Prologue
The young woman stepped out onto the balcony. She was petite, but there was power and strength underlying in her movements. She seemed almost regal standing in the approaching night in a colored evening gown that matched the fading light of the sky. Her pale gold skin and honey blonde hair contrasted warmly with her shimmering gown.
The beaded flowers on the skirt of her dress caught the lights from inside and sparkled as she walked forward to the railing. Absently setting down a glass of wine on the table beside her, she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, enjoying the feeling of the warm night air.
As the last lingering light left the sky, she could almost feel the summer stars above her beginning to blink on. She grasped the balcony tightly as if to anchor herself, she threw back her head, closed her eyes and a smile came to her face as she let the night wash over her.
The night brought with it the thoughts of him.
She let the memories come, filling up the empty hole inside of her. She remembered the emotions he evoked in her, the coolness of his touch, the way his voice sounded whispering words of love in her ear, the smell of leather and tobacco that seemed to permeate his skin, the taste of his lips against hers, the depth of feelings dancing in his eyes.
She remembered HIM.
There was no grave to mark his passing and no one, not even the ones who were there really understood the sacrifice he made for them.
She tried not to let her regrets color the time she spent out here remembering him. He didn't deserve her regrets, he deserved remembrance and honor.
She opened her eyes and stared at the stars, not even aware of the tear that ran down her cheek. She searched the night sky for any sign that he was Ok, that he knew how much she missed him, how much she loved him.
The sound of an owl deep in the forest was her only response.
Her eyes closed again in pain for a moment and a small whimper escaped from her throat before she could stop it. Resolving herself she opened her eyes and continued what she had come out here to do.
She said the same prayer she said every night, for him to be at peace and happy.
She had done this every night since Sunnydale was destroyed. Some nights she would sit outside for hours and talk to him, other nights she would just take a minute, but she never forgot.
He had done the same for her when she was gone.
However, she had come back...
"147 days yesterday, 148 days today. Except today doesn't count does it?" Piercing blue eyes staring at her with wonder...
She shook her head to dispel the apparition before her. Her hands were clasped tightly together in front of her, remembering the last time she had touched him. She could still feel a tingling in her hand that had remained since the cavern. It was a constant reminder of the part of herself that she was missing.
"Right then, let's go be heroes." Sounding so resigned, and defeated.
She had thought there would be time later. She never thought she would lose him, her steadfast dark knight.
But there wasn't a later.
He was gone and he wasn't coming back.
As her body started to shake with grief and pain she bowed her head trying to fight the sobs that threatened to overwhelm her. Across the night her voice came, no more than a whisper, sad and lost.
"Spike"
Chapter 1 Surprise
It was little over a year since Buffy had stood at the edge of what used to be Sunnydale and watched the sign fall into the pit wondering if that was a little bit of Spike sending her on her way. Then she turned and saw the other's looking to her for what would come next, when it hit her full force:
SHE WAS FREE!!!
She could do anything now; go to college, get a real job, go to the beach or the mall; she could enjoy the daylight hours. Finally, she could have the normal life she always dreamed about.
She quickly realized as she surveyed her friends the first thing they needed was some serious down time. Everyone needed to heal and recover from the ordeal they had just survived and she personally needed time to grieve.
She had moved her wounded army to Los Angeles, to Angel.
It seemed through some turn of events that no one could properly explain, Angel, now was in charge of the a multi-million dollar law firm, that was part of a huge evil empire. Giles was extremely reluctant to accept help from anyone connected with Wolfram & Hart, but with the Watcher's Council destroy and what few Watchers that remained scattered about the world in hiding Angel was their best hope at receiving aid.
After a week of recovering the original Scoobies and Faith had dinner with the original gang from Angel Investigation to compare notes and Apocalypse stories. During the dinner, after a few too many glasses of wine Willow had come up with the idea of School for Slayers/Reformed Watcher's Council.
Buffy had laughed and told her she had seen Harry Potter one too many times, then she noticed that she was the only one laughing.
Turned out not everyone was as eager for a normal life as she was. No one else even considered it an option, really. Even the gang from Los Angeles wanted to be involved and offered their support.
So the second week after the destruction of Sunnydale everyone was focused on finding a new home for their school.
So much for Rest and Relaxation.
Eventually, through some old contacts of Wesley's family, they located an old run down Wiccan Retreat on a large piece of land in Northern California. The last of the Coven who owned it had died a few years before, leaving the property to fall into neglect.
The property was located not far from the protected redwood forests and had a huge mansion on it with several dozen small cabins spread out around the 400-acre property.
Willow, Wesley, Dawn and Giles had gone up first to look the place over.
When they got back, Willow and Dawn were ecstatic about what they had found.
"Its perfect for us." Willow had told the others excitedly.
"The can be renovated and turned into dorms for the Slayers." Dawn chimed in, just as excited.
"And the house is so huge we can use it live in and turn the extra rooms into classrooms." Willow told everyone.
"Oh my god the house is just AMAZING!!" Dawn interjected. "It almost feels likes its alive or something. Well not really alive, but you can tell its all magical and stuff."
"So the house is magic?" Buffy asked her doubtfully.
"Uh, we don't have too much luck with magic houses guys." Xander spoke up for the first time.
"Scared, Xan-Man?" Faith teased him. "I thought you were the Might Zeppo."
"Not scared. Just pointing out we don't have too much luck with houses of the haunted variety." Xander replied indignantly, while puffing himself up to show his manliness.
"I seem to remember Buffy getting really lucky in a magic house." Willow answered with a sly smile, reminding them of the time Buffy and Riley went into heat in a Frat house thanks to some evil poltergeists.
"Huh?" Dawn asked, lost in the conversation.
"She's talking about the time I defeated that house easily, Dawnie." Buffy answered Dawn, all the while glaring at Willow. Willow tried to look sheepish, but failed miserably so she just looked down to hide her smile.
"Yeah, I'll buy that." Faith said rolling her eyes at Dawn.
"Excuse me." Xander got everyone's attention again. "Still wanting to know about the magic house here."
"Its not really the house and its not really magic." Willow was getting exasperated trying to explain it to them. "Its just natural energy, a by product of all the old trees in the area. The house was built to harness that energy, it gives some natural barriers which actually serve to protect those who live in it."
"So the house is actually like a big guard dog?" Faith asked.
"No." Willow snapped finally losing her patience with them. "Look you guys you just have to come and see for yourselves."
So the Scoobies made the long trip up to see the property.
They found that Willow and Dawn had been right. The main house was amazing. There were 2 large fully functioning kitchens, a large formal dining room, a library, an indoor pool, a billiards room, numerous parlors, dens and living rooms. There were also about 30 bedrooms, 25 suites, and at least 10 bathrooms, that weren't attached to the suites.
Buffy could feel the energy in the house as soon as they drove up the driveway. She understood what Dawn had meant when she said it seemed almost alive, but she didn't feel threatened by it in the least, in fact it felt comforting to her.
Buffy had gone off by herself to explore, only slightly worried about finding her way back to the others in the maze of hallways and rooms she meandered through, when something seemed to pull at her. She followed the phantom urging up some stairs in the back to the top floor. At the very top of the stairs she found a large heavy wooden door in front of her, to her right was a door next to a large picture window looking out into the forest. To Buffy's left was a small hallway leading to another stairway going back down.
She opened the door to her right and walked out onto black wrought iron balcony. There were flowering vines growing all around the tendrils of iron. The smell of summer blossoms hung heavy in the air. She was eye level with the canopy of the forest and she could see squirrels playing in the boughs of the trees. Butterflies danced through the air, drinking from the sweet blooms on the vines. She walked along the balcony until she came to another door set of French doors. She opened them, walked inside and knew immediately she had found a home.
She had gone back downstairs, not even getting lost once in her search for Giles and the others.
When she found them in the library she simply looked at them and said, "We're taking it."
All of them had been amazed, but no one argued with her, they all felt the same way.
As nice as the house had been there had still been a lot of work to do. The cabins need major restoration if they were going to be used as dorms. They also built a large Training Facility, with the latest in gym equipment.
Money had not been an issue for them.
Giles had managed to stage a small coup among the surviving Council members. Not a difficult feat considering he was the only one in contact with the newly awakened and the veteran Slayers. Since he now had complete control of the Council he also had complete control over there considerable assets.
As the summer went on, the school had slowly begun to take shape. Xander had been in charge of the construction and repairs on the property. His work crew consisted of newly awakened Slayers. He swore their ability to lift heavy objects and get the whole lack of stupid male testosterone forever ruined him from working with another human work crew.
Obnoxious laughter managed to float up the five flights of stairs and out onto Buffy's balcony, interrupting her reverie. She frowned at the sound.
Only one person had a laugh that could carry like that.
Kennedy.
Buffy kept trying, for Willow's sake, to like the opinionated young girl, but most of the time she just wanted to gag her and stick her in a closet some where.
Thankfully, Kennedy and Rhona had gone to Cleveland not long after they moved into the house. Giles had found a Watcher he trusted to watch over the two young girls as they took up their position of watching the last active Hellmouth in the Continental US.
Willow had been depressed at first, but didn't really have too much free time to dwell on her separation with her girlfriend. She practically set up the entire computer system; from the computer in the classrooms used as teaching aids, to the clerical computers in the office, to the computers in the library that were networked directly into the Wolfram and Hart data base and library. She also spent many hours each day involved in deep meditation learning to control and utilize her powers.
Even with all of Willow's projects, Buffy managed to get in some quality Willow time at least a few times a week. They would go out shopping, to the movies, or sometimes just sit and get a cup of coffee, usually Xander would accompany them. The three were best friends again; all the wounds from the past were left there. No one ever brought up the night they turned their back on Buffy, not wanting to relive that memory.
Buffy could hear Faith downstairs ushering Kennedy and her noise into the ballroom. Faith and Buffy had become close over the past year. Buffy had helped Faith understand her responsibilities as a Slayer, while Faith had helped Buffy come to terms with the darker side of her Slayer nature. Training together had given them an edge to their fighting skills previously unheard of for a Slayer. Buffy had stepped aside early on in the school's creation and let Faith take over the role of lead Slayer. Faith had really come into her own since her unofficial appointment, gone was the doubt and self-hatred, in its place was a confident leader who understood what it meant to be a Slayer.
Everyone had their place in the new school.
Everyone except Buffy.
As much as she loved her friends and their new home, she didn't want to stay here.
She had tried the normal life, but it hadn't worked out quite the way she thought it would. Turned out "normal" wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
When her normal life didn't work out, Buffy had returned to the school. The young Slayers that now populated the school had made her extremely uncomfortable, looking up at her with stars in their eyes. For a while they would seek her out to hear the tales of her 'adventures' until she would either hide in her room or out in the miles of trees surrounding the house. It was there, wandering through the woods on the property she had found a peace she hadn't known before. Truths that she once feared seemed much less frightening under the sunlit canopy of leaves. She found comfort and strength in the sounds and smell of the Old Forest.
She knew she was a different person than she had been seven years ago and she was finally able to look back and actually see where she had come from and what she had become. She had come to terms with the fact that her power was rooted in darkness, that she was no better than the creatures she was created to Slay. It was up to her to control that darkness and use it to help her in her fight.
She also understood now that there really were no absolutes. No absolute good or absolute evil, it really was all about the balance.
Buffy thought about traveling the world a lot. I mean she had saved it countless times. Now she wanted to see what all she had saved.
She just wasn't sure how to do that.
The world was a pretty big place for her to go exploring all by herself. Not that she was scared...more like intimated.
Again the voices from downstairs raised in volume, carrying out onto her balcony as more guests arrived.
Tonight they were going to have a celebration.
They were celebrating the first year of the school and its success. They were also celebrating their new lives away from the Hellmouth.
Giles had also invited all the former members of the Watcher's Council, even the ones who refused to rejoin with Rupert Giles as the Head Watcher. He was determined to impress them with what he had done in such a short amount of time.
A tingling in her spine startled Buffy out of her musings. She knew that only one Vamp ever made her skin tingle LIKE THAT.
Then she heard a voice. She sighed; it had only been wishful thinking on her part.
It was only Angel.
When they had first got to Los Angeles, Angel seemed to think that she was coming for him. He had believed that they were going to pick up their doomed relationship from where they had left it. She had tried going out on a date with him, but it was awkward and completely uncomfortable. The evening had thankfully ended early when they were alerted to a demon they needed to go take care of.
She had also tried going out on a few jobs with Angel while she was in the city that had been an even bigger mistake. Angel didn't really understand the whole team concept, unless he was the team leader. Instead of letting her fight at his side like she and Spike used to do he relegated her to back up. He also seemed unable to realize she wasn't the young barely initiated Slayer he remembered.
It was a relief for her when the gang left Los Angeles to move into the school. Since then, she tended to avoid Angel as much as possible. She had meant it at the time when she told him sometimes she saw them together in the future, but now she didn't really see that anymore. Things that were once endearing about him, now she found irritating.
She had actually run into him, literally, last week. He had come to talk to Giles about something and she was running late for a movie date with Willow and Xander. They had exchanged pleasantries and like everyone else he inquired about what her plans for the future were now. She had told him a bit about wanting to travel the world. It was all pleasant enough, but as she excused her self to go meet her friends he got this look on his face. It had almost haunted her since then. It was desperate and nostalgic, yet resigned and so filled with love and pain.
She never found out what he talked with Giles about and she wasn't sure she wanted to know. Buffy figured if it had anything to do with her they would have told her. She and Giles and made a pact to never keep secrets from each other again.
Giles was still the same old Giles even though he was now head of the Council. He had chosen the suite directly attached to the library to make his home. He spent almost six months going through all the texts they now had access to through Wolfram & Hart.
It took Buffy a while to feel completely comfortable around Giles again. She had a hard time reconciling the fact that she disappointed him; while at the same time he disappointed and betrayed her. Eventually, though she had come to realize that Giles did view her as his daughter and even parents made mistakes in wanting the best for their children. While privately he still treated her like an errant child, he viewed her ideas and opinions the same way he would an equal.
Buffy brought her thoughts back to the present. She was out here for a reason and she needed to get on with it before the others came looking for her.
She picked up the wine glass she had set on the table when she walked out onto the balcony.
"I'm sure you would prefer this to be whiskey or scotch, but its a special occasion tonight." She smiled as she looked up at the stars.
"I miss you, Spike." She said sweetly to the night. "I still love you."
She held up her wine in a toast and drank it down quickly.
"BUFFY!!" She jumped up startled. She relaxed when she turned and saw Clem standing in the doorway looking at her excitedly.
"You have to come and see what Angel brought us. You have to come. HURRY UP!!" With that he turned and ran back down the stairs, well as close to running as he could come.
Buffy shook her head and smiled. It didn't take much to get Clem all excited. The last time he told her to 'hurry up' it was to see the new Dawson's Creek box set he got from Andrew.
Buffy had run into Clem while out on a job with Angel. She had broken the news to him about Spike and the two of them spent the night doing shots of whiskey, while remembering the bleached vampire. It was the only time she ever really got to grieve for him.
When the Scoobies left LA to start work on the school, Clem had offered to come along and help. Giles was more than a little reluctant to accept the help from a demon, but with both Buffy and Dawn insisting, Giles really didn't stand a chance. Now Clem was the school's resident expert on Demon Behavior. The Slayers loved having him as a teacher and Buffy knew he loved being here.
"BUFFY!!!" Dawn's scream cut through the air as she ran up the stairs two at a time. Buffy could see the huge smile on her face before her sister even made it to the top of the stairs.
"What is it, Dawnie? What's going on?" Buffy was really beginning to wonder what had both Dawn and Clem so excitable.
Dawn was in charge of the Watcher research department for the school. She had impressed even Giles with her quick mind and the way she picked up not only foreign and dead languages, but demon languages as well. Buffy heard him say more than once he wished she had been as attentive as her sister in the reading/researching department. Buffy figured it was the mystical key part of her that allowed her to translate such difficult texts.
Dawn was growing into a beautiful and competent young woman. Buffy was constantly amazed with how in charge and grown up she was. There were times she looked at her and didn't even recognize her baby sister.
"Angel brought us a surprise." Dawn ran up and looked her sister over quickly. "Yo-you have to fix your hair, you were letting it blow all around out here. Plus you need to fix your eye makeup its all sorts of smudgy."
Dawn tried to straighten out her sister's hair with her shaking fingers, but she only succeeded in pulling some out.
"OUCH!!" Buffy yelled, stepping back away from her. "Enough with the torture, just tell me WHAT is going on?"
Dawn stepped back and took in the light silk dress her sister had on. It clung to her figure like a slip, with spaghetti straps and a deep-scooped neckline that could almost be considered scandalous. She looked good Dawn thought.
Dawn giggled, when she thought of the reactions her sister was going to get.
It was then that Buffy noticed what her sister was wearing.
"Are those my hand painted silk pants from China?" Buffy demanded. "Dawn, we've talked about this. You can only borrow my clothes if you ask me first. And I know you didn't ask me about those, because I would have said 'no'. I haven't even worn them yet."
"Oh, please. You got them over two months ago, someone needed to break them in." Dawn told her defiantly, momentarily forgetting her excitement in her irritation with her sister.
"You better not spill anything on them." Buffy warned her.
"Fine, whatever, no spilling. Got it. Now come on!!" Dawn grabbed Buffy's hand and started pulling her off the balcony just as Giles and Angel were climbing the stairs to them.
"Buffy are you planning on going downstairs now?" Giles asked as he reached the top step. He looked rather worried and his voice came out nervous.
Angel also had a worried look on his face.
Buffy suddenly thought back to that day when Angel had disappeared into library with Giles. Her eyes narrowed as her temper started to flare with suspicions.
"Actually I thought I might go downstairs with out planning first. Live dangerously." Buffy answered her Watcher sarcastically.
The two men just exchanged nervous glances.
"What is going on guys? Why do you two look like you're about to attend a funeral, while Dawn and Clem are about to float off to Cloud 9?" Buffy was really trying to hold in her temper, really she was.
"Don't mind them Buffy. Its not like someone conjured up a weird happiness demon..." Dawn told her calming slightly in her bouncing.
"Well, that would almost be preferable..." Giles muttered into his scotch.
"Giles." Dawn turned to him. "Don't start that again. You can't, not after everything that's happened..." her voice trailed off as she looked at Giles and Angle almost pleadingly. "Its like a miracle."
"I'm well aware of everything that has happened, Dawn." Giles snapped at the girl. He stopped realizing how harsh that came out, took a deep breath and a long drink of scotch. When he continued his voice was more calm and reserved.
"I just don't know if this is really the best for everyone involved. We still don't know what all the repercussions are for something like this. Not to mention the last time something like this happened there was nothing but trouble. And on tonight of all nights..." Giles removed his glasses and proceeded to try and clean them while balancing his glass.
Angel glared at him and almost growled as he spoke. "All the tests we did indicate it isn't some sort of evil." He smiled bitterly. "It must be a 'miracle'. Not a miracle for me, but..."
"Oh, bloody hell." Giles muttered as some scotch splashed onto his sleeve. He put his glasses back on and looked over at Angel.
"As far as doing it tonight, well, it wouldn't wait any longer."
"Fine." Buffy snapped, by their look of shock she could tell they had forgotten she was standing there. "You three stay up here and talk in code. I'm going downstairs to find out what's going on."
Buffy moved to step around Angel and go downstairs when he grabbed her hand. She looked up into his eyes and saw that lost look again.
"Buffy, can we talk a minute first?"
Buffy would have screamed in frustration if it weren't for that damned look on his face. She forced what she hoped was an understanding smile on her face.
"Sure, Angel." She turned to walk back on the balcony she had just left, grabbing Giles' glass on her way. "Welcome to my balcony" She said gesturing for him to follow her.
Angel turned to Giles and Dawn.
"It may be a good idea to do this up here. I don't know how she's going to react." He said quietly.
"What are you talking about? She is so going to freak." Dawn told him as she turned and hurried down the stairs.
Giles took off his glasses that he had just put back on and started cleaning them again as he slowly followed her.
"I believe that was his point, Dawn." He commented dryly. "Oh dear." Came floating back up to Angel as they disappeared down the stairs.
Angel swallowed hard and prepared to talk to Buffy.
Angel stepped out onto the balcony and saw Buffy staring up at the stars with a small smile on her face. He wondered briefly what she was thinking of to make her smile like that, before deciding it was probably best if he didn't know.
"You look beautiful tonight." He commented softly, pulling her out of her thoughts.
Her smile faded as she shrugged off his compliment. She didn't want to go there with him right now, especially not here.
"That isn't what you wanted to talk to me about." She told him pointedly.
"No, its not." Buffy turned to face him as he moved further out on the balcony, standing next to her at the railing.
For the first time Angel noticed how different the woman before him was from the girl he once knew. She was still beautiful, of course, but gone was the innocence that he once thought was the core of her beauty. He remembered the guileless way she used to look at him, the softness of her face, the easy smile that would come to her at the slightest provocation.
Now there was a cloudiness in her gaze. The softness in her face was replaced with lean determination. There was also an aura of wisdom and sadness about her, the wisdom that only came from loss and pain.
'How much of that was caused by me?' He wondered to himself. 'Angelus or me, it doesn't make too much of a difference now.'
He looked away to try and ignore the guilt and regrets that were building up inside him. She didn't want to hear those now.
"Cordelia is gone, Buffy." He finally told her.
Buffy watched him closely while she waited for him to continue. She knew that Cordelia had been in a coma and not expected to wake up. No one could really explain how Cordelia had come to be in a coma, but they had hinted that she and Angel had been involved.
While Buffy and Cordelia had never really been friends, she had been a part of Buffy's life from her first day in Sunnydale. It had been weird to see the once vibrant cheerleader, lying motionless in the hospital bed. It was even stranger to think of her as gone.
The tingling feeling Buffy had felt when Angel first arrived suddenly came back, stronger than before. She felt anticipation inside her similar to when she was getting ready for a big fight. The air around her felt charged, electric.
"When?" She finally spoke, when it appeared Angel wasn't going to continue.
Her voice came out dry and she took a large drink from the scotch, forgetting what it was causing her to choke and cough.
"About a month ago. She didn't actually die. The Powers called her back up to the Higher Planes."
The air felt so heavy, like it did before a large thunderstorm.
Buffy reached out to grab onto the railing, only instead of using it to anchor her, this time she used it to hold herself up. The tingling inside her grew stronger until she thought she had to be physically vibrating with the force of it.
"They needed someone to take over receiving the visions from the Powers." Angel continued on, not even noticing her anymore, he was so lost in his own thoughts.
Buffy's breathing was getting shaky, she couldn't seem to get enough oxygen with the air like this.
"They needed a demon to be able to handle the visions. Since there aren't any demons alive, that were volunteering to go to work for the Powers, they kind of went...outside of the box."
"ENOUGH ALREADY!!" Buffy exploded, gasping for air, that didn't seem to be there. "I've had it with these cryptic clues, Angel. Don't you think we're a bit beyond that by now? If you have something to tell me, then just tell me already, enough with these games."
Her voice sounded panicked even to her. Buffy stopped and forced herself to take some deep breaths and calm down.
Angel just watched her sadly. "I will always love you, Buffy." He told her intently.
Frustrated and more than a little wigged out, Buffy turned to walk inside...
and froze.
She felt the world start to break apart around her at what she saw.
The glass in her hands slipped out of her grasp and shattered on the floor.
She smelled the leather and cigarettes moments before the voice came.
"Hello, Luv."
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!