********
May 20, 2003- 6:00pm
Buffy felt numb. She let the motion of the bus take her away from all that had happened. She looked around her and saw all the girls that had made it out. There were some that needed to be in the hospital and would be taken as soon as she felt it was safe to stop. Giles looks so tired. He just keeps driving.- Good. Keep driving, because when we stop, I won't be able to hold together. Don't stop. Keep driving, maybe if we go far enough, it won't have happened at all. Maybe he's waiting for us.- She knew it wasn't true though. He was gone.
All of her strongest memories of Sunnydale seemed to include him. Somehow, he'd managed to insinuate himself into her memories of the town. He was in every thought. When she thought of the Bronze she thought of the first time she saw him in the alley behind. - "What happens Saturday?"- It was the same with the church on Main, -"I'd rather be fighting you anyway."- The one on Fifth could not escape him either,- "Why does a man do what he mustn't?"- Everywhere there were places he could hide. Even her own front porch, - "What, you mean your mum doesn't know?"- It only seemed right that now that Sunnydale was gone, so was he.
She tried to lock onto her last memory of him. The last time she saw him his eyes were filled with so much love that it made her heart ache to think of him like that. He must have been in such pain; the light was so bright there was no way that he could not have been in pain. The pain never made it to his eyes though. His eyes held so much love for her. - What does he look like? I can't remember! Oh, God, how could I forget him already?- She wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked down at her hand and touched the small burn mark on her fingers. She just couldn't keep from crying.
She looked up to see Dawn sitting next to her. Her eyes were red and puffy. Dawn looked like she had been crying too. She was holding a small backpack on her lap.
"Oh, Dawnie, he's gone. I told him I loved him and now he's gone," she sobbed against her sister's shoulder. The others on the bus remained quiet, respecting her grief.
Dawn's voice was struggling to stay even," Buffy, he told me to give you these," she could only whisper the rest, "If he didn't make it out." With that, Dawn left her sister the backpack she had been carrying.
Buffy opened the pack. Inside were dozens of notebooks. Each one had a month and year on the front cover. Buffy looked and saw that the dates reached back for decades. Along with the notebooks she found an envelope with her name printed in his perfect script. With trembling hands she opened the letter and read what was inside:
May 20, 2003
It's 3am and I'm writing this as I watch you sleep. If you're reading this it means, for some reason or other, I didn't make it out. That also means that I cannot be there to hold you anymore, so I guess I'd better make these last few hours count for something. If you're reading this it also means that you are alive. You made it out. I did something right for once. I saved you. A little late, I grant you that, but better late than never, right?
I would have done anything to keep you and the little one safe. I would not presume to know what you're feeling right now, but whatever that feeling might be, it's fine with me. I only ask one thing, don't close yourself off from the feelings. Feelings keep you alive and you have to live so that one of us is.
The journals might help if your Watcher decides to rebuild the Council. Then again, they may not help at all. Do what you think is best, Buffy. When I was human, words gave me comfort. And, as I think of the collection that you have now, I guess they still do.
When you were gone that summer, I used the journal to help me cope. I felt so lost without you, Buffy. I included an empty book for you to put your feelings into. Putting them somewhere where they can be seen, even if it's only by you, Buffy, makes them real. It makes them easier to deal with. Gives you something to fight, if that's what you need to do. Someone has to tell people what happened here today. Someone has to remember Sunnydale. I know I'll never forget it.
Who knows, maybe you can do better than Anne Rice did? Or maybe Hollywood's a better idea. With the stuff they come up with out there, you and the Bit just might get your own show on the telly! Just make sure that the bloke they get to play me isn't a total git, after all, I do have a reputation as the Big Bad!
Whatever you decide, know that I'll be watching over you. Protecting you and yours, just as I promised. I'll even look in on Angel from time to time, just to keep him out of trouble. I still think he's a big poof, but you love him, so that's all that matters to me.
I will always be with you Buffy. Someday we'll see each other again. I know it in my soul, Buffy. Just like I know my own name.
You're just starting to wake up, and I don't want you to wake up and find me gone, so I'll stop here let the journals tell you the rest of the story. You should find a photo of me in one of the books. Don't be angry, I had to wake Bit up so she could take it. She used one of those instant cameras. She and I have made our peace. We spent time tonight talking over a cup of hot chocolate with the tiny marshmallows.
It's 5:15am and I think I'll watch my first sunrise in 130 years. Don't worry, Buffy, indirect sunlight only. God, it's beautiful. I'd forgotten just how beautiful it could be. It's going to be a good day.
Spike
Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked through the backpack and discovered the blank journal with an inscription on the front, "Memoirs of Buffy Summers, Slayer." She touched the letters lovingly. He must have put a great deal of thought into this. - Oh God, had he known?- The thought was too horrible to contemplate. She opened the volume, and, there, taped to the inside cover, was his picture. His eyes conveyed a peace she had never seen in him before. Suddenly, she wondered if that was what she looked like the night she jumped from the tower. Was this what Dawn saw in her eyes that night? He looked happy. For the first time since Willow cast that betrothal spell on them both, he truly looked happy. Happy and Spike just didn't fit together, at least, they hadn't until this morning. This was how she wanted to remember him. He'd found his purpose.
Under all of the notebooks she found a "Kiss the Librarian" mug. She smiled as she rolled it in her hands. Yet another memory with Spike firmly attached. Wanting to know what other things Spike had rescued from Revello Drive, she dug further and found a package of instant hot chocolate, the kind with mini marshmallows. On the box was a note, "Sorry, nothing else in the house at the moment. Bit has your mum's recipe for the real thing. Joyce told me once, so I wrote it down for her."
Buffy was amazed how much he could fit into one backpack. She looked further and found Mr. Gordo peaking out from the opening in the bag. She found another envelope with keys in it. Another note, "The red key is for my Desoto, converted for use during daylight hours. The blue key is to my house in Modesto. Paid in full, no need to worry, it's yours, if you want it. Sunnydale was the only Hellmouth in California. You and Bit can have a normal life, away from nasties like me. The business card has the name of my lawyer. (Yes, Slayer, it's all nice and legal. For you, I can be good.) He'll give you the details. Ring him when you can. He's expecting you." Buffy turned the card over in her fingers.
"Giles," she said, "As soon as we get the wounded to a hospital and contact the Slayers' parents, we're heading for Modesto. Ever been there?"
"No, I have not. But, I suppose it is as good a place as any other would be. Why there, Buffy?"
Buffy smiled, and looked at her sister, "Turns out, Dawn and I have family there."
"Your father?"
"No. A friend."
*********
Buffy spent the next hours pouring over the journals. They dated all the way back to the 1920's. There was one for every year since then. She was amazed at just how much life Spike had lived. After hours of reading, Dawn came to sit beside her. Buffy looked up and noticed that they were the only two people left on the bus. Xander, Willow, and Kennedy had gone into the coffee shop with Giles to get something to eat. She had no idea where they were, and Buffy didn't care. She had a place to go now. She could have a normal life. Have a husband, some children maybe. Faith and Wood had volunteered to go to Cleveland to guard the Hellmouth. The other Slayers had dispersed to their homes. They would be on call if they were needed. The others could go where they chose. Xander had nowhere else to go so he would stay in Modesto with them. She could have a normal life now, thanks to him.
"Penny for your thoughts, Buffy?"
"What, oh nothing. I just wonder if I knew him at all. The Spike on these pages is totally different from what I thought he would be, you know? I mean, yeah vampire, a certain amount of gore comes with the gig, but he was soft too. A person, you know, real?"
"Makes sense," Dawn said with a slightly evil glint in her eye.
"Why," Buffy was suspicious, "What did he tell you Dawnie?"
"He just told me his name. His real name, the one he had when he was alive."
Intrigued, Buffy asked, "What is it Dawnie?"
Dawn giggled and leaned over to whisper in Buffy's ear. Buffy pulled back, surprised, "Oh, you have got to be kidding me," she laughed.
Dawn loved the sound of her sister's laughter. -Thank you, Spike. I haven't heard her laugh like that in so long, it's good to hear. Thank you for making her laugh again-.
"No, I swear, he told me last night," she smiled, "I thought he was joking too."
Buffy was still laughing, "Oh, Dawn, do you remember last year when Willow did that forgetting spell," she was crying with laughter now, "And he thought he was Randy Giles?" She was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe. Dawn couldn't help herself, she was laughing now too. Between giggles, Buffy managed to get out, "And Anya said there was a family resemblance? Spike thought Rupert was his Father! Oh, God, that is too funny!"
Suddenly, the two giggling girls put serious faces on. "Shush," Buffy said, "Here they come now!"
As Giles stepped into the bus, Buffy called to him, "Giles," she asked sweetly, "What can you tell us about your Great-Great- Uncle William?"
"Not much, I'm afraid. He disappeared in London around 1880. I don't even have a picture of him. The family isn't sure what became of him."
Buffy smiled. Making her way to the front of the bus, backpack in hand she sat down in the seat right behind the driver. "And none of the books you have told you what happened to your dear old Uncle?"
"No. The family assumed he became the victim of a vampire. That is why the Giles line became Watchers. Why the sudden interest in my family history, Buffy?"
"So, Uncle Willie got bit huh? You sure about that?"
Soon Buffy began to see recognition in the other's eyes. Xander smiled and nodded a little. Willow giggled.
Buffy was smiling, "He got bit all right."
"Buffy, do you know who killed my Uncle?"
Yes, Giles, I do. Don't worry though, he died a hero."
"How do you know? Buffy, is there some written account of what happened to him? Something you read in the school library, perhaps?"
"No Giles, there's nothing written. At least not yet."
"Then how?"
"Because I saw it Giles, with my own two eyes. This morning, in fact."
Giles's eyes began to widen in understanding, "Buffy, you don't mean that Spike?"
She nodded, "Is your Uncle William. Here Giles, he said you might want to look at these," she placed the pack next to him, "What do you say we find the nearest campground and you can spend some time with the family?"
Giles looked at her with tears in his eyes, "Thank you, Buffy, you have no idea what this means to me."
"Yes, Giles, I think I do."
*****
THE END
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!