Dirty Work
(Named after that super Steely Dan song)
Warning: some Xander abuse :) and B/A and evil Willow
Author’s Notes:
Hi, it’s me again. Yes, I’m writing three Spuffies at the same time. Yes, I’m a dork.
Based on the movie A Life Less Ordinary.
Chapter 1
Once William Giles had the bathroom door closed, he got busy. He cleaned the mirrors, sinks, and stalls with as much hurried perfection as he could muster.
William wiped his hands on a rag and smiled, as he looked at the sparkling bathroom, satisfied with himself.
A new record. Now let’s get to work.
He wheeled his cleaning cart into the largest stall and sat on the now-clean floor. He propped his back against the wall and pulled his knees to his chest. Leaning over, he found his worn notebook and pencil that he had hidden between his Lysol and Windex bottles. Biting on his eraser, William sat and waited for the words to flow.
“Oh, this is gonna be brilliant.” William laughed and scribbled as he sat in the handicapped women’s stall.
***
“I’ll just give you the outline, yeah? You don’t wanna be spoiled now and I also don’t want you stealing my ideas. Ok, picture with me, a blonde bit of nothing, a girl still in high school being chased down a dark and dreary alley by a big, nasty vampire--.”
“Is this before or after she is topless?”
“Shut up, Harris. The girl isn’t just a bimbo; she’s the bloody chosen one, right? She’s the only one who can protect pathetic mankind against the evil and the forces of darkness… So where was I? Oh, the girl, she’ll have an absurd name like Cookie and she’ll pull out a stake from her purse and then—poof!—no more vamp, just a pile of dust--.”
“You writing feminist shit, instead of your usual trash novels, Will? I always knew you were into the hairy chicks—Ow! Hey!”
William smirked and hit Xander Harris, his coworker and sometimes friend with his toilet bowl brush. “It may have a slight feminist slat, you wanker, but my novel will explore good and evil and the fine, blurry line that separates them. It will have violence, humor, tears, sex--.”
“Sex, huh? Your girl-hero gonna bang vampires too? Get it, man?” Xander began laughing as he sat on the shaky wooden table of the break room. He held his head, blocking himself from future blows. “She can be like—like a vampire layer.”
William pondered Xander’s comment. “Hey that actually has a nice ring...”
“Ow! If you liked it, why did you hit me again?!”
“What can I say mate? I’ve always been bad.”
“You? Bad?! Oh, I’m William bloody Giles and I write bloody bad novels based on bloody bad ideas. Bloody, sodding, buggering--.” Xander dodged William’s brush but wasn’t prepared for the Doc Marten boot that kicked him in the shin. “Oww! Stop, you big bully!”
“I don’t sound like that. Just you laugh and mock, but wait a few years when your still sitting in Mommy Harris’s basement with your thumb permanently stuck up your ass and when you’re thinking, ‘Golly Gosh, I remember that William, wasn’t he a brilliant bastard? Yup, I can’t believe I knew him.’ And by then I’ll be bloody--.”
William froze at the sound of the elevator reaching the basement level. He continued on louder. “Er. I’ll be bloody damned, you see, those dust bunnies, if you don’t get ‘em while they’re tiny, they get um…dustier, lethal even.”
“Well, well, well. Your fifteen minutes are up boys and for every minute you went over, I’ll be docking it from your paychecks.”
By the time Snyder made his appearance, William and Xander were already at their carts, ready to flee.
“But--.”
“Shut it, Harris or I’ll make you clean the urinals on the seventh floor.”
William felt his anger rise as Xander walked off, tail between his legs. “Sir, we were just talking about the gum spots that were left in the conference room--.”
“Stop kissing my ass, Giles and get back to work.”
William put his headphones on and watched as his supervisor turned on his heel and walked out of the break room.
“Bastard.” William grumbled as he flashed his middle finger at the back of the little man’s head.
William turned up his music and pushed his cleaning cart into the great glass elevator.
***
“Buffy, yeah that’s right, touch my dick, like that. Fuck…Buffy.” Angel moaned as the blonde handled him rough, making the pain almost overshadow the pleasure.
Buffy kissed Angel deeply, shoving her tongue in his mouth to stop Angel’s curses and crude comments.
What an asshole…
She squeezed his hard erection and shoved Angel against the wall of the office. Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy saw the flashing red light. She took her mouth from Angel’s and smiled for the camera before she pulled her dress over her head. Angel was on her immediately, sucking and fondling her breasts. Buffy pushed him away and sat on the desk, spreading her legs wide.
Let’s hope he doesn’t last too long. She hid the dread of letting Angel use her body behind a wide fake smile.
“Come here, Angel baby. I need you.”
***
Hank Summers was the luckiest guy in the world. William pictured him as George Jetson, sitting in a comfy chair, pushing buttons and bossing around people with a wiggle of his finger. Throughout William’s ten years with Summers Enterprises, he said with pride that he worked for Mr. Summers. Of course he never said he was a janitor, William just blamed his extensive knowledge of cleaning products on an overbearing mother.
Ah, to be stinking rich… I wouldn’t even need that much money… just to live without knowing how to change every vacuum cleaner bag known to man and not involuntarily gasping whenever I see someone stain a carpet…That would be a life worth living.
Damn I feel like bloody Cinderella. Someday my dreams will come true; someday my rotting pumpkin will turn into a best seller.
But of course this will do for now. Hiding in bathrooms and broom closets, getting in a line of script here and there. At least I can be by myself with my music and my thoughts. And I can hit Harris anytime I want to feel manly.
William smirked and stepped out of the elevator.
“Round our way the birds sing for yer, cos they already know yer…”
He sang as his boots slightly bounced on the expensive carpet. Years ago, William drove himself mad trying to prove that as one traveled up the endless floors of Summers Enterprises, the carpets got thicker, the toilet paper grew in ply sizes and generic cleaning supplies were nowhere to be seen.
The signs of approaching the big wigs. Walls were blemish-free and decorated with work from famous masters, not local starving artists. The air stank of money as William walked through the territory of those on the top of the food chain.
“La La La La Laaa Laaa. Round our way the birds are singing. Round our way the sun shines bright--”
William wheeled his orange industrial strength vacuum cleaner down the hallway and froze in front of the door that was open a crack. None of the janitors were allowed into the offices on the higher floors of the building. Only Snyder was given the honor of cleaning the personal offices of the upper management.
Hank Summers here after hours? He needs overtime? Bah. I don’t think so.
William peeked through the open door and pushed his headphones from his ears.
Oh. How—how unsanitary…
William swallowed, seeing a blonde girl sitting naked on Mr. Summers’s desk. A dark-haired man had his head buried between her thighs.
“Angel! Do that—Oh God there! Again! Aaaahhh! Don’t stop! Angeeeell! I’m commming!”
William rolled his eyes as the girl arched her back and continued on as if she was mimicking a bad porno.
Creativity, people. Yesh, you’d think she was howling in pain in a tunnel or something. And Angel? What kind of ponc—
“Ahhh!” William struggled to keep his reaction quiet as he spun after being poked in a sensitive spot on his back. William instinctively hit the person who had scared him nearly to death.
“You bloody fuc—Snyder! Oh God. I’m sorry! I--.”
Synder snarled and drug William down the hallway.
“I’m so sorry man, um, sir. I just…should—should they be doing that in Mr. Summers’s office?”
“Be quiet! It is none of your business what happens in that office or in any of the other offices for that matter.” Snyder hissed and wiped away the blood that had gathered under his nose. “I think you broke my nose you little fucker.”
“Hey now. I’m really sorry--.”
“You’d better be sorry because you have a lot to feel sorry about. Not only are you just a cockroach that wades through other people’s shit, your now even beneath the other janitors.”
“What?”
“You’re fired, Giles.”
“But—but it wasn’t my fault. I just--.”
“Do you think Mr. Summers wants a peeping tom and a worthless dreamer—don’t think I haven’t seen you dreaming instead of doing your job. You’re useless and we here at Summers Enterprises no longer have a need for you. You’re fired. Get out before I call security.”
***
“Fired. That bald weasel. I’m glad that I popped him a good one.” William drank another shot and made a disgusted face as the liquid burned on its way down his throat. “Ten years, mate. Ten bloody years. You know who needs to be fired. That blonde slut who was getting her happy’s on Mr. Summers’s office furniture, that’s who.”
“Weasel!” Xander doubled over in laugher, causing William to glare at him.
“I hate you, man. I’m supposed to be getting smashed here. Stop stealing my fucking glory. You still have your job.”
“Smashed! Get it? Hey!”
The sound of William’s palm hitting the back of Xander’s hand made William feel slightly better.
And this git is supposed to be above me.
“You know what Harris? Maybe I’ll just go above Snyder. Yeah, that’s right! I’ll go see Mr. Summers. He’ll understand and listen, right? I’ll go in tomorrow and get my job back. Ten years has to mean something.”
“I agree. I don’t believe them, those liars! I mean three!” Xander waved four fingers in front of William’s face. “Three licks man? To get to the center? I still don’t trust owls. That kid should have so made the turtle lick that damn Tootsie Pop.”
William gave Xander a sideways glance.
I am better than him. One beer and the whelp’s brains are mushier than usual.
I can do it.
I’m going to get my job back.
***
Buffy smiled wickedly as she walked confidently in her white knee-high boots and mini skirt into Hank Summers’s office. Her grin grew as she saw Hank rewind the tape.
“You wanted to see me?”
“You know that my office is under heavy surveillance but there you are fucking the son of my biggest competitor on my desk. Why?”
“Um, because it was fun?”
“God damn it, Buffy! Why?! Is this because of your mother?”
“Hmmm could be and because of Wesley too, you asshole.”
“Wesley?!”
“I am not going to marry him just because you want to steal his father’s company!”
“So you’re just going to become a whore just to get back at me.”
Buffy grimaced at the name her father had called her. “If that’s what it takes.”
“Buffy—No! No, I don’t care! I’m not going to let you do this. I’m going to do something I should have done a long time ago.”
“What?” Buffy felt uncomfortable seeing her father’s evil grin. “What?!”
“No more money, no credit cards and since you love your mother so much, you can live with her from now on. You’re no longer allowed in my house and I’m taking your car. But you will not avoid me, you will work for me here and I will not be easy on you young lady.”
“You can’t do that.” Buffy panicked. “You can’t--.”
“I can and I will. You’re are going to work, Buffy. I hear there is a new position available in the janitorial department.”
***
William took the stairs two at a time, his nerves making a bitter taste in his mouth.
He can’t be a monster, right? I just need to explain. God, I had more balls when I wasn’t sober…
He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants as he reached the secretary’s desk.
“Um, good afternoon. I have an appointment with Mr. Summers.”
The pointy nosed woman looked William up and down and then looked at her list. “Name?”
“William Giles.”
He watched, feeling his head throb from tension, as the woman’s finger traveled up and down her list.
“No, your name’s not on my list. No name, no appointment.”
“But please, I just--.”
“No name, no appointment. Good day.”
William turned for a second.
Why wouldn’t anybody let me finish my bloody sentences?! They have no right to—Bugger that!
“Mr. Summers!”
William ran to the door and bolted into the office.
***
“My name is William Giles, sir. I have been working here for over ten years now. We talked once at one of those Christmas parties and you shook my hand, remember? There is som--.”
“Sure, I remember. Now get the hell out of my office.”
“What?”
“Security.” William’s eyes bugged out, as Hank never looked him in the face before he talked into his intercom.
“This can’t—I just want to explain. I want my job back.”
“God, Hank let him explain, I think he’s gonna cry or something.”
William wiped his head towards the familiar voice, seeing the girl for the first time. “You! You’re the reason why my life went to hell in a bloody hand bask--.”
William rolled his eyes when he was interrupted again, this time by six heavily armed guards who tackled him to the ground.
***
“Dad!” Buffy screamed at her father who just watched as William tried to crawl his way out of the human dog pile. Buffy didn’t really care about the guy either but if she could root for a side her father was against, it made her day. “Why don’t you just listen to him?! You don’t listen to anyone, you asshole!”
William’s muffled curses and yelps were the background noise of Buffy’s rants. “You are just a pig! I hate you! I hate--.”
“Drop your weapons! Don’t move a fucking muscle!” Buffy turned as William, in tears, pointed a gun at the security guards. “You guys too, Blondie and Mr. High and Mighty. Up against the wall.”
***
William couldn’t recall how he got the gun away from one of the guards but as he pointed it around the room, how he managed to find it in his sweaty palms was the last question on William’s mind.
“Now just listen to me. I only want my job back. I’m good at it, really I am. I like it too. I’m ok with playing the cleaning lady role; fuck I even look forward to it, man. I have been here for ten years. Please, for the love of God tell me that means something. I wasn’t peeping on your sluty daughter, I just wanted to know why your office was open. I didn’t mean to hit Snyder, not that I haven’t wanted to, but it was an accident. Please. Please give me my job back.”
Hank took in William’s tears and shaking hands. “No.”
“What?! See this? It’s a gun. Bang bang, shoot, shoot.” William wagged the gun in front of Hank’s face. “I—I can kill you.”
God I sound pathetic, even I know I can’t kill anyone—
“You fucking--!” Hank pounced on William and struggled with him over control of the gun. “You can’t kill me! You’re in here begging to clean my toilets! You’re beneath me--.”
William saw red and hit the nearest piece of Mr. Summers’s flesh that he could find. “I’ve had enough of you! I’m not bloody beneath anyone! I just waited to be heard but now I think I do want you dead!” William seethed and cocked the loaded gun and pointed it between Hank’s eyes. “I’m going to count to five and if you don’t apologize to me and then beg for me to work here again, I’ll shoot you. And while I’m at it, I want a raise too and I think the janitors deserve new uniforms and new equipment too, you cheap bastard. You spend all that dosh on fancy paperclips—fuck you, mate. One.” William kept his voice steady and felt charged by finally seeing the flicker of fear in Hank’s eyes. “Two…Three.”
Oh, God what is wrong with this guy?
“Four.” William cringed as he voice cracked.
“Five!” Buffy’s yell startled William, which led him to jumping and accidentally pulling the gun’s trigger.
***
Wow.
Buffy grinned as her father collapsed and howled clutching his arm.
He’ll live, darn. But wow what a rush.
She looked at William, who as beside himself, sobbing and yelling. Buffy felt a strangely proud when she noticed the man still had his gun pointed even as he broke down.
Buffy stood in amazement until the sound of screaming sirens filled the air.
God, he’s fucked…
***
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I shot him, I shot Hank bloody Summers. I’m going to jail and I’m going to rot there and—and I don’t want to. There has to be something… there has to be a way out. It was just an accident. I didn’t want to shoot anyone… This is all her fault. All her—her!
William wiped his eyes and pointed his gun at Buffy. “You! Get your stuff! You all stay on the floor and count to—um just count a lot, to like a million or something. Let’s get outta here!”
***
“You’re kidnapping me?”
“Yes I am.”
“Why?”
“Because—Because it seemed right at the moment! So just shut your gob!”
Buffy held her purse to her chest and controlled her breathing as William poked her arm with his gun. “The cameras in stairwell haven’t been working. That’s why I guess no one saw you show up, right?”
William gave the girl a confused but relieved face. “Right to the stairs then.”
“You don’t need to push me, I’ll go.”
“Why are you being so… not difficult?”
“Because I hate my father and you shot him. I owe you one and I think this could work out for the best, for both of us.”
“You are a vindictive bitch, huh?”
“I try to be. You need my help. For starters, William, your gun is out of bullets.”
“What?!”
“You would think after what? Ten years? You would have known that the guards only have one bullet apiece. They are only supposed to shot at the sky or something.”
“God…” William stared at his gun and then shoved in the pocket of his jeans. “You wanna help me?”
“Maybe not you personally but I want to support your cause. I want my father to pay. You should want him to pay too for how he treated you and how he wouldn’t listen… I think we can get him where it hurts, in his wallet.”
***
God I think this can work. I think this can fucking work! Sure I hate this bint’s guts but if she’ll willing to, what the hell? I’m fucked either way, right?
William struggled to breathe and he traveled the endless amount of stairs for the second time that day.
“You must be older than you look. Stop being all huffy puffy. I bet they can hear you miles away.”
“Just because this isn’t loaded doesn’t mean it can’t do any damage to your pretty little head.” He put a hand to his gun.
“Sure. Whatever.”
“Thank god.” William pushed through the final door. “If I ever go up another flight of bloody stairs it will be too soon.” William walked on jelly-legs into the parking lot.
“Do you have to say that all the time? Bloody, bloody, bloody.” Buffy dug through her purse and pulled out her cell phone.
“What are you doing?! Were you lying or something?!”
Buffy looked at William like he had lost his mind as he batted her cell phone to the ground and took her purse. “What are you doing?! You asshole!”
““Do you have to say that all the time? Asshole, asshole, asshole.” William went through her purse and threw most of its contents out. “Don’t you have any real money? All that plastic won’t do. Ew you can keep those.” William flicked away Buffy’s tampons as if they were bugs. “I have seen enough movies to know that all your gadgets and credit cards can be traced, right? Here you can have those nasty thingies and your other girlie stuff.”
“But what about a getaway car? We need one. I can just call my chauffer…”
“Chauffer! I have a car!”
“But you’re the kidnapper, remember tracing.” Buffy stuck her tongue out at William. “I can’t believe this. I bet the cops are all over this place and you are just dancing around in the parking lot.”
“Shut up! I’ll get a car!” William walked off mumbling and turned back when Buffy didn’t follow him. “Hey I need my kidnappee! Stop sulking and help me pick out a car to nick.”
“You’re going to vandalize a car—Oh, that must be one of those slangy dumb British words.”
“Shut up. I need to concentrate. I’m this close to turning myself in.” William walked up and down the rows of cars, hoping for a person stupid enough to have left their keys in the ignition.
“Do it. See if I care.” Buffy crossed her arms in a huff. “Maybe this won’t work after all.”
Stupid. Bloody. Bitch.
Buffy was not doing William’s shot nerves any good. He sighed and hoped he had seen enough movies to get the gist of breaking into a car. Getting on his knees he ran a hand through his hair.
What did I do to deserve this? Huh, God? Was I that bad of a boy?
William found his pocketknife and put it into the car’s keyhole, only to make the car’s alarm go off.
“Make it stop! Make it stop!”
“Stop hitting me!” William growled and shoved Buffy away.
“We got to get out of here now!” Buffy crouched next to William, hiding behind screaming car. “Look!” She pointed as a group of policemen and security guards ran into the parking lot.
“Fuck. Come on!” William grabbed Buffy’s wrist and dragged her to her feet. He pulled out his gun and pointed it into Buffy’s arm. “’k, pet. Let’s not attract too much attention to ourselves. We’ll walk calmly to my car.”
“Stop! You there!”
“Shit! Just run!”
***
“Get in!” Once William had got the car unlocked he reached across to unlock manually unlock the driver’s door. “You drive and I’ll point the gun at your head.”
“I’m not the best driver, just so you know—Ah!” Buffy ducked and clutched the steering wheel as the sound of gunshots filled the air.
“I don’t care, drive!”
“I warned you.” Buffy mumbled before she quickly turned on the car. She stomped on the gas and break and nearly hit a dozen of cars in the parking lot.
“Bloody hell woman! You’re going to kill us before we reach the streets.” William leaned over and helped steer the car from the passenger seat.
Buffy sped on the busy city streets, dodging in and out of traffic. “I think you can let go now. Parking lots and me just aren’t friends.”
“You sure?” William asked but let go of the wheel. “Just remember, mirror, signal, maneuver.”
Buffy nodded and looked at in the rear view mirror, she breathed easier when it looked as if they weren’t being followed anymore. “Where are we going?”
William held the handle of the passenger door as Buffy floored the gas pedal while turning. “Other than to hell? Keep on going straight. I think we lost them.” William grabbed his stomach and swallowed. “You’re not doing too badly, with the driving, ease up on the turns, love. You’re insane but I think it worked in our favor.”
Buffy looked at William through the corner of her eye. She didn’t know how to respond to his complement and the nickname he had called her.
“You should probably take off your uniform shirt. It will give us away.” She concentrated on playing with the car radio.
“Right.” William put his gun in the glove box and worked on unbuttoning his shirt. “Let’s go over the plan again and figure out what’s going to happen next.”
Buffy wrinkled her nose when she saw the dark sweat spots under the arms of William’s white undershirt. “You kidnap me. We work on a ransom letter and get the money from Hank and then we spilt it and leave the country. I go to the sandy beaches and you go and become a janitor in Canada.”
William scrunched his face, deep in thought. “But your da hates you. Why would he give up any money to save your neck? It’s your fault that I shot him and--.”
“We tell a news station and other things like that. Summers Enterprises would go down in flames if the golden Hank Summers didn’t pay the ransom for his only daughter again.”
“Again?”
“I guess he did pay, but not after almost four months. I was eight and he didn’t seem to care until the kidnappers started sending blood soaked letters to him. One of my father’s business associates saw the news and threatened to drop his company if I wasn’t brought home in one piece, bad press is a bitch I guess, anyway then my dad decided to pay. I hate him.”
“You have good reason to, pet.”
“Yeah.” Buffy looked over her shoulder and cutoff the car behind her. “What? I need on the freeway.”
William rolled his eyes and looked at the passing road signs. “You know of anywhere we can hide out? If we must, I guess I can add breaking an entering to my list of crimes.”
“Yeah, sure and you’d set off every alarm known to man in the process.” Buffy bit her lip, thinking as William growled under his breath. “Don’t growl at me, William. I know of a place we can go. A cabin; there are trees and not a lot of people there. I may have a key, if you don’t toss it out. A friend and I used to go there all the time.”
“And your daddy doesn’t know of it?”
“No.”
“Let’s go there then.” William curled up in his seat and leaned against the window. “I’m zonkered and my nerves are shot. I’m going to nap. When you see a place to eat wake me up and pull over. I’ll help you park the car.”
***
“His name is William Giles. This is the picture from his driver’s license. He has blonde hair and blue eyes. He is under six feet tall and of a medium frame. He speaks with a British accent. He kidnapped my daughter and he shot and made a fool out of me. I want him dead.” Hank Summers’s cleared his throat and brought out his checkbook. “I will pay you both very generously if you bring my whore of a daughter back.”
“Gotcha boss. What if your girl gets in the way?”
“Kill her too then, but avoid it if possible. I have plans for Buffy.”
“We can do that, can’t we honey?” Faith smiled and patted her partner on the leg. “Can my girl have fun with him before I whack ‘em?”
“Do whatever you want. Just keep your cover and don’t get caught--.”
“You don’t have to tell see how to do our jobs, Hanky.” Faith laughed as Willow spoke. “Me and my Faith are good at what we do. No one thinks of us when they think of bounty hunters. We’re special.”
***
A/N: Review please. ;)
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!