~†~Slipped Away~†~
-A/N- Story title and song lyrics all copyright to Avril Lavigne. Listening to this song reminded me of Season 5’s “The Gift”. Part of this fic will be centered on Spike‘s feelings, up until he finally finds out Buffy has returned from the dead, which will be slightly later than the original story line. Hope you like it, leave some feedback please :)
-Other- It really helps to hear this song on repeat when you read this fic, if anyone wants it for that purpose, IM me on AIM at: the arcane raven
Spike knelt in front of Buffy’s grave fighting back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes once again. He set a single white rose on top of her headstone and then traced the engraved letters of her name, wishing that she were actually sitting in front of him. One thing he was glad for was that they had cleared up their differences before this had happened. She had allowed him into her home and didn't reply with any mean comebacks when he said she treated him like a man.
His tears were flowing now, dropping onto the freshly packed soil. He hated himself for not saving her. Hated himself more than he hated anything or anyone in his entire existence. He had watched all night outside her living room window as her friends had sat awake in the living room and wept. Wept for the most amazing woman they had ever known. Dawn sat Indian style in the middle of the floor with her head in her hands. Spike felt so terrible for letting this happen to Dawn. She needed Buffy more than any of them did.
Spike moved and sat leaning against her gravestone, hoping that she didn’t mind. “Couldn’t let me go instead, could you?” The image of her lying broken on top of the debris that night was forever burned into his mind. He saw it when he slept, when he was awake, when he cried, when he would speak. It was always there...
~†~
I miss you
I miss you so bad
I don’t forget you
Oh it’s so sad
~†~
Nothing would ever be the same in his, or any of her friends lives. Nothing would be the same in Sunnydale. A new slayer would soon be showing her face. A new slayer who more than likely didn’t have a soft spot in her heart for a vampire like him. He would stand no chance against a new slayer and in the event that they stood in a duel, he would surrender without a fight and let her kill him.
~†~
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day that I found
It won’t be the same
~†~
With his eyes closed he knew someone was close by. He felt the familiar presence and slowly reopened his eyes, seeing Dawn standing in front of him, her face soaked from her tears. With his eyes he told her it was okay that she sit next to him and she did just that.
Dawn had tissues in her hand and she was shaking. Spike didn’t know what to do or say that would possibly comfort this girl and put her feelings at ease so he chose not to say anything at all.
He soon forgot that Dawn was even there and he went back to his own thought. He tried to push away her funeral and her burial and bring forth all the good times. Anytime that they hadn’t fought Spike considered a good time. Like when she fed him from a mug while he was chained in Giles tub or when she gave him a thankful kiss as a reward for not telling Glory her biggest secret.
~†~
I didn’t get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can’t
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
~†~
By the time he turned his head to see how Dawn was doing, she was gone. He had gotten so lost in the thoughts of Buffy that he hadn’t even noticed that Dawn had left. She was probably the wise one. Didn’t spend every chance she got at this particular place in the cemetery. On that thought, he stood up and turned once more to look at her name on the marble stone. “Love you, pet.” He whispered and then walked away.
Almost four months later Spike awoke in his crypt on the floor surrounded by bottles of Jack D and empty mugs which once held blood. His head ached and he instantly regretted drinking so much. “Stupid git..” He said to himself as he attempted to pull himself up off of the cold floor.
Taking a look around his place he realized how much he hated it. It disgusted him to come home to this dank crypt knowing that Buffy wouldn't be there ready to pick a fight with him. Every thought in his mind always somehow lead to her. He needed to get away from Sunnydale. Away from his every painful memory. Of course he knew it was impossible to escape the memories just by moving away, everyone knew that.
He left his crypt and began walking into the chilly September night. Where he ended up surprised him a little. It was his Grand Sire’s favorite place, Kingman’s Bluff. The view was beautiful, especially how the city sparkled. Sparkled just like Buffy once had.
~†~
I’ve had my wake up
Won’t you wake up
I keep asking why
I can’t take it
It wasn’t fake
It happened you passed by
~†~
He looked up into the starry sky and wished that the sun would rise faster. He wanted this pain to be over with. Buffy literally kept him alive and now that she wasn’t here, he had no reason and no ability to live. Soon it would be over as the sun peeked over the hill. Its warm rays would soak him and burn him for the first time in over a hundred years and for the last time ever.
~†~
Now you’re gone
There you go
Somewhere I can’t bring you back
~†~
Back at the Summer’s house, the group sat around the sofa. Sat around a newly born slayer. A slayer born from the dead. Their slayer, their sister, their friend. They welcomed her back to the Earth after banishing her from the Hell that they assumed she resided in. It was all too much for Buffy. The way they crowded her, the confusing questions they asked, the looks on their faces. She couldn’t take it all. “Look, guys... I know.. I know you care and.. I’m thankful but, but I need to take a walk.. gather my thoughts before I can.. answer all of your questions.” She got up and left the house before they had a chance to stop her.
“We pushed too hard...” Willow managed to say among the silence.
~†~
I miss you...
~†~
Spike was now sitting dangerously close to the edge of the hill. Wondering why it didn’t kill vampires to jump from such a high distance. He had to dig the heels of his boots into the dirt to keep from getting up and jumping anyway. “Bloody rise already you stupid sod of a star!” He yelled into the sky.
“It’s not time yet...” The tiny voice slammed into his mind like a freight train at full speed. His head snapped around to see her standing there with her arms vulnerably wrapped around herself and the wind lightly combing through her hair.
Spike didn’t believe his eyes. He blinked and rubbed them and after all of that, she was still there. “Buffy...” He felt tears asking permission to fall again but somehow found the strength to push them away. He stood slowly and only walked one step towards her, not wanting to scare he off. “You’re...”
She looked to the ground feeling as if a million people were watching her. Being around Spike made her feel instantly better because he didn’t bombard her with questions or jump up and down with happiness. “I’m back. Willow brought me back.” Buffy didn’t know what brought her here to this place. Something led her to Spike, some sort of connecting force.
Not understanding why they didn’t tell him they were bringing her back brought his face to a scrunched up expression which soon softened when he dismissed the thoughts for later pondering. “How.. how are you feeling?” He wanted so badly to run to her and breathe in the scent of her hair and feel the softness of her cheek with the back of his hand.
“I feel... I feel like I need you to hold me.” At that moment she lifted her head and he saw that she was silently crying. Not wasting a second, he walked to her and put his arms gently around her as she clung to him as if he were the only thing keeping her from falling.
Being in his embrace felt like being back in Heaven. Soft and comforting, safe and secure. She wanted to stay there forever. “This feels like where I was...” She whispered into his ear.
This confused him and he held her closer. Where she was? “Where was that, love?” He needed to ask that one thing. It was an inevitable question.
“Heaven.”
-Disclaimer- All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. I just wrote the story, don’t sue me.
Reviews would be awesome :)
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!