Midnight in Sunnydale…
Dawn Summers yawned tiredly and stretched her arms as she headed off to her comfy little bed. She skipped up the stairs of the two story house on Revello Drive, leaving her elder sister alone on the living room couch with Spike.
Dawn stopped at the head of the stairs and snuck one last joyful glance over her shoulder at the sight of the two blonde warriors sitting together relaxed and peaceable amid an assortment of torn wrapping paper and pizza boxes and board games and stacks of DVDs.
It really is the best birthday ever, she thought, the whole gang minus Mr. Giles was here getting along to celebrate my fake birth. Lots of presents. Cool music. No monsters wrecking havoc or giant revelations to discover. And Buffy is actually being civil to Spike. No heated bickering or sexual remarks I don’t understand or staking threats. It’s almost as if she actually likes having him around. As if.
Were all the niceties just to humor me? Dawn shook her head and smiled as she turned the corner to her bedroom. I bet as soon as I shut my door he’ll hit on her and she’ll kick him back to his crypt.
An hour later…
Somehow Finding Nemo had made its way into the DVD player. It was one of the gifts Buffy had chosen for her younger sister. No nudity or violence and as a child Dawn had always loved films with talking animals. Willow had seen it in the theatre and gave it rave reviews. She had a soft spot for Ellen Degeneres since she was funny and had a hot wife.
Despite choosing a nice safe PG movie the vibe in the room instantly changed as soon as Dawn left. As soon as it was just the two of them. The clandestine lovers were not accustomed to this form of intimacy.
Things were fine when the gang was here. Spike and Buffy could make trivial conversation and pass each other in the hallway without incident while still occasionally exchanging secret looks of mutual longing. But when it was just the two of them everything changed.
The impersonal dynamic she forged with him to keep her friends in the dark crumbled. But that usually happened at his shadowy crypt or some other location that didn’t connect so viscerally with her home identity. This was a mixture of their public relationship and their private life.
Somehow they had ended up cuddled next to each other with her head resting on his chest and their hands intertwined. There was something so sweet and downright normal about being here together at home watching movies.
Buffy didn’t know what bothered her more; that she was in very close physical proximity with him and not ripping his clothes off or that she had been really enjoying having him around for something other than sexual gratification. It had been awhile since he had spent this much time in her presence without it leading to hours of sex.
Buffy glanced up at Spike for what felt like the hundredth time. There was no way that he was that engrossed by the events onscreen for him to keep making such a reflective and melancholy face. She tried to ignore him and concentrate on the talking sea creatures but it was impossible.
If that wistful expression crosses his face one more time I’ll--there it is again. That is it. I have to call him on it.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.” But she stubbornly continued staring him down, knowing something was obviously on his mind. He let go of her hand. “Really, Buff, it’s nothing.”
“Come on”, she said in earnest. “What were you just thinking?”
This is eerily familiar, she thought. I should have known normal in Buffy World means anything but calm and uncomplicated.
It had only been a few months since Xander called forth the demon Sweet. While she knew that Spike enjoyed their usual late night activities as much as she did, she understood only too well that he wouldn’t be completely satisfied as just cold comfort. He wanted all of her. The chance to experience with her the things that people in relationships take for granted. Like staying in and watching movies.
He is getting what he wanted. Why does he look so miserable? Please don’t start singing, the last thing I need tonight is another undead rendition of “Be my girlfriend or I won’t be your confidante anymore.”
Spike took a short moment to exhale an unneeded breath and then turned to face Buffy, bracing himself for whatever was to come. The blue eyed bloodsucker had come to the Summers house tonight because the Little Bit had invited him and since it was her fifteenth birthday he couldn’t very well say no. She had grieved her mother and only sister in less than a year.
He knew he should have bid goodnight and gotten gone a few hours back when Red's ex-witch girlfriend and Harris and Demon Girl hit the road.
Things were going far too well tonight. Buffy let down her guard and was allowing him into this part of her life, being able to witness her smile for something that had nothing to do with desire. Everything was too quiet and blissfully normal to stay that way for long.
Won’t this just be a rollicking adventure, Spike thought, the last thing I need is another knife twist in the heart from the Slayer. Let the fighting begin.
“That’s what you remind me of.” He gestured towards the television screen. “Sometimes I, I swear you have Dora-brain.”
“I remind you of an amnesiac blue fish in a Pixar animation?” Buffy rolled her eyes thinking that he was either about to insult her or his chip had hay-wired and fried his brain. Judging by the serious expression on his face she feared the latter were true.
“One minute you’re all over me. You can’t get enough. It’s lust and….love and we’re good. But the next sodden minute you can’t get away fast enough.”
Spike’s face and voice exposed his frustration and hurt, watching Buffy unintentionally shift away from him as his words hit home. He continued sadly, his point being made by the change in body movements. Stretched out contently and then happily curled up on the couch all night, Buffy was now in an obvious defensive stance and had slipped on a face he had come to know too well. The lonely Slayer persona.
“You’re back to hating me. We become nothing more than reluctant allies when not an hour before I would be inside you making you scream your pretty little head off. So yeah, you remind me of Dora. Forgetting. Being lost. Fun and fearless and full of life and then…”
“And then what?”
“And then you remember that nothing on Earth, least of all me, can compete with Heaven. It all comes rushing back to you. The guilt. The stress. The flipping self-hatred and disgust.”
Buffy broke eye contact with him, wrapping her arms around herself though she knew that the cold she felt came from within. Her shoulders tensed and her face was a clear indication of her unease over the direction this conversation had taken.
Everything had gotten too serious too fast. He had caught her off guard. She had dedicated this night to trying her best to shelve her inner turmoil and felt that she had succeeded quite well. But now after several hours of restful cerebral stability of which she was only now beginning to come down from the emotional high of, she was being hit with this. Tonight was supposed to be about watching her younger sister celebrate another precious year of being alive.
Spike thought of shutting up before he put a death nail in the night completely. He had been straddling a precarious line the entire evening, never knowing at what moment the Slayer would switch personalities on him once again. He knew he should have just sat back and tried to enjoy the time he had before it all changed back to shameful regret on her part and another damaged ego and bruised heart on his.
He decided to put caution to the wind and continued quickly. “The kinky and free-spirited bird that laughs and could suck my cock in public--”
“That was hardly public and--”
“or bites me while I’m trussed up in handcuffs to my bed is a distant memory.”
“And you miss that part of me.” What if she had gone too far blaming him for giving in and pushed him away for good? What if even a soulless demon couldn’t handle the depths of her depression? Where would she be without those hours of---
“I just wonder when the two of you, Fiery Buffy and Ice Buffy, will finally bloody merge. Even the batty fish became whole by the end of the film.”
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!