Anya sat in her vengeance realm where she had once called home. Her wedding dress was still on and her hair was still curled. Everything in her life had seemed perfect until today, the day that Xander didn’t want to marry her anymore. Anya sat sniffling still not even caring that her face was streaked with dry-tears and her nose was running from the sobbing she had done. Her heart was broken and she felt so weak and vulnerable.
She barely moved when D’Hoffryn, who was circling, handed her a tissue. She felt devastated and she remembered why long ago she had become a vengeance demon. Broken hearts hurt more than she even remembered. She had cried all her tears. Now she just felt empty and broken and found herself wishing for release. D’Hoffryn looked down at her with concern, “Are you ok?”
Anya had no strength left to say anything only to shake her head in response. Her eyes watered again almost spilling tears she didn’t think still existed inside of her. She didn’t even look up at her former boss as she sniffled, “I’m tired…of crying.…” She felt the tears threatening to fall as she whispered, “I’m just so tired, D’Hoffryn.”
D’Hoffryn sighed as he looked up into the void, “Oh, Anyanka. I’m sorry…” He paused as he continued, “But you let him domesticate you. When you were a vengeance demon, you were powerful, at the top of your game. You crushed men like him.” Fresh tears fell down her face but she didn’t react as he stated, “It’s time you got back to what you do best…don’t you think?”
Anya sniffled again as she listened to his words sink in before she looked up at D’Hoffryn. Her eyes were still red from crying, her face covered with fresh fallen tears and her eyes held a blank expression.
Buffy sat in the living room on the couch next to Willow each holding a cup of coffee. Dawn sat in the chair near them holding a cup of tea. The room was heavy with pain and sorrow at the wedding that never took place. Dawn whispered softly feeling so much loss for the couple, “Should we do something for her?” She received no answer so she repeated herself, “Anything?”
Willow finally replied although she just felt like crying for Xander and Anya, “She wants to be alone. That’s what she wants.” Willow felt like crying even more as her voice started to break as she exclaimed, “Oh, God, it just hurts my heart to think of her.”
Buffy finally spoke up although she felt like running, “I know. The whole thing hurts my heart.”
Dawn spoke with her voice barely a whisper, “I thought they were happy.”
Buffy’s thoughts were with the couple but they were also with Spike. A part of her always thought that if Anya and Xander could make it, ex-demon and human, then she and Spike could as well. Her heart broke as she admitted, “They were. I know they were. They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train.” It took all her willpower not to run screaming to Spike wishing this was all just a bad nightmare and that Anya and Xander were still going to work out.
Dawn felt lost as she asked in a soft voice, “Why did this happen?”
No one had an answer but Willow always had tried to answer the hard questions and knew Buffy wouldn’t be able to, “I don’t know. I feel like I should be hating Xander. But I can’t.” She paused sighing sadly, “I just…I hope he’s okay.” Willow took the first sip of her coffee noticing it was already chilled and longed for the heat to warm her cold heart.
Dawn whispered the question everyone at that point was asking themselves, “I wonder where he is.”
Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes as she wandered through the cemetery. She kept telling herself that it was not over and it couldn’t be. Her heart ached and for once she longed for the point of her life where she had felt nothing but Spike. She glanced around the cemetery noticing not even the baddies were out tonight. She knew somewhere they were hiding, probably sucking the life out of people just like Xander and Anya’s wedding day had.
She wiped away more tears that had fallen but didn’t manage to stop the next ones as they rolled down her cheeks and onto her stake that she was holding in her hand. She wished for violence but knew she didn’t have it in her. Instead she felt empty and broken. Her only hope at happiness had been placed in Xander and Anya working out. She had told herself the past few months that they were perfect and would be happy. Once they were happy, she would be happy.
She remembered Spike and her right before the wedding and she wanted to collapse in tears. It had been so awkward and it had hurt. Why did life have to hurt so badly?
More tears fell and Buffy couldn’t stop them and found she didn’t really want to stop them either. She paused as she sat down on a bench hugging herself tightly. She turned sideways pulling up her legs into a ball in an attempt to stop herself from shaking with grief. She tried to think of anything else but couldn’t. She longed to be a different person, to have a different life, or even to be in a different world totally. She wanted a world where people could be happy. A world where love could and would work and where demons couldn’t ruin things. A beautiful world where souls automatically existed and where everyone was human and happy. This whole supernatural world she lived in was slowly killing her.
Buffy let out a deep shaky breath as more tears fell and she rested her chin on her knees. Sitting there crying, she rocked herself gently on the bench. Suddenly she looked up feeling Spike’s presence. She didn’t call out to him like normal but she also didn’t run. She just sat wishing life could be different. She wished she could throw herself in his arms and be comforted. She wished the cold comfort he offered would really offer her long-term comfort. She wished there was a world where she could be together with him and accept it. Buffy didn’t even have to glance up to see Spike step out of the shadows and could feel him close.
Spike cocked his head to the side trying to figure out why she was sitting curled into a ball. She didn’t glance up but felt his cool hand tilting her chin towards him and his expression turned to one of compassion as he noticed her tears and he gently asked, “Slayer are you ok?”
Buffy bit her bottom lip as the tears fell and she whispered to Spike, “I wish life could be normal without all the complications.” Spike said nothing as Buffy’s world went black.
Anya looked down in the cemetery hearing Buffy’s crying. She felt Buffy’s pain crying out and understood it perfectly. Nothing was right with the world and everything hurt too much. She looked at Buffy’s curled up state and sighed gently hearing the injustice thoughts shouting in her heart. Her first job would be someone she knew and someone she could really help.
She heard Buffy’s pain screaming out to her at the unfairness of the superhero’s life. She wiped a tear from her own face as watched as Spike’s heart broke at Buffy’s tears and her face changed as she whispered into the dark, “Buffy, wish granted. Make the most of your wish.”
Anya turned away as tears poured down her face, which she was too tired to wipe away as she disappeared back into the void to attempt to find peace.