Blackville Manor – Chapter 2
It starts with one thing
I don’t even know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know…
Buffy never had the interest in real estate nor did Willow or Xander. Willow wanted her own computer business whereas Xander wanted his own construction company, but as Buffy saw they both had what they wanted. Xander would takeover re-designing places and all computer related stuff, Willow dealt with. It then left Buffy stuck in meetings and on the phones to potential clients all day. She felt like and was called on numerous occasions, the pretty face of the company by many people; even her own father.
This wasn’t her life, well not the life that she wanted. All she ever wanted to do was paint, but her father had always controlled her life.
To become an artist was, well always had been her dream. He stopped her from doing all that she desired to do. It was so bad that he controlled every aspect of her life. He didn’t allow her to wear the clothes she wanted, or the type of music she listened to and the movies she watched because he didn’t want her to be ‘influenced’, by what she didn’t exactly know.
What hurt the most at times was that he even controlled who her friends were. If they were below her status then it was a definite no-no to even be associated with them, as her father would put it.
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t lookout below
Watch time go right out the window
Trying to hold on
But didn’t even know
Wasted it all to
Watch you go…
The good girl, the one everyone could walk over inside of her had accepted what had happened to her but the artist and carefree and true person she really was hated it. She hated being put down in front of people because she was never good with academics, or being sent to her room because she didn’t agree with what her father had planned for her future. What he didn’t understand was that the key word here was ‘her’. It was her future and she should be able to do what she wanted to do with it. It wasn’t his.
She wanted her own independence, her own freedom, but she never got it because her life was… Guess what… it was controlled. It was like it was written in stone. Every time she tried to do something that she wanted her father would threaten to take away her inheritance and status, which at the time she thought she couldn’t live without but she now knows she can, and she would have always been able to.
She could have taken chances and acted like a spoilt brat and got everything her way. Kicking and screaming up a fuss until what she wanted was done like the way Dawn did it all the time and still does to this very day, except she didn’t want to disappoint her mother.
To Buffy it felt like that her mother Joyce Summers was the only one who actually believed in her. She always knew that Joyce had high hopes for her, to become someone. That was her last wish before she died. So Buffy had done what any other person who loved their mother would do. She made her last wish come true, and pleased her by becoming someone respectable. Someone with a safe and reliable job. Someone like her father.
Even though it meant that she had to throw away her own dreams and ambitions. Her own hopes and fantasies. Her life.
By giving in to her father she gave up a lot of things. With the pressure her father had laid on her while she was in college by making her study and work hard so she didn’t disappoint him; she never had the time to do any of the fun things like partying or shopping or just having a generally good time with friends. However what free time she did have was spent looking after her mother who was slipping away slowly. This was one of the many reasons she envied Dawn and her free lifestyle.
I kept everything inside me and
Even though I tried
It all fell apart
She kept everything she felt buried deep inside of her. Buffy’s emotions, her moods, her feelings, her thoughts and even her voice where pushed so far down she sometimes felt like she was void of any human reaction or emotion. Even though she was surrounded by so many and loved by many too she felt that she couldn’t express anything to anyone. To her they would never understand. In a world surrounded by many she felt so alone, she couldn’t even voice her fears.
What it meant to me
Will eventually
Be a memory
Of a time when…
Someone once asked Buffy “how’s your love life?” and all she could do was scoff. To her it felt like a crazed statement and for that she blamed her father. With his domineering ways and her busy life she just didn’t have the time. She could still remember the time that her father had tried to have her marry Xander. Both their parents had decided that as both Buffy and Xander were of the same age and that they had been very close and they fact that it would bring two families who had been the best of friends for a long time so close that a wedding would be the best solution. They had fixed them on blind dates, would leave them together somewhere and once locked them in a room together so that there plan would work. What they didn’t count on was the fact the Xander had a girlfriend already- Anya. A girlfriend that he loved more then anything and who he wanted to marry. With that plan foiled Buffys’ father had set her up with his old friends’ son. Liam ‘Angel’ Ashbourne.
Angel Ashbourne was the most handsome man she had ever met. He was sweet, caring, and patient. He made her feel on top of the world, he made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. She thought she loved him and he her, but eventually all it was, all it ever was, was infatuation. She was infatuated with him and what he did, how he acted, yet she had never felt that spark that butterfly effect in her stomach or the fireworks with Angel. After that ended her father took most of his anger out on her not in an abusive way but in his attitude. To him this relationship wasn’t just a family thing it was all about business too, and now that Dawn was marrying into that family her father was more proud of Dawn then he ever was of Buffy. This was another reason for Buffy to be envious of Dawn.
Her father Hank Summers would say that their relationship was doomed from the start because of her. He would make it out that she was the one with the problem and that Angel couldn’t love her, and that’s why it had ended. To be made to feel like crap, to be put sown so much took a lot out of her and left her with trust issues. It became hard for her to trust men. She knew it that she would die a spinster.
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
And lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter…
Buffy had now reached a point in her life where what she did, didn’t matter to her anymore. She truly believed that her life wasn’t hers, but she still carried on living because to her she felt like she still had to look after and worry about her father and sister, even though they hardly cared about her…
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!