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Authors Chapter Notes:
This is another prompt fic, this one suggested by henriettaholden: Spike inherits a how to book for sex from older brother. First step is to go rent some porn so he goes to the video store and finds the girl he wants to practice the rest of the steps on behind the counter.


Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the property of Joss & Co. I’m writing this for fun, not profit.

*** *** ***


William told himself Liam meant well. It wasn’t as if his brother was going through all this trouble just to torment him. He wanted William to be happy – he’d just never quite gotten the memo that William wasn’t like him.

The trouble began when Liam came home after his first year away at college and somehow learned William was still a virgin. William didn’t know how Liam had figured it out exactly, since it wasn’t something most eighteen year old boys went around advertising, William included, but somehow, Liam had still known – and had immediately taken it upon himself to rectify the problem.

The first thing Liam had done was call what William could only describe as an “emergency meeting” with three of his old high school buddies, also in town for the summer. If William hadn’t already been humiliated by the whole situation, having those guys know he’d graduated high school without managing to get laid certainly hadn’t helped.

Liam and his friends had retreated to their father’s study, leaving William to stay downstairs in the living room, wondering if it was too late for him to run away and join the circus. Liam would never think to look for him with the circus…

“Will, get your ass up here!”

When Liam finally finished whatever it was he was doing and called for William to come upstairs, William felt all the color drain from his face. He didn’t want to do this and really, did he even need his brother’s help? Surely once he got to college he’d find someone who wanted to sleep with him. If late night TV taught him nothing else, it was that college was filled with young women desperate to get naked for just about anyone.

But he knew if he didn’t go up there Liam would find something truly horrible to do to him, and William supposed the circus really wasn’t such a viable option. So with a sigh, he trudged upstairs to face his older brother and his cronies.

They were all gathered around the large wooden desk in the center of the room, Liam seated in their father’s chair was if it were his throne. His friends were standing behind him, and William could tell from the looks on their faces they found William’s virginal state to be quite the source of amusement.

“I brought the guys over here today, Will, because I figured with the power of all our expertise combined we could get even you laid. So we put our heads together and came up with this.”

Liam pushed a ratty-looking black spiral notebook across the desk and William picked it up, frowning as he read what was written on the cover in scratchy handwriting. “English 100?” he asked skeptically.

Liam cleared his throat. “Uh, no. That’s just all we had to write in. Look, just open the damn thing and read it, moron.”

Hesitantly, William opened the notebook, seeing the first few pages had been ripped out and assuming those must’ve been from the notebook’s original purpose. On the first fresh page, however, was a list.

A list entitled “How to Get Laid.”

His eyes went to the first “step,” and William swallowed hard. It was simple, sure, but not really something he felt overly comfortable doing on his brother’s mandate.

1. Watch porn to learn what to do.

“Liam, I don’t…”

“Shut up, Will. This is for your own good. I mean it’s embarrassing having a little brother who can’t manage to find a chick willing to even throw him a pity fuck.” Liam’s friends snickered, and William looked down, his face red and his stomach churning.

Liam stood up then, completely ignoring his brother’s misery – or possibly enjoying it, though William didn’t want to contemplate that. “Let’s go, guys. It’s time for Willie here to take the first step towards becoming a man and see if he has the balls to go into that porn store off the highway.”

William’s eyes bulged and his head snapped up quickly. “Oh, come on, Liam, don’t make me go into that place.”

“God, no wonder you’re a virgin. You’re like a fucking girl. Now stop your whining and come on.”

The four of them moved from behind the desk, surrounding William and all but pushing him out of the house and into Liam’s car. He crammed into it with them, hoping he could make this quick and get it over with. Maybe if he just went along with Liam’s stupid plan for now, he’d get bored with it and go back to more or less ignoring his little brother.

As they pulled out of the driveway, William hoped that would be sooner rather than later.

*** *** ***


When Buffy Summers saw the group of frat-boy looking morons barge into the shop, she rolled her eyes. While not quite as bad as the summer job she’d had last year – she was still trying to get the fish smell out of those shoes, dammit – it certainly wasn’t the best job ever, and guys like those were exactly why.

However, she soon noted that this group was a little different than most of them. They’d brought someone with them, who was clearly there to be tormented, and she watched as they pushed him towards the movie section despite how obvious it was in his body language he didn’t want to be there. “Assholes,” Buffy muttered under her breath, watching them snicker as their victim-of-the-day floundered helplessly by the movies.

Deciding to teach the jackasses a lesson, she moved out from behind the counter and approached the guy by the movies, smiling sweetly as she asked, “Can I help you?”

He turned sharply, his eyes wide. She could tell he hadn’t expected to see a woman like her working in a place like this, and his face turned positively crimson as he stammered out a reply. “I…I don’t… I mean…my brother, he…oh, god…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Buffy said softly, putting her hand against his arm. “Do you need me to get them to leave?” She kept her voice down, making sure no one else could hear their conversation.

“He’s my ride home,” he whispered back, his tone miserable.

“My shift ends in an hour. I could give you a ride home then, if you wanted.”

He looked at her in shock. “You…you’d do that?”

Buffy nodded. “Sure.”

He glanced between the other men and Buffy. “I…I don’t know. He’ll be there when I get home, and…”

Buffy frowned, wondering if there was more to this situation than just some stupid boy teasing. “What’s he doing to you?”

“Oh, nothing that bad,” he replied quickly, noticing by her expression that she was coming up with all sorts of scenarios. “He’s just got it in his head that he’s going to find some girl for me to sleep with, and he thinks I can learn how to be all seductive with porn. Or something. Really, his logic escapes me most of the time.”

Buffy laughed lightly, shaking her head. “You know you can’t really learn anything overly useful from porn. I mean, you definitely can’t learn how to pick anyone up seeing as most of the time it’s just all ‘hey, let’s fuck,’ and then going at it like bunnies on crack.”

He laughed back. “Yeah, I know. But my brother’s a raving moron. I swear, my parents just found him in a ditch somewhere and brought him home, because there’s no way we’re related.”

Buffy glanced over at the guy who seemed to be the leader of the group and guessed correctly he was the brother. “All the brains and the looks in the family? Must be a burden.”

He blushed. “I…I don’t… Liam’s the good looking one.”

“Not from where I’m standing,” Buffy said with a snort. She smiled slyly as she came up with a plan. “So, if your brother thinks you’re already getting some, he’ll leave you alone?”

Clearly, the guy didn’t know where she was going with this as he frowned. “I guess…why are you asking…”

“Sounds great! You can just hang out here for the next hour until I get off work and then we can go back to my place and watch something together – see where the mood takes us,” Buffy said loudly, watching him just about choke on his tongue. Then, she turned towards the group, smirking at the looks of shock on all of their faces. “You guys can just run on home now. I don’t do gangbangs.”

Liam gaped like a fish before he managed an oh-so-eloquent, “Uh…okay.”

Buffy smirked and gave a little wave, daring them to challenge her. Dumbfounded that their humiliation scheme didn’t quite go to plan, Liam and his friends retreated, leaving her alone in the store with her new friend.

She turned back to him and held out her hand. “I’m Buffy, by the way.”

“Will,” he replied, taking her hand. It was so soft, so warm, and… “You…you didn’t have to do that.”

“I kinda did,” Buffy replied. “Guys like that piss me off. What, it makes them feel better about their tiny penises if they jump on someone they think is weaker? It’s pathetic and nowhere near as sexy as they seem to think it is. Bullying doesn’t make you manly. It makes you a loser.”

William looked down. “I don’t think he was trying to bully me exactly, he just…”

“Look, I know I just only sorta met him and all, but your brother’s a dick.”

William chuckled. “Yeah, you’re right. My brother is a dick.”

His blue eyes twinkled when he smiled and Buffy’s stomach did a flip as she realized she may have just gotten herself into more than she’d bargained for…

*** *** ***


Oh god, he was falling in love. In a porn store…

In the hour since Liam and his friends had left, the store had had no customers, giving William a chance to talk to Buffy. She was beautiful, smart, and funny, and did this thing where she leaned over and touched his thigh when they talked, and it made him feel completely wonderful.

He learned she was from Los Angeles, had moved there to Sunnydale as a teen, and was currently going to USC – where he was headed in the Fall. She was a sophomore, only a year older than him, and currently single.

She’d said that last part more than once. While smiling softly, ducking her head, and pushing her long blonde hair behind her ear. Was she flirting with him?

He decided no, she couldn’t possibly be flirting. It was pity. Or something… Something not flirting.

So when she asked him that question – the one that ended up changing the course of his life forever – he was taken completely by surprise.

She stood by her car, fiddling with her keys, looking anywhere but in his eyes. “You know, you could, um, really go back with me to my apartment if you wanted to. I mean, we wouldn’t necessarily have to have sex or anything, I mean, I just, you know, um… I’ve been having a good time talking to you, and I don’t really want that to end, so…” She looked up slightly, hope shimmering in her green eyes. “Do you want to?”

Did he want to? Oh god, yes… More than anything in the world yes… He shrugged, his hands in his pockets. “Sure, I guess.”

“Okay, cool.” Buffy puffed out a breath. “So…my place.”

“Yeah, your place.”

William smiled and when she smiled back, his heart flipped.

*** *** ***


“I’m renting out a friend’s apartment for the summer while she studies in Europe, so it’s just us here,” Buffy said, dropping her keys on the kitchen counter as they walked into the apartment.

“We’re alone then,” William said as he came in behind her, shutting the door.

“Yup, all alone,” Buffy replied. Suddenly, she wondered if she was making a mistake. What if the whole sweet, clueless guy thing was just a ruse so he could get in and then open the door for all his buddies? She’d just invited a total stranger home with her, and since her next shift wasn’t for two days, no one would even know she was gone until it was way too late. This was crazy insane, no matter how damn pretty his eyes were, and…

Oh, to hell with it, she decided, right before she jumped him.

William let out a decidedly unmanly squeak of surprise when he suddenly found himself with Buffy attached to his lips, her arms wrapped around him tightly, but much to her delight he was soon responding, kissing her back with just as much passion as she was throwing at him.

Buffy broke away, flushed and panting. “I don’t usually pick up strange guys in a porn shop and lure them back to my apartment for sex.”

William nodded. “Yeah, all right… So, wait, it is sex then?”

“Yeah. I mean, if you want it to be sex. It doesn’t have to…”

William growled when he grabbed her, pulling her tight against him and kissing her again, his teeth nipping her lips. And damn it all, if she didn’t fucking swoon.

“Oh, I want it to be sex,” he said against her mouth, effectively making her nothing more than goo.

For his part, William had no freaking clue where this side of him was coming from, but Buffy seemed to be happy, so he decided to just roll with it…

“Bedroom…there…” Buffy said, pointing behind them.

“Right,” William replied, catching her as she jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist. Buffy was impressed that he managed to carry her without dropping her flat on her ass. Especially considering how she just couldn’t help herself from nibbling on his neck. It just looked so damn tasty…

They fell onto the bed, and Buffy wasn’t sure when all their clothes disappeared. She just knew she really, really wanted him naked, and apparently, he was having the same thought about her.

“God, you’re hot,” he moaned against her ear, his hips thrusting vainly against her thighs.

“And you’re…” Buffy looked down, her eyes raking over chiseled abs and the biggest cock she’d ever seen in real life. “Fezuh…”

William arched an eyebrow. “Was that a word?”

“Guh,” Buffy replied. Really, she thought she was pretty damn articulate given the situation.

“Yeah, me, too,” William said before he was kissing her again, doing that biting thing again, and holy mother of god, Buffy wanted him now.

Until she somehow managed to have one moment of logic in the midst of her crazy lust attack and was pushing him away. He pulled away from her, looking confused as she jumped off the bed and started rifling through the dresser. “Buffy…?”

“Okay, I know Anya’s got some condoms in here somewhere, the tramp,” Buffy growled, throwing clothes on the floor. “If she took them all with her, I swear I’ll kill her.”

“Oh, right. If I need to go to the store…”

“Yes! Score!” Buffy hurried back to the bed, condom in hand. “Okay, all is good again. You can go back to what you were doing.”

He didn’t hesitate. Buffy had been fairly certain he was a virgin when she’d first talked to him in the store, but the way he was acting now, she wasn’t so sure.

However, once they moved on to the actual sex, Buffy realized her first impression had been right.

“It’s okay,” Buffy said, stroking his back as William buried his face in her neck. She had a feeling he wasn’t able to actually look at her. “I mean, it happens. I take it that was your first time?”

“Yeah,” William admitted, the word muffled by her hair. “God, I’m a wanker. And so mortified I want to throw myself off a bridge.”

“Well, that would be a waste. We can’t practice until you’re a sex god if you throw yourself off a bridge.”

William ventured a glance up at her. “You…you still want me?”

“Yup. I’d have to be a total moron to throw someone like you out of bed just because you didn’t do it perfectly your first go ‘round. Besides, for the time that you were…” She smiled and ran her fingers through his dark hair. “It felt good, Will. Very good.”

He smiled back shyly. “It did?”

“Oh yeah. I definitely want some more of that.”

“Good,” he replied with a sigh of relief. “I didn’t want to lose you when I’ve just found you.”

Buffy swallowed, suddenly feeling like she wanted to cry, and she didn’t really know why. But she choked back the tears, kissed his forehead, and let him slip out and take off the used condom.

She pulled back the covers when he returned to the bed, motioning for him to slip in beside her. He did, his arms wrapping tightly around her, and Buffy held him right back.

They’d met two hours ago, but he wasn’t a stranger.

*** *** ***


Neither of them had spoken for a while, but William was content to hold her in silence. It seemed surreal that he’d actually just been with a woman, and now she was still there, in his arms, letting him stroke her soft, tanned skin and brush kisses against her golden hair.

Eventually he felt himself growing hard again, and William cupped her cheek and tilted her face up so he could kiss her. He explored her mouth slowly this time, his heart beating faster when she sighed against him, her hands tracing lazy patterns on his back.

“I’ll be better this time,” he whispered.

“I know.”

This time there was no rush, no desperation. William let himself get lost in the taste of her, the feel of her damp skin sliding against his. He’d never felt this way in his own body, so physical, so sensual. He simply felt, let them be flesh and flesh. He closed his eyes and shivered as her legs tangled with his, her thighs warm and welcoming.

Will…”

She breathed his name, sounding both complete and wanting all at once, and he knew she felt what he did. It should be impossible, the notion too ridiculously romantic to belong in reality, but he didn’t care because he knew what this was.

Buffy fished another condom out of the box and pressed it into his palm. He took a deep breath, focusing himself. He was going to do it right this time…

He tried to open the wrapper and cursed when his shaking hands wouldn’t allow it. Buffy smiled at him and took it back, ripping open the foil and then reaching under the covers to roll the condom down his shaft, pulling a moan of pleasure from him as her hands stroked his erection. “So perfect,” he whispered.

She kissed his lips lightly. “I need you inside me again.”

“I…I want to get it right this time,” William protested, not wanting to make the same mistake by rushing right to the main course. Shouldn’t he be doing some sort of foreplay thing, like…

“But I’m so wet,” Buffy whispered against his ear. “So wet…dripping with wanting you…”

Oh, to hell with it, he’d figure out foreplay later. “Right then. Straight to the shag it is.”

Buffy giggled. “God, everything you say is fucking hot.” She pulled back and looked at him. “I bet you could say anything and it would turn me on. Say…mothballs.”

William blinked. “Uh…mothballs?”

“Oh, fuck yeah, mothballs,” Buffy said before kissing him hard, her hands grabbing his shoulders.

William only had a second to think about how weird American women could be about accents before he really didn’t care because she had her hand on his cock again and was pulling him towards her pussy. He grit his teeth as she helped him slide inside, panting hard as he fought against a repeat performance of last time’s debacle.

He held on; she wrapped her legs around his hips.

Cautiously, he moved inside of her, thrusting slowly, testing out a rhythm. She breathed heavily and held on to him. William twisted his hips, groaning as he slipped in deeper, and Buffy cried out.

“Okay?” William asked.

“Oh yeah…” A tremor passed through her body, and she smiled. “Way okay. Way, way okay.”

“Good.” William kissed her lightly on the lips then moved again, trying to figure out what way was the best by the noises Buffy made. When she gave her loudest moan yet in time with a move of his hips that made him feel like he’d just found heaven, William knew he’d gotten it right and did it again.

Over and over again.

She started out with words of encouragement, but soon it became wordless sounds of pleasure, and William let himself get swept along in them, losing himself in the way she triggered every one of his senses.

The sound of her moans, her breaths; the feel of her skin under him, around him; the smell of her perfume mingling with her arousal; the taste of her lips, of her sweat as he licked the curve of her neck; the sight of her beneath him, writhing, arching towards him…

She was everything all at once, tearing him apart and putting him back together in every pulse of her body, every slide of her hands on his skin. She drove him insane and made everything clear.

“Oh god, Buffy, Buffy…” he gasped, trembling as he fought to keep holding on. “Yes, yes, Buffy…”

Her name rolled into a moan, and suddenly, she was crying out, clinging to him desperately as her pussy clenched around him so tightly he couldn’t hold it anymore; he yelled her name and the clung to her when the world fell away.

He lay on her chest, unable to move. She stroked his hair, and he could feel her fingers trembling. He managed a weak kiss to her breast and murmured, “Did I do it right that time?”

William knew she was crying when she answered, and he knew they weren’t tears of sadness. “Yeah,” she said softly. “You were perfect.”

He smiled against her and bit back a laugh.

For once, he had something to thank his brother for…

*** *** ***


“Where the hell have you been?”

Only a day earlier, William would’ve been wincing at the sound of his brother’s bellowing.

Today, he rolled his eyes.

“Shove it, Liam,” he grumbled, going towards his bedroom. “I’m on a timetable here.”

Liam blinked, too shocked to move for a moment before he went after his younger brother. He found him shoving things into a duffle bag, and he frowned in confusion. “Where are you going?”

“Spending the weekend with my girlfriend,” William replied without looking up.

“But you don’t have a girlfriend,” Liam replied. “You’re a pathetic loser.”

William zipped up the duffle bag. “Was, mate.” He slung the bag over his shoulder and faced Liam. “Oh, and your tips on how to get a girl in bed? Thanks for the attempt, really, but seeing as I’d rather have something other than a co-ed with a weak constitution, they’re bloody useless.”

Liam didn’t have a retort. He merely gaped. This was his brother?

“Thanks for the nudge yesterday though,” William said with a smirk. “I wouldn’t have met her if you hadn’t brought me over there.”

“You…you really hooked up with that hot blonde from the store yesterday?” Liam asked, sounding more than a little pitiful. William wanted to point and giggle, but decided that would ruin the moment.

“Yep. And can I just say, wow. Really.” He clapped Liam on the shoulder. “Thanks, brother. I really owe you one.”

William could feel Liam staring as he walked away and he smirked to himself, heading down the stairs, out the front door, and into Buffy’s arms.


Chapter End Notes:
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