Turn Back Time
Chapter One: The Light
"I love you," I said.
"No you don't, but thanks for sayin' it."
I was too busy looking at him, trying to memorize his face and his eyes, the way he looked, smelt, to remember his voice, not even thinking about what he'd just said.
"Go!" He yelled. I looked at him sadly and turned away because he wants me to live.
"I love you!" I cried and ran out of the Hellmouth.
I ran out of the school with as much power as I could, and I ran fast because Spike wanted me to live. I jumped off the building on to the moving bus and made it. When we reached the city limits, the bus stopped and I hopped down. Dawn ran out the back and hugged me warmly before pinning me with a questioning look. I gave her a sad shake of my head and she seemed to understand what we’d lost.
We unknowingly had a moment of silence for all the loved, young, and friends that we lost in this battle.
I looked back on what was left of Sunnydale; there was nothing.
No buildings, no graveyards, no trees, no houses. No Spike.
Spike was the one that I needed right here right now but instead, he's gone just like the rest of my world, and just like all the men -, if you could call them that - , before him.
But this time it was different. He died to save the world, not leave for my own good, or because he didn't think I loved him, even though he had every right to think that I could care less about him. It wasn't true, never had been. There was never a time when I didn't feel for him. I loved him when I first saw him. I didn’t realize it until the day we where talking about Willow getting revenge over Glory because of what she did to Tara.
He'd told me that if it was the right girl that he'd do it, too. Even if it was suicide, he would have done it for Dawn, or me and that meant the world to me. The other time was when he grabbed the sword away from my head with nothing besides his hands. He loved me, but I pushed him away.
When I told him that I loved him, he didn't believe me, and it was because I was so mean and cruel to him for so long.
He really didn't know how much I loved him. I loved him so much that it hurt to think that I'd die one day and he'd be on his own. I loved him so much that without him here, my world is gone. I loved him so much that when he's not here, I'm nothing at all. I love him so much, that I'd kill myself, or anyone, I'd do anything just to hear his voice one last time. Without him, I want to die, to Hell with the rest of the world, if I can't have him I don't want to be here.
"Buffy?" Dawn's teary voice asked.
I turned around to see her tear stained face and her shaking body.
"Dawn. Oh Dawnie! He's gone!" I cried as I hugged her tightly
"Why Buffy? Why did he die? Why, why, why!" she sobbed into my shoulder.
"To save the world, he wanted to save the world and do my job for me. Oh God, Dawnie! He left. He left me. He left us.. It wasn't supposed to be like that. He was the one who was gonna stay!" I cried even harder and we both fell to the ground, grieving for our lost best friend, lover, big brother, protector, and family. He was all of that rolled up into one, the best there ever was, and now he's gone.
"Buffy, I'm so sorry, I-I never knew you cared for him this much," Willow said bending down and putting a hand on my shoulder.
Then I got an idea.
"Will?" I asked.
"Yeah?" She replied gently.
"Send me back to when Glory first came. I want to change things. Please, Will, please?"
"Buffy, that's really not a good idea. You could alter history and make everything go 'ka-boom!' and you wouldn't be here."
"Please Will! I'm begging you, please!"
"Buffy! NO! You-you can't, you can't leave me! I need you, Buffy, please!" Dawn wailed.
"Dawn, sweetheart. Don’t you want Spike back, too?"
"You're right." With one last hug we stood up and looked at Willow.
"Okay, Buffy, here goes nothing. Uh, you might want to stand by the sign so you do end up in Sunnydale."
I nodded and went to the post.
"I love you, Buffy," Dawn said as she hugged me goodbye then moved away.
"Love you, too," I said back.
"Remember to say that to Spike." She spoke softly, somehow knowing what I said in the Hellmouth.
"I will, Dawnie. I will."
"Buffy Anne Summers! Are you out of your mind?"Giles roared as he came over and shook me.
“No. But then again, love is madness. So, yeah; I’m insane.” I spat the last sentence and gave him the 'Don't-you-dare-get-in-my-way' look.
“Best of luck,” he said softly with a grimace, as he turned away."
"Buff. You think you could kick my butt for me? I wanna be married to Anya," Xander said.
"Will do, and hey, Spike will have a good time watching your butt get kicked," I replied jokingly.
"Yeah, he would." Xander came over and gave me a hug, and then Willow gazed at me.
"Buffy, you know you could kill Warren before he kills Tara and shoots you?"
"Don't worry, Wills. It's part of the plan. You shouldn't have to use all that dark magic for your grief, even though now I see why you did it. 'Cause losing someone you love more then your own life feels like Hell is burning you up and then spitting you out when you’re nothing."
"Yeah, just like that," Willow said softly.
"I love you, Will. You've always been there for me, so this time, I’ll be here for you."
"Love you, too, Buffy," she said as she gave me a hug goodbye.
Willow mumbled in some other language and everything became white.It was so bright that it was blinding, but then I was in the Magic Box with a whole bunch of eyes looking at me, and I was home.
"Hi, guys," I said cheerfully.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!