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Authors Chapter Notes:
RATED NC-17!!! Adults only please.

{A/N: This idea always amused me. I've read a few fanfics like this but there doesn't seem to be very many of them.

This takes place some time in early season 5. Some things happened a little differently in this fic: Joyce got sick, but she recovered; Buffy and Angel were the evil duo who came to town in season 2; and Drusilla is the souled vampire who captured Spike's heart.}

* Thanks to Spikepet for beta'ing me!
** Thanks to Magz for the beautiful banner!

Joss and ME own everything, I'm only borrowing them.


Spike Summers walked alone through the cemetery, twirling a stake idly between his fingers.

"I should be home in bed, or studying for my Psych test tomorrow -- which I'm probably going to fail," he thought aloud. "Or I could be spending time with my girlfriend. What do I get to do instead? I get to walk around cemeteries all night hunting demons, who are staying away in droves by the way… They could at least make this not a huge waste of my time and show up -- " He halted, hearing a metallic, grating sound.

Buffy lit up a cigarette with her trusty Zippo as she came out from behind a nearby tree. "Talking to yourself is the first sign of mental illness, luv." The blonde vamp smirked.

Spike sighed and looked heavenward, silently praying for the strength not to dust her. "Yeah, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" Buffy narrowed her eyes at him, her smirk faltering. "Look, I don't have time for this Buffy," he said wearily, turning and walking away. "I'm going to finish patrolling and go home to bed. The witty banter portion of the evening will have to be postponed."

Buffy had been a thorn in his side ever since the Initiative put that chip in her head. He couldn't stake her because she was "a helpless creature". Yeah, right. It was hard to be one of the "good guys" sometimes.

Buffy began following him, staying a few steps behind. 'The better to watch that sweet ass of his!' she thought with a wolfish smile. He had the kind of ass she would like to eat lunch off of, or make her lunch. She definitely would love to take a bite out of it.

She couldn't get the bloody Slayer out of her head. Ever since that revelatory dream she had -- she was in love with him, she wanted him, in every way, location and position. She knew he hadn't had much sexual experience. Her soulful bint of a Grandsire, Drusilla, was his first. And that can't have been very good, considering what a broody, frigid bitch Dru became after the re-souling.

Next was that one-night stand college girl she saw him talking to in the quad the day she found -- and lost -- the Gem of Amarra. 'Stupid chit. How could she fuck the Slayer and just toss him aside like garbage?' Buffy shook her head and continued to undress him with her eyes. 'And now he's with Samantha Bloody Jones, formerly of the Initiative. That white bread piece of shit. She's just so bleedin' perfect 'int she? There's another word for that -- BORING! The Slayer can't be satisfied with her, he's probably only with her because he thinks that's what he should want.'

Why he insisted on trying to be like everyone else was beyond Buffy's understanding. 'He is special, he's not like every other stupid sod on the planet, bumbling through life. He should be -- '

"Will you stop following me!?! Spike yelled, breaking Buffy's chain of thought. "Isn't there anything else you can be doing besides bothering me?"

Buffy pretended to give it serious thought, rubbing her chin theatrically. "Ummm...no." She smirked, pleased with her joke.

He hated that smug look. Made him want to wipe it off her face. "I'm going home," he said tiredly as he walked towards the front gates.

"Aw, c'mon, Slayer! Don't leave so soon. I'm sure there are some nasties about. Where's your spunk?" She grinned.

He stopped and turned back in her direction. "I don't care. I'm tired. I have class in the morning. I'm going home to bed."

"What? No sleep over with Wonder Bread? No sweet Aryan lovemaking tonight?" she couldn't resist asking.

"That is none of your business!" Spike answered hotly, the color rising in his cheeks.

Buffy smiled and stalked over to him. "Trouble in paradise?" She was only a foot away, looking into his stunning blue eyes. "Too much for the girl, are you? Or is it that she is such a good girl that she won't do certain things for you? I bet she won't even go down on you. 'Int that right?" She made a disapproving clucking sound with her tongue.

"Every chit should know how to suck her man off, good and proper." She moved in closer. Spike was completely still, his shock at her words evident in his stiff posture and stunned expression. "Take me, 'frinstance. I'd suck on that luscious cock of yours till you screamed and begged me to stop -- then I'd keep sucking and licking till you couldn't remember your own name. I'd milk you till I got every last delicious drop o' cum out of your body, next best thing to blood, it is, so tasty..." Her voice was silk, surrounding him, sliding decadently over his skin.

Buffy smiled wider when she smelled his sudden and potent arousal, it was intoxicating. 'Yes!' "Over a hundred years experience here, luv. I'm quite skilled at things that you never even imagined." She leaned in to kiss his soft, soft lips.

Spike suddenly came out of his stupor. "Get away from me!" He pushed her hard, sending her flying to land on her back ten feet away. "You're disgusting! Never talk to me like that again or I swear I'll dust you! Chip or no chip! You're filth! You make me sick!"

Buffy sat up. Inwardly, she felt as if he tore her heart out. She loved him so much and he has nothing but contempt and hatred for her. She wanted to weep and beg him to give her a chance. That was the old her, Elizabeth the Bloody Awful Poet, Love's Bitch. Outwardly, she kept up her Big Bad persona that she'd worked so hard to perfect. She smiled at him lasciviously, running her tongue behind her teeth and chuckling. "Now, Slayer, take it easy. Wha's tha matter, did I get you all hot and bothered?"

He looked at her with disgust. "Ugh! In your dreams! You're a disgusting pig! I'd never, ever touch you in a million years!" He turned and walked at a brisk pace out of the cemetery.

When he was out of sight, Buffy allowed a small sob to escape her throat, her eyes welling up with unshed tears. "Stupid bloody Slayer...wouldn't know a good thing if it came up and bit him on the ass." She picked herself up and dusted herself off. With some effort, she got herself under control again. "Not gonna make me fuckin' cry!"

She walked slowly back into her crypt in defeat, replaying the scene with him over in her mind again and again. "I know I got to him, I could smell it." She shuddered at the remembrance and felt a flood of wetness between her legs.

"Buffy? Is that you?" an all too familiar voice whispered.

She rolled her eyes. "Bugger." She didn't think he would still be here. "Yes. It's me," she said with irritation.

Riley came out from his hiding place in the shadows of the crypt. He smiled dumbly. “Phew! I thought you might be that stupid Slayer. He’s still got it in for me, you know!”

“Yeah, you’re number one on his list all right,” she said sarcastically.

Buffy really had to question her own decision making skills sometimes. Taking up with Riley had seemed like a good idea several months ago. She met him at a demon bar near the US/Mexico border. He was tall, broad-shouldered, good looking (in a boy next door kind of way), recently vamped (so he was malleable) and he was dumb as a post. He was always horny and eager to please, he fawned over her constantly. He was perfect for getting over Angel, who dumped her for a sodding Chaos Demon, of all things. That did things to a girl’s self-esteem. But putting up with him and his incessant nattering proved to be more trouble than it was worth. He was an idiot.

“I thought you were heading for greener pastures n’ all that, what’re you still doing here?” Buffy took off her leather duster and draped it over her chair.

“Well, I started to, but…“ He walked over to her, putting his arms around her waist and kissing her cheek and neck. “I just couldn’t leave --*kiss*-- without --*kiss*-- saying goodbye one --*kiss*-- more time.” He gave her his “Ravish Me” look.

‘Oh, what the hell!’ Buffy thought. ‘He’s a good fuck, if nothin’ else, and I could go for one of those right about now.’

“Well then, pet, by all means, let’s give you a proper Bon Voyage party.”

“Ooooh! French! You know what that does to me, Blondie Bear!” he exclaimed, sweeping Buffy off her feet and hurrying to the bed.




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