“Arrogant (stab)… lecherous (stab)...self-absorbed (stab)...manipulative (stab)...punitive (stab)...arrogant (stab)...”
“You already used that adjective,” Willow replied.
“What?” Buffy asked as she came out of her reverie.
“Also unless you’re going to dislocate your jaw by using snake-like stretchy connective ligaments like an anaconda, you won’t be able to fit all that meat in your mouth.” Willow commented while she reviewed her friend’s jam-packed fork.
Buffy peered down at the offending cutlery then toward her favorite dish of boneless buffalo wings, extra hot. She began to remove the copious amounts of chicken from her fork while Anya commented on Willow’s informative explanation.
“Speaking of handling a large quantity of meat…Xander and I watched this enlightening porno last night, “Spuffy the Vampire Layer”. This impressive, large breasted woman ‘handled’ the entire leading ‘man’, and his two co-stars!” Anya explained with large expressive eyes and extensive hand gestures.
Buffy stared slacked-jawed. Anya causally resumed her meal.
“She had three guys!?” Buffy inquired with wonder.
“Oh, no, but that would be rather impressive. She was able to deep throat a very well hung ‘vampire’ entirely,” Anya corrected.
“Oh, impressive,” Buffy said with an appreciative smirk.
“She did what?” Willow inquired shyly.
Anya was about to elaborate, but Buffy shook her head softly to signal to Anya to let her field this one. Buffy acted as a buffer/translator between Anya’s racy thoughts and comments and Willow’s more ‘slow-lane’ sexual repartee.
Buffy turned to her reserved friend and tried to explain in Willow-terms what Anya meant.
“Will, Anya is referring to his twig and berries.umm...his frank and beans...(Willow still looked confused)…his wedding tackle? Buffy tried to think of another analogy for her still befuddled comrade. Buffy felt like she was on the Twenty- Five Thousand Dollar Pyramid with Dick Clark. Complete with Dick standing off in the shadows of the game show studio rolling his eyes at the two incompetent fools in front of him.
“Oh for goodness sakes Willow...his cock and balls!” Anya shrieked.
Numerous patrons from the other tables turned toward the threesome. Buffy causally titled her Corona in silent ‘cheers’ then twisted back toward her table. Buffy gazed at Anya who was completely unaffected with her sexually based outcry and Willow who had her head bowed to cover her face which was increasingly becoming as red as her auburn locks.
During the brief silence that followed, Buffy recalled how despite the years and the different aspects of legal avenues that they’d chosen, these three women had been together since law school. The threesome had haunted the same hole-in-the-wall pub every Friday night for the last six years. They would come together faithfully to hash out their professional and personal lives over a few cocktails and some nummy treats (men, food and the like). Unfortunately as of late, Anya had been there less and less due to her recent engagement to Xander Harris, Willow’s childhood friend. No matter where their lives had taken them, they always had each other.
As Buffy’s eyes started to water, she decided to return to a less teary subject. ‘This was supposed to be their night out damn it! Not a ‘Remember When’/chick flick lifetime moment.’
“It’s just that...that…blood-sucking, soulless fiend infuriates me! Like today, he strolls into Judge Rayne’s courtroom like they’re old golf buddies. Then winks at this ditsy blonde bimbo stenographer, Harmony and proceeds to lay on the biggest pile of bullshit for his scumbag client. The shit that spewed from his mouth was so thick it would choke a dung beetle!” As Buffy recalled her day in court her voice became increasingly louder, by the end of her rant she almost yelled.
“Buffy, are we still discussing him. Again?” Willow asked. (Finally her facial color has return to its porcelain hue.)
Before Buffy could respond, Anya quickly asked.
“Who is this hunk of man that’s brought about all this sexual tension and the possibility of multiple organisms into your life?” Anya inquired with renewed interest.
“William Eros. That’s who!” Buffy countered instantly.
Anya raised her sculpted eyebrow while Willow looked taken back by her friend’s hasty admission. Despite the fact she and Anya didn’t usually see eye to eye, Willow was thoroughly impressed that a Will and Estates Attorney like Anya, still had the ability to hone in on a person’s weaknesses and go straight for the throat.
Upon the realization of her Freudian slip, Buffy promptly back peddled and counteracted.
“What? No. No lusty feelings, or thoughts, for or about the egomaniac!” Buffy fumed, and continued.
“He’s the epitome of a sleazy lawyer! With slicked back, bleached, blonde hair, dressed head to toe in designer everything, cocky swagger and a shit-eating grin!”
“She doth protest too loudly,” Anya commented to Willow.
Before these women could continue, Buffy declared.
“It’s just we all went to law school to make a difference in the judicial system.”
“Actually, I went for the money, but you two make enough changes,” Anya responded truthfully.
“Well, this is true. But regardless, you work with families who are dealing with an extremely stressful and distressing time in their lives. They don’t need the added complications of money and who gets what,” Buffy retorted.
“This is true,” Anya happily responded with a brilliant smile.
“Will, your role in Judge Giles’ court as his Law Clerk is paramount. I don’t think that he would be able to function on a daily basis without your innovative and productive research and your poignant views on the cases that swamp the docket in Superior Court. As for me, I’ve known since undergrad, I was destined for the DA’s office. It was my ‘calling’.”
Both ladies starred at their poetic friend until Anya added her two cents.
“Are you sure? You sound more like a motivational speaker to me?” Anya jested.
With similar snark, Buffy countered. “Well just as long as I don’t need to travel to different companies performing ridiculous ‘trust me’ games and wear a 24-7 perma-grin, I’m fine with that.”
“I don’t know about you two, but I feel a toast coming on,” Buffy boasted.
Both ladies groaned loudly, but promptly raised their respective drinks.
“To slaying the legal demons!” Buffy cheered.
“To slaying the legal demons!” Anya and Willow chanted simultaneously.
After the toast, the threesome resumed their respective meals, while the thoughts of a certain bleached egomaniac plagued Buffy’s thoughts.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!