Subtlety and Thumper
“You still haven’t called your mum?”
“I called her the day after, you know that. It’s not my fault that she was all with the ‘Marriage is evil, Buffy. Never, ever get married.’ How was I supposed to tell her after she says that?”
“But that was two months ago.”
“I know! Don’t you think I want to tell her we’re getting married? It just seems like she has something to tell me every time I try to. First it’s that my cousin’s getting divorced and her husband that they all just thought was the sweetest guy ever is some sort of homicidal maniac or whatever, then my aunt’s marriage is called off—which, okay, that one? Totally her fault—then my mom says she and my dad are going to try a separation for a while and…I really want to tell them, Spike. I promise I do…they’re just making it impossible!” she cried.
“Are you okay, pet?”
“Yep, I’m just dandy. Never mind that I can’t even try to tell my own mother I’m engaged without her rambling off all the potential ills of marriage—now I’ve got you thinking I don’t want to get married or something just because I haven’t told her yet!”
“Buffy?”
“What?” she all but snapped.
“Would you like to go watch a movie? And I promise you kitten, I’m alright with whenever you tell your mum; really I am. I was just curious if you’d told her not or yet.”
“I just…I’d tell her anyway, but I like this being a happy thing; I don’t want it to turn into something depressing just because my mother’s down on marriage right now.”
“That makes total sense. Don’t worry, Buffy, I’m just anxious to tell people the good news is all; nothing for you to worry about.”
“I’ll try to tell her again tomorrow—if that doesn’t work then I guess we’ll just tell everyone no matter what when they’re here for Thanksgiving. Does that sound okay?”
“Sounds great.” Buffy smiled and Spike knew he’d wait until their tenth anniversary to tell her parents if she wanted; God but he was pathetic sometimes.
“So, what movie do you want to watch? Not one of those blow ‘em up, ones right?”
“I think since you’re the one being annoyed by your mother, you should get to pick the movie.”
“You’re really okay with us just staying home today? I know the parade’s happening and all—“
“Buffy? Much as I don’t celebrate Fourth of July, I don’t celebrate Labor Day either, so we’re good with whatever you want to do—really is just another day to me.”
“You’re even okay with watching Bambi?”
“Probably the last adult in America who hasn’t, so now’s probably as good a time as any.”
“I can’t believe you cried when they killed Bambi’s mom!”
“Excuse me for not being as cold hearted as you’d like—‘sides, you cried, too. Or are you forgetting that?”
“Well, yeah, but I’m a girl and stuff…and it’s…it’s the hormones.”
“You’d better not be starting up on calling me a girl again!”
“No, I was just saying…Never mind.”
“Besides, it was the first time I saw the thing. Little thing’s mum getting snuffed like that’s just cruel. Little rabbit’s cute though.”
“You’re going to make a great dad, William.”
“You really think so?”
“Well sure you miss the subtle stuff when it’s coming from me but you cry at Disney movies and think Thumper’s cute, so…yeah, I do think so.”
“’ I'm thumpin! That's why they call me Thumper!’ How can you not think that’s cute? And what are you talking about ‘subtle’? Thought you were the one that missed the subtle stuff.”
“One,” Buffy ticked off on her fingers, “’it’s the hormones’, two, ‘you’re going to be a good dad’, three, all that crying I’ve been doing. What do you think that all adds up to, William?”
“About thirty possible things I could say but that you’d hit me for even thinking?”
“Or,” Buffy said slowly, “Something you could say that would be right and therefore I wouldn’t hit you for saying.”
“You know, my subtle is a hell of a lot easier to guess than yours is.”
“How’s this for a big whopping hint for you: In about seven or so months you’re going to have to quit saying hell and bloody hell so often.”
“Seven…What are you saying, Buffy?”
“You’re seriously no fun! I try be all coy and subtle about this—making it fun and nooo you just have to say ‘what are you saying, Buffy?’ What’s so wrong with guessing?”
“Not exactly one of those things you guess about.”
“Well if you know it’s not one of the things you guess about, then you probably know what it is I’m trying to tell you so why don’t you just say what you think it is I’m saying?”
“You can be mighty confusing, you know that kitten?”
“And you can be might reluctant, you know that?”
“I’m just saying…”
“That you’re really not going to guess. Fine, stay right here, buster. And I mean it—no moving!” Buffy rushed into the bathroom that connected to their bedroom and he could hear her pushing things around and out of the way, looking for something, before she came back into the room, moving much more slowly now than when she had left.
“Here,” she finally said when she reached him, thrusting a tiny white object into his hands. “Is that good non-subtle enough?”
“Think you mean obvious, pet.”
“No,” she corrected, “I mean non-subtle. Now, is it or not? Because I’m sure there’s something else I can do but…well, I’ll just have to think of it first.”
Spike looked down at the object in his hands, then back at Buffy, then down at the object again, then back at Buffy, then back at the object again, then, “You’re pregnant?”
“Well aren’t you just a regular Colombo,” she joked, then softened her tone. “Yes, Spike, I’m—well I guess the right word would be ‘we’re’ pregnant. I’ve taken like seven of those and they’re all positive but I haven’t gone to the doctor yet so I don’t know how—“
Any further explanation of Buffy’s was cut off and Spike reached out and scooped her up, dropping the pregnancy test on the floor behind her.
“I knew there was a reason those white boards came with an eraser.”
THE END
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!