I can’t believe what I’m saying ... what my voice is singing. I try not to look at the others as these words come pouring out of my mouth but I can’t help myself. My eyes scan the room ... searching and not finding what I am desperately looking for.

I see Willow with her tear stained face back away in horror as the realization of what I’m saying reaches her. I almost feel guilty but I rein myself back. Enough thinking about everyone and everything. When will my feelings matter?

I’m spinning out of control and I could stop it and I find I don’t want to. I want this to end. I want the pain and the “life” to end. I smell something burning and realize my feet are smoking and I smile to myself.

The end is near.

I’m welcoming it as a strong pair of hands grab me. I’m stopped, my hair whipped into my face. I didn’t expect to be saved and I stare down at the hands that are wrapped around my arms and I find myself pleasantly surprised. The black of his leather duster brushes against my legs as he opens his mouth.

“Life’s not a song. Life isn’t bliss, life is just this. It’s living. You’ll get along. The pain that you feel only can heal by living. You have to go on living. So one of us is living.”

I can’t help but meet his eyes with my own as he sings. His voice is like velvet sliding over my skin provocatively. I melt inside, and find myself seeing inside him. Seeing the man I always knew he was but refused to believe.

His blue eyes are fathomless and I’m falling into them.


*~*

In the middle of our song he is gone, in a flash of black leather he is out the door and I panic.

Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, is the mantra in my head as I forget what I’m singing and chase after him.

He rolls his eyes when he sees me and my heart lurches. I almost second guess myself but I hold back. If I want him I need to prove it.

Our eyes lock and we gaze at one another. Staring ... our eyes conveying what we can not say. He’s finishing my lyrics with his own. Perfectly in sync with my words ... my feelings.

It humbles me.

Makes me understand what I have been missing.

We are inching closer to each other. His eyes turning an impossible shade of blue and again I find myself falling into them. Seeing him as if it was the first time all over again.

I am awed as his hand brushes against mine. I want to look down, see his skin against mine but his eyes have me caught.

Our mouths are a breath apart and I find myself wondering what would happen if I just kissed him.

What it would feel like to have his lips against mine, his body against me.

What it would feel like to finally stop lying to myself and to him. To finally give “us" a chance.

I have a moment to see his shocked look as I lean into him.