Chapter 1
“Okay, okay, I’ve almost got it… Hurry, honey, tape me!”
“Why do you put yourself through this torment?”
“Just tape it before I lose it.”
Rolling his eyes, Spike helped Buffy tack down the folds of wrapping paper. “What happened to just throwing stuff in a bag? You can’t gift wrap, Slayer.”
“I can too! Look!” She held up the box, showing off the gapped and wrinkled paper. “Well, maybe this isn’t the best example, but I know I’ll do better on the next present.”
“The next? Did you buy out the entire toy store?”
“I bought what I had to. I blame our stupid friends and all the reproducing that they’ve been doing lately. God, there must be something in the water because, if I’m not at a kiddie birthday party, I’m on my way to another baby shower.”
“The sodding Scoobies must think it’s their jobs to populate the sodding planet.”
“Boy, you’re kinda grumpy. Something wrong?”
“No.”
Not believing him, Buffy frowned on his behalf. “I hope this doesn’t mean you’re going to stay home this afternoon. Faith would like you to be at the shower.”
“Don’t know if Wood feels the same way.”
“That Robin. You’d think he’d be able to forgive and forget by now.”
“Aren’t baby showers for women anyway? Just because Xander and Andrew are big girls, I don’t see why I have to go.”
“Spike, I’d like it if you were there. I have more fun when you’re with me. I have someone to talk to when, well, you know…”
“When they start dishing about the best place to buy cheap nappies,” Spike said, finishing Buffy’s sentence.
“I feel a tad left out, that’s all.”
“Because we can’t…”
“It’s not like I’m saying that we would—hey, even if we could have a baby, it’s not like it’d be the right thing to do.”
“We have very dangerous lives,” he added, voice soft as he moved the gifts aside, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “Less dangerous than before, but still…”
“We’re busy: keeping all the Potentials in check, making sure they’re properly trained…”
With an exaggerated sigh, Buffy scooted behind him, wrapping her arms and legs around his waist. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bring it up all the time. It just happens.”
“It only makes sense that you’d want to be a mother, Buffy. You’d be one hell of good mum.”
“You’d make a terrific dad--.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. It’s not like I could do much. Can’t be in the sun.”
“You would be a wonderful father.”
“God, you have to sacrifice a bloody lot because you stay with me.”
“Where’s this coming from? I stay with you because I love you. You’re my husband.”
“Least I could give you that much, yeah?” With a bitter snort, he wove their fingers together and kissed the rings on her left hand. “Even if the ceremony was at night, outside, and performed by some fucking quack--.”
“Please tell me that you did not just badmouth our wedding! Spike, sweetie…” Getting onto her knees, she gracefully maneuvered around his body to sit in his lap. “I know you’re cranky, but don’t say such things about our wedding; you’ll hurt my feelings. It was the best day of my life.”
“Can I blame the soul? It’s driving me crazy.” Groaning softly, he brought Buffy against his chest, hiding her in his arms. “I can’t help but feel that you’re missing out because of me. I’d give you a kid if I could, know that.”
“I do.”
“Well…good.”
“You don’t have to go to the shower. In fact, I’ll stay home--.”
“No, no, the brooding will pass. See your friends.”
“I’ll sit this one out. There are only so many times that I can stomach Andrew’s fun party games anyway.”
“What hasn’t that nit made you pin a tail on?”
“Not much,” Buffy laughed, snuggling deeper into his embrace.
“Pet, you don’t have to stay. I wouldn’t complain if you did, I’m just saying that you don’t have to coddle me.”
“But it’s my job, my destiny. I’m Buffy the Wife: she alone who can slay Spike’s demons and the forces behind his bad moodiness.”
“You’re a silly girl,” he mumbled, lips curving in the slightest smile before he brushed them against her forehead.
“True, but I’m good at fulfilling my calling.”
“The best,” Spike answered, lying back on the bed and taking Buffy with him. “Couldn’t ask for a better wife.”
“And I suggest that you don’t, or you’ll have a very unhappy Buffy on your hands.”
“God, I love you so much. I’d do anything for you. Anything.”
Buffy’s heart swelled, touched by the raw emotion in his croaky voice. “Spike, really, is something bothering you? We’ve been together since I was seventeen years old. I know you; you can’t hide from me. Spill. What’s wrong?”
Stalling, he ran his fingers through her relaxed blonde curls. “How bad do you want a baby, on a scale from one to ten?”
“I told you I don’t want to adopt. It’s wonderful that Willow and Kennedy can find so many great kids, but--.”
“Answer the question, Buffy.”
“It’d be yours?”
“Yes.”
“No little vampy teeth?”
“A perfectly normal and healthy bitty Buffy.”
“Or perfectly normal and healthy little William?”
“Yes, dear.”
“Nine.”
“Just nine?”
“Okay, like twenty, but that’s only if it were possible and I know it isn’t--.”
“Buffy--.”
“--But I accept that. I have you and you’re enough for me. More than enough.”
“Buffy, sweetheart--.”
“I didn’t know that I’d live past high school and I kinda didn’t, but here I am, in my late twenties. I’m employed, happily married, and--.”
Buffy grunted, suddenly finding herself pinned under Spike’s body and embroiled in a heated lip lock. “Spike…mmm…Spike.”
“We need to talk.”
“About what?”
“I’ve been researching…looking through books, speaking with powerful demons… There’s a way I could get you pregnant.”
Buffy’s eyes widened, his words sinking in as he pulled up the hem of her skirt. “How?”
“It’d be a gamble, but what can we not handle? Just think of the things we’ve done, the nasties we’ve conquered: Caleb, Glory, Angel at his worst… How many times have you and I saved this bloody world? Fuck, making a baby should be cake.”
“But how?”
“With magic.”
“Oh. I should’ve known.”
Chuckling, Spike nuzzled her neck and shoulder. He kissed her earlobe while a hand slipped between her thighs. “It’d be me and you, kitten, just I’d be human. I’d…well, we’d bring William back into the picture.”
“W-william? My William—I mean, William the Bloody?”
“The one and only. Mr. Bloody-Awful-Poet himself.”
“Oh, God,” Buffy gasped, her heart speeding up. “William…”
“Didn’t think you’d object to seeing him again. You still whimper the name in your sleep.”
“Spike…”
“I’d be jealous, but it’d be ridiculous. Doubt it’d make sense for Dr. Jekyll to be envious of Mr. Hyde, you know?”
“Baby, to me you and William are the same man.”
“Don’t know,” he laughed, tasting her lips, “it could go either way. Maybe we are, maybe we aren’t, but it’s alright that you still love him, you always will. You fell for William first.”
“I couldn’t stay away from him…from you. You were so innocent.”
“Until you got a hold of us and popped our cheery. Have I told you how difficult it was not to brag about my virginity being snatched by a Slayer?”
“All the time. Twice each day, seven days a week.”
“You liar.” He effortlessly pulled off her underwear, tossed them aside, and spread her legs wide. “I don’t bellyache about it that much, do I?”
“Spike…we were talking here…”
“And we’ll continue to.” With a smirk, he slid a finger into her vagina. Finding the channel moist, he rubbed against her clit using unhurried strokes. “It’s the soul that makes things wonky, love. It makes the line blurry. Sometimes it’s like I have interchangeable parts, multiple personalities. One moment I’m all Spike and then he starts to seep in. And of course, when you’re around I turn all…mushy.”
“You write poems for me.”
“Yes, I write blasted poems,” Spike answered, rolling his eyes. “I become a complete Nancy boy.”
“You’re whipped.” Smiling, Buffy closed her eyes for a minute, enjoying each slip and slide of his finger. “How long have you been researching this?”
“A few months.”
“You kept it from me?”
“Didn’t want to get you too excited. You upset?” he asked, unzipping his jeans, entering her seconds later. They moaned in delight, each feeling perfectly whole while being so intimately connected.
“A little,” she admitted softly, minutes later. “I’m a little upset. You kept a secret from me.”
“It was going to be a surprise.”
“Mission accomplished. I’m still in shock.”
“Love, if you’re mad…”
“I’m not, just…I don’t know, I’m still taking it all in.”
“Sorry…sprung this on you. It’s been eating me up, not knowing how to tell you.”
Buffy ignored her thoughts, concentrating only on making love to her husband and matching each of his thrusts. She reached for Spike’s neck, clinging to him, and allowing each tender push and pull to soothe her concern.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “Should’ve come to you sooner. Forgive me?”
“Always, but no more secrets.”
“Never,” Spike promised, covering her with passionate kisses until they both came, each seeing stars.
***
“Traveling through time is very tricky. When you brought him back in 1998, it was 1880 for him. How weird is that, right? It’s difficult to say if we brought him back now, that he’d even be human. So, I was thinking that we could send you back.”
“Through time?”
“And I’d go with you.”
“Whoa. You care to repeat that? You’d come with me, what, so you could watch me get knocked up by your human self?”
“I didn’t say that, but it sounds kinky.”
Even though she found it difficult to move with his arms protectively folded across her chest, Buffy wiggled until she could glare at Spike properly. “No, it sounds weird. Creepy. Creepy weird.”
“I’m not sending my wife into 1880 all by herself. Especially not if you’re coming back with our baby in your belly.”
“Our baby… God, I like the sound of that.”
“Yes,” Spike said, squeezing her tight as he spooned along her backside. “Ours.”
“What if William doesn’t go along with this? We’re using him, aren’t we?”
“He’s gonna get laid, he’s gonna see you again, what could he complain about? He missed you terribly, thought about you constantly. Buffy, he’ll be honored.”
“You’re going to scare him to death.”
“It’ll toughen him up.”
“Won’t strange stuff happen if you see each other? I’ve seen one or two science fiction movies with Xander, and if your head explodes--.”
“Sweet, nothing like that will happen. Guess I don’t have to accompany you. Just thought you’d need someone to guide through the unknown. If you feel that you’re up to it, like you won’t stick out like a sore thumb in Europe in the nineteenth century,” trailing off, he kissed her temple and whispered in her ear. “I remember a certain someone claiming that she felt better when I was around.”
“You’ll get jealous.”
“I won’t.”
“You will, Spike. If there were two Buffys--.”
“I’d be in heaven.”
“And I’d be in hell. You’d touch her, you’d smile, or you’d lift your brow a certain way. You’d treat her to the things that we’ve always shared between us. Even though she’d be me, I wouldn’t be on the receiving end. I’d miss out. I wouldn’t be willing to share you.”
“But sharing means caring, and if sharing you with William gives us a child, I’m all for it. I went through torment and horrible pain to get my soul back, does this idea really surprise you? It seems like the logical next step for us.”
“After we have a baby, then what? You going to get me a piece of the moon?”
“If you wanted it. Do you want to do this?”
Taking a deep breath, Buffy nodded twice.
“You positive?”
“Yes.”
“Want me to come with?”
“Yes, but--.”
“Oh, here come the buts. Lay them on me, Slayer.”
“No more secrets.”
“Buffy--.”
“Shhh.” Resting a finger on his lips, Buffy stopped him from speaking. “If we go through with this, you have to talk to me. Be honest. Tell me if you change your mind, if you feel left out or hurt or anything.”
“Buffy, you’re coming home with me. We’re going to start a family. He might have a pulse, but I’ve got so much more—we’ve had so much more. William had a month with you; I’ve had ten full years. He has precious memories, and I have a future to look forward to. I’ve got-” pausing, Spike reached for her hand, “I’ve got vows on my side. I hate to say it, but sweet William’s always been cheated a bit and that isn’t going to change. It’s not like you can choose him over me. You can’t save him. You can love him all you want, but Dru’s gonna get him. Because if she doesn’t, well, okay,” Spike snorted, “maybe he could win… Uh, never really thought about that. Wouldn’t that muck up my plans? Wonder what would happen if he weren’t vamped. Would I disappear?”
“Oh God, don’t think about that! You are not going to disappear!”
“Who really knows, baby? You might choose him and--.”
“I won’t choose William,” Buffy insisted, holding his face between her palms. “I fell in love with you because you reminded me of William.”
“Great…”
“Shhh… I still love William because you remind me of him. Everything I loved about him, I see in you.”
“Well, you didn’t disagree when I said I was a Nancy boy, now did you?”
“You’re not a Nancy boy.”
“But not quite a bad ass either. Not like I used to be.”
“If we had a poll tomorrow, all the Potentials would think you’re a bad ass. That’s why they all have their crushes. You’re a bad boy.” Buffy rolled off the bed and dressed in a nightgown instead of the clothes that she’d been wearing earlier. “You have a sexy accent, you wear tight black shirts, and you swear constantly.”
“I stabbed innocent people with railroad spikes. I killed two Slayers.”
“You tried to kill me.”
“Oh, hardly. I played nice, waiting for you to go to Brazil. If I wanted to off you, pet, you would’ve met your maker ages ago.”
“Whatever,” Buffy laughed, tossing jeans at Spike’s naked body.
“Why didn’t you ever kill me? You had it in you, why didn’t you act on it?”
“Because I thought you were cute.”
“Cute? Puppies with floppy ears are cute. And come to think about it, why should the opinion of a gaggle of prepubescent girls matter either?”
“I’ve always thought you were bad. Does my opinion matter, honey?”
“What else did you think about me? You did think about me, didn’t you? Even when you were courting Angel, I was on your mind.”
“Haven’t we gone over this all before?”
“I want to hear it again. And come here. Don’t know why you got up in the first place.”
“Silly me,” Buffy snorted, crawling across the messy bed. “I thought we were going to leave the bedroom sometime today, but no, you’d rather we lounge around while you make me stroke your ego. Like it isn’t huge and throbbing already.”
“Funny, funny,” Spike sang softly, feeling up her body once she straddled his hips. “Didn’t you daydream about me, about jumping my tight, toned, little self?”
“You gave me mixed signals. You’d talk a mean talk, but I caught you staring at me more than once.”
“Scare tactic, that’s what it was. The evil eye.”
“It was a stare of longing and you know it. You ached and pinned and craved and--.”
“Stop making fun. You got mixed signals. Moving on.”
“So my thoughts of you were mixed,” Buffy explained. “I wanted to beat the shit out of you, but then had a strange desire to kiss all the bruises. I never thought of staking you. I would get so confused when you’d be around Drusilla, I felt jealous.”
“That’s the thing about soul mates, you feel the connection before you know it’s there.”
“Soul mates? Aw, Spike. That’s a sweet idea. What a sweet thing to say.”
“Thought you’d like it.”
“I love it. I love you. I love you so much it hurts,” she whispered, fighting the urge to cry.
“Hey now. No tears.”
“Why do you really want to do this?”
Knowing William and their potential child were still weighing heavily on her mind, Spike reached up to caress Buffy’s damp cheek. “Because I want to be a dad.”
“Oh, 1880 here we come.”
***
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!