“Exactly where are we going Mate?” Spike asked his soul.
“We’re almost there, you’ll see.”
Spike could see nothing but the gray mist. After what seemed to Spike like hours of walking, the mist started turning a deep blue color. He continued walking through the blue mist until he reached two yellow spirals. They were intertwined like a double helix and constantly twisting.
The soul addressed him. “This is Purgatory, you know what that is right?” At Spike’s affirmation, the soul continued, “Purgatory is where the souls of those suited neither for heaven nor hell are kept. In usual circumstances, when one becomes a vampire, his soul goes straight to Purgatory until he’s done enough Evil and then goes to hell and burns for eternity for his actions, both before and after. That’s where I was until a few years ago. While being tormented, I was provided a window with which to see the acts of my mind and body – to prolong my misery at its evil doings. Then something changed. The Initiative put the chip in your brain and forced you to stop killing. You had to ask for help from the Slayer and Her Friends. Humans are damned for good as their death signals the end of their time on Earth. Vampires, though dead, are still on Earth. But there’s a double-edged knife. Without a soul, the body and mind are selfish and evil. Without acts of goodness, the soul is damned to hell. The chip was the solution. Your body needed to be good or at least docile to avoid physical pain. Because of the lack of Evil, I was sent away from Hell and because of all the evil you had yet to repent, I could not enter Heaven. So I came to Purgatory. This happened to many of the Initiative’s experimentees. “
“You still haven’t answered my question, Soul. If I was incapable of feeling without you, how was I hurt by Buffy?”
“Shortly after the insertion of the chip, your hatred of the slayer and her friends began to diminish and not only because you needed them. Even though you had no real feelings, you, the Mind, could see attributes in others. “ You saw that Buffy was strong, wise, and full of energy. You admired these qualities while cursing them. And lust isn’t a strict emotion as much as a physical reaction. But soon it became greater than that. I, your Soul, was here in Purgatory still when I felt like I was being tugged violently. I soon found myself in the prison – he made Spike look toward the intertwining spirals – and did not completely get out until you won me back.”
“Completely get out?”
“Right Mate, what did I tell you? In order for you to have had feelings, you needed me. Something in you pulled for me even as I was in Purgatory, I don’t know what. But Purgatory would not let me go. So I was jailed, but parts of me got to you. And you fell in love with Her.”
“Are you shitting me?”
“Daft as it sounds, I’m not. I finally fully returned to you after you paid for me with your blood in the African Cave. Let me tell you it was sweet to finally have you feel the burn of your sins as I’ve always felt them. You had me doing all the bloody time while you and the body were off merrily frolicking. I suppose you did make up for some of it though with the heroic actions that got you dusted.”
Spike’s head reeled from all this talking. Not only was his soul bloody damned annoying, it also talked too damned much! And although he didn’t regret helping her and the Scoobies, Buffy was forever lost to him now – and he was left with a big- mouthed soul. Hopefully she would find happiness….
“It’s been two years Mate. Time moves differently here. You and I just woke up in Purgatory, and the body is gone, but on Earth it’s been two years since.”
Spike was shocked yet again. “Can I see her? How she’s doing? Is there a way?”
“Just look down.” His Soul said.
There she was, in her room, as beautiful as he remembered. She was clutching something in her arms and looking up. It was almost as if she was looking directly into his face. He looked closer to try to see the object in her arms. His eyes widened. It was his leather jacket!
------FLASHBACK------
It was almost time for the final fight. Spike sighed as he thought of the battle to come. He looked down at the pendant Angel had brought Buffy earlier that morning. Obviously it was meant for him but whatever it was for, he had a nagging feeling deep in his soul that this would be his last fight.
“As long as she lives, I will be content. I will be worthy of her support of me.
And then slowly he removed his jacket- the one that had belonged to Nikki Smith, the slayer. He had prized it for years. It had been a testament to his strength and superiority. Later, it became something he just wore…a necessary part of him.
He supposed the proper thing to do would be to leave it for Robin, the son of Nikki Smith. But Robin probably wouldn’t wear it anyway because of what happened.
He took a piece of paper and a pen.
“Buffy,…”
Now he saw her clutching the jacket. She had gotten it after all. And kept it. She was still looking at him.
“I wish you hadn’t left me Spike. I knew you had to, and I knew I had to let you, but I wish it were different. I wish I had realized the truth sooner. You really did love me. I wish I had told you sooner that I loved you. I think I have for a long time. I wish you had believed me when I did tell you. I wish you were here! She burst into tears as she continued. Please, if someone or something is out there, let Spike rest in peace. He did much evil but he tried his best to make amends. He deserves peace. He saved the world and gave me faith in love again. Please keep him warm, safe, and happy as I was once in death.”
She shook with grief.
“I’m here luv! Spike cried desperately. I’m here! I wish I were with you too!”
“There is a way,” a voice said.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!