HELP ME TO REMEMBER!
Author: Lu
Main Characters: Buffy/Spike (also Willow and Tara play an important part)
Disclaimer: I know these characters don’t belong to me
To read it:” ******** ” means “meanwhile”. “ ----------------------” means “after a quite long time”.
Feedback: I’d like it
Setting: Season 5, after “Into the woods”, but most of all it reminds to “Something Blue”.
Summary: There’s something Willow didn’t tell her best friend, there’s something Buffy and Spike ignore…
PART 1
Willow came back to her room after a hard school day and a romantic night spent with Tara.
She was sure to find Buffy depressed once again; instead she was very happy to notice that, after four whole days she had spent crying, Buffy seemed to be more serene and relieved.
“ Hey, is it a smile what I see on your face?” Willow exclaimed, closing the door behind her shoulders, sitting near Buffy, on her bed.
“ Mm… nothing… let’s just say I’ve realized something!” Buffy said with a half smile.
“ Anything you want to talk about with me?”
“Ok. I was just thinking that it wouldn’t have lasted anyway…”
“ Are you talking ‘bout…”
“ Riley, yeah, Riley. You can say his name, don’t worry! See? It doesn’t hurt me anymore!” she confessed, surprising her friend.
“ You know what? I’ve never thought I’d say it someday, but… Spike was right! Spike told me not to trust him, Spike thought I deserved better, Spike showed me that horrible and most of all stupid thing Riley was doing in that sort of Vamp Club. Spike…”
Hey, I’ve lost count of how many times you said ‘Spike’! “
“ Spike? Who said ‘ Spike’? I * did * not say ‘Spike’ so many times, it’s just that Spike…”
“ You’re doing it again!” Willow informed her friend and that time she also realized that.
“ Damn! You’re right. Maybe it’s just that I like the sound: Spike. It’s such a cute name!” she admitted, grinning.
“ I guess it’s not only his name you like so much!” the other commented, watching her with a knowing smile.
“ What do you mean?”
“ Oh, C’mon! Do you think I’m blind? I’ve noticed the way you look at him sometimes, and it’s definitely * not* a ‘ I-Wanna-Put-A-Stake-Into-Your-Heart’ way!”
Her only answer, Buffy blushed.
“ I’m sure that if he wasn’t a vampire you would go for him!” the red exclaimed.
“ You’re wrong…” the blonde replied, bursting out laughing.
“.. I’d go for him, anyway! After all the vampires I’ve seen in my Slayer life, I can say he’s the only one who can look so good even when he vamps out; even Angel slows down when he does it! You know, if there was a Vampire Beauty Contest, Spike would win the Mr. Game-Face title with no doubt!” she confessed, laughing for the absurd things she was saying.
“ I mean, I can say he’s evil… but I can definitely not say he’s ugly!” Buffy muttered, without even watching her friend.
“ Well, lately he’s not so evil after all, he’s helping us a lot and it even seems he’s doing that kinda willingly…” Willow said.
“ Yeah, anyway… stop it!” Buffy exclaimed, playing with a lock of her hair.
“ Between me and Spike there isn’t anything and there’ll never be! Besides, he just hates me! And things are right that way: I’m his mortal enemy and he’s mine. I should hate him, too; but I think there’s something wrong in me, ‘cos I’m ..”
“ Falling for him?” Willow tried to end up her sentence.
Hearing her words, Buffy tugged violently the lock she was playing with.
“ Ouch! Hey, I said stop it! And anyway, it’s late, no more talking. Goodnight Willow!” she said, slipping to her bed.
Willow smiled to herself, changing clothes to follow her example.
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The morning after, Buffy was at her class, so Willow had taken advantage of that to invite Tara in her room, to spend some time together.
“Guess what?” Willow exclaimed giggling.
“ What?”
“ I think Buffy fancies Spike!”
“ Wait! Is Spike the Vampire, her mortal enemy, you are talking about?” Tara asked confused.
“ Yeah, just him. I’ve tried to make her admit it, but she didn’t. Anyway, I’m sure she’s falling for him, day by day!”
“ I just don’t understand why you seem so happy about that. You should be worried for her: Spike is evil!”
“ He was evil, very evil, at the beginning, but now he’s not so bad anymore. And it’s not only because off the chip in his head, I guess he’s really changing inside! And you know what? I was sure vampires couldn’t love, but you should have seen him after Drusilla left him, he was so heart broken! I think he can really love and a lot! He looked so hurt that I was about to hug him to give him some comfort, but the broken bottle he nearly shoved into my face made me change my mind..” she remembered, still a bit scared.
“ Anyway, he was drunk and something says to me that he didn’t really mean to hurt me, he was just trying to scare me… and he had been successful in it!”
“ Ok, say he’s not evil anymore… what makes you think that he can feel for Buffy something beyond the hate?”
“ You know what? He’s trying his best to hide it, but I guess he cares for her: how many times has he helped her? Then, think ‘bout what he told and showed her ‘bout Riley. Buffy is sure he has done it to hurt her, but I’m sure it would have been more painful if she had found it on her own!”
“ You’re right! So.. could it be? Could he really care for her?”
“ I guess so. Oh! Don’t you know that Spike is so far the best boyfriend Buffy has ever had, the only one who didn’t hurt her? Ok, it was just for a while, plus it was a spell…”
“ Wh- what?” Tara asked dumbfounded.
“ It’s a long story!”
“ Tell me everything” she incited her, eager to know.
“ Ok. Before meeting you, sweetie, after Oz left, I was so upset I’ve tried to make a spell to let my pain go away. It didn’t work…”
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“I’m really empty-headed! How am I supposed to attend my lesson without the book?” Buffy wondered, running through the corridor of the Campus to reach her room.
She was about to open it, when she heard some laughter.
She immediately recognized Willow and Tara’s voices.
She didn’t want to interrupt them, so she decided to wait outside. Besides, Willow’s tales were funnier than her boring lesson.
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“ Instead, it turned into a kind of will power spell: everything I said turned into reality …” Willow kept her tale.
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Buffy chuckled, remembering that spell and all the crazy consequences.
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“ What happened?” Tara asked.
“ You have no idea of the mess I made: I told Giles he didn’t see anything and he became blind! I told Xander he was a magnet for demons and the second after he was followed by demons!” she said, laughing with Tara.
“ But that was nothing… that night, Buffy was with me, trying to cheer me up, then Giles told her Spike was escaped and she ran to find him…”
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< So? Why is she telling her also that? I’ve found him; I took him back to Giles’. Nothing funny happened…> Buffy thought perplexed.
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“ I was talking with Xan, I was so upset and disappointed I said that if she needed Spike so bad she should have better married him!”
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< What? Why is she telling lies? That’s not true! > Buffy wondered even more perplexed.
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“ So, what happened? Were they acting like a couple?” Tara asked giggling.
“ Definitely yes! They were always together, hand in hand, kissing and cuddling, she sat on his lap every now and then, they whispered sweet things each other, and they didn’t anything but smiling! I’ve never seen Buffy so happy… too bad it was only a spell! That’s why I made her forget everything…” Willow confessed.
“ You what?” Tara exclaimed.
*********************************************************************************************
“ You what?” Buffy muttered shocked.
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“ I asked her if she wanted it and she nodded. Maybe deep inside her she wanted to remember! I’m not sure if I have done the right thing!” Willow said, grieving.
“ And the worst thing is that I made also Spike forget everything, without even asking him it!”
“ It’s not good playing with people’s memories!” Tara blamed her.
“ I know, I’ve learned my lesson, if only I could turn back time!” the red said, almost crying.
“ Don’t worry baby! You’re a good witch, fool of love!” the blonde whispered, hugging her.
“ Now I must go. Don’t think about it anymore, you have done a mistake.. but everyone can be wrong sometimes!” Tara said, reaching the door.
Buffy ran away just in time, pretending to arrive from afar.
She greeted Tara and let in the room.
“ Sorry Will, I’ve come back just because I * forgot * my book here. Sometimes I don’t even realize what I * forgot*!” Buffy exclaimed purposely, wanting to give a clear message to Willow.
She didn’t seem to understand then, but the time for explanation would have come soon.
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That night Buffy had decided to come back to her Slayer activity.
She was busy kicking and punching a vampire, but before she could give him the deathblow, he was already a pile of dust and another vampire stood in front of her, with a cocky smile on his face.
“ Spike!” she exclaimed, a bit too enthusiastically.
She hadn’t seen him since the night Riley left… could she possibly miss him?
“ Always spoiling my fun, eh?” she added, crossing her arms.
“ Admit it, pet. * I * am your fun!” he sneered.
< So, he held me in his arms, those strong and protective arms… well, all I can remember is when he used them just to grab me violently when we fought… but I guess they can be also protective! And I sat on his lap… and HE kissed ME! I wonder how his lips feel on mine…> Buffy thought, without listening to him anymore, missing one of his usual witty remarks.
Until she saw a different light in is eyes and his tone became soft.
“ Anyway, how are you?” he asked concerned.
She immediately understood what he was talking about.
“ Oh! I fell better. I’ve spent whole days crying on my bed, but now the only thing I regret is every single tear I shed for that loser! You were right: I deserve better. I was just wasting my time with him; he just wanted me to be the normal girl I’ll never be. Thank you, Spike, for opening my eyes!”
Spike couldn’t believe his ears.
“ Are you… thanking me? Ok, game is over: where’s the Buffy who can’t stand me and thinks I’m nothing but an evil insensitive bloodsucker demon beneath her?” he said that like a joke, without showing her how much her words had hurt him that night.
She smiled and departed without saying a word.
Before vanishing from his sight she turned to him.
“ Maybe that Buffy was wrong…” she replied, disappearing and leaving him speechless.
He was about to come back to his crypt when he heard the typical noises of a fight.
Sure that it was Buffy, he ran to that direction, but he was disappointed when he realized it was just Buffy ’s friends.
Xander and Anya were fighting against a vampire.
Spike stayed hidden behind a tree, without going away: if something bad had happened to her friends, Buffy would have been in pain, so he was ready to intervene if necessary.
It wasn’t necessary, because, even if a little bit clumsy, Xander managed to come off better, staking the enemy.
“ Final score: Vampire= Dust; Me = Winner!” the boy laughed.
“ We should just quit passing through the Graveyard to go home!”
“ Anya, don’t worry! After all the demons we faced during that Willow’s will spell, I learned how to defend!” he reassured her.
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Spike smiled at the memory of that spell, when Giles’ sudden blindness had allowed him to escape.
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“ Well, they were wild days, no doubt ‘bout it!” Anya chuckled.
“ Especially for the effect it had on Buffy!”
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< Buffy? The spell hadn’t had any special effect on her. She is the Slayer, that should give her immunity from spells, just like with me, being a vampire…> Spike frowned.
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“ Don’t you remember? She was so obsessed with the preparation for her Marriage…” Anya kept talking.
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< What? The Slayer, MY SLAYER, was about to get married? I wonder who was the lucky one. Bloody hell! God, please tell me it wasn’t Soldier Boy! > Spike thought, coming closer to the couple to hear them better, without letting them notice his presence.
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“ Yeah, she wasn’t herself. Just think about what would have happened if the spell hadn’t broken: a Slayer marrying a Vampire; can you imagine anything more absurd?” Xander said, laughing with her.
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< Oh no, a vampire: it can be only the broody wanker, that’s even worse! Hey, wait! How couldn’t I notice something like that? I was there, after all… and yet I don’t remember anything… and I’m sure I hadn’t ever seen Angel with her then…> the peroxide blond wondered confused.
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“ The funniest thing was when Spike said he wanted you to be his usher, you should have seen your face!” Anya burst out laughing once again.
If Spike had had a still beating heart he would have had a tachycardia!
He had heard enough, so he departed with a sea of thoughts in his head.
“ Bloody Hell! Is it a joke? So, I was about to marry the Slayer, my Buffy, me and her together! Why don’t I remember that? I think my head is gonna explode!” he muttered, coming back home.
Suddenly he stopped, enlightened.
“ Sure, the witch! She managed to do a will power spell, so I guess it’s a doodle for her making someone forget something! How did she dare to do that to me? No one casts a sodding spell on me without asking!”
He wanted to take revenge somehow, but he changed his mind: to take it out on her best friend wouldn’t have helped him to win Buffy ’s heart.
“ Mm… a spell gave me her for a while… a spell could bring her back to me! I know she wouldn’t be completely herself, but I’m afraid it’s the only way to have her. After all, she’d never come to me willingly…” he said, grieving at the last part.
“ Well, things are gonna change, I just need the right person and I already know where to find her!” he exclaimed satisfied, letting in his crypt.
The next day he would have executed his plan.
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When Buffy came back her room, she found Willow already asleep.
“ Well, it means that we’re gonna talk tomorrow!” Buffy muttered, changing her clothes to go to bed.
TBC
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!