“Does she know?” Giles turned as the dark-haired master vampire spoke.
“About Spike? Yes. I told her when you accepted the invitation for our one-year celebration of the defeat of the First Evil,” the new Head of the Watcher’s Council answered.
“How did she react?”
“There was no reaction at all. That’s when I knew everything would be okay, and that Buffy was finally over Spike. In retrospect, I question whether there were ever any real feelings on her side. I know she claimed to love him after the disaster in Sunnydale, but I believe it was shock talking.” The old Watcher nodded with satisfaction. “I not only told her that Spike was alive, but that he would be bringing his new girlfriend along to the party. She nodded and asked a few questions, but that was just for the sake of conversation, I believe.” Giles shrugged and sipped at his steaming cup of tea.
“What kind of questions?” Frowning, Angel leaned forward. He didn’t like questions. They could mean interest, and nothing good would come of Buffy being interested in Spike.
“Oh, just what you might expect in this situation. She wanted to know why we had kept the information a secret from her for so long. At first, she believed that you and I were the only people aware of Spike’s return, because none of the others could have kept their silence for long. She appeared very surprised when I told her that the rest of the group became aware of Spike’s return shortly after he became corporeal. She seemed very shocked to learn that Dawn had known all along, probably because her sister finds it almost impossible to keep secrets of any kind.” A chuckle escaped Giles, as he shook his head. “I’m heartily glad that Buffy is over him.”
A satisfied smile crossed Angel’s face. “Spike will finally have to believe that I told him the truth when I said that Buffy doesn’t care about him.” He got up from his seat in front of Giles’ desk. “Do you have blood for Spike and I? It was a long flight, and I’m hungry.”
“Of course. I’ll show you to the kitchen.”
Spike came through the front door with a bag in his hand, just as Angel and Giles entered the front hall. “Spike. How did you get in?”
Smirking, Spike stepped closer to his grandsire and the Watcher. “Some Japanese chit invited me in. Just used a bit of the ol’ charm. The Council isn’t educating Slayers like they used to.”
“Yes, well.” The Head of the Council pulled a hanky out, and started to polish his glasses. “I’ll see to it that someone has a word with the girls,” he said, as his ears turned red.
Raising an eyebrow, Spike looked around. “Fancy place.” Suddenly, his eyes were drawn to the stairs.
Buffy Summers, former Slayer of Sunnydale, walked slowly down the steps, her face empty of all emotion. “Giles, Angel, Spike.” She nodded to each as she said their name. “Excuse me. I’d like to stay and chat, but I need a few things for tonight and I’ve only got an hour before I need to start dressing for the party.” She nodded at the men again, and then left through the front door, not giving anyone a chance to reply.
It was easy to see the triumph in Angel’s eyes, as he sent a smug smile Spike’s way.
“Bugger that,” Spike mumbled. “Seems you were right this time, Gramps.” A smoke appeared in the blonde vampire’s hand.
“No smoking in the house, Spike.” The Watcher sent him a warning glare. “I was about to show Angel to the kitchen. Would you like to join us?” Giles put away his handkerchief and walked ahead of the two vampires, towards the kitchen.
It was clear to see that the party that night would be a gala event. The house had been decorated with flowers in each room, the Slayers were all in beautiful dresses, and the men wore suits with boutonnieres.
Music could be heard, coming from the largest room in the building, and the aroma from the kitchens promised that dinner would be nothing short of spectacular. To round the evening out, after the speeches that always happened at such events, there would be dancing in the ballroom.
The Slayers were all looking forward to the feast, as were the Watchers that had gathered for the event. It was a little difficult to tell what Spike’s date was thinking though. Her gaze was arrogant, as she looked around the hall and made eye contact with the other guests. Her attitude, and the grip she had on Spike’s arm, clearly said ‘Hands off the goods. This one is mine.’
The group of Scoobies and Slayers that lived in Buffy’s home before the final fight against the First Evil were standing together near the front of the room. Angel joined them, leaving Spike to stand alone by the wall, the woman he claimed as his girlfriend his only company.
Giles passed through the room, nodding greetings to Watchers and Slayers, on his way to the podium at the front of the room. He stopped for a few handshakes when he passed the Sunnydale group, and then continued on to deliver his welcoming speech.
Buffy stood in the doorway, waiting for her turn to speak. Her eyes lingered on Spike, and she tuned out her Watcher. The speech was old news to her anyway, because she had listened to Giles practice it so many times. Spike was looking good. Much better than the last time she saw him, burning up in the Hellmouth. The Slayer sighed. There was no point dwelling on things she would never have. It was clear that Spike had moved on, and didn’t love her anymore. How did that prophecy go? ‘One girl…to stand alone…?’ She certainly felt alone now.
Applause erupted in the room as Giles finished his speech. The Slayer closed her eyes, fighting the tears that threatened to spill. She thought back to speeches made by Giles in the past, and how she had once gained such comfort from his words. She’d believed in her Watcher then, but times had changed. How could he? It was time. Buffy straightened her shoulders, as Giles asked her to come forward and take her place at the podium.
It was no surprise to Buffy that she had been asked to speak at the banquet. She was, after all, The Slayer. Wanting to be prepared, she had painstakingly written her address weeks ago, spending hours making sure that her words would honour those lost in battle, and help her friends and companions understand just how much they meant to her. When she found out that Spike was alive, and that everyone she held dear had kept his return from her, she retreated to her room and shredded her carefully planned speech. She was hurt and felt betrayed, and she was tired of it.
Without looking to the left or right, the Slayer walked through the crowd in her simple black, knee-length cocktail dress, coming to a halt when she stood behind the podium that looked out over the guests. The Slayer paused for a moment, cleared her throat, and then looked up from the paper she held in her hand.
“Ladies and gentlemen. Slayers and Watchers. Demons and humans. A more mixed assembly would be hard to find.”
Her gaze swept over the room, taking in the happy faces turned to her.
“We’ve come here tonight to celebrate the defeat of the First Evil, and to mourn those lost in the battle. It’s been a year since the Hellmouth was closed, and the town of Sunnydale disappeared into a giant crater. Though some of us have stopped mourning and have moved on, none of us will ever forget.”
Buffy’s eyes were drawn to Spike and his companion, before she turned her attention back to her written speech.
“I tell you now that I am still among those mourning the loss of what I held dear that day. When I fled the town, it was with a handful of friends, a sister, and a Watcher who was like my own father. I carried with me the most important memories of my life and my love that day, knowing that everything tangible had been left behind, never to be seen again.”
Thus far, Buffy’s voice had been void of any emotion. She was simply reading from her paper, as if relating dry facts that had no bearing on her life. Now though, her voice became strong and full of feeling, causing her audience to shift uncomfortably.
“At least, that was what I thought until earlier today, when I found out that not everything had been lost, and that more than my memories had escaped the destruction.”
Buffy found her sister in the crowd, her last remaining blood relative.
“It was a close group of friends that left Sunnydale, all of us mourning what we had lost. As that bus travelled through the day, my companions did their best to comfort me, as I cried for the end of what mattered most to me. Today, those friends I counted on when I was at my lowest finally showed their true colours.”
Something in the Slayer’s eyes shifted, and when she turned to Angel, there was nothing but contempt and hatred to be seen.
“And that is why today will be the day I say goodbye to all of you. I no longer have any reason to stay. Whatever love I thought I had found here has been an illusion. The acceptance and support have been nothing but lies. There is nothing here that I want.”
Voices raised in denial across the room, with the loudest protests coming from the group of Scoobies standing in front of the podium.
“I can hear you protesting and claiming that you’re my friends, and you love me. I wouldn’t say that’s a lie, but it isn’t completely true either. I think you love the Buffy you want me to be. Friends want friends to be happy, and I don’t think my happiness is really very important to you. For the past year, you’ve all watched me mourn the loss of the man I loved, while keeping his return from the dead a secret. He didn’t even care enough about me to pick up a phone and let me know he was back. Now he’s here, undead and with another woman.”
Buffy’s voice broke, and her lips trembled, as tears began to run down her cheeks.
“I’ve realized that, other than my mother, the only person to ever really love me was a soulless demon. Spike, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, a fierce and passionate demon, loved me. I didn’t believe him though, and he died the day he earned his soul, believing it would make him a better man for me. Really, it was my own fault.”
A sad smile graced the Slayer’s lips.
“I hope you all enjoy the celebration tonight, and that your lives are filled with love and happiness. Thank you for your time.”
At first the room was silent, the partygoers stunned by Buffy’s speech. It didn’t last long though, and by the time Buffy had stepped away from the podium, a symphony of voices had erupted around her. The Slayer ignored them all, heading across the room to the door with determined steps.
A hand on her arm stopped her, forcing her to turn around. “Buffy, please don’t go, Pet. I’m sorry. I should have called. Please forgive me, please.” Spike’s face was a portrait of misery and regret.
Buffy looked him in the eye. “It doesn’t really matter anymore. You’d better get back to your girlfriend. She doesn’t look to happy with you right now.” Icy eyes turned to look at the girl in question, Spike, however, just ignored the skinny blonde.
“Don’t, Buffy, please. She isn’t really my girlfriend. She’s just doing me a favour by accompanying me to the party tonight. Please believe me. I love you, Buffy.”
“No you don’t, but thanks for saying it.”
The pain in her eyes was impossible to ignore, and the irony of the situation made Spike want to weep. He removed his hand from her arm as if burned. “How can you say that?”
Dry-eyed, Buffy responded, “How can you?”
The guests nearby were frozen by the picture the couple made. Spike and Buffy appeared frozen, their fists clenched, both faces showing signs of tears, and the agony in their eyes too painful to look at.
Suddenly, Buffy blinked, becoming aware of the crowd that was gathering near her. More than anything, she wished she could just throw herself into Spike’s arms and trust him to take care of her, but that was just a fantasy. He didn’t want her anymore, he just felt sorry for her. It took everything she had, but she turned her back on the vampire that had saved the world, and started to walk away.
Buffy’s progress to the door was halted after only a few steps. This time, she faced a human wall, consisting of Willow, Xander, Dawn, Giles, and Angel. Faith and several of the Slayers were flanking them and hemming Buffy in.
Dawn stepped forward and hugged her sister. “You can’t leave, Buffy. Who will take care of me?” Tears rose in her eyes as they begged Buffy to stay.
“You’ll be okay, Dawnie. You know you will,” the Slayer claimed. “It’s been three days since we’ve even spoken to each other, and that was only when you wanted to borrow one of my sweaters. You’re growing up and you’ve got your own life, and there’s no place in it for me.” Buffy extracted herself from Dawn’s embrace, and pushed her sister over to Faith, who was standing nearby with the other Slayers. Her voice was bitter as she addressed Faith. “You’ve always wanted to take my place. Here’s your chance.”
This time, when she tried to turn back to the door, Angel was in her way. “Why? Why are you so fixated on him?” the vampire snarled. He was so enraged he was having a hard time keeping his true face hidden, his eyes switching from brown to gold and back again.
“The heart wants what the heart wants, right? It doesn’t matter anyway. He doesn’t want me.” She put her hands on Angel’s chest and pushed him out of the way.
Two down, and Giles was next.
“I…I’m sorry, Buffy. I felt it was for the best, but now I see it was a mistake to not tell you he was back.” The Watcher found he was unable to bear the broken look in his Slayer’s eyes. “Please, my dear. Stay?” Giles closed his eyes and waited for her answer.
Buffy closed her own eyes, suddenly exhausted and searching for a way to make Giles understand why she had to go. “Sorry, but it’s all just too much.” She opened her eyes and met Giles’ sad gaze. “Staying here will only remind me of what I’ve lost.” As Giles’ eyes filled with tears, Buffy again turned to the door. She passed Willow and Xander without slowing, as they rushed to comfort the grieving Watcher.
Pausing for a moment in the front hall, Buffy dried her eyes, and then removed a sports bag from the hall closet. One more minute to find her coat on the crowded rack, and then she was wrapped in its comforting weight and heading out into the chilly British evening.
Buffy hadn’t yet made it to the street when she heard the front door open again. The tingle at the back of her neck said it was a vampire behind her, and the spreading warmth in her belly made it clear the vampire was Spike.
The Slayer kept walking. The cold wind blew up under her dress and tossed her long hair into her face, as leaves danced around her shoes. Her steps didn’t falter as she walked through the imposing gate and off the property for the last time.
Feeling Spike closing in on her, she asked without turning, “Why are you following me?”
“I thought I’d made my feelings clear inside. I love you, and I want to be with you. If you’re leaving, then I’m leaving too.” He was just a few steps behind her when he answered.
Buffy sighed and pressed her lips together. “I’m sorry, Spike, but I just don’t believe you. How could you love me and not even let me know you were back?”
“I know you don’t understand. Looking back now, all the reasons I had seem crazy. I’ll do anything, Pet. Just tell me how I can prove my love to you,” the vampire begged as he fell into step beside her.
“There’s nothing you can do now. Just go back to the house.” Buffy’s eyes didn’t stray from the road ahead of her.
“Not going to happen, Luv. I’m going to stay by your side until you believe me. I’ll follow you to the end of the world, if I have to,” Spike stated, no hesitation in his voice.
They continued to walk, side by side, in silence.
It took nearly an hour, and Buffy was almost frozen to the bone, before they reached the small village near the Slayer Academy. It was late, and the only building still open was the small pub where Buffy had reserved a room. She was planning to stay the night, and then catch the early bus out of town in the morning.
The Slayer pushed the pub door open, Spike following hot on her heels. She spoke briefly to the innkeeper, who told her she was getting the last available room as he passed Buffy her key. She had forgotten that many of the guests at the party tonight would be staying at the inn. Maybe now Spike would give up and leave her alone.
Armed with the knowledge that the vampire would be unable to get a room, Buffy turned around and sent him a pleased smile before moving up the stairs. Spike returned her smile confidently, but that confidence quickly faded once she left the room. Shaking his head, Spike went to the bar and ordered a beer. He sipped at it, lost in his thoughts and trying desperately to come up with a plan to prove himself to his Slayer.
Finally, Spike let out a snort, and placed his glass back on the bar with a bang. He decided it was best to stick with tried and true methods, even if they took a long time to work. Spike would wear the Slayer down eventually.
Determined not to spend another minute away from his Slayer, Spike headed up to find Buffy’s room. He’d overheard the room number when she picked up her key, but he would have found her even without the information. The minute he neared her room, he could sense her with every fibre of his being. Standing at her door, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with her scent.
This was heaven for him. Spike turned his back to the door, and slid down the surface until he was blocking the threshold. He arranged his leather coat around his body, before stretching his legs out, thankful that he’d had the sense to rush up to his room and grab his bag before chasing Buffy out the door.
He’d whipped around the room with vamp speed, quickly gathering up the few items he had used that day and tossing them back in his bag. It had only taken a minute, but his unbeating heart was pounding in his throat the entire time, and it had felt much longer. Bag in hand, he’d flown down the stairs and past the stunned group of Scoobies at the door. His jacket was pulled on as he made his way down the walk, chasing Buffy.
Now, legs stretched out on the floor, right hand resting on his bag, he leaned his head back against the door and reached out to Buffy with his senses. She was in there. He could feel her as well as if she were seated beside him. Her breathing was uneven, but her body was still. Was she lying awake in her bed, thinking of him?
In fact, Buffy was doing exactly that, lying under her covers, biting her fist and trying not to cry out loud.
Spike had followed her, and she could feel him outside her room now. She’d been disappointed when he hadn’t chased her up the stairs. She’d wanted to shut the door in his face again, like she did that time in Sunnydale after he had chained her up and confessed his love. No, now she was kidding herself. After seeing the hurt on his face when she’d done it the first time, she knew she could never do that to Spike again.
What she really wanted to do was open her door, take her vampire’s hand, and lead him to her bed, refusing to ever let him go again. She groaned, knowing it wasn’t possible. He didn’t want her, after all. Or did he? He’d followed her to the pub, and he claimed to love her still. He’d said he was sorry, and that he’d had reasons for not telling her of his return, but she didn’t know what they were.
Spike hadn’t believed her confession of love in the Hellmouth. And, if she was honest with herself, she couldn’t really blame him after the way she had treated him for so long.
As the night moved on, Buffy’s thoughts became clearer. She, for the first time ever, was brutally honest with herself, and began to see her relationship with Spike with a bit more perspective.
Spike hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, he’d never really had a chance to act any other way. How could he believe in her love after all the beatings she’d given him, all the times she’d told him that there was no way she could ever love a thing like him? It was then that Buffy’s tears began to fall in earnest, as she thought of the vampire sitting outside her door, waiting to be forgiven for crimes she’d forced him to commit. She was the one that should be seeking absolution from him, one of many who had wronged the man in the hallway during their time in Sunnydale.
Buffy realized that it was her friends that had betrayed her, not Spike. Buffy had told them how much she loved the blonde vampire, and how empty her life was without him. They should have told her of his return, especially Willow and Dawn, who both knew she still often woke in the night, crying for her lost love.
At daybreak, the Slayer decided she’d had enough self-pity and introspection. After a few more minutes of staring at the ceiling, she used the sheet to dry her eyes and then swung her legs over the side of the bed, shivering when her feet touched the cold floor.
Buffy’s feet were dragging as she approached the door. She could feel Spike on the other side, refusing to give up on her. As long as there was the tiniest chance that she’d want him near, he’d be around. And wasn’t that just the joke of the year? There weren’t words to describe how badly she wanted him to stay.
With her hands on the door for support, Buffy rested her forehead against the cool surface. It took a moment for her to gather enough courage to grasp the doorknob, and then she took a deep breath and opened the door. The master vampire in the hall immediately looked up and locked eyes with his Slayer.
“Do you love her?" Anxious, Buffy waited for his answer.
“No.” Spike shook his head to emphasize his words. “Just met her yesterday.”
The Slayer leaned against the door frame, crossing her arms over her chest. “How did you manage that? You went directly from the airport to the Academy.”
Spike looked down, clearly embarrassed. “Doesn’t matter,” he mumbled.
“We can’t trust each other if there are secrets between us. That’s no way to start again.” When Spike didn’t respond, Buffy straightened and slowly started to close the door, giving him every chance to speak up.
“Okay. Wait.” He held up his hand. Bracing against the wall, Spike got to his feet. “Angel and Giles,” he mumbled. His eyes were downcast, as he waited for her to call him a liar.
“Explain.”
Surprised, Spike looked up. Normally, she would have popped him on the nose for suggesting that Giles or her precious Angel had done something wrong. He tilted his head, really looking at her for the first time that morning. She seemed tired, and was red-eyed as if she had spent the entire night crying. He didn’t want to cause her any more pain, but he knew that honesty was necessary if they were going to build any kind of a relationship in the future. “I think Angel came up with idea. He told me it was to help me keep my pride. Giles found the chit and introduced us.”
“Why would they do that?” But even as she asked the question, the answer came to her. “They wanted me to forget about you,” she whispered. There were tears in her eyes when she looked at him.
“Can I ask you a question?” Spike shoved his hands into his pockets, and turned his gaze to the ground.
“Sure,” Buffy shrugged. “Why not?”
“What was it about the Immortal that you...?” When Spike looked up, unable to continue, Buffy saw his Adam’s apple moving up and down as he swallowed.
“Who? The Immortal? You’re going to have to be more specific, Spike. I don’t have a clue who you’re talking about.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Maybe I’m just tired.”
Clenching his teeth, he asked the question again. “Did you love him? Sleep with him? The bloody Immortal. The guy you were dating when you lived in Italy?”
“What? I’ve never lived in Italy. In fact, I’ve only ever been to Rome once, and that was when I helped Andrew move there. I volunteered to bring my Slayer strength along to help move furniture and anything else that required muscles.”
“Well, I’ll be buggered. They played the same trick on me that they used on you at the party.”
“Huh?” Buffy was confused and starting to pout, and Spike couldn’t help but smile, thinking she was adorable.
“I was told that you were living in Italy and dating a dickhead that calls himself the Immortal. When Angel and I visited Rome, we stopped in at an apartment that smelled like you, and later I saw a blonde dancing with the Immortal git.” Spike looked down, finding his dress shoes very interesting. “Was convinced that you’d moved on.”
A warm hand cupped his cheek, forcing him to look up and meet her eyes. “I haven’t moved on.”
“Me either.” His gaze softened, as he looked down at her lips and then back to her eyes.
They met in a soft, gentle kiss that lasted only a moment. Then her hand grabbed his and pulled him into her room, closing the door firmly behind him. A few minutes later, the door opened again, just long enough for a hand to pop out and grab the bag left on the floor.
The End.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!