Buffy and Spike sat for a long time without saying a word. Spike felt as though he should feel more awkward sitting at the slayers house, with the slayer, not to mention the shotgun on his other side. However he felt good somehow. She needed someone and for some reason right now, she was letting it be him.
Buffy didn’t know why Spike being there was actually comforting. Maybe because he was letting her be alone without leaving her alone. Most people didn’t do that, including Buffy, most people need to be proactive. They meant well but sometimes the most comforting thing you can do is sit with someone. Not trying to help, just reminding them that you would. It was however that thought that made her wonder why Spike would, and then she remembered something.
“Is that a shotgun you were carrying?” She asked without looking at him, but was more matter of fact that accusatory.
“Oh…uh…yeah…I um-”
“I know. Why didn’t you use it? Or more accurately try to use it.”
Spike didn’t know what to tell her without telling her everything. He decided on a version of the truth. “You don’t kill – or try to kill – someone when they’re down. It’s just wrong.”
“Well, that would be why you’re alive too.”
“I guess we’re not as opposite as we thought.”
“I guess…” her words trailed off as she thought about how true that might be. “You know have to stay. I mean if you’re pitying me when I’m down that’s not –“
“What? No. Not pity. I don’t know…tonight was…intense, it pissed me off but it must be hard when I think about it, you know, thinking about what could happen to you.”
“Or the people I love…I’m not out here about tonight…it’s just my Mom…”
Spike grew more worried and it came out in his voice. “What about her? Is everything alright?”
Buffy smiled for the first time as she looked at him. Gently moved by his genuine concern for her mother. “You did always liker her. She’s okay though. I mean hopefully. She’s been sick a lot lately and they’re giving her a CAT scan to see if anything is up. Honestly I’m probably overreacting. It’s just…you know.”
“More than you know.” He told her remembering his own mother. “I’m sure she’ll be fine though. You Summers women are the toughest I’ve seen in a long time.”
Buffy thought about his comment. She considered asking him why he was being so kind to her family, and more importantly her. She decided against it, she was beginning to feel a little better and if asking could start a fight she really didn’t want to.
So once again they sat in silence. After a minute Spike asked if her mom was already gone to the hospital.
“Yeah, we’re going in the morning to see what’s up and bring her home…hopefully.”
“Well then you best get to bed.” He stood up in front of her and she looked up at him with a confused look on her face. “You don’t want to be tired, you’ll have Dawn to worry about. If you want I can watch over things out here. You won’t admit it but you’re not at your best so if anything happens, with that woman or anything else, and you know it often does, you’ll want someone who can handle it.”
“You don’t have to – “
“I want to.” The minute he said it he wanted to take it all back. The look on her face was very sceptical and he worried he had gone too far, he worried he may have just told her how he felt. But then her face changed.
“If you’re going to play protector, come inside. I don’t now if it’s necessary but if you’re going to be skulking her it creeps me out less if you’re inside.”
Spike thought he might have struck gold. He couldn’t fathom why she would decide this was okay, but he wasn’t about to question it and possibly ruin it.
Buffy turned around and went inside with Spike not far behind, leaving his shotgun completely forgotten.
Buffy felt a little awkward with him in her house just to be there, more importantly to protect her. She thought maybe he was doing this to make up for going there to kill. That maybe he thought she would pay him back once she felt better. Somehow though, she didn’t feel like that was quite right. She decided chock this all up to a weird night and stop analysing it.
“I’m going to go to bed. You can sleep on the couch or watch TV or something. WE don’t exactly keep blood in the fridge, but – “
“It’s alright, I’m fine. You go on to bed. I’ll see you and the Niblet in the morning.”
She nodded at him and started walking up the stairs as he settled himself on the couch. Though something had been eating at her since the alley and this seemed as good a time as any to deal with it. “I don’t know if I believe anyone can be better that anyone.”
“What?”
“I was scared in the alley. ‘Cause I think…I think you’re lessons weren’t way off base and that makes me scared what exactly the slayer part of me is, or can be. And then you pissed me off…but I don’t know if I even believe it’s possible.” She finished with a knowing look and Spike realized she was apologizing in her own way for earlier that night. He nodded at her indicating in his eyes that all was forgiven. She smiled and continued up the stairs.
*****************************************************************************
An hour later they were both lying on their respective ‘beds’ looking up at the ceilings above them.
“Thank you.” They both said in perfect unison, before rolling over and going to sleep. Neither fully understood why there were given the comfort that they needed from each other that night, but they were undeniably grateful for it.
****************************************************************************
The next morning when Buffy went downstairs ready to take Dawn with her to the hospital she found Dawn eating breakfast while watching cartoons with Spike. They were just sitting but it made Buffy smile to see Dawn looking happy. She knew this was weighing on Dawn as much as it was her.
“Hey Buffy. You knew Spike was here?” Dawn asked as she noticed Buffy.
“What can I say luv? She wouldn’t believe me.” Spike told Buffy with a smile.
“Neither would I, but yes, I knew Dawn.”
“Huh, okay.” Dawn said with a shrug.
“I think it’s time to go Dawnie.” Buffy told her sympathetically.
“Alright.” Dawn’s face fell as she got up. Spike grabbed her hand briefly and looked in her eyes with comfort.
“It’ll be alright.” She smiled and thanked him before going upstairs to get her purse.
Buffy walked to Spike and he stood. For the first time he realized she was holding a blanket. “Added security?” He asked.
Buffy chuckled a bit, “No, I just thought if you needed to leave and not be dust. But you can hang here if you want, I’m sure Mom won’t mind if you’re here.”
He took the blanket, more moved than he thought he ought to be. “Thank you…I don’t know if I’ll stay but thank you.”
At this Dawn came downstairs telling Buffy she was ready. Buffy walked to the door following Dawn who waved goodbye to Spike, who in turn nodded back. As Buffy picked up her keys she looked at Spike and told him. “No, thank you.” And left.
Spike stood feeling elated and more in love with Buffy than ever. He thought then that he should leave. If you hang on too tight to a good thing it has a tendency to go sour. Then thought, "well as long as I’m here, couldn’t hurt to take a tour." With that he headed up the stairs.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!