THE PERSONS’ COURT
Disclaimer: Of course, as always, Joss, ME and yes, even the television studios own Buffy and all of her friends and family. (They also own Angel and his cohorts, too). Oh, everyone and their brother owns court TV cast and crews.
A/N: Okay, so I have this confession to make to the readers here. I have a few ‘guilty pleasures’ in my life. Call them weaknesses, or ‘sins’ if you will. They are my pleasures, truly.
My husband is my first pleasure (though he would deny it!). The guy can get insecure, okay? Second, of course, will always be my daughters, Tara and Monique. Third? Okay, wine, cabernet wine that is and Californian to boot. I kiss French; drink Californian!
My extended family is a pleasure to me, also, as is my friends and cohorts of the past ****** some years!
However…..one of my biggest, guiltiest pleasures? Is court TV. Yes, all those tacky, loud, silly probably staged court television shows on the boob tube!
I love them! Judge Joe Brown, Greg Mathis, Marilyn Melani and of course, Judge Judy! Over Soaps, talk shows, etc., I love court TV.
So, in the spirit of my weaknesses, I decided to write a series of short, one shot chapter length fics, based on some of these shows. Vignettes, really, and I hope to keep them interesting, funny and tongue in cheek!
Buffy will be playing the role of the head judge, Her Honor Elizabeth ‘Buffy’ Summers. Charles Gunn will be her steadfast bailiff in the courtroom.
Various characters from BTVS and ATS will appear in the short chapters, as plaintiffs and defendants in cases. Before her Honor ‘Elizabeth Summers’ courtroom, that is.
I’m hoping the Spuffy connection will make itself clear by the end of the first mignonette.
Please give this a read. It’s all in the name of good clean fun and humor.
Summary: Judge Elizabeth ‘Buffy’ Summers is the hottest new thing on television. Everyone is talking about the ‘warrior judge’ of the people, Her Honor ‘Elizabeth Summers’ the people’s judge.
Chapter 1:
‘Voice over’
“Hello, I’m Johnathan Levy, resident lawyer pro bono for the Persons’ Court. Our first set of litigants are up and let’s join them now, in the ‘Persons’ Court’.”
Charles Gunn, Elizabeth Summers’ trusted bailiff strode into the courtroom, with confidence.
“All rise,” he ordered sternly. “This court is now in session, the honorable Elizabeth Summers presiding…”
Elizabeth ‘Buffy’ Summers sailed into the courtroom and up to her prestigious bench. She smiled, warmly, at the ‘audience’ that awaited her.
‘I am a fucking Goddess here,’ Buffy reassured herself, as she walked with confidence to her bench. She wore a traditional robe, yes, but underneath? Buffy Summers was pure DKNY, completely.
“Gunn, let’s get started,” Buffy nodded at her bailiff, firmly. Charles Gunn had been with the thirty-two-year-old Buffy Summers for years, but on TV? He was a novice.
“This is case #666 on the docket, Judge,” Gunn droned out, mechanically. “The case of O’Connor versus O’Connor, your Honor. All participants have been sworn in. Ladies, gentlemen,” Gunn continued, dramatically enough, “please be seated. Judge?”
Buffy realized, of course, that not only was she a queen here, in this studio setting? She was a freaking goddess of sorts! Even at her total height of 5’1”, Buffy was aft formidable foe, at the least for these idiots that came here. Hashed out their personal woes on national television for the entire world to see.
In her flowing black robes and high-heeled shoes, Buffy made a real mark on the legal world. She had no doubt. Her golden hair flowed down her back, something she had devised for the studio execs, and her make-up was always within the highest of standards.
However, the truth was? Buffy was a real judge, one of the youngest in the State of California. And, she truly believed in the judicial system, for the most part. Especially when all of the ‘state’ as it were, could see her mete out justice on national television.
“So,” Buffy frowned, slightly, as she read over the court files in front of her. “You, Mr. Connor O’Connor, are suing your own father? Liam O’Connor for damage done to your ‘boom box’?”
“Yes, Maam,” Connor replied quietly. “My father, Liam, destroyed my boom box, the one in my Chevy truck, because he didn’t like my date for the Prom, Maam,” the young man repeated.
“I never broke the little sh**’s boomer,” Liam O’Connor growled at Judge Buffy. “He’s lying, just like the lousy, selfish she-bit** of a mother of his, Darla was. And…”
“Mr. O’Connor!” Buffy hissed at the tall, dark man at the defendants table. “Please,” Buffy continued with a shake of her golden head, “be patient,” she ordered. “You will have your turn to talk,” she assured Liam O’Connor.
For the next twenty minutes, Liam O’Connor and Connor O’Connor went at it, tooth and nail, over this stupid boom box.
Finally, Buffy had no choice but to throw both of the offending men out of her courtroom, unceremoniously.
Actually, Gunn threw them out, unceremoniously, but Buffy felt justified in ordering him to.
“Next case, please, Gunn,” Buffy grunted coldly.
“The next case on the docket,” Gunn began all businesslike. “Is case #667, Harris versus Rayne. All rise.”
“Well,” Johnathan Levy began, evenly, “we’ve all seen cases of father and sons ‘boxing’ things out between them. In this case,” the narrator continued, snarkily, “father and son ‘bombed’ out and both lost their cases. The next set of litigants is coming up so, stay tuned.”
Buffy parked her Lexus in her three car garage, in Sunnydale, California. She had grown up here, in Sunnydale. Fallen in love, married and had her children here. It was a miracle, or so Buffy thought, that the television production company would cave into her demands and film her show here. In Sunnydale.
Without hesitation, Buffy sauntered up the back stairs of the three-story house, and into the back door.
“Hey guys?” she called in greeting to her ‘wild bunch’ as she liked to call them.
“Mommy!” three little voices cried out in unison. Before Buffy could quite prepare herself, three tow-headed youngsters came barreling at her. All of them under the age of ten years.
“Mommy!” Buffy’s husband echoed their three rug rats as he elbowed his way through his children and up to his beautiful wife.
“We missed you Mummy!” Spike Giles chuckled as he grabbed his wife, the honorable Elizabeth Summers and held her to his body.
“My turn!” five-year-old William squealed, as he threw himself into his mother’s arms.
“No! My turn!” Dawnie Giles, all of seven, screamed as she tugged on her mother’s slim leg, possessively.
“Me, me!” the youngest Giles child, Cheyenne, cried. Even as she flung her tiny arms about her mother’s waist.
“How about me?” William ‘Spike’ Giles pouted, even as he pulled his wife, Judge Elizabeth Summers to him, yet again.
Buffy gazed at this little tribe of hers, lovingly, yet wearily.
“Tell me again,” Buffy whispered in her beloved husband’s ear. “Why do we have three children?” She raised her right eyebrow at her handsome mate, affectionately.
“Because we didn’t want four children?” Spike answered, seriously. Then he began to laugh, loudly, as he scooped up little Cheyenne into his strong arms.
“I’ve got steaks on the grill,” Spike called back to his famous wife as he strode off onto the patio of their house. “Dawn’s made some salad and there’s Ben and Jerry’s for desert,” Spike added, as an afterthought.
“Thank you,” Buffy mumbled softly, as she looked up a ceiling of the three story house.
“I’ve got a lecture,” Spike bellowed from the patio as he turned the steaks. “Tomorrow,” he added, matter-of-factly. “My sister, Anabella, says she’ll watch all the little rascals,” he continued, good-naturedly.
“What a saint,” Buffy hummed as she slipped off her heels and headed, barefooted, out onto the patio. When she reached Spike, her husband of ten years, she wrapped her long arms about his waist.
“So,” Spike began carefully, as he turned the steaks again. “How’d it go today?”
“Screwed,” Buffy muttered into her husband’s warm, yummy ear. “But what do you expect? From court TV?”
“You could go on the lecture circuit again,” Spike offered, evenly. Even though he knew his wife would never do that again. He was the resident lecture lawyer, not his sweet Buffy. She was the drama queen, the celebrity.
“Nope,” Buffy countered, giving her husband’s long neck a gentle lick. “You’re the lecture genius, not me,” she added, honestly. “I’m the TV personality. You’re the real lawyer,” Buffy finished with a warm chuckle. “You keep me honest Spike Giles,” she purred into his ear. “And me?” she whispered, silkily. “I keep you horny.”
A/N: This will be the first in a series of one shot chapters about our fave couple! Don’t worry, this is Spuffy all the way and the only angst in this fiction will be in the courtrooms.
I hope to write chapters that will have our favorite characters battling it out in the judicial arena. I will be writing Buffy as a cross between Judge Judy and Judge Marilyn M.
Thanks for reading and please review. Luv, Spuf
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!