Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, UPN, and FX.
Summary: (Season Six.) This story takes place after the first time Buffy sleeps with Spike. Even though the death of her Mother, and the departure of Riley happened so long ago, she is still ripped to pieces about it. She remembers what Spike told her about killing the past two slayers in season 5. Riley never knew about Angel.
Chapter 1: Ties to the World
She watched the dust settle around her. She coughed a little as some reached her lungs, then moved on. When Buffy staked a vampire, she usually felt nothing. Usually. But lately, she craved it, hungered for it. Almost like...........a vampire craved blood.
“Ties to the world....” Buffy mocked Spike. “Jack ass. Can’t believe he tried to hit on me! God! All I wanted was some help on how he killed those other slayers.” Buffy said to herself, remembering what Spike had said to her all those months ago. She had been thinking about those words spoken so long ago, because they seemed to be the only things that half explained why she was acting the way she was. But even then she was still confused.
Her mother’s death and Riley’s leaving was almost more then she could take. Even though those events had long since passed. Eight months ago. In that time, she had died, and had been brought back again. But where ever she was, she swore she remembered seeing her mother. But then, having to part with her all over again.....Then having to come back to the place she knew now as hell.......and she had no one to hold her. Riley was gone. And lately, she had been having weird feelings for a certain blonde vampire.......Now that really confused her. A part from it being wrong, wrong, wrong, it was weird. Something Spike told Riley so long ago, that sort of struck a nerve. Not really in a bad way either. It sort of.........explained some weird feelings she’d had about being a slayer and all that.
“Face it. She’s got a type, and your not it. She like’s a little monster in her man. You know, bumpys in the forehead region?” Riley had told her he’d said that. He laughed, mostly because she never told him about Angel. And she laughed with him, nervously, hoping that maybe he wouldn’t pick up on her somewhat dark craving. I mean, what was it with her and Vampires anyway?
Over one hundred and something vampires she’d killed since that night with Spike. That defiantly through Buffy for a loop. She didn’t understand why she craved so much violence and death. And that was just vampires alone. She couldn’t count how many random, your run-of-the-mill evil demons she’d killed that month.
“There you are.” Buffy froze. She didn’t know if she wanted to turn around and hit him, or run away, avoid again. As her mind reeled to make a decision, Spike had walked closer to her.
“Nice fight by the way luv. That vampire didn’t have a chance. And that fleet of what, ten Terrokos Demons you took out last week?” Buffy turned around, and almost jumped back in shock. She didn’t expect him to be only four feet away from her. Buffy huffed.
“Just leave me alone Spike. You disgust me.” She turned around and began to walk away. She expected him to run after her, or call out her name. He just laughed. She whipped herself around to see Spike laughing. It wasn’t a cocky laugh, it was more......like one of those laughs you have when you watch something amusing on TV.
“What?” Before her mind could have any input, her mouth worked. She hated when that happened. And it happened a lot. Stupid mouth. Spike’s laughter slowly subsided.
“Oh, nothing.” He waved his hand dismissively. “No skin off my back, slayer. I’m not the one who’s confused.” He turned to walk away and chuckled lightly to himself. Buffy glared at his back.
“Confused about what?” She cried out through gritted teeth. He stopped, but didn’t turn around. Instead he laughed harder.
“Spike!” Buffy shouted. He turned around.
“Like you don’t know what I’m talking about!” He shook his head lightly as his laughter finally subsided. Buffy’s eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms. Buffy’s trade mark demeanor when she was annoyed or angry.
“Thrill me.” She said with fake enthusiasm. Spike gestured around to the cemetery.
“This place has pretty much became your favorite hang-out spot hasn’t it? I mean, you’ve been visiting the cemeteries a lot more often haven’t you?” He shifted his weight on one leg and cocked his head at her.
“Mind tellin me just how many demons you’d done away with in just the past two weeks? A little more then ordinary isn’t it? Usually it would be like what, twenty five, thirty? Tell me Buffy. How many?” Spike looked at her expectantly. Buffy looked down, and whispered something incoherent. Spike heard her just fine though. He perked his ear with his hand.
“What was that Buffy?” Buffy glared at him.
“Over one hundred.” She whispered.
“Ah. Really now? You don’t say. Ever wonder why you didn’t-that is, up until last month with me- relish in the kill as much as those slayers before you?” He chuckled and turned to walk away from her again. Buffy sighed audibly.
“I know I’m going to regret this.” She said under her breath.
“Spike, wait.” Buffy said reluctantly, as much as she wanted to let him go---wait, is that *really* what she wanted? Spike stopped and spoke innocently.
“What’s that luv?” Buffy sighed audibly again.
“What did you mean by that?” She said in a way less cocky tone then she meant it to be. Spike huffed out of slight exasperation--the way he always did.
“Think about it Buffy. Your not like those other slayers. In fact, your way different then them.” He looked slightly upward and put his index finger on his cheek in a mockery of thinking. “Let’s see.........What could that possibly....Oh! Yes!” He said with fake enthusiasm. He then turned serious, and spoke normal.
“It’s that you have friends, and a sister. You ultimately have something they didn’t- something. worth. fighting for.” He emphasized his words.
“Yeah? Well, that’s not true.” She retorted. Spike rolled his eyes.
“Enlighten me Slayer.” He crossed his arms.
“They did have something to fight for. The world. All of it’s people.” She shot.
“Yeah, Buffy but the slayer didn’t know *any* of those people she was fighting for. So really, she never knew just how dear they were. You, on the other hand, know six of them. And that, is good enough.” He shook his head. “Ties to the world Buffy. That’s why you haven’t got a death wish. I told you that before.”
“That doesn’t explain my confusion Spike.” Spike through his hands up.
“Buffy! It explains everything! Bloody ‘Ties to the World’, that explains everything! Just those four words!” Buffy shook her head.
“No. That explains why I don’t want to die Spike. That doesn’t explain........” She sighed audibly. The confusion on Spike’s face melted into a sneer, and he drew his head back.
“Oh. Right. Your confusion is why your so hot for vampires. And just what is it that they have, that you lack?”
“Your a pig Spike.” Spike laughed at that.
“Yeah, yeah. I know. C’mon though. Really. Haven’t you got any other material to use besides that?” Buffy gritted her teeth.
“Just explain it to me Spike.” Spike narrowed his eyes, and leaned in towards her close.
“Ties. To. The. World Buffy. You still have your sanity. They didn’t. They were rigid and alone. Do you know what happens to a person when they have about as much human interaction as those past slayers? Cos let me tell you, how much they had was not much at all. Especially the one I killed in the Boxer Rebellion.” Spike scoffed. “Those past slayers were full of darkness. That’s how they fought. So when their time came to die, they didn’t fight Buffy. That’s why you’ve lived longer, because you fight. You have something worth it, to go home to.”
“Spike. You have not explained anything to me.” Spike screamed in exasperation, and picked up a grave marker and through it against another. Buffy just crossed her arms and waited for him to finish. “Are you quite done now?” She asked casually. Spike glared at her, and a low growl emitted from the far depths of his chest. He walked briskly to her until her face was mere inches from his.
“Listen sunshine. You have to get your darkness off somewhere. It‘s what Vampires have and you don‘t. That darkness.” Buffy gasped and slapped him hard across the face before her brain could register what it was the hand was doing. It didn’t even phase Spike.
“Your saying that vampires appeal to me, because I don‘t embrace my dark-side? Arh! That might be how those *other* slayers got by but not me!” Her voice seethed.
“That maybe, but that’s why you hunger for the darkness we possess. That‘s what we have, that you lack sunshine.” Spike smirked. “That’s why you tasted Dracula.” Buffy glared at him.
“I was under a thrall!” She retorted. Spike stared at her with his blue eyes. His stare was so penetrating, it was all she could do, but squirm helplessly beneath it.
“Buffy. Only those who truly crave it, crave a taste, crave to be tasted, let themselves fall into a thrall. Besides, you were hungry for what you didn’t have. That darkness.” He shook his head. “You think you know, what you are? You think you understand what a slayer is, and where and what her power is? You have no idea.” With that, he turned and walked off. It wasn’t long before the shadows hide him from her vision. Buffy wore a blank look on her face, and with lame motion, she slumped on a grave marker.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!