"You're The One"
By the time you read this, I’ll probably already have made it to the vineyard, but I didn’t want to run off without you knowing where I went. But this letter is so much more than just that. I’m not good with words. Not the way you proved you are tonight, but I’ll try anyway.
I’ve spent many a night sleeping beside you before tonight, but there was never one time where I’ve ever felt so close to another person in my life like I did when you held me tonight. I’ve always held a part of myself back from the world. From you. From my friends. Hell, even from Angel. And before you rip this paper in half, please read on because this letter is in no way a tribute to the ‘great poof’ as you like to call him.
I promise.
And these days, I’m trying this new thing where I like to keep my promises.
But tonight, I felt close to you for the first time. Lying there, my eyes closed, pressed against you as your arms held me tight- there are not words to describe the feelings I felt then. I was so close to giving up after my friends turned away from me. Somewhere, I know though, that they were right. I was obsessed with beating Caleb. I wanted so much for this thing to be over, that I wasn’t thinking straight. Everything was so hard and I was trying so much to be strong that I never saw past my own thoughts. I was leaning on you too much. Is that such a terrible thing, though? Realizing that you need somebody else? I don’t believe it is. I do need you.
But you know me. I’m so stubborn. I still don’t believe that Faith is going to lead them to victory. She hasn’t been through the same things that I have; hasn’t seen the same things I have; she hasn’t learned to be a leader yet. And she’s at a major disadvantage.
She doesn’t have you.
You will never truly know how much strength you’ve given to me these past few months-these past few hours. Things are definitely different now. And for the first time, I’m not scared of it. Because I know you’ll be with me in this. You’ll be beside me when the big moments happen, and you’ll be there when they’re over. I believe that. You aren’t the self sacrifice type. And believe me when I say that’s in no way a bad thing. I kinda like you here with me anyway…
I can almost see you reading this now. Your head tilted in that incredibly sexy way it does when your contemplating something really important, your tongue behind your teeth, your hands grasping this paper harder by the minute. I’d smile at you if I was there; take your hand and lace our fingers so tight that they might burst into flame. We wouldn’t feel it though. We’d be too lost in one of our infamous staring matches, trying to convey without words how much we mean to each other. You’d wait for me to make the first move, watching me with those bright blue eyes of yours that always seem to pierce through my armor. I would kiss your lips, because kissing you is like being back in heaven again, and you would pull me closer still.
When this is over, that’s exactly what we’re gonna do. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I regret a lot of things I’ve done, and more so than that, a lot of things I haven’t done. But I’ll make this right. I believe that this is real. What we could be is so real that I can taste it now, and I promise I’ll make everything up to you. Every evil word I’ve ever said to you, every punch I ever threw at you, every time I’ve walked away without a backwards glance. I’ll put a kiss on your lips for every one of them.
Right now would be the perfect time to tell you the words you want to hear. I’m not sure why I won’t. But I want you to know that just because I haven’t said them, doesn’t mean that I haven’t felt them every time you’ve ever looked at me with those adoring eyes you still have when you think I don’t pay attention.
Because I have.
And when this thing is all over, I’ll tell you. I figure if I wait, it’ll give you more of an incentive to keep fighting. You better not die, or else you’ll never hear them. I’m laughing now, and I wonder why it feels so right to cry as I do it.
I thought about saying it tonight. You know, when we were lying there, at arms length, looking in each other’s eyes…I thought, ‘His eyes are so blue’ and then I wanted to say it, give the strong feeling inside of me voice and make it real. Maybe I should have.
But knowing you, you would have laughed in that way you do when you put up your defenses, and want me to believe that you think I’m full of shit and say something cocky like ‘No you don’t, but thanks for saying it’. But I would know you were doing it just to rile me up, and we’d laugh together because we both know you’ve really known it all along.
You’re the one.
But know that I didn’t wait until you fell asleep and then walk out on you again. I know I’m right. Caleb is protecting something at the vineyard, and I’ve gone to take it from him. I believe that what I’m doing now is the right thing to do, no matter what Faith, Giles, or the others might say. I believe in myself again. You believe in me too, and for that I’ll forever be in debt to you. And I know you’ll be angry over the fact that I didn’t wake you, but you looked so peaceful. And if anyone deserves some peace, it’s you, William. You’re one hell of a man, and I’ll see you when I get back.
This is something I’ve got to do on my own anyway.
Forever Yours,
Buffy
Please review!
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!