Chapter 1: The Dilemma
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Sometimes, she really, really, needed to think things through, and learn to control her mouth. She’d been so nervous at the thought of what might happen to her that the words had come tumbling out, kind of like vomit or something, with no way to take them back, not that she would want to take vomit back, because eww...
Gah! Sometimes she wished she just knew when to shut up. Her mouth seemed to talk her into more trouble than she could handle, and this time might definitely take the cake. No, make that absolutely take the cake.
Buffy was SO going to kill her.
Dawn cringed as she imagined her sister’s reaction to the bit of information she was going to have to tell her. She thought Cujo was scary but the rabid dog had nothing on her sister when she was royally pissed off, and pissed off she was going to be.
But they could handle it, right? It wasn’t like they didn’t save the world from impending apocalyptic doom every other Tuesday; this was almost nothing compared to that. Buffy could deal with this. It was just a matter of presenting the information in a good light. Try to make Buffy see the bright side of it.
Since her big mouth had dug her grave that morning, Dawn tried to think of a way to tell her sister with the least amount of damage possible. By the end of the school day she was a fidgety ball of nerves, because no matter which way she looked at it, the results were the same.
Buffy was SO going to kill her.
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Dawn stalled as long as she could, but there was no avoiding it; she was going to have to eventually go home. Hiding out in the public library as long as was humanly possible before being ushered out by one of the grouchy librarians had been her method of escape for the afternoon. Anything to delay going home.
Buffy was going to find out one way or another and knowing Buffy the way she did, she would rather hear it from her sister than from someone else, and that was the only reason Dawn even found herself standing on the sidewalk in front of her house.
Her feet had seemed to turn into lead as she neared the front steps. The rubber soles of her sneakers making the wood groan under her feet as she stepped up. The noise was seemingly louder than normal in the not so surprising eerie quiet that enveloped the block as the sun began to set.
Somewhere between making progress between the last step and the front door, the planks of wood had grown an adhesive and Dawn stood rooted to the spot. Buffy was on the other side of the door, possibly waiting for her, either for dinner or, worst case scenario, already knowing Dawn’s secret and was waiting with a long list of possible punishments, maybe even with a butcher knife or something equally scary.
Dawn wasn’t sure how long she stood there, her mind swirling with all the possibilities, when a grip on her shoulder startled her out of her thoughts. She gave a shriek and flailed around, trying to get away. She gave another squeal of panic as she found herself falling over and a strong grip on her arm was the only thing saving her from face planting into the porch.
"Dawn?" Buffy called out, squeezing her arm.
Dawn let out a nervous chuckle as she stood up and tried to refrain from looking like a deer caught in headlights.
"Buffy! Hey! I didn’t know you weren’t home," she gulped, her eyes darting around nervously.
"Scooby meeting. I picked up Chinese," Buffy explained swaying the bag in her hand. "Where have you been?" she asked frowning, but brushed past Dawn, already retrieving her keys from her pocket to unlock the front door.
"Oh, you know, at Janice’s, doing the whole buddy-study thing. Mr. McCafferty has been loading up on us so we went dutch on the homework thing," Dawn rambled with another giggle.
"Cool. Are you feeling okay? You’re a bit more babbly than normal," Buffy observed, looking back at Dawn as she held the door open.
Dawn gulped. So here was her chance. She could come clean, confess it all right now, and get it over with. Or, she could wait until they’d stuffed themselves full with Chow Mein goodness, which was always guaranteed to put Buffy in a good mood. Coward, thy name was Dawn.
"Yup," she answered, popping her ‘p’, holding back the urge just to blurt everything out. "I’m just hunky dory, maybe a little bit too much caffeine, or candy, or you know, I haven’t eaten since, like, lunch, maybe it’s food deprivation," she offered, nodding her head.
"Uh huh, sure," Buffy replied with a skeptic look. "How about you go and put your stuff away and wash up while I serve. And while we’re curing your ‘food deprivation’ you can tell me what’s up."
Dawn was quick to agree and shot up the stairs. The sooner she was away from Buffy, the less of a chance she had of spilling the news that she was sure was going to start World War III.
While she did throw her bag into her room, she promptly locked herself into the bathroom and began taking her time washing her hands, going as far as using that little manicure brush of Buffy’s, and repeating the whole process at least six times.
"Dawn! Dinner, now!"
Buffy’s shout had the brush flying out of her hands where it landed in places unknown. She quickly dried her hands on a towel. Unlocking the door, she fully expected to find Buffy on the other side impatiently tapping her foot, and let out a sigh of relief when she was met with nothing.
She tiptoed down the stairs, skipping the second to last step that squeaked, and rounded the corner into the dining room. Buffy’s back was facing her and Dawn couldn’t help but gulp as she took in the rigid set of her sister’s shoulders.
Dawn sat down opposite her sister and carefully examined her food. From the looks of it, something had upset Buffy and it didn’t hurt to double check that there was no obvious poison in her food. Not that you could visually detect over half the types she knew of, but it didn’t hurt to be cautious.
She hesitantly spooned some food into her mouth, feeling Buffy’s eyes watching her the whole time. Finally, Buffy began to eat and the two ate on in silence for a few minutes. Just enough time to let Dawn relax. Maybe she was wrong and Buffy didn’t know anything. Studying her plate again, she did realize that Buffy’s favorite dish wasn’t present and maybe that’s what had ruffled her feathers.
"So, anything interesting happen at school?"
Or maybe not…
Dawn looked up at Buffy’s neutral tone that translated into ‘I’m pissed as hell but I’m not going to let you know until I’ve beaten it out of you’.
"It was, you know, school. Nothing interesting," Dawn answered nonchalantly, as she tried not to fidget under her sister’s stare. So something definitely had happened in the ten minutes that she’d locked herself in the bathroom. She just wished she knew what.
"Nothing interesting at all?" Buffy continued to press.
"Not really," Dawn mumbled as she shoved another spoonful of food in her mouth.
"You sure? No surprise visit from the social workers where you didn’t just happen by chance to tell them something?"
"Umm…." Dawn gulped, her throat feeling very dry. She was so dead if the look in Buffy’s eyes told her anything.
"Dawn, spill, now," Buffy ordered, leaning back in her chair, crossing her arms, and glowering over the small space that separated the two.
"All right, so maybe some social workers came and maybe they started asking a lot of questions and maybe I just got a bit nervous and fidgety and babbly. You know how I get. And the two of them kept whispering and I just knew they were thinking up some elaborate plan to take me away because they didn’t like me and so I got all worried and scared and panicked and my mouth just opened and it happened."
"What happened?" Buffy asked, her words clipped.
Dawn shifted in her seat. "Well, I kind of, might of, sort of told the social workers… you-got-married-to-Spike," she rushed out in a single breath, giving a little whimper.
Buffy blinked. Married? Had Dawn really said married? To Spike?
"You want to run that by me one more time?" Buffy requested, but her eyes were wide, meaning she had understood perfectly what Dawn had said.
"I didn’t know what else to say! It was really early in the morning and it was the first idea that came to me and before I could convince my mouth it shouldn’t, it just blurted it all out and then I couldn’t take it back because they were already scribbling on their clipboards and whispering again and please, please don’t let them take me," she pleaded, tears beginning to gather in her eyes.
A sigh punctuated the silence and Dawn looked up to see Buffy’s mouth in a thin line, her eyes closed. If she didn’t know better Dawn would say Buffy was meditating but she could see the signs of anger in her sister’s body language.
"Please Buffy, don’t let them take me away," Dawn began to plead again, fear churning in her gut at the thought of being ripped away from the last of her family. "I know that I’m not doing as good as I use to but I can do better. I will do better. But please Buffy, don’t let them take me."
Buffy gave another sigh and got up, moving to sit next to Dawn. As much as she’d like to give reign to the anger she could feel inside, she needed to assure Dawn first, and then do the anger thing. She held her sister as she cried, running her hands through her hair. The fear her sister was feeling was the same thing that gripped her all the time, the constant worry that somehow, someway, she’d lose Dawn, whether to Glory, or now, Child Protection Services. They were just going to have to deal with the situation as best as they could.
"Dawnie, I’m not going to let them take you away," she promised as Dawn quieted down.
"I’m sorry," Dawn mumbled against her sister’s shirt.
"I know."
"How did you find out?" Dawn asked as she sat back up and wiped her face with her sleeve.
"There was a message on the machine that me and ‘my husband’ needed to make an appointment to see your principal," Buffy answered with a slightly amused smirk but there was still underlying anger in her tone.
"Oh. So… you mad?"
Buffy forced herself to let go of her sister and clutched her balled fists to her side. "Of course I’m mad Dawn! You lied first off, and now they all think I’m married, to Spike of all people!"
"I just…I didn’t know what else to say that would make them think that everything’s okay," Dawn explained, her eyes meeting Buffy’s again.
"And that’s what sprouted my instant husband?"
"Well, they just asked if they felt like I was missing out on anything or if I was being cared for good enough and I kind of let Spike’s name slip and when they asked me who he was, that was the only thing I could think of."
"Why is it that you guys always have me paired up with Spike?" Buffy whined with a pout. "Are you all trying to tell me something?"
"He’s pretty cool as far as vamps go," Dawn answered with a smile. "I mean, I would be completely happy if a vamp like him was in love with me."
"But see Dawn, that’s the problem. Spike is a vampire, and I’m the Slayer. Sworn enemies, not destined to be happily ever after," Buffy countered back. Why was she even having this conversation?
"Angel was a vampire, so what’s the difference?" Dawn asked but then rushed on as Buffy began to protest the whole ‘soul’ thing. "I know, he has a ‘soul’," she mocked. "But why does that really matter? I mean, in history class we’re studying the Holocaust and people with souls are a million times worse than Spike. I mean, people are killing and doing worse things every day, and they all have souls."
Buffy frowned. She’d never really thought about it like that before. It had always been soul equals good, black and white, no gray areas.
"Do you hate me?"
Dawn’s serious, but out of place question threw her for a loop, putting her anger momentarily on hold.
"No! How could you even ask me that?" Buffy questioned, taken aback.
"Buffy, I’m not exactly human. Well, I am, but I’m also the Key, whatever that is. Who knows if I have a soul? I was a mystical ball of energy for millions of years. Just because they magiced me human, doesn’t mean they included a soul," Dawn said with a grim stare.
"What are you talking about? You have a soul!" Buffy replied emphatically.
"But what if I didn’t? Would it make a difference?" Dawn asked, her whole persona changing from geeky teen to something different, something wise.
"No, you’re my sister, no matter what," Buffy said, grabbing Dawn’s hand, her mind flashing back to when she found Dawn at the hospital and proving to her they were really sisters.
The two were silence in their own thoughts a moment before Dawn spoke up again.
"The way I see it Buffy, Spike doesn’t have a soul to lose so what’s the big? Yeah, he’s a vampire, but he’s a cool one. And he loves you. And you trust him. I know that. Or you wouldn’t let him take care of me and mom."
Buffy clenched her jaw. Okay, so yeah, it was true. There was no way she would have left the two most important people in her life in Spike’s hands if she didn’t trust him marginally. She had to admit that Spike had changed a lot since they’d found him starving on the footsteps of Giles’ apartment. He’d done good since then, helped them out, and then there was the mess with Glory. He’d put himself on the line to protect Dawn, to protect her secret. He could have sold them out, but he didn’t, because it would have broken her, it would have killed her, the not so pleasant Buffy.
Boy, did growing up ever suck. Buffy gave a pout as she realized she was really going to have to accept that the world wasn’t black and white like she wanted it to be. There were shades of gray and Spike had just happened to land himself right smack dab in the middle. The stupid vamp went against everything she was taught. It messed up her whole system.
"You know, you’re going to have to talk to him and tell him," Dawn reminded, bringing back the conversation to where it had originally started.
"Don’t remind me," Buffy grumbled at her, the anger returning to her voice.
"Is it really that bad?" Dawn asked, her face earnest. "For it to be Spike?"
"Yes Dawn, it is that bad. He’s the most annoying, irritating person ever. And now I’m might be forced to pretend to be married to him."
"Right, like you absolutely hate the way you guys bicker," Dawn tossed back with a disbelieving look. "I may be a dumb kid but even I can see when there’s chemistry, and you two could probably fuel a nuclear bomb."
Instead of commenting on Dawn’s appraisal of what was between her and Spike, she cleared her throat and got back to the subject at hand. "So what exactly did you tell the social workers?"
Dawn gave a sheepish smile. "Just that you two were recently married, and that he’s been helping out, but nothing else. My mouth froze up after I realized what I’d said."
"And what did the social workers say about it?" Buffy asked.
"Actually, they seemed pretty happy about it. I heard one of them whisper that maybe you were serious about keeping a good family structure for me and that the marriage showed how you were being responsible," Dawn answered eagerly. Why she’d forgotten that smidge of information earlier, she didn’t know. But now that she was over being scared and Buffy wasn’t pummeling her, the whole situation seemed better and she could think.
"Huh?"
Dawn continued on as if she hadn’t heard her sister. "And I’m guessing that if I told them I was lying, they’d probably mark a check in the bad column against you. Maybe…maybe this can work to our benefit then. I mean, if you and Spike pretend to be married, just for a while, maybe we can convince the social workers I’m really okay here and then they’ll leave us alone?" Dawn suggested.
Buffy stared at Dawn, not sure if this really wasn’t all something she’d plan ahead but the anxious look in her eye told her that wasn’t the truth. Honestly, the plan wasn’t that bad of an idea, not that she’d ever admit it. All Buffy knew was that she couldn’t lose Dawn. There would be no way to fix her if she lost Dawn; and much like her mother had been, Dawn was everything to her now, all she had left.
"We’ll see. I’m going to have to talk to Spike before we decide anything," she said with a glare as Dawn began to smile. "But don’t get your hopes up," she snapped at her sister quickly, wilting her smile and letting her know she still wasn’t happy with her. "I’m going to do what needs to be done, even if pretending to be married to Spike is the only way we’re going to convince the social workers that you’re not lacking here then that’s what we’re going to have to do. Because I’m not losing you Dawn. I’m not going to let them take you away," Buffy said.
"Thanks Buffy."
"Now, about your punishment…"
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tbc…