She lied in bed staring at the ceiling. The clock was blinking 3:02 in its bright, red letters. She had been awake for hours, unable to go back to sleep after the nightmare; the reoccurring one that she had almost every night. The images of that day on the Hellmouth and what had happened where still fresh in her mind.
***
She is standing alone with him as the walls are crumbling around them. He’s glowing as the amulet around his neck shines light in the dark cave. She’s staring at him.
“Go on, then,” he says.
“No, no. You’ve done enough. You can still-“
“No, you’ve beat them back. It’s for me to do the cleanup.”
A voice is heard from up above them. “Buffy, come on!”
“Gotta move lamb. I think it’s fair to say school’s out for bloody summer.” Her eyes widen in realization.
“Spike!”
“I mean it. I gotta do this.” He holds his hand up in protest. She wraps her fingers around his and their joined hands burst into flame. Neither one feels it. Her eyes fill with tears at the look on his face. A look of clear wonder.
She looks into his clear, cerulean eyes. They show every once of love he holds for her and she finds it hard to look away.
“I love you.” She whispers softly; her tears spilling over. He gives her the softest smile that’s ever graced his lips. It makes her heart skip a beat.
“No you don’t. But thanks for saying it.” The ground shakes as another earthquake grips the Hellmouth. She drops his hand and for a minute she can see hurt flash across his blue eyes. Just for a minute. “Now go!” He yells and she runs up the stairs and out of the collapsing cave.
It’s not until later when Giles asks, “I don’t understand. Who did this?” that she realized he’s really gone. He sacrificed himself to save the world.
To save her.
***
Buffy wiped away the lone tear running down her cheek. Realizing she won’t be able to go back to sleep, she headed over to her closet and slid her feet into slippers. She opened her glass door that lead to the balcony overlooking Rome.
Wrapping her self in a blanket and sitting in a chair, she let the tears fall freely.
He is sitting in Angel’s office. Everyone’s out clubbing except for him. Funny, it should be tall, dark and broody sitting her moping, not him. But it isn’t. He just needs alone time right now. Time to think.
About her.
She’s been on his mind a lot lately. Every time he passes a blonde woman or sees some little girl with green eyes, he pictures her. His angel. His goddess. His savior.
She was---- is ---- so many things to him, but savior is the best word to sum them all up. Before he was forced to work on her side, he had been nothing; broken without his beloved Drusilla. Buffy had saved him from becoming dust.
He looked out the window at the night sky and tried to prevent the tears that were threatening to come. He wouldn’t cry about not having her. She was better off without him. She could live the normal life she had always dreamed of.
A smile came to his face of its own accord. If she was happy than he was too.
Buffy looked up at the dark purple sky. The stars twinkled and the horizon was a light color of pink. Dawn was approaching.
She closed her eyes and breathed in the cool air. Spike was probably happy where ever he was. He had to be after saving the world. He was probably in heaven. She smiled at the thought. Yeah, that’s where he was.
Closing her eyes once again she laid her head back against the chair. A peaceful sleep soon overcame her.
Spike stood up and took one last glance at the city of L.A. Knowing Buffy was happy; he had his peace and could go on without dwelling on the past. He walked out of Wolfram and Hart, wrapping his duster closer around him. He looked up at the tall building one last time before turning on his heal and leaving it and his past behind.
Angel walked into his office a few hours later. He noticed a piece of paper lying on top of his desk. He picked it up and sat down in his chair. It read:
Dear Angel,
I finally found the peace I’ve been searching for. I sat here in your office thinking for a while and I finally realized something. Buffy’s happy wherever she is; I can feel it. Now that I know that I don’t need to be here any longer.
We are lucky blokes aren’t we? Being able to find someone like Buffy to love and care for? That only happens so many times in a man’s life.
So with that thought I leave you. Sitting here, I realized that I was lucky. I may have never had the privilege of being loved by her, but I had the privilege of being in her presence; of being the shoulder she needed to cry on or the one to hold her when she was feeling down. I may never make it to heaven, but I’m okay with that. It can’t possibly be better than it was being with her.
I think you know why I’m telling you this so I don’t need to explain it. You can send it to Buffy if you feel it necessary.
I may not like you much, but I respect you. Just thought you should know that.
-William
Angel stared at the letter. He smiled in spite of the situation. Spike--- William had found his peace after all.
He wouldn’t send it to Buffy. She didn’t have to know that he was alive when she thought he wasn’t. She was happy now, Spike had said so.
He neatly folded the letter up and slipped it into his pocket, before he stood up and walked out the door, locking it behind him.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!