Prologue
“Let the healing power begin. Let my will be safe again. As these words of peace are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken.” Willow’s words rushed like a wave through the cavern, undoing the chaos she had unwittingly caused.
Xander shouted in astonishment as the demon he and Anya had been fighting simply vanished. “What the….”
Anya, more accustomed to what most people would find unimaginable, simply shrugged.
“Oh, ughh!” Buffy groaned loudly. She pushed herself up and stared in abject horror at the man she’d been kissing. Disgust radiated from her core. She’d been kissing Spike. She’d been lying on top of Spike, rubbing herself against him, talking in her sexy nurse voice and kissing him. She was sure there wasn’t enough hot water in the world to ever make her feel clean again. “Spike lips! Lips of Spike!”
Spike’s eyebrows came together in irritation. “Whose bloody lips were you expecting?” His shook his head. He loved the girl, but she was still a mystery.
The Beginning
Three days later, Willow closed the last book in Giles’ magic library and shook her head. “Nothing. There’s no reason that Spike should still be under the spell. His feelings should have reverted back along with everything else.”
Buffy chanced a quick glance in the direction of the vampire in question and was glad to see him looking away. He’d spent most of the past few days watching her with big sad puppy dog eyes. She knew that his feelings weren’t real, that it was just the spell and that he didn’t have a soul and couldn’t really love her, but she remembered her own experience with the spell plenty well enough to know that it felt real. She couldn’t help feeling just a little bad for him. He’d tried to argue with her at first; he said that it wasn’t a spell, that he loved her and knew she felt the same way. Then he’d tried to kiss her and she’d had to tie him up. He’d sat tied to that chair and looking like a little boy whose dog had died ever since.
Sighing, she looked back at Willow. “There has to be something you can do. Maybe a forgetting spell or something?”
Willow was skeptical but she nodded. “I’ll keep looking.”
“Good.” Buffy looked out through Giles’ window. It was full dark, time to patrol. She was glad for the distraction and the chance to expend a bit of the restless energy that made research so difficult. “Guess it’s time for me to make with the staking.” She pulled on her jacket and took a few steps towards the door. She couldn’t help but look at Spike again, all defeated and stoop shouldered in his chair. “Do you want to come?”
She wasn’t surprised to see the confusion in his expression; she still wasn’t sure what exactly had compelled her to make the offer. When he nodded, she walked over and started undoing the ropes that held him on the chair. “You’ll have to stay out of the way and if you try to help any of the vamps I’ll be all too happy to dust you.” She ignored the hopeful gleam in his eyes. “I mean it, Spike. Don’t press your luck.” She glared at him as he stood up and rolled his shoulders. The pang of guilt she felt about leaving him tied up in the same position for so long was diagnosed as a remnant from the spell and buried deep in her gut. Spike was a monster. Buffy knew that the chip made it impossible for him to hurt people but didn’t really change who or what he was. The memory of a few magic induced kisses weren’t enough to make her forget what he could and would do given the chance. She blushed at her body’s memory of those kisses, turned away from him and headed towards the door. “You better keep up.”
Buffy was careful not to look behind her. She knew he was there, keeping pace a step or two behind. Her slayer senses wouldn’t let a vampire get that close without her knowing. She’d barely been out the door before she’d started regretting her impulse to let him tag along. He was going to cause trouble. She knew it. Still she hadn’t been able to resist showing a touch of mercy. She figured sad puppy eyes earned him a walk. Now, she just hoped he used his best behavior: no biting, growling or humping legs.
They were almost at the cemetery when he broke their silence. “Are you gonna make Red do a forgetting spell?”
Frowning, she looked at him quickly over her shoulder. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Spike. I told you not to push your luck. This is just me taking pity on you because you looked so pathetic. I hate you. You hate me. As soon as we figure out what went fluey with Willow’s spell you’ll remember that too and we will all be happier.”
“Is this about Angel? Are you still in love with him?” He sounded, for all the world, like a heartbroken man and not like the Slayer of Slayers.
Buffy sighed and turned to face him. “No, Spike. It’s about a spell.” She shook her head in exasperation. “Think hard. Four days ago you hated me and then suddenly we were engaged. You have to see how weird that was.”
“The wedding was for you. You’re an all or nothing girl. Angel, that prick a few months back, they must have been blind not to see it—to see you—the gift you are. I do.”
She groaned in frustration and picked up the pace. What she needed was a vampire she could stake without feeling guilty about it, one who wasn’t muzzled with a chip and watching her with pretty blue eyes. She definitely didn’t need a pathetic soulless vampire following her around saying sweet words.
The first vampire was found and dusted with too little fuss and ceremony to be satisfying. The second one was a touch better, although Buffy wondered if the vampire was actually fast or if she was simply distracted by Spike sitting on a gravestone nearby and pouting. Either way, with two under her belt for the evening, she was feeling more like herself. She was ready to head back to Giles’ house and drop off Spike when the third vampire found her. That he was the one to seek her out was the first sign that he would be a bit more work to deal with. Generally, Buffy had found that it took vamps more than a few years to build up the cocky confidence needed to actually try for a slayer. This one was no exception. He was dressed in fairly modern clothing, but she could tell that he was old. When she looked at him, she saw the kind of pure evil that made most vampires look like kids caught shoplifting a pack of gum. This one reminded her of Angelus. The thought made her shiver involuntarily, but she covered it by smirking.
“Let’s make this quick. I rented a video that’s due back tomorrow and I still want to watch it.”
Spike watched Buffy fight her third vampire of the night and attempted to hide his interest. He loved watching her fight. The girl had far too much style to be a slayer. He was torn between nearly equal desires to be the one fighting her himself and to step up and be her knight in shining armor. This wasn’t exactly a new experience for him. Over the decades there had been a spattering of girls that had tugged on his heart strings in an entirely inappropriate way, delicate looking birds that had reminded him of William’s great wish for a pretty little woman of his own to protect and care for. Usually, he had simply killed them all the quicker for reminding him of his weaker human self. But a few times, when he’d been sure that no one was looking, he’d saved them instead. Afterwards, their grateful expressions would fill him with a confusing and unsettling mix of feelings. He was almost relieved that neither option, fighting or saving, was available to him.
Or at least he was until he saw Buffy relieved of her stake and pinned to the ground. “Slayer!” He ran towards her without a thought.
“You want a taste too, don’t you?” The monster was ripping at Buffy’s shirt, but paused to give Spike a companionable grin. “You can take a round if there’s anything left when I’m through.”
That the other vamp planned to rape her before finishing her off shouldn’t have startled Spike, he’d known plenty of vamps that enjoyed that particular sport, still the idea of anyone daring to touch her shocked him. He’d wanted to kill her himself, once upon a time, but he’d always respected her. She was The Slayer, the best he’d ever seen. Fighting her was an honor and he would have treated as such. “Sorry, mate. I don’t like to share.”
The other vampire barely had a chance to scowl before Spike slammed the stake through his chest.
Spike winced in preparation for pain that didn’t come. Frowning in confusion, he held his hand out to Buffy. She stared at him wide-eyed as she backed away.
Standing, she glared at him. “What happened to the chip, Spike?”
“Nothing!” The accusations he saw in her eyes tore holes in his heart. He’d saved her. He’d played the White Knight for her and still she saw only a monster.
“You’re not supposed to be able to fight.”
“I don’t know. Maybe—maybe it doesn’t work on other vampires. Maybe G. I. Joe was hoping we’d kill each other off. Why would I have the answers?”
He watched her consider his ideas and saw her relax her shoulders just a touch. The shredded remains of her shirt reminded him of the other vampire’s plans and he felt sick. It had been too close. He’d come far too close to losing the best thing he’d ever found.
Her sudden change of heart still confused him slightly. Only a few days had passed since she’d snuggled against him all warm and sweet while promising to love him forever. She said that it wasn’t true that it was just a spell, but he didn’t feel any different. He knew that Buffy wasn’t his anymore, but that he was still hers. Unrequited love isn’t any less true. Still, knowing that he’d be able to protect her buoyed his damaged heart. It was something. He shrugged his duster off and held it out towards her. “Here, love.”
She looked at it and back at him twice before cautiously accepting. The duster was big on him and thus nearly swallowed her small frame, but Spike couldn’t remember her ever looking more gorgeous.
He wanted to comfort her, to pick her up and cuddle her, but could tell by the way her eyes kept an uneasy watch over him that it wouldn’t be welcome.
Spike waited until they were nearly back at Giles’ house before asking quietly, “Are you hurt?”
“No.”
“I don’t know how that vamp got you. You’re better than that.”
She stopped and looked up at him. “I wasn’t tonight.”
“Everyone needs a hand now and then. You let it pysch you out—you’ll end up bled.”
“Why did you help me?”
He sighed. “You know why.”
“Because you think you love me.”
“Love has nothing to do with thinking. You’re in me now—in my gut—in my blood. I feel you.” He tilted his head to the side and studied her for a moment. “I love you. You know I do.”
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!