“Love…”
The voice of the renowned Slayer of Slayers held a decidedly wheedling and altogether non-threatening tone to it as he pulled himself up onto his elbows and watched Buffy dress with an expression on his face that was half leer and half pout.
“…do you really *have* to go?”
The Slayer’s response was an irritated roll of her eyes and a muttered, “Yes. I shouldn’t even be here. Dawn’s home by herself, and I have no idea whether or not Willow’s even going to be there. She’s been not even coming home at all some nights lately, and…and why am I even bothering to tell you this?”
She shook her head in disgust as she yanked her jeans up over her bare hips, not even bothering to look for the underwear she had worn when she had arrived at Spike’s crypt earlier that night.
Spike winced slightly at the dismissive tone of her voice, but found himself rising from his spot on the floor to move in cautiously behind her, far more concerned with the troubled note he heard behind her words than with her usual verbal barbs aimed in his direction.
“Somethin’ not all right at home, love?” he asked as he reached out to run a gentle hand from her shoulder down her arm, leaning in to place a tender, almost reverent kiss on her bare shoulder, trailing little kisses up the column of her throat.
How he loved to kiss her…to touch her. Spike knew deep down that his actions were probably not doing much to help his case, but somehow he couldn’t quite resist.
His voice was hushed and husky as he added, “Anything I can do?”
Buffy leaned back just slightly against him…before jerking forward again, shrugging away from his hands and lips in annoyance. “Get off,” she snapped, spinning around to face him and push him away, then crossing the room in wide, angry strides to where her discarded blouse had fallen, one arm held defensively across her naked breasts.
Spike stumbled to a stop where her rough shove had sent him, his eyes lowered as he drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, with an effort checking his own irritation. He had to remind himself that his Slayer was really not quite herself since her bloody stupid friends had ripped her away from the peace and completion of her reward. He wanted to be understanding, to do what he could to help her through this time.
If only she would let him.
“If something’s wrong, love,” he persisted cautiously, though he did not move toward her as she hurriedly buttoned up her blouse, “I’d like to know about it. Like to help.”
“*If* something’s wrong?” Buffy echoed in disbelief. “Spike, *everything* is wrong – and most of all, this! I keep coming here, and I keep saying I’m not going to again, and you know what? This is it. This is the very last time. Don’t think you’re going to con me into sleeping with you again, because this is *never* happening again!”
Spike’s eyes widened in indignant anger, and he stalked toward her, trying to catch her gaze as she hurriedly gathered up the rest of her belongings. “*Con* you into…are you daft? You’re the one who came burstin’ in here all hot for it, tearing the bleedin’ clothes off my body ‘cause you couldn’t get to me bloody quick enough…and I don’t think I‘ve got to remind you which of us threw the other down on the bed and handcuffed ‘im down to have her wicked way. Could show you the bruises if you’d like…”
“Shut up, Spike.”
The Slayer’s voice held an edge of warning, and Spike knew that he should stop while he was…well, less behind than usual. He was still standing at any rate, and that was something.
Somehow, he couldn’t quite seem to close his mouth.
“Buffy…you come to me because you *want* to. You know bloody well I’d never try to make you do anything you didn’t want…and you make it soddin’ clear each and every night just how much you *do* want to…”
“Spike…”
“I *love* you, Buffy!”
“Ugh!” Buffy let out a disgusted sound of indignant protest, spinning around to face him on her way toward the door. “Spike, would you stop saying that? You don’t! You don’t know what love is!”
“Yes I bloody well do!” Spike declared, his voice trembling with hurt and anger. “I love you…and sooner or later you’re going to get that, love…”
“You’re sick and twisted, and…and just wrong, Spike. You *can’t* love…not without a soul. You think just because you…you *want* me, that’s love? Love is more than that. Love is…is caring about someone, and putting them first, and being willing to give them everything you have.” Buffy stopped, her voice softening, yet somehow crueler than ever, as she finished quietly, “You don’t even have anything to give. At least…not anything I want.”
Spike found to his alarm that his eyes were welling with tears, and he blinked them back as he retorted furiously, “Yeah? Seemed like I had quite a bit you wanted a few minutes ago! Make up your bleedin’ mind, Slayer, because you can’t just keep jerkin’ a bloke back and forth…”
“I *have* made up my mind, Spike,” Buffy stated calmly, her hand on the middle rung of the ladder as she turned to go, giving him a final glance over her shoulder. “And it’s not you. It couldn’t ever be.” She paused a moment before adding, “Goodbye, Spike.”
And with those few dismissive words, she climbed up the ladder, leaving the devastated vampire to his pain.
************************************
Buffy congratulated herself as she headed straight home a few nights later, resisting the powerful temptation to turn off in the direction of Restfield Cemetery. She had resolved that she would not be returning to Spike’s crypt again; she was through with the unhealthy attraction she had been entertaining.
Of course, being through with it would have been a lot easier if she had been able to stop thinking about him.
She sighed, glancing back over her shoulder before hurrying her pace along the sidewalk toward Revello Drive.
She stepped through the front door of her house with an overwhelming sense of relief, taking off her jacket and tossing it down across the back of the couch. It was after midnight, and Dawn was apparently in bed already; most of the lights were off throughout the house. Already looking forward to her own appointment with the comfort of her bed, Buffy headed into the kitchen to check the answering machine before she went to bed.
And a minute later, sleep was the farthest thing from her mind.
Buffy sank down onto one of the stools at the kitchen counter, staring blankly down at the tile, her eyes going wide with horror as the calm, emotionless words echoed in the silent room.
“This message is for Buffy Summers. This is Doris Kroger with social services, calling regarding your younger sister Dawn. It’s come to our attention that she has been missing classes at school and her grades have been dropping, and it’s been recommended that we investigate her welfare. I’ll be visiting your home Wednesday morning at eight, so please make sure your schedule is clear and you’re at home. I’ll see you then, Miss Summers. Have a nice day.”
**********************************
Spike waited until he was fairly certain that Buffy would be home before making his nightly pilgrimage to her front yard. Of course, his visits had been less than nightly of late, since the Slayer had started visiting *his* home at night instead. But the last few nights, she had not come by, and Spike was beginning to fear that perhaps she had really meant it this time, and would not be coming back at all.
He stopped on her front lawn, a frown creasing his brow when he noticed the number of lights that were still on, unusual for…one o’clock in the morning. As he drew cautiously nearer to the front door, he could hear the faint sound of voices inside.
Buffy…and Red.
Though he could not quite make out the words through the walls of the house, Spike’s enhanced vampire hearing *could* detect a troubling sound…the sound of the Slayer crying.
His worry for her overwhelmed his fear for his own wellbeing, as he made his way around to the back door and slipped inside, as he had done countless times before, though usually not at this late hour. He waited in the kitchen for a moment, listening to the quiet tones of the girls’ conversation.
“What am I going to do, Will?” Buffy sobbed quietly. “They can’t…I can’t let them…”
“Buffy, that’s *not* going to happen,” Willow soothed her in a gentle voice. “They can’t just come in and take her without a good reason, and you’re taking good care of Dawn. There’s no way you’re gonna lose her.”
“But I’m barely making ends meet, Willow!” Buffy objected, a trace of panic in her trembling, tearful voice. “It’s almost Christmas, and we’ve barely got enough money for food, and the house payments, and…and everything…and her grades *have* been slipping, and she’s been skipping school, and…and what if they say I’m unfit? What if they decide I’m not doing a good enough job, and they take her away? I can’t stand to lose her, Will!” Buffy sniffed, choking back a sob before she added in a broken voice that was little more than a whimper, “I can’t stand to lose *anyone* else…God, Will, why does everyone always have to go away?”
“Bollocks! You’re as fit a mum as I’ve ever seen!” Spike could no longer hold back the outrage he felt at what he had heard, as he stepped out of the kitchen and into the living room. “I’d like to see them *try* to take the Bit away from you! Chip or no chip, I’ll tear their bloody throats out if they so much as touch her!” His rant came to an abrupt halt when he noticed the intent, disbelieving stares of both girls leveled on him.
Suddenly nervous, he cleared his throat, his voice and expression the picture of blank innocence.
“What?”
“Spike…” Buffy began, the words hissed out through her clenched teeth. “*What* are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night!”
“Well, I…was just happenin’ by, and…and heard voices…and figured I’d just…stop in and…”
“Well, you can stop right back out again, Spike,” Buffy snapped, rising to her feet, her fists clenched at her sides as she took a menacing step toward him. “How many times do I have to tell you to *stay away*?”
Spike flinched slightly, but held his ground. “Just wanted to be sure you were okay. And you’re obviously not. Buffy,” he added, his tone softening with compassion for her. “I just want to help you, love…”
“I don’t need or want your help,” the Slayer seethed, and Spike could hear the frustrated anger in her voice, as well as the terror that fueled it. “Spike…*get out*.”
The vampire struggled with the decision for a moment, wanting desperately to reach out to her, to comfort her, yet painfully aware of how badly such an attempt would be received. With a slow, sad nod of resignation, he conceded, “All right. As you wish, Slayer. Just know that…I’m here, love.”
“Yeah,” Buffy huffed as she turned away, not even bothering to watch as Spike headed dejectedly toward the back door again. There was a bitter sound to her voice as she reiterated the sentiment she had expressed to Willow as he had come in. “With the trend my life seems to be showing, who knows how long *that’ll* last?”
Spike froze at those words, wanting to turn and refute them. He knew, however, that it was a bad idea to extend this awkward encounter any farther than it had already gone. Buffy was unlikely to listen to anything he had to say at this point, so he reluctantly began walking again, out the back door and back toward his own crypt.
She was unlikely to listen to him, tonight anyway. But he would find a way to make her understand, if it killed him…he would never abandon her.
He was hers, completely…whether she wanted him or not.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!