. This was what she was working at for so long. Now he’d move on and be successful. And for some reason it took the realisation that he didn't love her anymore to make her see she would never be happy without him. 'What have i done?' She couldn’t take it anymore and as the last verse came to an end she ran from the club.
Spike looked up as he finished the song and was met with the sight of Buffy’s retreating back. ‘That’s good’ he said to himself ‘she got the message. Now we’re definitely over and I can move on’
‘Yeah mate’ his inner voice responded ‘keep bloody tellin’ yourself that an’ maybe someday you’ll believe it’
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!