Dedicated to James Marsters, without whom Spike would not be the passionate, sensitive, tragic, funny, romantic, pathetic, violent, beautiful, loyal, vulnerable, impulsive, sympathetic, loving, infuriating, emotional and sexy character he is.
All from Spike’s POV. Obviously other events, reactions, conversations, discussions and revelations will be occurring elsewhere, (sort of off-screen) but you’ll just have to fill those blanks in for yourself.
I'd like to thank my beta Gill for her invaluable input when the plot bunnies either went on strike, or went on the rampage and took me way off course.
Spike woke slowly from a very erotic dream and stretched sensuously, reaching out for Buffy to bring the dream to life. She wasn’t where he expected to find her. He opened his eyes and to his immense disappointment he discovered he was alone and Buffy’s side of the big bed was cold. Grumbling quietly to himself he concentrated his senses and found her downstairs. He could hear soft feminine voices coming from the living room.
Although it was mid-morning Spike was wide awake, the events of the past few days having disturbed his natural body-clock, and his stomach was rumbling. He clambered out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans, then made his way downstairs. He paused in the doorway to the living room, unable to enter because of the bright sunshine streaming in through the windows.
Buffy Anya and Tara were gathered around the coffee table each examining a sheaf of papers. Tara had just hung up the phone and was settling down in the corner of the couch. “That’s the florist seen to then.” She said, placing the piece of paper she was holding onto a small pile on the coffee table. A very subdued Anya who was kneeling beside the table made a mark on a list lying next to the pile.
“Mornin’ all,” Spike mumbled sulkily. “Wha’s goin’ on?”
“Oh, you’re awake!” Buffy exclaimed, getting up and crossing towards him to wrap her arms around his waist and reach up for a kiss. “Were you having a nice dream darling?” She smiled cheekily. “It certainly felt very happy. I almost came back to bed…”
Spike breathed softly into her ear. “Evil woman, you know exactly what I was feeling…” He crushed her to him pressed his arousal into her belly and nuzzled his mark on her neck.
“I know…” She whispered with a smile, squeezing him fondly. “Later…” She drew slightly away from him and spoke normally. “Go get yourself some breakfast, I’ll make the room vamp-friendly.”
With his mug of warm blood cradled between his hands Spike crossed into the now sun-free living room and stood watching the girls shuffling their papers. He asked, “Where’s Rupert then?”
Buffy looked up from her list and told him, “He agreed to open up the Magic Box today so Anya could have the morning off.”
Gesturing at all the papers Spike asked, “Last minute wedding preparations?”
Buffy shook her head slightly and grimaced a warning as she nodded towards Anya. The former demon stood up and quietly declared, “No. We’re busy cancelling the wedding.” Her face was very pale and her eyes were red-rimmed from crying. “It’s unfortunate we’re going to lose some quite large deposits, but most people are really being very understanding.”
Spike suppressed the angry growl that was threatening to rumble up from his chest. Taking a deep breath and making an effort to remain calm he gently asked, “What’s the whelp done now? Would you like me to eat him for you love?”
Taking his words literally Anya replied, “No Spike, but thank you for the offer, it’s very thoughtful of you. Xander and I have some problems, but if he’s dead we’ll never be able to work things out.”
“So you’re not giving up on him altogether then?” Spike prompted as he popped a mint into his mouth.
Anya sighed, “I really don’t know. I love him and he’s my best friend, but he just can’t deal with the fact I used to be a demon. I’ve realised I can’t spend the rest of my life with someone who refuses to even think about my past. You’re so lucky Spike, Buffy accepts all of you…” Fresh tears began to trickle down her cheeks and she searched blindly for a tissue.
Without thinking, Spike put his empty mug down and stepped forward to wrap his arms around the tearful young woman. “There there love, the silly sod doesn’t deserve you… you’re worth so much more…” He brushed tears from her cheek with the back of his fingers and quietly said, “He just doesn’t get it does he? He only sees the pretty girl he met in high school who used to have an unusual job. He doesn’t realise that inside you’re still exactly the same person as before. You’re still the woman who turned her cheating boyfriend into a troll and accepted the opportunity to become a vengeance demon. You haven’t changed at all… the only difference is you’ve been given a vulnerable mortal body and lost your powers… and it’s so hard to get used to feeling so helpless and find a place to fit in…”
“Oh Spike, you understand.” Anya sobbed. “Of course you would, it’s exactly the same for you.”
Spike became aware of a low jealous growl coming from behind him, and he turned his head guiltily to see a flushed Slayer glaring daggers at his back.
Anya lifted her head and peeked over Spike’s shoulder. “Oh I’m sorry Buffy. I’m not trying to steal your Mate but he does smell very good and his chest is pleasantly solid to lean against. He has remarkably comforting well muscled arms too.”
Making a supreme effort of self-control Buffy ducked out of the room for a few moments and returned with one of Spike’s black t-shirts, which she handed to him. “Under the circumstances, once he’s put his shirt on you may borrow his arms and chest for comforting huggage Anya. His naked chest and the rest of him, are all mine!”
Spike smirked mischievously at his Mate as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, then once more enfolded the grateful sniffling ex-demon in a firm embrace.
Tara regarded them with a twinkle in her eye and a teasing lopsided grin. “So Spike gives good hug does he? I’ll have to remember that.”
Spike rolled his eyes, reluctantly admitting, “Just can’t stand to see my girls cry.”
“Am I one of your girls then?” Anya asked, forgetting her tears in her surprise. “It’s not as if I’m a real Scooby…”
Buffy replied for him, confidently declaring, “Of course you’re a real Scooby Anya, you have been for years. We couldn’t do without your knowledge of the demon world and your keen instincts. You’re the one who gave us the best ideas for the battle with Glory!” She smiled indulgently at Spike. “And that means you are part of the family and under Spike’s care. You should know by now that my vampire is very protective of his family.”
Anya began crying softly again. “I’m really a real Scooby? I thought you just accepted me because I was with Xander…”
“Oh Anya,” Buffy said guiltily. “I’m so sorry if we’ve made you feel that way. From now on you must remember that you are really and truly one of the Scooby family. You’re our friend and we love you. Even if you can’t sort things out with Xander you will always be welcome here.” She stepped up beside Spike and wrapped one arm around him and one around Anya. She beckoned to Tara who stood and joined them all in a rather sniffly group hug. “That goes for you too Tara, in case we haven’t made it clear.” She added earnestly to the shy Wicca, “Whatever happens in the future between you and Willow, know that you will always be our friend and we love you too.”
Abruptly becoming uncomfortably aware of having three emotional young women in his arms Spike withdrew from them and stepped back, edging towards the doorway and compulsively clearing his throat in embarrassment. He was the Big Bad. He was evil. He didn’t do girly group hugs.
However good they felt.
“Um… right… I’ll leave you to get on with it then shall I?” He stood awkwardly for a minute with his fists buried deep in the pockets of his jeans to prevent his arms from going back around his girls. Then making an impatient little humphing noise to himself he reluctantly admitted that he was totally and irrevocably housetrained, something he had once angrily accused Angel of being… and what’s more he relished the condition. He asked, “Is there something I can do to help? You know… something that doesn’t involve a fatal sunlight overdose? Isn’t this the sort of occasion that requires a large amount of chocolate? Or is it doughnuts? Um… Ice-cream?”
Buffy directed a slightly damp smile at him around Tara’s shoulder. “I know I’m supposed to be on this healthy diet now, but can we make an exception just for today? I definitely feel the need for ice cream. Oh, and lots of yummy pizza…”
“Oh yes…” Anya pleaded. “It’s certainly a pizza day, and can I have some Chubby Hubby?”
Tara shyly put in, “Phish food for me please…”
Buffy blinked winsomely at Spike with those huge innocent puppy dog eyes that got to him every time and suggested, “Perhaps you could ring for pizza for us? And then make a quick ice-cream run? I’d like Chunky monkey…”
As Spike caved in and used the phone to order a couple of huge pizzas the girls all dried their eyes and with embarrassed little giggles resumed their wedding cancellation activities. As soon as he had hung up and located his heavy blanket in preparation for making the smoky run to his car to get the ice-cream, Buffy grabbed the phone. She began calling guests to let them know the wedding wasn’t going to take place, ticking their names off on the list as she did so.
A couple of hours later all the telephone calls had been made and the pizzas had been reduced to grease stains and odd scraps of crust. The three girls were curled up with their chosen pots of ice cream. Tara and Anya were at opposite ends of the couch and Buffy was happily settled in Spike’s lap in the big armchair, occasionally feeding him a spoonful in exchange for a kiss.
Buffy quietly asked, “So... what are you going to do now Anya? Are you going to stay living with Xander? I suppose you could go back to just kinda dating…”
Anya looked a bit startled. “Oh. I hadn’t thought about that.” She frowned. “I hadn’t thought past cancelling the wedding…” She took a large mouthful of ice cream and then sucked the upside-down spoon thoughtfully. “If I stay at the apartment Xander will expect orgasms… I think I need to spend some time away from him. We both have to do some thinking.” Tears appeared in her eyes again. “But I’ve nowhere else to go…”
Buffy smiled, “Well, at least that last part is easy Anya. You’ll stay here on the couch until you decide what you want to do of course.” She shrugged. “Everyone does.”
Anya sagged slightly in relief and breathed, “Oh! Thank you Buffy.”
Tara chuckled softly, “You might want to get yourself some earplugs in that case Anya. I can tell you where I got mine if you like.”
Buffy blushed madly and protested, “We’re not that loud!” Looking around she saw nothing but smiling faces. Hesitantly she asked, “Are we?”
Tara leaned forward and patted her on the knee. Gently she reassured her, “Just as long as you believe that Buffy.”
Spike struggled not to laugh, his tongue curling up behind his teeth as Buffy turned to look at him. When her expression turned fierce he twitched his scarred eyebrow at her suggestively and she began to giggle. She scolded him, “Oh stop!” and thumped him playfully on the chest.
A few minutes later Buffy was busy suggesting to Anya where she could keep her personal possessions and explaining the working routine of the household when the telephone rang.
Twenty minutes later Buffy was holding the door open as Spike went barrelling into the Magic box under his smouldering blanket. He’d had to park on the next block so the run was slightly further than his usual dash from the nearest manhole cover. Anya followed slightly more sedately, and had to pause in the doorway to wait for Spike to stomp out the little flames licking at the blanket.
Buffy mused, “I’m going to have to get you a thicker blanket.”
Giles looked up from the cash register where he was busy sorting out change for a customer and desperately pleaded, “Anya… please….”
The three new arrivals looked around. The shop was packed. Anya went straight into action, quickly and efficiently dealing with the waiting customers. Spike dodged through the throng to sit on the ladder to the balcony and Buffy followed him to sit on a lower rung between his legs with her right arm wrapped around his leg, leaning her cheek against it as he ran his fingers playfully through her hair.
They watched for a few minutes as the mad rush dwindled and Giles was finally able to leave the counter and sit by them at the round research table. He took his glasses off and polished them, then gave his brow a mop to remove the dewy beads of perspiration that had gathered. “I’d forgotten,” He muttered. “Friday afternoon… retail hell.”
Giles took a few moments to gather his wits then turned to Spike and Buffy. “Thank you for coming so quickly. There are several things I need to speak to you about… although the material about the portals can wait until Dawn gets here.” He spoke quietly as a customer came close enough to hear. “It would be better if you all heard that together so you can discuss it among yourselves and ask any questions you may have to clarify things.” He reached into an inside pocket of his jacket and leafed through the sheaf of papers he withdrew.
He paused as another customer passed by browsing the shelves, then continued. “I’ve remained in contact with both Angel’s team in LA and Quentin Travers as I’ve been working on the portals, and upon Angel’s prompting I slipped in a request to Quentin for anything the Council might have on Vampire Claims.” He chuckled ruefully. “It turns out there are quite a few restricted files in the Council archives, and although it seems I no longer need the information for my original purpose, I think you’ll both find it fascinating.” Yet another customer approached too close for comfort, increasing his frustration as he waited to speak. “Perhaps we should adjourn to the training room?”
When they were settled in the back room with Spike and Buffy cuddled up together on a pile of training mats and Giles sitting on the green couch, Giles asked, “Buffy, could you please tell me how you feel about Angel at the moment?” Seeing Spike’s tense expression and Buffy’s puzzled look he smiled. “I promise I have a good reason for asking. Could you please just give me your immediate thoughts as you heard me speak his name?”
Buffy frowned slightly. “I felt a bit of anger from what you told us last night, and a lot of disappointment in him.” She thought for a few seconds. “I guess the strongest feeling I have is irritation with him.”
Giles smiled and nodded slightly as if he had received the answer he had expected. Raising a quizzical eyebrow he hesitantly asked, “I notice you didn’t mention love, not even affection or friendship...”
Buffy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Oh!” She gasped, then she began chewing her bottom lip as her brow creased once more in thought. She shook her head slowly. “Nope… no love… and he’s not really a close friend any more either… he’s still a friend though.” She looked across at Giles in bewilderment. “I don’t get it… last week when we were in LA there were definitely both very loving feelings and strong friendy feelings. What’s going on Giles?”
Giles passed her the papers he had been holding. “I think you need to study this... both of you. Not only does it describe the correct forms of the various claiming rituals, but I have a feeling it might help you understand the very obvious alteration in your attitude to Angel since your Mating claim.” He looked at Spike. “It also explains the situation you encountered with Drusilla very clearly.”
As Spike and Buffy exchanged a significant look Giles continued. “Another thing…” He took his glasses off for another polish, and both Spike and Buffy smiled as they noted the signs of a potentially embarrassing question coming up. “I saw the way you cleaned Buffy’s cuts the other night Spike. Is that a wise habit to get into? Wouldn’t it be better to wait until they can be tended to properly?”
Spike shrugged, “It was pure instinct Rupert, the demon taking care of his injured Mate. I thought you knew there is a natural antibacterial in vampire saliva as well as it’s coagulating properties. Apart from that the scent of fresh Slayer blood was spreading across the whole area, not a good thing at all. Buffy’s bleeding had to be stopped as soon as possible.”
Buffy added, “Giles... don’t worry. The cuts Spike has treated for me have healed twice as fast as any I’ve had before, and once he’s cleaned them out they don’t hurt any more either.” She considered for a moment, “Actually, it just seemed a completely natural thing to do. Perhaps that’s part of the Bond too…”
Giles continued, flushing slightly as he asked, “The reason I’m asking Buffy, is that I notice your bite mark is fresh again. I thought Spike had refused to feed from you? I wouldn’t want you to get complacent…”
Buffy blushed as her hand went straight to her neck. “Um… Oh… No Giles…”
Spike smirked at the Watcher. “That wasn’t a feeding bite Rupert, that was…”
Buffy hurriedly broke in. “Giles, Since we did the Claim in LA Spike has never bitten me unless I asked him to… under circumstances that are private and so none of your business!”
Spike waited for the penny to drop, and smirked again as Giles took his glasses off again, polishing them frantically as he blushed bright red and murmured, “Oh dear Lord… I really don’t think I wished to know…”
Anya saved him from any further embarrassment by poking her head around the door and asking Giles to return to the shop as more customers were awaiting attention than she could deal with. Buffy and Spike settled down to learn all about Vampire Claims.
An hour later Buffy was sitting cross-legged reading the last page of information while Spike was curled on his side behind her with his head propped up on his right hand. His left hand was playing up and down her back under her shirt. “Well Nathan was right about Dru.” He commented. “Although our Claim doesn’t appear to be quite a complete Mating, it was certainly enough to bugger up Dru’s Sire Bond.”
Buffy laid aside the paper she was holding and straightened her spine, stretching her arms above her head. “Yeah, and I think Giles was right about Angel too.” She half turned to run her fingers through his hair, absently freeing it from its rigid slicked back style into the softer tousled look she preferred. “It’s so weird the way I feel so completely different about him now.”
“He’ll never admit to having put you under a bleedin’ Controlling Claim, you know that don’t you?” Spike hesitated a moment, then asked, “Are you sure you want to renew our Claim Buffy? What we have now can be broken, but if we do one of these rituals…” He pointed to the sheet of paper describing the three different forms of Mating Claim, “It really will be forever.”
Buffy looked down at him. “You don’t want to…?”
Spike felt her insecurity and quickly reassured her. “Didn’t say that Buffy love. I’ll happily do any one of them you pick, you know that. I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into. We just fell into this by accident. Now you have the chance to make the decision whether to get rid of the Claim altogether, make what we’ve got now permanent, or take it further.”
Buffy smiled, “Well I already know I want at least to keep what we’ve got, so that would be covered by this one, it would just make it unbreakable.” She pointed to the first of the three rituals listed. “We could renew with that without changing anything. I just need to think about the other two for a while. They both seem a bit more…”
Spike lifted her shirt and nuzzled at her side, licking the soft warm flesh there. “A bit more binding you mean…” He finished for her. “Perhaps you ought to talk it over with your Watcher?”
Buffy nodded. “Yeah, I think perhaps I will.” She got up and started walking towards the door. “I’ll ask him to come back in here and we can…”
Spike had been hearing voices from the other side of the training room door for a while without bothering to listen to what was being said, but with Buffy about to open the door he concentrated. “Stop, Buffy love…” When she turned back towards him with a questioning eyebrow lifted he held up a hand to delay her. “You might want to wait a minute, Demon Girl’s having another little weep. Sounds as if Rupert’s comforting her.”
Buffy came back to sit beside him. “Oh, okay.” She thought for a moment then asked, “I’ve just realised, you call everybody by one of those silly nicknames of yours, but Giles you always call either ‘Watcher’ or Rupert. Why is he the only person apart from me you call by his given name?”
Spike smirked, “What does he always insist people call him, Buffy?”
“Well... Giles. He always asks…” She laughed, “Oh I see… you know he hates being called Rupert so that’s why you do it!”
Spike chuckled, “Now you’re gettin’ it.” He listened to the conversation from the shop for a few more minutes, then commented, “Well I didn’t see that comin’!” Buffy cocked her head questioningly and he explained. “Rupert’s just offered her the second bedroom in his new place, suggested they should share expenses.” After due consideration of Buffy’s surprised expression at that piece of news he didn’t think it would be a good idea to mention the very affectionate tone of voice in which that offer had been made. A few minutes later after a very pleasant snog, he nodded when he heard Anya speaking to a customer, “’S’okay now, Demon Girl’s back to business.”
When Giles was once more settled on the green couch Buffy explained their quandary, that they felt it was time for them to decide which of the Mating rituals they should adopt. When he questioned her determination to persevere with any of them, a single Slayer glare quickly silenced him. After the ritual Polishing Of The Glasses, Giles quietly announced, “There’s just one thing I need to make sure of first Buffy. The Council sent one more document regarding vampire Claims, one that specifically mentions vampires Mating with humans.” He looked pointedly at Spike. “It seems that the commonest reason that a vampire might select a human as a Mate is in preparation for turning them later.” He paused for effect.
Buffy turned her suddenly fearful eyes to Spike. He quailed under her gaze. “You don’t think… I didn’t even know… You think I would…? Bloody Hell Buffy!” He jumped to his feet and started anxiously pacing up and down the training room, his mind in turmoil as he fished in his pockets for his cigarettes.
Eventually her voice penetrated his consciousness and he stopped to look at her. “Stop it Spike, you’re making me dizzy. Come and sit down!” As he took another deep drag of his cigarette she added, “And put that out!”
Rolling his eyes in frustration he stubbed out the cigarette on the heel of his boot and sulkily collapsed in a heap at her side. Giles glared at him. “Spike, can you honestly say you’ve never considered the possibility of turning Buffy? You must have thought about the drawbacks of taking a human as a Mate, the difference in life expectancy for one thing…”
Spike sighed, resigned to tell the truth. “Thought about it once or twice, when she was being more than usually… um…”
Buffy helpfully suggested, “You mean when I was being BitchyBuffy?”
He grinned ruefully at her. “Well… yeah.” He turned to Giles. “But the thing is I couldn’t do that… she wouldn’t be the same Buffy I fell for. I learned that a long time ago. You love someone, decide you want to make them like you, make them part of the family, then when they rise it’s not them any more.” He closed his eyes and for the first time for many years thought of that harrowing day his mother had risen as a vampire. He shuddered. He couldn’t go through that again. Not even for Buffy.
Giles gently asked, “And what will you do when Buffy dies Spike? Because you know she will one day. Even if she survives her duties as the Slayer she’ll get old, and one day she’ll die. Barring incidents with pointy wooden objects, you won’t.”
Spike had been thinking about that a lot since Buffy’s resurrection, and had his answer ready. He looked down at the floor and quietly said, “If Dawn still needs me I’ll stay and look after her… like last time. I gave my word. If she’s all grown and happy and doesn’t need me any more I’ll go out and watch the sunrise.”
Spike suddenly found his hand held in a very strong grip. “No!” Buffy protested, “You can’t do that! I won’t let you!”
Spike turned to look into her tear filled eyes and sadly reminded her, “Ah but you won’t be there to stop me will you sweetheart? That’s the whole point.” He shrugged and smiled mischievously. “All I can promise is to make sure that time takes as long to come as I can. You’re going to break all the records Buffy. I’ve decided. You’re going to be the longest living Slayer there will ever be. If I get my way you’ll still be kicking demon ass when Dawn’s grandchildren are grown.”
Buffy chuckled quietly then she suddenly looked horrified. Her hand went to her face, “Oh no!” She cried. “I’ll be all old and grey and wrinkly! You’ll hate me!”
Spike shook his head, “Never gonna happen Buffy. It’s more likely you’d hate me.” At her puzzled look he sighed and explained. “Imagine this… we’re going to Dawn’s grand-daughter’s wedding. You’ll be all done up in your posh frock and looking gorgeous, but you’ll be a gorgeous seventy five or eighty year old woman, although with the Bond it looks as if you’ll appear as if you’re in your forties. I’ll be exactly as I am now. Don’t tell me that wouldn’t be burning you up inside.”
Buffy’s mouth suddenly formed a big silent O. She released his hand and turned away from him, and suddenly he couldn’t feel her emotions at all. How had she managed to close them off from him? He hadn’t realised how much he had come to depend on that connection, that wonderful warm feeling of belonging. Almost imperceptibly over the past week it had grown and taken root and become part of him. He shivered. Suddenly he was all alone in his head and it felt very wrong. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one little bit.
Giles’ quiet voice fell into the awkward silence as he asked, “So Spike, you can’t think of any circumstance that might make you decide to turn Buffy?”
Bleakly he replied, “I’d only do it if she asked me to Watcher, and then only if I had a way of making sure she kept her soul. Even then I’d have a stake ready for when she rose… just in case.” He looked at the hunched shoulders that had been turned to him and shrugged, “Can’t see any of that ever happening somehow.”
Suddenly the fact that she’d closed her emotions to him made him furious. He leapt to his feet and angrily accused her. “You’ve closed yourself off from me! I don’t bloody believe it! Here we have this wonderful Bond and you’ve already found a way to cut me out. You’ve got to decide what you want, Slayer. You either want to be my Mate and share yourself with me, or you don’t.” Buffy slowly turned inscrutable eyes to him. “Know this Buffy, I love you. I’ll never leave you. If you want to break the Bond, go ahead. It might just break me but I. Still. Won’t. Leave. If you decide you want to do one of these rituals…” He waved his arm towards the scattered papers. “…pick which one you want and I’ll be there for you in a shot. No reservations, I’m yours to command. All you’ve got to do is make your choice.” He turned and marched towards the rear entrance, his duster swirling dramatically behind him. Without looking back he announced, “There’s a couple of things I need to do. I’ll be back later when the Niblet’s here to hear about the Portal stuff.”
It didn’t take him long to make his way through the very convenient Sunnydale tunnel network to a shoe shop where he spent one of the few remaining banknotes Angel had given him to buy a new pair of Doc Martens. He was most upset that they didn’t have the same style he was accustomed to wearing. The salesman had nervously backed away from his accusing glare as he explained that what Spike had been describing was a long discontinued line.
After that, carrying his Cuban heeled boots in a bag provided by the shop, he navigated the shady side of the street to a jeweller’s. The last few yards were taken at a fast run through a patch of bright sunlight with his duster over his head, and when his hands began to smoke slightly he regretted leaving the Magic Box in such a hurry that he had forgotten his blanket.
The woman behind the glass counter jumped and squeaked in surprise as Spike shot in, making the bell over the door clang noisily. Spike settled his duster comfortably on his shoulders ran his fingers through his hair and cleared his throat. “I need a spot of engraving done.” He announced with a charming smile. “Bit of a rush job.”
The next hour was spent in the workshop at the rear of the shop hovering over the shoulder of the wizened little bald man peering through a magnifier as he added ‘Buffy’ before and ‘& Spike’ after the ‘Anne’ already engraved on the inside of the garnet ring. Every time Mr Goldstein paused in his intricate work Spike growled very softly, and the poor jeweller nervously glanced up at the mirror above his head that was angled so he could see what was going on in the shop behind him. However often he checked, the black clad blond man being so politely menacing at his back didn’t show up in the mirror. By the time he had finished he was dripping with sweat and ready to go home and lock himself in his bedroom for a week.
Back in the front of the shop Spike was just paying for the engraving when something in the case under the glass counter caught his eye and he grinned delightedly. It was just perfect! After checking that he had sufficient funds left he asked the saleswoman to gift wrap it, and then left the shop whistling merrily.
He had one more stop to make. Chortling softly to himself as he revelled in the lightheartedness engendered by the ‘Big Badness’ he had indulged in at the jewellers, he returned to the same florists that had made up the comb corsage for Buffy. Here he was greeted like an old friend. Once he had paid for his purchases he judged that it was just about time for Dawn to be arriving at the Magic Box. He left his packages in the trunk of the DeSoto and then ran back along the street, pausing in a shady corner close by. He checked the Bond but to his disappointment Buffy was still shut off from him. His shoulders slumped as his good mood instantly evaporated. Sending his vampire senses out only to discover she wasn’t inside, he shrugged in resignation and pushed the door open.
The Friday afternoon rush seemed to be over. Giles and Dawn sat at the round table. Dawn was surrounded by schoolbooks and Giles leaned forward examining a small book which lay open before him, while Anya was busy with paperwork behind the counter. All three of them looked up at the sound of the bell, and all smiled when they recognised him. Spike automatically smiled back, then grimaced slightly in self-ridicule when he realised just how much that small gesture of welcome and acceptance had meant to him.
Giles pointed at a pile of a dozen or so books in the centre of the table. “Have a look through those please Spike, let me know which of them you’d like me to sell for you. I’ve found approximate values for each of them and if you can bear to part with all of them you could benefit to the sum of nearly a hundred thousand dollars.”
Spike’s mouth dropped open in astonishment. He whispered, “Bloody Hell Rupert, that much? For just a few books?” When Giles nodded with a very understanding smile, he ran his fingers fondly over the leather bindings.
Dawn was literally bouncing up and down in her chair. “I know! I know!” She cried, “I know which one you’re not going to want to sell!”
Spike smiled indulgently at her. “Oh yeah Niblet? Let’s see shall we?” He picked up each volume in turn to check the title and look at the flyleaf. One by one they got placed into a new pile as he accepted the loss and recognised he didn’t really need to keep any of them. Then he got to the second book from the bottom. As he glanced at the flyleaf of the poetry anthology upon which there was a hand-written dedication he paused. “Oh!” He breathed, as he stroked the page with a shaking forefinger. “I thought I’d lost you.” After a few moments he looked up into Giles’ sympathetic green eyes and quietly said, “Not this one Rupert, you’re not gonna take this one.” He carefully tucked the book into an inner pocket of his duster then affectionately patted the leather over the pocket. He quickly checked the last book and added it to the pile ready for sale.
Dawn turned to grin at him as he took a seat in his usual place on the ladder. “I knew it!” She crowed. “It was a birthday present wasn’t it? I knew you wouldn’t part with that one.” When he nodded she gently asked, “Spike, who was Lizzy?”
Spike rested his hand over the pocket again and looked down at his boots as he huskily told her, “Lizzy was my baby sister Niblet, my darlin’ little Elizabeth Anne. This was her last gift to me before she died.” He looked back up at her and frowned thoughtfully. “You remind me of her a lot as it goes. You have her eyes… and her spirit…” His eyes begin to fill at the sad memory. Feeling uncomfortable displaying such emotion he cleared his throat and changed the subject completely by asking Giles, “Slayer not here then?”
It was Dawn who answered him. “She collected me from school and then dropped me off here and told me to get on with my homework. She said she had a bit of shopping to do and that she’d be back shortly.”
“Oh, right.” Spike gestured at the schoolbooks. “What is it tonight then?”
Dawn scrunched up her nose. “Math.”
Spike chuckled. “Ah, well I’ll leave you to it then pet. You know I don’t get on too well with numbers.”
Dawn sighed as if she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and turned back to her books. As she worked Spike leaned over and began to play with the long silky hair flowing down her back, taking a few strands at a time and twisting them into fine braids. When he caught Giles raising an eyebrow at him he winked back, and they both suppressed mischievous grins. When he’d used up all the free locks he could reach he began to knot the braids together around the chair back. He’d managed to get Dawn’s hair completely entwined with the chair by the time Buffy arrived carrying two large shopping bags.
She frowned when she saw Spike, avoiding meeting his eyes as she told Dawn to stay and finish her homework. Then she gestured for Giles and Spike to join her in the training room.
Giles sat on the green couch again and Spike sprawled on the training mats. Buffy stood regarding them both, her arms folded defensively under her breasts. Spike was desperate to beg her to re-establish the Bond, but his feelings were so bruised he kept silent and tried to ignore her by looking down at the floor as he absently toyed with his cigarette lighter.
Buffy broke the awkward silence by quietly asking, “Spike, who was it? There was someone you loved who you turned wasn’t there? Someone who came back different. Who was it?”
Spike was stunned. His eyes flew up to meet hers as his mouth gaped open. The Bond was closed. He tried to convince himself he could lie to her, tell her she was wrong… and then he sagged in defeat. He mumbled guiltily, “My mum.”
As Giles breathed a quiet “Oh dear Lord,” Buffy gasped in shock. “Spike! How could you? How could you do that to her?”
Defensively, Spike protested. “She was dying… the doctor had given her only weeks to live!” He glanced over at Giles. “’Twas the consumption you see.” He turned back to Buffy desperate for her understanding. “She was in so much pain… and I didn’t want to lose her… and when Dru turned me I’d never felt so alive!” He looked down at his lighter again, his long fingers turning it obsessively around and around. Sadly he continued, “When she rose she was different, not like my lovely gentle mum at all. She was nasty and crude and bleedin’ vicious, she turned out more like Angelus than me…” His voice almost inaudible he finally admitted. “I staked her. In her own parlour.”
Buffy whispered, “Oh Spike…”
“That’s why I never turned lots of people, Slayer.” He explained anxiously. “I’ve only ever turned four people, and only one of them came out right. This little ballet dancer in Paris, she begged me and begged me to do it… she had the soddin’ pox you see. She knew she could keep her job and be even stronger and never get too old to dance… and she wouldn’t pass it on…” He smiled wistfully. “Little Marie-Clare, she was so sweet Dru wanted to take her with us when we moved on, but she only ever wanted to dance.”
Giles asked, “What about minions Spike? Didn’t you turn minions?”
Spike shook his head. “Nah… I left all that to Dru. She loved turning people, making all her little toys. I had to put my foot down about the children though. She had a fad for turning kiddies for a while, wanted to play mummies and daddies.” He shuddered. “Horrid business, took a few months but after I dusted them all she finally got it.”
He looked up and saw Buffy’s horrified expression. He sighed. “You know what I am Slayer, you’ve always known. I’ve done some truly evil things and you know it. If you don’t want to hear the gruesome details you shouldn’t ask. I’m trying to change. It’s hard, but I think I’m getting there. With your help I’ll get there faster.”
“It’s a matter of trust, Spike.” Giles explained. “Before she agrees to the Mating ritual Buffy needs your assurance that you won’t turn her.”
Buffy shifted her feet nervously. “It’s always been one of my worst nightmares, being a vampire. When Angel fed from me I could trust him not to turn me ‘cos he had a soul and he’d been working for the Powers for a century… but with you…”
Spike just couldn’t help it. He rolled over onto his back and howled with laughter. As he continued to shriek and hoot, clutching at his aching sides, Buffy’s surprise turned to confusion then to anger. “What is it Spike?” She yelled. “What’s so funny about me trusting Angel?”
Spike tried to pull himself together. He wiped his eyes and sat up, coughing breathlessly as he gradually wound down. He shook his head slowly. “Oh dear... that is so rich! You don’t know him at all do you darlin’?” He sighed and suggested, “Sit down Slayer. You’re not gonna like this…” He waited while Buffy went to sit beside Giles, the two humans exchanging bewildered looks.
He joked, “Are you sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin. Once upon a time there was a family of four vampires. They were known collectively as ‘The Scourge of Europe’. One day the oldest of them, Darla the BitchWhore, decided to give her lover a present, a pretty little gypsy girl. This proved to be a bit of a bad idea…” Spike saw Buffy itching to butt in and held his finger up to shush her. “Yeah I know… you know that bit. Anyway… this is what I've learned since. After the lover had been cursed he wanted to stay with the family, but even though it was all her fault Darla the BitchWhore was so disgusted with him she threw him out. Being a vampire he was used to living in a family, he’d never been on his own before, not in nearly a hundred and fifty years.” He looked pointedly at Giles. “As you should know, vampires are basically clannish creatures, a bit like wolves. We don’t thrive on our own.” Receiving a nod of acknowledgement from the Watcher, Spike continued. “After a little while he came crawling back to his family when he caught up with them in China, begging to be taken in, and for a couple of years he was happy back in the bosom. For a while he was so desperate for acceptance he tried to fit in. He only fed on criminals and beggars, the dregs of society, people who wouldn’t be missed, but eventually Darla the BitchWhore cottoned on and gave him a test. She brought him another gift, she brought him a baby to feed on.”
Buffy covered her mouth with her hand and gasped in dismay, “Oh God…”
Spike again held up a finger for quiet. “The lover failed the test and refused to feed, upon which he was thrown out again and spent the next century on his own.” He dropped out of the ‘storyteller’ persona and resumed his normal tone. “I dunno what he did for much of that time, but I do know for the most part he kept his head down. I crossed paths with him again in forty-three on a U-boat in the mid-Atlantic… but that’s another story.” He paused to gather his memories. “Anyway... he had nothing to do with the Powers then. In fact he was on an assignment from these bloody government boffins who knew what he was and told him they’d dust him if he didn’t help them… he reckons they may have been the Initiative…” He looked up as a thought struck him. “Oy Watcher, when you were researching the Aurelius line looking for this Pale Knight I’m supposed to be, did you remember to consider Sailor Boy?” He chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully. “What was his name… Dawson… no Lawson, that’s it. Young Lawson, American chap Angel turned on the bleedin’ U-boat. He’s probably still out there somewhere.”
Giles and Buffy exchanged horrified looks. Giles asked, “You mean Angelus..?” Spike shook his head. “You can’t mean Angel turned someone while he had his soul?”
Spike nodded. “Yeah ‘s’right. Didn’t realise that at the time of course. Just knew Angelus was different somehow. He didn’t seem to want to feed, always had some excuse not to let the rest of us feed too. He staked the Prince of Lies and Nostroyev when they wouldn’t knuckle under.” He paused to allow Buffy and Giles to recover from the shock, then continued. “I think it must have been some time in the seventies something happened… dunno what… sent him into the gutters. Heard he was unliving on the streets, eating nothing but rats and other vermin. Still had nothing to do with the Powers though.” He gave Buffy a meaningful look. “He told me it wasn’t until this demon came to see him, Whistler his name was, came and showed you to him Slayer. Angelus said you were this pretty little blonde girl sitting on the school steps sucking a lollipop. That was when he started working for the Powers. He decided he wanted to help you ‘cos he fell for you.” He muttered accusingly, “Bloody bugger always did have a thing for little girls… nuns and little girls. Angelus loved nothing more than to corrupt the innocent.”
“I don’t believe you!” Buffy cried, her eyes full of tears. You’re lying! Why would you say such things?”
Spike sighed sadly. “If you hadn’t shut me out of the Bond you’d have known I wasn’t lying Slayer. Open up to me now and I’ll give you my word it’s all the truth as far as I know it. I’ll swear not to turn you too, if you like.”
Buffy started to sob. “I don’t know how!” She shouted. “I didn’t even know I’d shut it off until you started yelling at me! I didn’t know I could!”
Spike stared at her in shock. “Oh sweetheart…” he breathed. “I didn’t know…”
Buffy hesitantly asked, “You thought I’d done it deliberately?” When Spike nodded apologetically she shook her head and shrugged. “I don’t know how it happened.”
Giles cleared his throat and said, “I think I may be able to help with that.” When both Buffy and Spike turned pleading eyes at him he explained. “Come and sit here.” He led them to the centre of the floor and arranged them sitting cross-legged facing each other, so close their knees were almost, but not quite, touching. “Now then…” he continued. “Relax, join hands and look into each other’s eyes. Try to clear your minds of everything except the desire to connect with each other.”
The pair sat for a few minutes, just staring into each other’s eyes. At one point Giles reached down and stilled one of Spike’s feet that was nervously tapping on the floor. Quietly he reminded the vampire, “Spike, I said try to relax.” When nothing appeared to be happening after a few more minutes Giles sighed then suggested, “Try closing your eyes and reaching out to each other… feel in your mind where the Bond should be and push against it.”
A few seconds later Spike felt Buffy return to him. A wash of regret and relief swept over him and he caught a shuddering breath and opened his eyes, reaching forward to take her in his arms. “Oh... that’s better.” He breathed into her hair as she nestled her face into the crook of his neck as her arms went around him. He looked up and caught Giles’ eye. “Thanks, Watcher.”
Buffy looked up with a rather sheepish smile, “Thank you Giles, I don’t know what we’d do without you.”
Spike gently took her chin between thumb and forefinger and tilted her head so she was looking into his eyes. He solemnly assured her, “As far as I know everything I said about Angel was the truth. And I swear I’ll never turn you unless you ask me to.”
Buffy nodded in acceptance. Quietly she admitted, “I believe you.”
Giles groaned and pressed a hand against his back as he straightened from his awkward crouched position beside them and then took his glasses off for a polish. “Buffy…” he asked hesitantly. “Are you sure your trust in Spike isn’t being manipulated by the Bond in some way?”
Buffy stood and laid her hand on his arm. “Oh no Giles, I started the journey towards trusting Spike’s word a long time ago. Right back at our first truce for Acathla. I never revoked his invitation, even when I went off to LA. I knew he’d never hurt my Mom.” She looked down at Spike who was still sprawled on the floor. “Then there was the business with Glory. I took Mom and Dawn to his crypt for him to protect them, then he risked his life for Dawn.” She turned back to Giles and asked him, “Do you remember what I said to you about Dawn just before we went out to fight Glory?”
Giles cleared his throat self-consciously. “Ah, yes… I believe you said something like, ‘If we can’t stop the ritual, we’ll all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn.’”
Buffy turned to Spike, “And what did I say to you Spike?”
Spike knew the exact words she’d used. He’d never be able to forget them. “You said, ‘I'm counting on you to protect her’.”
Buffy smiled at Giles. “You see what I mean? And since I’ve been back I’ve trusted Spike with my secrets and with my life. His chip didn’t work on me and I’ve hurt him and insulted him and then I’ve slept beside him in complete confidence that he wouldn’t hurt me. The Bond just adds a new certainty to the trust that was already growing.” She went over to the green couch and picked up the sheet of paper with the list of Mating rituals on it. Showing it to Spike she pointed to the third ritual. “I’d like us to do this one please.”
Spike looked at it, then turned his astonished eyes up at her. “You want to do the Eternal Claim? Are you sure Buffy darlin’?”
Buffy smiled and nodded as she knelt down beside him, draping her arm around his shoulders and leaning her head against his. “Yeah, I want to make it so there’s the best chance of you coming back to me after the Hellmouth thing.”
Spike gaped speechlessly at her, then sighed and took her in his arms and crushed her to him. He breathed, “Oh Buffy…”
Giles was standing looking down at them fondly as he polished his glasses again when the silence was broken by a loud crash from the shop. Dawn squealed, then wailed, “Spiiiiike!”
TBC