---

Prologue: The Wish

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Anya sat in her vengeance realm where she had once called home. Her wedding dress was still on and her hair was still curled. Everything in her life had seemed perfect until today, the day that Xander didn’t want to marry her anymore. Anya sat sniffling still not even caring that her face was streaked with dry-tears and her nose was running from the sobbing she had done. Her heart was broken and she felt so weak and vulnerable.

She barely moved when D’Hoffryn, who was circling, handed her a tissue. She felt devastated and she remembered why long ago she had become a vengeance demon. Broken hearts hurt more than she even remembered. She had cried all her tears. Now she just felt empty and broken and found herself wishing for release. D’Hoffryn looked down at her with concern, “Are you ok?”

Anya had no strength left to say anything only to shake her head in response. Her eyes watered again almost spilling tears she didn’t think still existed inside of her. She didn’t even look up at her former boss as she sniffled, “I’m tired…of crying.…” She felt the tears threatening to fall as she whispered, “I’m just so tired, D’Hoffryn.”

D’Hoffryn sighed as he looked up into the void, “Oh, Anyanka. I’m sorry…” He paused as he continued, “But you let him domesticate you. When you were a vengeance demon, you were powerful, at the top of your game. You crushed men like him.” Fresh tears fell down her face but she didn’t react as he stated, “It’s time you got back to what you do best…don’t you think?”

Anya sniffled again as she listened to his words sink in before she looked up at D’Hoffryn. Her eyes were still red from crying, her face covered with fresh fallen tears and her eyes held a blank expression.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy sat in the living room on the couch next to Willow each holding a cup of coffee. Dawn sat in the chair near them holding a cup of tea. The room was heavy with pain and sorrow at the wedding that never took place. Dawn whispered softly feeling so much loss for the couple, “Should we do something for her?” She received no answer so she repeated herself, “Anything?”

Willow finally replied although she just felt like crying for Xander and Anya, “She wants to be alone. That’s what she wants.” Willow felt like crying even more as her voice started to break as she exclaimed, “Oh, God, it just hurts my heart to think of her.”

Buffy finally spoke up although she felt like running, “I know. The whole thing hurts my heart.”

Dawn spoke with her voice barely a whisper, “I thought they were happy.”

Buffy’s thoughts were with the couple but they were also with Spike. A part of her always thought that if Anya and Xander could make it, ex-demon and human, then she and Spike could as well. Her heart broke as she admitted, “They were. I know they were. They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train.” It took all her willpower not to run screaming to Spike wishing this was all just a bad nightmare and that Anya and Xander were still going to work out.

Dawn felt lost as she asked in a soft voice, “Why did this happen?”

No one had an answer but Willow always had tried to answer the hard questions and knew Buffy wouldn’t be able to, “I don’t know. I feel like I should be hating Xander. But I can’t.” She paused sighing sadly, “I just…I hope he’s okay.” Willow took the first sip of her coffee noticing it was already chilled and longed for the heat to warm her cold heart.

Dawn whispered the question everyone at that point was asking themselves, “I wonder where he is.”

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes as she wandered through the cemetery. She kept telling herself that it was not over and it couldn’t be. Her heart ached and for once she longed for the point of her life where she had felt nothing but Spike. She glanced around the cemetery noticing not even the baddies were out tonight. She knew somewhere they were hiding, probably sucking the life out of people just like Xander and Anya’s wedding day had.

She wiped away more tears that had fallen but didn’t manage to stop the next ones as they rolled down her cheeks and onto her stake that she was holding in her hand. She wished for violence but knew she didn’t have it in her. Instead she felt empty and broken. Her only hope at happiness had been placed in Xander and Anya working out. She had told herself the past few months that they were perfect and would be happy. Once they were happy, she would be happy.

She remembered Spike and her right before the wedding and she wanted to collapse in tears. It had been so awkward and it had hurt. Why did life have to hurt so badly?

More tears fell and Buffy couldn’t stop them and found she didn’t really want to stop them either. She paused as she sat down on a bench hugging herself tightly. She turned sideways pulling up her legs into a ball in an attempt to stop herself from shaking with grief. She tried to think of anything else but couldn’t. She longed to be a different person, to have a different life, or even to be in a different world totally. She wanted a world where people could be happy. A world where love could and would work and where demons couldn’t ruin things. A beautiful world where souls automatically existed and where everyone was human and happy. This whole supernatural world she lived in was slowly killing her.

Buffy let out a deep shaky breath as more tears fell and she rested her chin on her knees. Sitting there crying, she rocked herself gently on the bench. Suddenly she looked up feeling Spike’s presence. She didn’t call out to him like normal but she also didn’t run. She just sat wishing life could be different. She wished she could throw herself in his arms and be comforted. She wished the cold comfort he offered would really offer her long-term comfort. She wished there was a world where she could be together with him and accept it. Buffy didn’t even have to glance up to see Spike step out of the shadows and could feel him close.

Spike cocked his head to the side trying to figure out why she was sitting curled into a ball. She didn’t glance up but felt his cool hand tilting her chin towards him and his expression turned to one of compassion as he noticed her tears and he gently asked, “Slayer are you ok?”

Buffy bit her bottom lip as the tears fell and she whispered to Spike, “I wish life could be normal without all the complications.” Spike said nothing as Buffy’s world went black.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Anya looked down in the cemetery hearing Buffy’s crying. She felt Buffy’s pain crying out and understood it perfectly. Nothing was right with the world and everything hurt too much. She looked at Buffy’s curled up state and sighed gently hearing the injustice thoughts shouting in her heart. Her first job would be someone she knew and someone she could really help.

She heard Buffy’s pain screaming out to her at the unfairness of the superhero’s life. She wiped a tear from her own face as watched as Spike’s heart broke at Buffy’s tears and her face changed as she whispered into the dark, “Buffy, wish granted. Make the most of your wish.”

Anya turned away as tears poured down her face, which she was too tired to wipe away as she disappeared back into the void to attempt to find peace.

---

Chapter 1: Is This a Dream?

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Buffy woke up hearing noises in the next room. She assumed it was Willow and Dawn talking as she crawled out of bed heading for the shower. She let her frog pajamas fall to the floor and pulled off her matching frog socks and stepped into the shower. She closed her eyes feeling the warmth from the shower wash away all her worries and trouble. All her troubles seemed a lifetime away and she wondered why that was but figured it was still the result of her death experience a few months ago.

Buffy used her pink puff to send the vanilla smelling soap over her body as she noticed how well she had healed. She blinked as she noticed the scar on her stomach was healed up totally and the hole on her leg from a few nights prior was gone as well. She shrugged as she continued washing. The rest of her body appeared normal so perhaps she just had healed over time and never realized it.

Buffy carefully shaved her legs ignoring the way everything seemed like a chore. She figured although she didn’t actually feel it, she must be just overtired. She massaged her scalp noticing her hair had grown longer than she remembered. It was almost as though she never cut it. Nonetheless she took a longer time washing her head as she enjoyed the feel of the strawberry soap washing all her cares down the drain.

Feeling clean, Buffy carefully stepped out of the shower pulling the fluffy towel around her body to dry herself off as she looked at herself in the mirror. She wrapped the towel around her chest and looked at her face noticing the marks on her neck were gone. Buffy was amazed and touched the skin moving it around to notice there was indeed no marks at all. She found that strange but was happy about it. Finally her body was healing as she always thought it should.

Quietly, Buffy went into the bathroom ignoring the opened door to Dawn’s room and without even looking into Willow’s room. Carefully she chose some clothes and quickly got dressed. She felt that something was off but couldn't figure out what that was. Buffy glanced at her room thinking it looked different.

Studying the room, Buffy realized her weapon trunk was gone as were the stakes in the top drawer. Instead she found hair items and pictures of her friends. She shrugged dismissing it and thinking that perhaps Willow had been cleaning them as she skipped down the stairs.

As she rounded the corner towards the kitchen, Buffy paused hearing her dead mother's voice. Joyce, yelled, “Buffy hurry up and get ready or you and Dawn both will be late.”

Buffy blinked but accepted the plate of pancakes she was handed and noticed Dawn was gulping down a glass of orange juice. Buffy ate quickly as she heard her mother talking behind her, “Hurry and eat up. You are running so late this morning. You have to take Dawn to school before your 8 am class.”

Buffy finished her pancakes just as it sunk in. Her mother was alive and well. She turned around as tears filled her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her mom hugging her tight. She hadn’t seen her since she had died last year and Buffy was shocked to see her alive and well. She heard Joyce chuckle, “Buffy what has gotten into you?”

Buffy released her and smiled, “I just missed you is all.”

Joyce laughed, “We had dinner and watched a movie together, Buffy.” Joyce brushed some hair out of Buffy’s face and Joyce turned shouting, “Hank, your daughter, Buffy is silly this morning. She acts as though she didn’t see me last night.”

Hank laughed and Dawn grabbed her schoolbooks exclaiming, “Let’s get going Buffy.”

Buffy nodded and watched as Dawn kissed Hank on the cheek before getting a huge hug. Buffy wondered if she would have to do but Hank took a sip of his coffee as he sat down at the table to read his newspaper. Buffy shrugged heading out the door to the car that sat waiting in the driveway.

Dawn got in the front passenger seat leaning over to honk the horn yelling, “Buffy come on or I’ll be late!”

Buffy raced to the driver seat closing her eyes as she started the car. She put her seat belt on as Bette Midler blared out the car stereo. Dawn popped a piece of gum in her mouth and Buffy said a silent prayer to whoever was listening that she would make it to Dawn’s school in one piece.

Slowly, Buffy backed the car out of the driveway remembering how both Joyce and Spike tried to teach her to drive. Her mom had immediately given up on her after she had ran into a trash can and the other two times she had driven, she had issues. Spike had tried to teach her twice in the past few months. He was patient but after she almost wrecked inside her own garage he had told her that he wouldn’t get in the car with her again until he turned her in order to protect her. It had made no sense so she rolled her eyes telling him that was stupid and to shut up.

By some miracle, Buffy was able to make it to the school safely and heard Dawn call out as she rushed into the high school, “See you at 2:30!”

Buffy studied the high school realizing it was the one that she had burnt down. It appeared that whatever dream world she was living in, the Mayor hadn’t existed. She shrugged heading to the college next.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy sat in her morning class bored. She had no idea what the teacher was talking about and she was so lost that she hoped she wasn’t called on. She remembered the horrible time of auditing a class with Willow and Tara when time seemed to fly by but at least in this dream, the day seemed normal.

She glanced around the classroom seeing Willow by her side and Tara was next to her. She blinked realizing Tara looked much different than she was used to. Her hair was nicely braided and she looked genuinely happy but Willow didn’t. She could see them casting glances back and forth and the tension between the two was awkward.

Curious, Buffy found herself wondering if they had broken up on her dream world as they had in her real world. She watched as Tara flung her braid behind her shoulders but she didn’t say a word only straightened her knee length green baby-doll dress. She followed Tara’s longing eyes to study Willow.

Willow looked different as well. She was wearing a pink jumper with a fuzzy white shirt that made her appear younger than she really was. Her red hair was cut shorter than Buffy remembered it but she wore a white headband in her hair and her hand was up to answer questions.

Once class finished Buffy followed Willow out of the classroom watching Willow who casted a sad look in Tara’s direction. Tara went off to talk to another girl across the hall not even noticing Willow’s look. Another girl stopped to ask Willlow for help on answering their homework assignment so Buffy tuned them out as she scanned the hallway.

Buffy’s eyes paused as her mouth fell open. The only sound heard was a gasp that escaped her mouth as she saw Spike. He didn’t look like Spike though and instead looked very human and very different.

His short brown hair had formed ringlets surrounding his head and gave him a boyish look. In place of his cocky grin, there was an uneasy and pensive expression as though he was unsure of the world. On his face, there were glasses that covered his blue eyes that he appeared to be constantly pushed up further on his nose.

In Spike's long fingered hands, were his school books and a small booklet that had papers sticking out of it which Buffy supposed were class notes. He had a pencil over his right ear and appeared to be nervous being around so many people. He did not look like he belonged on this campus at all. He was muttering something but she couldn’t understand him.

Buffy looked at Willow and her friend who were staring at her as she announced, “Excuse me guys, I want to go see Spike.” They looked at her with blank faces and watched as she went over to Spike and said, “Hey, what did you do to look so different?”

The young man in front of her stuttered, “B-Buffy, right?” She nodded and he said, “I always look like this. Is there something I can help you with?”

Buffy stared at Spike thinking he was acting really strange. She glanced down at what he was wearing and realized this was not her Spike but instead someone else that just looked exactly like him. In place of his tight black jeans, he was wearing corduroy in a light brown color, which matched the plaid jacket he was wearing over his loose fitting button up white shirt.

Buffy's thoughts went back to the day he was hiding in the Magic Box from the loan shark wearing similar attire but she realized this was his normal clothing here in this dream world. He glanced up at her eyes and the bright blue eyes that were staring back at her were definitely Spike. Suddenly the situation dawned on her and she gasped whispering, “William?”

He nodded and repeated, “Do you need help with s-something? I do homework for people. Some pay me but you wouldn’t have to even do t-that.” He stuttered as he spoke and was staring at her in awe and wonder.

Buffy didn’t know what was going on but she found herself longing for Spike’s company, “Do you have class now?” He shook his head and she watched as his curls bounced around his head and she asked, “Can we go somewhere to talk?”

William looked surprised as he managed to speak even though his voice sounded higher than Buffy was used to, “Y-you sure you want to do t-that?”

Buffy shrugged really confused, “Why not? I don’t bite.” She watched William’s eyes get big but he followed behind her. She kept pausing trying to make him match her steps but instead he stayed a step or two behind her constantly. Finally she gave up and sat down on a bench in the courtyard of the campus.

Buffy looked up at Spike and he awkwardly sat down spilling pages from a book he had. She helped him pick up the pages and noticed it was poetry. She glanced at him as she handed the beautifully handwritten pages to him and realized this William had parts of Spike but it was parts Spike hid from others. His beautiful handwriting was still there even in her world and he still wrote poetry that on rare occasion he had shared with her. Usually when she was feeling tired or had a headache after she had admitted to him that his British voice was comforting.

William spoke quietly still obviously nervous, “W-what did you need Buffy? Did you need help studying or can I do your homework f-for you?”

Buffy looked very awkward feeling uncomfortable around Spike for the first time in her life only this wasn’t Spike. He was William who seemed weak, vulnerable and almost sweet. She frowned, “Do you love me?”

William looked at her strangely and didn’t answer but she could tell by the look in his eyes it was the same look Spike gave her when she asked. Buffy didn’t know what to say to that, “I have to go. I have classes in a few. I’m sorry William.”

He said nothing to her but watched as she walked away.

---

Chapter 2: True Faces

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Chapter 2: True Faces

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Buffy crept behind the cafeteria building after hearing Parker and Angel’s voices. She laid her head against the stonewall unaware that William had noticed her behavior. He watched as she stood quietly and he moved closer. She noticed him standing near her looking down at his feet holding his books and she put her finger to her lips pushing him against the wall before his presence blew her cover. She listened closely to Angel and Parker’s conversation, “Did you see Nina? She’s hot stuff. She’s my next goal. Think I can do her?”

Parker laughed, “You’re running out of conquests man, what will you do with yourself then? This one will probably only take you a week then you will be back to being bored.”

Angel laughed and she heard his voice in an Irish droll, “Perhaps it will be time to take another poke at Buffy Summers. You’ve seen how she looks at me still all dreamy like.”

Parker shook his head, “She’s trouble man. I tell you, she is clingy and you don’t want to get mixed up with her again. It took you weeks to shake her the first time. She kept insisting it wasn’t done and she loved you.”

Buffy felt tears fill her eyes as she continued to listen, “Well she was tight and had all the right moves.”

She heard movement and looked to see Parker swinging his arm around someone she didn’t recognize as he said, “Liam meet Tish. Tish meet Liam.”

She watched as Liam smirked with his eyes rooming up and down the girl’s body and Parker slapped his arm, “Knock it off or I won’t share her number.”

The girl looked around the cafeteria obviously ignoring their conversation. Buffy watched Liam grin as Parker and Tish went off together leaving Liam to sit and eat alone. Buffy was tempted to go to him but realized what was the point. She turned noticing William was watching her and he whispered, “I’m sorry Buffy. Don’t bloody listen to him. He’s just a bully and a stupid git.”

Buffy nodded and turned around walking over to join Willow who was sitting alone eating a sandwich admiring Tara from a distance.

---

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---

Buffy looked at her watch realizing it was 2:15 and was time for her to leave to pick up Dawn. She had spent the afternoon with Willow who brought her to the computer lab. This was apparently Willow’s hobby in this world and it seems to be an obsession of hers as she used the mouse and typed faster than Buffy could even dream. She smiled as she spent her time chatting happily with people over the Internet and used other screens to hack into various websites for some reason or another. Buffy had been so thankful when it was 2:30 because she had to admit, her time with Willow had been boring.

She climbed into her car noticing William walking and she pulled near him, “Would you like a ride?”

William stuttered, “No…I-I mustn’t. Mum would be upset.”

Buffy shrugged, “I’ll drop you off before we reach your house if you want. It will be faster but then I have to go pick up my sister.”

William frowned but nodded as he climbed into the back. Buffy laughed pushing her wavy hair behind her ears as she scolded him, “No, sit up front. I’ll drop you off first. It’s really no trouble.”

As William climbed in the front seat, Buffy glanced over at him seeing his blue eyes. They lacked the fire she was used to and she sighed missing Spike already. She had always assumed he’d be there but somehow in this universe he was different and actually hard to deal with. She watched as he pointed to the curb over a mile from the school and said, “Thank you for the ride, B-buffy.”

He climbed from the car not even glancing back at her and instead looking down at his feet. He then rushed off leaving her to watch as he ran two blocks pausing at a stone house. She frowned looking at the floor realizing he had dropped a few pages of his poetry. She laid it on her lap as she did a u-turn to get to the school on time to pick up Dawn.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy honked once and Dawn came running out of the school with her bags in her hand and she waved to Janice and Justin and some other people who were in her group talking to her. Dawn got into the car and asked, “You ready for tonight? It’s always a treat to see those boys in their football uniforms.”

Buffy looked blank and Dawn laughed, “Yea that’s always the expression you give when you see Riley, Parker and Liam all decked out in their uniforms for the big football game.”

Buffy said nothing and then decided she was stuck in this dream world, she might as well make the most of it, “When is the game?”

Dawn laughed once again, “Are you spacey today or what? 7 pm. We have time to do some homework, eat dinner, and then we should be able to go. I’m so glad my grounding wore off. Who can believe that mom would notice me stealing that art picture from her gallery.”

Buffy’s eyes got big but she said nothing as she kept her eyes on the road. Dawn continued to chatter the whole way about Justin and how cute he was and how much she couldn’t wait until mom let her date and all Buffy could think of was the fact that Justin should have been already dust.

---

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---

Buffy sat around the dinner table feeling awkward. Here Hank, Joyce, Dawn and her were eating tacos but something was missing. She couldn’t put her finger on what it was but it seemed too hollow and fake. Buffy also felt tired but she knew Dawn and her were going to a football game in a few and Dawn had yet to stop chatting about it. Buffy didn’t want to let her down. She ate only a few bites on her plate and her mother placed a hand on her forehead, “You feeling okay Buffy? Usually you eat it all.”

Buffy shrugged not wanting to lie or say anything. Fact of the matter was that she felt tired and anxious. Her life was lacking something and she couldn’t figure out what it was. Then as Dawn and her piled into the car she realized, she missed slaying. She missed having a purpose in her life but knowing Dawn wouldn't understand, she chose to say nothing letting Dawn’s chatter fill the air as she drove back to the college campus to go to a football game she had no interest in seeing.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Dawn cheered exclaiming loudly, “Doesn’t Liam still look hot in his uniform? I can’t believe you got to date him.”

Buffy frowned not liking Dawn’s crush on Liam and then heard Dawn yell, “Go Xander!”

Buffy squinted and sure enough there was Xander running with the football across the field. Buffy glanced around at the stands and found herself disappointed that William was not there but she figured this wasn’t his style. Willow was nowhere in sight either which caught her attention as well. Buffy and Dawn would come to a game together and not invite Willow? She pondered for a moment at the strangeness of it all. Breaking her thoughts, Dawn turned towards Buffy, “Usually you are cheering like me. Are you not feeling well?”

Buffy shook her head and Dawn offered, “We can go if you would like.”

Buffy shook her head again, “No I’m ok. You enjoy the game.”

Just then Janice came over to join Dawn as she asked, “Aren’t these guys cute?”

Buffy made a decision whispering to Dawn, “I’m going to take a short walk outside the field. Can you stay with Janice?”

Dawn laughed, “Yes the 15 year old can stay with her friend in a public football stadium without getting into trouble.”

Buffy nodded and stood up making her way down the stadium. She just felt so restless. She stepped down off the stadium looking around and noticed a pathway heading away from the football field to the tennis courts. She shrugged and started to follow it as her mind got lost in thought. In this weird world, she appeared to have slept with Parker, Riley and Angel just like in her world only Angel was so much different in this world. Spike existed as William the poet, Willow existed as the school geek and were still not together with Tara. She briefly glanced back at the football stadium wondering if Anya and Xander were together in this world. She had brief hope that in this world they might be. She heard cheering and realized she was letting Dawn down again by leaving so she slowly walked back to the game with her heart not in it. She wanted to be back in Sunnydale where instead of watching boring football games, she would be out saving the world one vampire at a time.

She stepped back up and noticed nothing had changed only that Justin had come to sit with Dawn, Janice and two other girls. Buffy sat a few rows away listening closely to the conversation. “We can probably go and get back without your sister even realizing you have been gone or better yet go find her and tell her Janice offered you a ride home. Then we can go out parking.”

Dawn frowned but agreed, “Ok” and Buffy was shocked as Dawn picked up her cell phone from her purse and started to dial. Buffy ducked out of sight as her cell phone started to ring. She quickly picked it up, “Hello?”

Dawn started talking really fast as though nervous, “Janice’s mom offered to take me back when it was time so you don’t have to worry about coming back. Perhaps you can go home and get some sleep so you feel better.”

Buffy frowned not totally knowing what to say as she heard Dawn continue, “The game has about 2 hours left in it so I’ll be home a little after 2 hours unless Janice’s mom takes us somewhere.”

Buffy spoke up finally, “Does she normally?”

Dawn quickly replied, “No, see you in a few hours.”

Before Dawn hung up, Buffy heard the distinct sound of a car driving away. Buffy sighed thinking another time to save Dawnie. Buffy casted one last look towards the football field to see Riley, Parker and Liam slapping each other’s butts. She rolled her eyes and decided to go find her car and find Dawn.

---

Chapter 3: A Carefully Planned Rescue

---

Buffy got into her car and carefully pulled it from the parking lot onto the road. She tried to remember where she had found Dawn in her world when she was parked with Justin. After driving around for a bit checking out the local hunts, she remembered the place where everyone parks and hoped that was the place. She drove in a hurry while trying to carefully follow the traffic laws as to not to get pulled over on her first real day of driving, and quickly pulled into the place. She looked around but found it was empty.

She sighed and then spotted a guy sitting on a rock in the woods glancing up at the stars. Before she could stop herself, she crept slowly forward standing behind the tree that blocked her from his vision but yet allowed her to see him. Standing in the shadow she gazed on as he muttered to himself, “Buffy, puffy, stuffy, cuffy, duffy…”

He paused and then sighed, “What nice word rhymes with Buffy?”

Buffy was surprised realizing this was William and he must be composing a poem about her. She was tempted to sneak up further and spy but figured that wasn’t right and instead exclaimed, “William how would you like to go help me save Dawn?”

William looked nervous and stunned at the same time. After a moment's hesitation, he finally managed to ask, “Is she in trouble?”

Buffy nodded, “As always. She’s parked with a couple of vampires.”

William looked flabbergasted as he said in a solemn voice, “There is no such things as vampires Buffy, surely you know that. It’s a myth that little children are told by their parents so that they are afraid of the dark and the nighttime.”

Buffy studied his blue eyes under those glasses for a minute and realized he really believed that. She took a step in his direction and she repeated her offer, “So want to come with?”

William shook his head, “No I prefer to sit here and admire the view.”

Buffy sighed in frustration as she waved, “Fine see you later.”

William nodded in her direction and then looked back at the stars carefully hiding his writing from her view. She went back to the car muttering how she missed her sidekick Spike because she had to do it alone.

---

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---

Buffy was determined to do it alone. She was the slayer after all. She got into her car and eased it out into the street carefully looking for Dawn. She sighed, as she felt no vamp tinglies. She realized she didn’t feel them around Liam or William either. She banged her hand trying to wake up from this weird dream but it was no use. Suddenly she noticed Janice and some boy she didn’t recognize sitting in a parked vehicle off the side of the road. Dawn was not in sight but Buffy knew that where Janice was, Dawn wasn’t too far away. Buffy jumped out of the car and Janice stood up looking nervous greeting her, “Hey Buffy.”

Buffy mostly tried to ignore her reaction demanding, “Where’s Dawn?”

Janice pointed into the woods and Buffy took off running. She had no stake but figured they were in the woods so getting a piece of wood would not be a problem. She raced towards Dawn’s voice and found Dawn sitting on a tree stump next to Justin and they were talking. Buffy paused for a minute trying to remember how this went down back at home and this was so not it. In her real world, she had walked into Janice being bitten and Dawn making out with a vampire but here they were talking. Just then Justin leaned over to kiss Dawn and Buffy stood up, “Hands off!”

Buffy reached out and punched Justin in the eye knocking him backwards. Justin stood up holding his eye that was quickly turning black and Buffy kicked him in the stomach. She then paused noticing Justin was rolling on the ground in pain instead of fighting back. Buffy’s hand was killing her and she glanced down to notice bruises were forming. She found this strange as she was rarely injured during a fight especially one where the vampire doesn’t fight back. She glanced towards Dawn who looked horrified and Justin appeared to be in serious pain. After a moment of all three parties staring at each other, Dawn finally glared at Buffy putting her hands on her hips, “Can’t I do anything without you interrupting? What is up with you anyway? You can’t just go around beating up my boyfriends. I don’t do that to yours!”

Buffy put on her best parental face as she stated, “Come home Dawn, now.”

Dawn’s mouth dropped open and she started to come before she realized she didn’t have to, “I don’t have to listen to you Buffy. You aren’t my mother or father.”

Buffy frowned grabbing Dawn by the arm and dragged her back to the car. She felt a little weak but dismissed it as out of practice. She buckled Dawn in the car ignoring her glares as she got into her seat and started the drive back home. Dawn glared at her not saying a word the whole ride home but as soon as the door to the Summers' household was open, the war began. “Do you know what Dawn was doing? She was parked near the woods and was about to make out with a guy!”

Joyce was shocked as she turned to Dawn asking, “Is this true?”

Dawn put her hands on her hips, “She beat up Justin. She literally kicked him in the stomach and punched him in the eye. My poor boyfriend has a black eye and probably broken ribs because of you.”

Joyce looked surprised at Buffy’s actions, “Is this true? Did you beat up Dawn’s boyfriend? I don’t like her having one as much as you don’t but that does not give you an excuse to beat him up young lady. Also young lady, you should have come to me. If you had just come home and told me about Dawn I would have taken care of everything and you would not be punished. Instead you are now grounded for two days. Next time, let me know so you can stop playing the hero and getting into trouble. Now go to your room, Buffy.”

Buffy’s hands fisted up tight as she hopped up and down whining, “But mom!”

Joyce shook her head looking firm, “Not another word from you or I’ll get your father and you won’t like his response.”

Buffy kicked the wall injuring her foot but refused to show any pain as she limped up the stairs. She was upset because she had been trying to do what she always did, save the day. Now she had all this pent up anger but had no outlet. She decided to go out slaying. She climbed down the tree breaking off a small branch on the end to use as a stake, as she headed to the cemeteries in hopes for some violence.

---

Chapter 4: What Grounded Means!

---

Buffy twirled the tree branch in her hands as she walked, disappointed that the slaying action was at an all time low. She was about to give up, when suddenly, a group of young kids, located inside of a crypt at the far end of the cemetery, caught her eye.

She ran over to the group of young kids, then asked, “Hey, what ya doing?”

The kids looked at her with guilty expressions, before she noticed what they were up to. They were all seated around a sarcophagus, with a Ouija board placed on top.
Buffy sighed, knowing that it was bad luck to try to contact the dead this way. If it worked which required magical skills, it was rarely good spirits who were contacted.

The Scoobies had done intensive research on this topic after encountering some students doing the exact thing back in her Sunnydale. The result had been an evil spirit being called upon tricking the students into thinking it was their dead friend. Buffy had to banish the evil spirit with Willow's help and it wasn't pretty. No good could come of this for these young school age kids.

She took a seat next to one of the younger kids, before asking, “Having any luck?”

The youngest girl in the group shook her head, and said, “Momma not answering.” The young girl's golden curls that surrounded her face moved along with her head as she continued to shake her head completely discouraged and upset.

“Well, Momma must be in Heaven, which means that she gets to look down on you.” Buffy said, slightly frowning, thinking about her own Mother.

The little girl’s tears slowed, as she mustered the courage to timidly asked, “You think?”

Buffy nodded, “Yeah, I do. I think she’d want to look down to see that you’re okay, and continuing to live your life, not searching for her.”

The little girl seemed to sit there, trying to convince
herself that what Buffy said was the truth. Once she finished pondering, she glanced at Buffy one last time. At Buffy's encouraging smile, the girl stood up and straightened her little red dress. Without a word, she took the board and left the crypt. Her friends swiftly followed, yelling for her to ‘wait up’.

Buffy sighed as she kicked the sarcophagus, wishing for more action than a group of kids with a damn Ouija board. She took one more walk around, before finally deciding to go look at the grave-stones for something to do. The grave-stones looked slightly different than in her Sunnydale; some of the stones were the same, only the person had lived a longer life before dying.

Once she looked at a few grave-stones, she plopped herself down on a larger one to do some thinking.
Just then, a bright light appeared, resulting in Anya standing in front of her.

Anya glanced at Buffy, “Are you enjoying your wish or what?”

Buffy gasped in shock, “My wish?”

Anya nodded her head, causing her long hair to cover her eyes, but she brushed it back.

“Yes your wish. You wished that you could have a normal life.” Anya said.

Buffy frowned, before she asked, “Is this permanent?”
“I usually don’t take my wishes back, so you’re on your own for a while. You wanted to see what a normal life would be like, but I have to admit, I’ve seen dimensions with no supernatural beings, yet things are still not happy and normal. There are no supernatural powers in this world; no vampires-no demons-no heroes-no key-and most of all, no slaying.

“So I’m sitting in a graveyard for nothing.” Buffy asked, rhetorically, frowning from the new information.
Anya smiled softly and nodded her response.
“Well, what is there to do around here?” Buffy sighed.
“I’m not from this world. You need to figure that out.” Anya said, slightly shrugging.

Buffy sighed, then threw her tree branch to the side as she made her decision.

“I guess I should get back, then. I’m already grounded.”

Anya said, ’Good luck’ before she disappeared.

Buffy shrugged in defeat at having to deal with her current situation, then headed home.

Meanwhile, Anya slipped into the Magic Box to see herself in this pretend world of Buffy’s. She was staring at a picture of Xander as tears poured down her face.

Anya felt tears sting her eyes as she turned away, leaving. Apparently in Buffy’s dream world, there was no hope for her and Xander either.

Disappointed and hurt, she disappeared.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy snuck into her window, to find her mom and dad sitting on her bed, looking angry. She rolled her eyes, as she realized she was in deep shit.

As soon as her feet hit the floor, Hank demanded, “Where were you, young lady? We didn’t give you permission to sneak out of the house.” Even as Buffy tried to back away from her father, Hank stepped in front of her. He had his hands on his hips and clearly meant business as he yelled loudly, “Were you seeing that Liam boy again? I thought we told you to stay away from him!"

Buffy shook her head trying to make him less mad at her, “No, I just was upset about the grounding so I took a walk, honest!”

Joyce shook her head with a look of disappointment on her face. In some ways to Buffy that disappointment was worse than anger. Joyce moved closer to Buffy stepping in front of Hank to gain her attention, “You know Buffy, that grounding includes no leaving the house-only to go to class, and take Dawn to and from school. This punishment doesn't include taking walks, so now you are grounded for three days instead of the two.” Joyce crossed her arms to make it known that she was not going to back down from that decision no matter what pleas Buffy had. Joyce went on to continue as she looked Buffy in the eye, "That will give you extra time to think about your actions and realize that as long as you choose to live under our roof, you will obey our rules, which aren’t very difficult. We ask you to not fight with others, be home at a decent hour, inform us of where you are going, which includes no sneaking out, and no having sex while under our roof.”

Joyce lifted her hand to Buffy's face to make sure that Buffy wasn't tuning her out. Buffy frowned as she listened to Joyce continue, “It’s all about being responsible, Buffy. We are trying to do the best we can with you and Dawn, and with you fighting us all the time, it makes it harder. Do you understand that?”

Buffy nodded, feeling guilty for upsetting her mom like that.
Hank spoke up then as he stepped up to be next to Joyce. He put a hand on her shoulder to show his support for her as he spoke towards Buffy, “Buffy, really you are smart; surely you can handle our rules, can’t you baby?”

Buffy curtly nodded her head in agreement, before her parents gave her a hug and said, “Get some sleep. You have a long day tomorrow.”

Buffy nodded in silence and watched as they left her room, before she laid on the bed, fully clothed, thinking of how her life was different now. She had always dreamt of her parents staying together, and for her to never have been the Slayer, resulting in a normal life. She had always thought it would be so much easier, but now she wasn’t so sure. She found herself thinking of the vampires that were in her life; Angel who had left her, but she still cared for, and Spike who cared and loved her, deeply. She wasn’t sure how she could make it through life without them. Her life would be so much different now, especially without them.

After she thought of her two vampires, she changed into her frog covered pajamas again. Longing for release from her exhaustion, she crawled into bed to sleep until the morning.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy woke up, took a shower, then changed into a red skirt with a white shirt. She went to her closet to retrieve her leather coat, but sadly realized that it did not contain the garment. She must have not bought it in this dimension.

She brushed her wavy hair back from her face, wishing she was different. She missed how she felt unique with her abilities to fight and save the world. She missed the feeling of doing good and knowing her actions made a difference. Looking at how plain and ordinary she looked, she found herself longing to just have one special thing that made her stand out.

Thinking on herself, Buffy made the decision. She would make the best of this world. If she thought about things long enough she realized she was unique here. She was Buffy Summers, college student who was 21 years old and had a second chance at life, or was this her third? Possibly fourth, if you count the Master. Not everyone could claim they had near death experiences and made it out alive.

Buffy shrugged, not wanting to think about the times she had died. She grabbed her school books, before she bounced down the stairs, thinking that she would make this work, even if it killed her.

She walked into the kitchen as Dawn stated, “You’re earlier this morning.”

Buffy nodded softly as she smiled, both sitting down for pancakes. She wasn’t very hungry, so she didn’t want breakfast, but she figured that part of being normal meant having pancakes for breakfast.

She quietly ate her breakfast as Dawn watched her with curiosity.

Dawn suddenly whispered, “Where did you really go when you snuck out last night?”

Buffy leaned over, saying, “Just a walk.”

Dawn shook her head, “You snuck out for a walk, and got grounded for an extra day? Now we will end up spending our weekend stuck inside. That is so not fun.” Dawn pouted as she continued to eat her pancakes.

Buffy frowned, now feeling guilty for ruining Dawn’s weekend.

Once she finished eating, and Dawn as well, she offered, “Come on Dawn, let’s get you to school.”

Dawn followed, still sulking, even as she sat in the front seat of the car.

Buffy finally felt the urge to say something, because Dawn being so quiet was reminding her of the Dawn she left in her Sunnydale, and this was her chance to make things right.

“I’m sorry Dawn, I didn’t mean to ruin your weekend and mine.”

Dawn said nothing, as she played with the leather straps from her backpack.

When they were almost at school, Dawn turned towards her and frowned, “Just try to be good from now on, so you don’t ruin next week for me as well.” Once the car stopped, Dawn rushed out, slamming the door behind her.

Buffy said nothing as she watched her sister’s display, then slammed her foot on the gas, heading to her class, her heart and mind heavy with thoughts.

---

Chapter 5: Movies and Ice Cream

---

Buffy sat in her seat as the teacher called on, thankfully, everyone else around her. Buffy was lost in her classes, not yet fully adjusting to the new Sunnydale.

Today, she had Math with Liam, William and Tara, and after that, she had Art class with William. They sat across from each other, staring at the other in interest when the other one wasn‘t looking. Every time they would make eye contact, William would look down and bury himself in his sketching.

Buffy waited impatiently for William to spark a
conversation, but became frustrated, so much that she wanted to scream, that he barely said a word to her the entire time.

He acted as if he were afraid of her, and she didn’t want that at all. She craved his attention and missed Spike horribly. She knew that somewhere in William, Spike had to exist.

Before class was over, she nervously twisted her hands in her lap as she offered, “Would you like to have lunch with me?“

William shook his head, furiously “N-no. I, ah, normally eat alone.”

Buffy wanted to scream in frustration, thinking that this version of Spike didn’t like her.

When the bell rang she rose out of her seat, giving William a frown, before going into the hall. There, she saw Tara walking alone, so she quickly made her way over to her friend.

“Would you like to go to lunch Tara?” Buffy asked.
Tara smiled softly, “I would love to. You have a break right?”

Buffy glanced down at her schedule, then looked back up at her friend to nod with a smile. She told Tara that she had four hours to waste until her next class.

Tara’s smile grew wider at the new information.

“Would you like to go see a movie with me?” Tara asked, hopefully.

Buffy had never been able to just go see a movie, what with all of her responsibilities and all. She had always been so busy, but she thought that now was as good a time as any to start.

She nodded her head and excitedly replied, “Sure! Now?”

Tara nodded her response, then together they walked off campus to the theatre that was located down the street.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

They went to see the movie Cast Away, in which, Buffy enjoyed as well as her time just plain relaxing, but something still felt like it was missing. It bothered her that she couldn’t figure out what it was.

During the movie, Tara and her had eaten hotdogs and shared nachos. The food was greasy, but no greasier than the fast food she had been eating lately back in her Sunnydale. She shuttered at the thought of the Doublemeat Palace, but at least here, she didn’t have to worry about working at that place.

For a brief moment, as Tara was talking, she zoned out to think about a conversation her and Spike once had about finances.

“I don’t worry much about finances. I’m a 120 year old vampire, who has more money tucked away than I’ll ever need. You need anything, at all Buffy. I’m serious, you just say the word, Slayer, and it’s all yours.”

Spike had always offered her help like that, but she was always too proud, so she never accepted it. She missed Spike more than she thought she ever would.

She came back to reality just as Tara asked, “Do you want some ice cream? There’s an ice cream parlor just off campus.”

Buffy nodded in agreement as she listened to Tara continue to talk about the movie a little more.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy sat, with her chocolate milk shake, thinking of how things in this world could be so different than back home, but other times be the same.

She looked at Tara, deciding to brave the question that had been bothering her since she came to his world, “Why did you and Willow break up exactly?”

Tara looked down into her chocolate covered ice cream as she quietly admitted, “We just want different things. She is into computers and chatting on the Internet, and I’m more of a book type of person.” she brought sad eyes up to meet Buffy’s. “We were so similar when we met, and I loved her so much, but she just got so obsessed with the Internet. It’s difficult to talk to someone or spend time with them, when they are so busy with others on the computer.“

Buffy nodded, remembering back to yesterday when she was ‘spending time with Willow’ and how she had barely said a word to her, unless it was to discuss what someone else on her screen had said to her that was funny.
Buffy put her hand on Tara’s, attempting to offer her friend support.

“I’m sorry.” she said, as she rubbed a thumb across the palm of the other girl’s hand.

“It’s hard because I still love her; I just know it’s not meant to be. For it to work, she’d have to give up her addiction to the Internet and she doesn’t seem to want to.” Tara nodded her head in defeat.

Buffy thought about the similarities about their breakup. Instead of magic, it was the Internet Willow was addicted to.

Tara looked at her curiously and asked, “Do you ever think about dating again? I know you’ve had some really bad cases in the past. Angel was hardly someone to be with, since he was only interested in a fling.”

Tara paused, taking a bite of her ice cream. “He wanted the freedom so he could come and go in your life as he pleased, not offering any kind of explanation other than it was too hard. Parker was horrible and Riley was too into his fighting and power plays to let you even have a say on what you wore. There are others out there though, Buffy” she smiled at her friend. “You seem so lonely sometimes.”

Buffy nodded, but said nothing. Her thoughts went back to William, causing her to think of another question to ask Tara. She hoped that her friend would understand and be able to help her, just as she did back home.
“Tara, what’s the story with William?”

Tara looked at her curiously, “You know he has had a crush on you, for like ever. He’s the college geek and is extremely anti-social. He doesn’t fit in, because he doesn’t normally speak to other people, and no one understands why. Has your feelings towards him changed?”

Buffy shrugged, not wanting to say much, so Tara continued, “He does seem to really like you, and did save Drusilla from Liam a few years…”

She glanced up from her milkshake in surprise, hoping Tara would say more about the subject, but it seemed the conversation was closed.

“Well, either way I’m sure it’s ok.” She glanced at her clock, announcing, “I have to go back to campus, want to walk with me?”

Buffy nodded as she placed a few bills on the table, paying for her part of the order. The two girls walked back to campus as Tara continued to talk, giving Buffy time to think.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy returned to sit in the last class of the day. It was only a 40-minute class, so she would finish just in time to pick up Dawn from school. She figured that she must have planned the long gap between classes, so that when she finished, she’d be able to always give Dawn a ride.

She sat there, completely and utterly bored, as the teacher lectured on the Democratic Party being represented by mule. Why that kind of thing mattered, she’d never know, but she diligently took notes anyway, inside her notebook that contained notes from previous classes.

She could have cheered as the final bell rang, announcing the end of class. Everyone piled out, including Liam, Parker, Xander, and William, who had been sitting in the back corner by himself.

Xander waved as fell into step beside her, “Did you want to go Bronzin’ with Willow and me this weekend?

Buffy frowned, “I’m grounded.”

Xander shook his head, “Bummer. Well then, maybe you could sneak out. We’re meeting at 9 on Sunday, ut your parents usually go to bed around 10, don’t they? After that you should be golden!“

Buffy hesitated, but wanted to go out and have fun so badly that she agreed, “Ok. So how are you and Anya doing?”

Xander continued to walk her to her car, not answering. She took the opportunity of silence to notice he looked very different. He was wearing a stretchy black shirt and tan jeans that were fitted perfectly to him. On his feet, instead of sandals, he wore tan tennis shoes that matched his pants. His hair looked similar to how she remembered, so she shrugged the wardrobe changes off to just him being from a different lifetime.

She heard him question if she was going to pick up Dawn and she nodded, “Same thing-everyday right?” Xander nodded, then asked with a sense of wistfulness in his voice, “Ever long for something more exciting?”

Buffy shook her head at the irony of the question, but didn’t answer. She would be lying if she said that she hadn’t been thinking the same thing lately.

“See you Sunday night at ten, Buffster!” Xander waved as he jogged to his own car.

Buffy smiled, waved, then got into her car to go pick up Dawn.

---

Chapter 6: Sisterly Bonding

---

As Dawn chattered about the many things she had done during the day, Buffy couldn’t help but feel thankful that her sister didn’t seem all that mad at her anymore. She eagerly listened as Dawn talked about what she had for homework, a boy Justin, her friend Janice, and an annoying teacher that apparently had told Dawn stop talking during class. Dawn claimed that all she had done was tell another boy to stop kicking her chair.

Buffy found the conversations, and her sister’s chipper mood, not only enjoyable, but contagious. For a moment she wondered why she wasn’t this animated in the old Sunnydale, but then quickly remembered the fact that her sister was mostly ignored there.

Buffy and her friends ignored her by any means necessary, so much that they barely even knew Dawn was in the same room unless it was obvious. In her world, Dawn seemed to whine more than anything; complain about being the key, or complain that Buffy didn’t have time for her. Here, the only thing Dawn complained about was Buffy getting grounded and risking her social life.

Spike was ignored, almost just as much as Dawnie was. A room could be filled with people, but the only ones that were ever recognized were, Giles, Xander, Willow and her, of course. Spike would normally lean against the wall, trying to blend in, or at least that was what she took it as. He probably was just embarrassed that no one ever acknowledged him. The original Scooby Gang had always run the show. That didn’t seem fair, but it was reality, at least in her world.

Buffy smiled at Dawn as she entered the house, the smell of lasagna filling her senses. Her mouth watered instantly not only from the smell, but from the memory of the last time she had eaten lasagna.

She shook her head and grinned, as the memory came to her: Spike had insisted on buying her something for dinner one night, because he had caused her to miss it, what with the amazing sex he gave her. She blushed as she thought of how she accepted the meal, and waited for him to return back to the crypt with lasagna from the supermarket.

He had seemed so shy when he apologized to the fact that he didn’t have an oven to cook a homemade meal, but promised her that when her house was empty he would cook a proper meal with garlic bread.

However, the fact that there was no garlic bread for that meal, made her mouth water all the more at the memory of her mom’s garlic bread. The closer Buffy got to the kitchen, the more excited she became. She laughed as she felt Dawn rush past her, almost bouncing, then stood in front of Joyce.

“When will it be ready?” Dawn impatiently asked, tugging on the older woman’s shirt.

Joyce laughed, “Be patient, I only just put it in. It needs 30 more minutes so you have plenty of time to get some homework done.”

Dawn nodded before racing into the living room to throw herself on the couch, plop her feet on the table, then opened her books to start her homework. After giving her mom a greeting, Buffy followed her sister into the living room and sat next to her on the couch.

Dawn leaned toward Buffy, speaking quietly, “If you do your homework, and get everything done, and be on your best behavior then we might only have a day or two grounding instead of all weekend,” she grinned. “Mom’s sometimes nice like that.”

Buffy winked at her sister as she opened her own books in an attempt to do her homework.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Joyce entered the room saying, “Dinner’s ready!”

Buffy stretched, having spent forty minutes on her homework, but having gotten only one out of the two subjects done. The reading part was easy; it was the math part that was difficult. She hadn’t taken the level of math she was taking now before, so she had to attempt to teach herself, which was proving to be a great feat. She could always ask Tara or Willow for help.

After the family sat down at the table; Buffy next to Dawn and Hank and Joyce next to each other, Buffy started to devour her food. It had been so long since she was able to enjoy her Mother’s cooking, she couldn’t remember tasting anything as good as what was in front of her.

She decided then, that if she were ever to go back to the old Sunnydale, she would stop working at the Doublemeat Palace because she was so tired of working at a fast food joint. She’d have to think of finding something different or perhaps take Spike up on his loan offer.

The thought of Spike caused her to frown, and she could tell by the look Dawn was throwing her, that she knew something was wrong with her. She longed to confide in Dawn, but knew she wouldn’t understand or believe her.

Joyce decided to discuss the household chores, planned for tomorrow, while everyone was together and eating. Since it was Saturday it was always chore day apparently at the Summers house. Buffy vaguely remembered this fact from her past with her mom but somehow had managed to put it in the part of her brain where she chose not to think about it.

“So, in the morning Buffy you get to do the dishes, putting them away and Dawn it’s your turn to vacuum the living room and hallway as well as the stairs, “ the older woman used her fork to point to the children individually. “Buffy you will get to sweep and mop the kitchen; I’ll handle the bathroom. Then you girls can spend your day doing homework since you both are grounded.” Dawn eyed Buffy, but said nothing.

The look caused Buffy to feel for a second, that the look was a secret message that she was supposed to get, but didn’t. Buffy wanted to know what the look meant, so she focused on finishing her meal. The sooner she finished her meal-the sooner she talked to Dawn.

Joyce immediately turned her conversation to Hank about the yard work that needed to be done. This gave the girls time to finish their meal.

The two sisters quickly ate their lasagna and garlic bread, then raced up the stairs to work on their homework. They both went into Dawn’s room; Dawn sat at the desk and Buffy sat in front of the bed. The first twenty minutes was actually spent with Buffy reading history and English assignment, but then Buffy grew bored and it appeared Dawn was finished.

Dawn closed her books, and then exclaimed, “If we finish our chores early and do the bathroom as well, she might let you off grounding. Then maybe on Sunday we can do something.”

Buffy looked at Dawn with a hopeful smile, which she returned. Buffy’s smile turned into a grin as she wondered if she could convince her mom and dad to let her go see William or Tara for help with her math, but figured if she went to the Bronze she might run into one of them anyway.

Dawn flipped on her CD player and Buffy stood up announcing, “I’m going to go do my art in my room. I have to find something to draw and have to concentrate so it looks good.”

Dawn nodded, putting on her headphones.

As Buffy hurried out of Dawn’s room, she could still hear the loud music blasting through Dawn’s headphones, causing her to roll her eyes and smile.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy was waken up the next day from Dawn hopping on her bed.

“C‘mon. It’s 5 am and I want to get the chores done to surprise mom before she wakes up,“ she gasped, “So we have until 7. I also want to make her and dad breakfast in bed, so maybe they’ll agree to take us to the zoo or on a picnic tomorrow!”

Buffy groaned as she rolled out of bed, thankful she had put on her Princess pajamas last night, not her usual t-shirt and undies. Dawn appeared to be dressed and ready to go.

“I’ll wait and do the vacuuming last so we don’t wake her up. You can go ahead and do the kitchen chores. I’ll work on dusting and the bathroom,” the younger sister gasped in air before continuing, “Then you can flip the pancakes since I can’t use the oven after I almost burned the kitchen done while baking cookies last month. Meanwhile I'll vacuum so when they get up, they will smell the breakfast food. Hopefully if we do all that, they’ll let us off grounding.”

Buffy shook her head, but agreed because of Dawn’s obvious excitement. She found herself hoping that the plan worked out.

After her sister bounced out of the room, Buffy changed into a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt with a tiny kitten on it wearing a crown. The shirt read, “I’m too cute for words” across Buffy's stomach. She couldn't imagine wearing it out of the house so it was the perfect shirt for cleaning. Immediately Buffy went to work.

She scrubbed and cleaned every dish that was in the sink, and random ones scattered around the house, then put them away after she dried them. She wiped off the counter tops and the stove. After the counters were cleaned, she brought out four plates, glasses, and silverware, on the table for breakfast. Buffy set aside a pan and bowl for the pancake batter, then topped it all off with a spatula.

She stifled a yawn at she started sweeping the floor, but quickly recovered. After she swept, she proceeded to mop. Finished, she brought her broom and mop, down the hall, to assist her sister in the bathroom.

Dawn had finished scrubbing the tub, toilet and sink out. She was almost finished cleaning the windows and mirror.

Buffy flicked water at Dawn as she said, “Go start the batter, and I’ll be there in a minute to finish up, after I finish in here with the mopping.“

Buffy laughed and smiled as Dawn scampered out of the bathroom trying not to get too wet.

Dawn went to the fridge to pull out milk and eggs, adding it to the batter. She turned on the mixer while singing a tune, and that was how Buffy found her a few minutes later.

The volume on her headphones was so loud that Buffy could still hear it. She recognized the song, so she lifted one side of the headphones and squeezed her head between her sister’s and the speaker, singing along to the music with her younger sister. The two shared a moment of singing and dancing until the song ended. They both laughed and giggled before continuing on with breakfast.

Buffy put away the broom and mop, then took the large bowl filled with batter to start cooking the pancakes. Just as she finished her first one, she heard the vacuum start and knew Dawn was at her final step of the plan; finish chores, wake mom up with vacuum, have breakfast ready, then get released from grounding.

Buffy glanced at the clock to see that it was almost 7:30. It had taken her two hours to do all of her chores, and now she was tired already. She secretly hoped that she could get a nap in soon as she was completely tired from her morning.

She heard the vacuum turn off, right around the time she made pancake number five.

Dawn waltzed in asking, “Can I decorate them?”

Buffy shrugged, having no idea what she meant, but watched as Dawn pulled whipped cream, strawberries and butter from the fridge, as well as syrup. Dawn carefully made two whipped cream eyes, a butter nose and a strawberry smiling mouth.

The sound of footsteps could be heard coming down the hall, causing the younger sister to grin and turn around.
With a whip-cream covered hand, Dawn happily shouted, “Mommy, Daddy, we made pancakes for you and got our chores done already!”

Joyce put a hand to her chest in shock, then breathed out, “Oh my.” Hank grinned as he ruffled Dawn's hair in a playful manner. Joyce then leaned over Dawn to survey the damage she had caused from decorating the pancakes.

Joyce let the mess slide, because she had noticed how nice the rooms looked as she was walking to the kitchen. She was very proud of her girls.

Buffy finished up the last of the pancakes, and brought them over to the table. Dawn decorated the last pancake, making sure it matched all the others. Then the three of them sat down to enjoy their breakfast.

---

Chapter 7: Just an Art Project

---

After breakfast, Joyce walked around to admire the cleanliness of the house. Even though, Buffy knew that she and Dawn had worked very hard to clean the house, and was certain the rooms were spotless, she couldn’t help but feel nervous. She really wanted her mom to approve so she wouldn’t have to sneak out, risking getting herself into more trouble.

Sure enough, Joyce came back into the room, smiling at her two girls. Buffy felt proud that she had made her Mother so happy. She really enjoyed being in a place where her mother was alive and well. Perhaps being a daughter in a happy home wasn’t such a hard and bad thing after all.

Joyce glanced at her daughters one more time, “You both did such a wonderful job, but now I would like you to handle your sheets and blankets, as well as dust and vacuum your room,“ she paused. “That is, if you don’t mind.“

Buffy nodded and raced upstairs, with Dawn following closely behind.

“I’ll dust and vacuum if you do the laundry!” her sister shouted from behind.

Buffy agreed, and then giggled because she thought that she got the better end of the deal.

She grabbed her math homework, as well as her art, and a laundry basket, filling it with Dawn’s bed sheets and hers. She juggled the items carefully down the stairs, plopping her books and art in the corner of the room. As she put the linen in the washer, she glanced around, noticing that it was almost exactly the same. The only difference being-no chains on the wall.

She sat down in the corner of the room, opening her math book, in another attempt to figure it out. She tried her best at the math problems, but still had four questions she couldn’t manage to work out. She sighed, thinking that back home, she might have asked Spike, but in this world, no Spike existed. She wondered if William was as knowledgeable as Spike. She knew Spike had an abundance amount of information, due to the fact that he lived for over a 120 years, but William didn’t have that luxury.

She chewed on her pencil’s eraser, as she debated, whether or not she should try and get Tara or William to help her with the remaining math questions.

Throwing the thought aside for the moments, she picked up her sketches, frowning at them. Buffy was supposed to draw a fictional character that could be a superhero, but she wasn’t big on the whole ‘superhero thing’ and couldn’t think of anything to draw. She settled on drawing Spiderman, but hated the way he turned out.

Hearing the washer ding, she was surprised that half an hour at already gone by. She put the clothes from the washer into the dryer, then sat back down to continue her art project.

She had until Wednesday to turn it in, but the colored pencils that they were supposed to use were only offered during class time, so the teacher had suggested they spend their weekend creating the images.

She groaned as she reread the paper, which read:

‘You must create a fictional hero. It can be anyone you want:
dark and mysterious, or happy and superficial. Whoever you
choose, you will have to explain to the class why you chose it,
and how they are heroes. If they have any special powers, you will
have to explain those as well. Remember class, this project is
supposed to be enjoyable and entertaining, and showing me how
much your art work as progressed so far in the school year.
So no matter what, have fun! Good luck!

Buffy looked down at her Spiderman, deciding that he didn’t fit the bill. She crumbled the paper, throwing it across the room, then went back for another, hopefully not failing, attempt.

As always, her thoughts drifted back to her Sunnydale, wondering if she would ever be able to forget about that place. She remembered the way Spike felt when he kissed her, and how he had rescued her and Dawn numerous times, always being the hero. She remembered how his body felt against hers, all hard and muscular in all the right places. She remembered how her mind had gone numb the first time they kissed and he had managed to kiss every worry and fear out within a few seconds, filling her with feelings of lust passion. No other man had ever made her feel that way. She imagined that if Spike were here, he would laugh at the assignment, probably drawing a vampire.

She glanced down at her paper and realized without thinking about it, she had started to draw Spike. She had etched his hair and face, with his sharp cheekbones and piercing blue eyes, which reminded her, she needed the blue pencil from school to fill his eyes in.

She rubbed a ghostly hand over the portrait, imagining it was really him she was touching, his chest she was rubbing. It made her grin, that she had drawn his hair messy, instead of the usual slicked back look. His hair looked like it always had, after a passionate night they had together, her hand mussing through his bleached hair. He looked perfect.

She bit into the pencil’s eraser as she leaned in further towards her paper, starting to draw his torso. She drew the imprints of his muscles showing through his shirt, and then moved onto his belt. She closed her eyes for a moment, imagining how firm his legs were, the way his erection filled her as he-she quickly opened her eyes, stopping her fantasy. She needed to get her work done.

Instead she focused on drawing his legs, but covered in his jeans. She couldn’t resist the urge to touch the bulge she had drawn for him.

She heard Dawn’s voice interrupt her actions, “Buffy, are the sheets done yet? I’m ready for them.”

Buffy glanced up, noticing that the dryer was finished, but didn’t know for how long because she was so preoccupied with drawing Spike and his body.

Her cheeks reddened as she yelled upstairs, “Yeah, just give me a second to collect them!”

She stood up, tucking the picture into her folder and moved to the dryer to remove the sheets putting them into basket. She then placed her homework and folder on top and carried it upstairs to finish her drawing, and maybe go back to her math.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

The family, minus Hank because he was at the office, settled down to have a chicken and potato dinner.
Joyce and Buffy continued eating as Dawn prattled on about one of her ‘amazing’ stories.

“-and Janice thought it would be funny to walk up to the guy and announce, ‘Dawn likes you even though she’s dating Justin.’ I was horrified!”

Buffy brunched her brows together as she wondered outloud, “Sometimes I wonder if Janice is really that good of a friend. Did you really like the boy?”

Dawn shrugged but looked embarrassed, “He wasn’t that bad looking.” She looked down to focuse on eating her chicken and potatoes.

Joyce spoke up to the girls, “I have more chores for you girls to do tomorrow,“ she paused, listening to her children groan their disapproval “Tomorrow I need you, Buffy, to cut the grass. Dawn you need to do the trimming, and I’ll do some gardening. It should give us the evening free if we all work together on the yard. Your father is at the office again tomorrow.”

Buffy nodded dutifully, watching as Dawn caught her eye, hoping the chores would be the last, and they do the trick in getting Buffy out of her grounding. Buffy could sense another 5 am wakeup call coming in place, and part of her found she didn’t dread it as much as she should. She was really enjoying spending time with Dawn. She loved her sister, but the memories she had of her, from the past, were made up, she was making real memories now.

She realized she had been neglecting Dawn, so she would remedy that in any way she could, if she ever returned home.

After dinner, the house of girls all settled down to watch old movies, which were Joyce’s choice for entertainment. Joyce sat in the middle while Dawn laid her head on her lap, and Buffy rested her head on her mom’s shoulder. Buffy found herself enjoying the scene and finding it so familiar her chest ached. She even found the movie not as bad and it reminded her of her 17th birthday. Although that wasn’t the best of memories, the closeness she felt to her mom definitely made up for it all.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Sunday morning came quickly, especially since Dawn was excitedly an early riser again. Buffy had ended up staying up late, reading, since she couldn’t sleep. She was still used to physical activity before bed and despite the amount of chores she had done, her sleeping schedule was still affected by it. She knew in time it would get better, but for now, reading and doing homework was a great way to spend those wee hours into the night, that she was unfortunately still awake for.

It only felt like a few short minutes ago she fell asleep, but opened her eyes to a bouncing Dawn, who yet again was hopping on her bed on her knees.

“C‘mon. If we do all the yard work, including the gardening mom wanted to do, then maybe the plan will finally work. You can take me to Janice’s because she invited me over for dinner and to hang out! I’m dying to go! So come on already, “ Dawn jumped off the bed and started to yank her arm, urging Buffy to get out of bed.

Buffy dragged herself out of bed, wishing she could have done the work at 11 pm instead of 5 am, but hopped into the shower to wake herself up so she could get to work.

Emerging all clean and much more awake, she pulled on some jean cut offs and a bright yellow tank top. She pulled her hair back and went about the job of cutting the grass.

In Sunnydale, back home, Xander used to cut the grass for them because he was nice like that sometimes. Buffy had to sometimes pick up the slack though, because he spent so much time with Anya. Just thinking of Anya and Xander made her heart ache since they were no longer together. Xander didn’t seem to be with Anya in this world either. Were they destined to not be together in any world, she pondered. She frowned as her arms began to hurt from cutting the grass. It seemed that her strength and healing abilities were non-existent.

She was so used to having it; she wasn’t even sure what to do with that knowledge. She wasn’t sure how to be a normal girl. She did finish the grass in great timing though and was able to move on to the gardening while Dawn used the weed-whacker.

Gardening was hard work. It was covering Buffy in weeds, and she found herself pulling muscles as she pulled the various weeds out of the ground. Some weeds took all her strength she could muster to pull, causing her to miss her Slayer strength so much. She would have had the gardening done ages ago if she had her strength. She now understood how normal people felt when they couldn’t do the simplest task of open jars, which she bet she couldn’t do anymore.

She heard her mom yell, “Buffy, Dawn, come in for breakfast,” Joyce smiled as she watched her children run up to the house. “I made you breakfast since you did the yard like the wonderful children I know you to be.“ Her mother kissed the top of her head, followed by Dawn as they went to wash up.

Breakfast was a sunny-side egg with bacon and toast. Buffy was in heaven. Usually her breakfast back home was pop-tarts.

Buffy sighed, realizing she would eventually have to stop calling it ‘back home‘. This was her home now and she needed to make the best of it and stop thinking she had somewhere else to be. This was it, her future and her present.

After breakfast, Dawn and her followed Joyce out the door to continue the weeding. Both children frowned, slouching their heads to the ground, as they listened to their Mother ramble on about painting the shed since they had such an early start.

---

Chapter 8: Bronzing

---

Three hours and a can of paint later: the shed was finally painted, a baby blue, to match the house. After a water house fight to lighten the mood, the three females showered and changed their clothes. Just as they settled down to enjoy a late lunch and watch a house repair television show, Hank returned home.



Joyce went to greet her husband, both of them disappearing into the kitchen. Dawn glanced at Buffy, from the sofa, hoping their Mother would agree, finally, to let them out of their grounding.



Sure enough, Joyce entered the room bringing along with her a cup of tea as she sat down in between the two girls on the sofa.



Joyce looked to her youngest, then spoke gently but firmly, “Ok, your grounding is over young lady. You two have been so helpful around the house that Hank and I have been talking, and have decided to let you, Dawnie, have Janice over tonight to watch movies and have pizza. Only with the agreement that you have all your homework done and have Janice home before 8,” she turned to her eldest. “You, Buffy, can go out tonight with the agreement that you also have your homework done and are home before 10,” Joyce wrapped an arm around each of her daughters as she continued to talk to Buffy, “I also want you to agree to never play hero again, and instead, come get me and Hank if a similar situation ever arises.”



From behind, Hank spoke up towards Dawn, entering the room with perfect timing, holding a cup of coffee in his hand, “And with speaking about that situation, I want you, Dawn, to agree that you will not go ‘parking’ with a boy and will not be alone with boys.” He walked up to the couch, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You are only 15 years old and need to be responsible before we can trust you dating alone. So for now your friends will come here so we can make sure you are safe" he paused, giving his daughter a look. “Agreed?”



Both girls nodded, hoping to hide their excitement. Dawn was the first to get up, rushing around to give everyone a hug.



“I’m going to go finish my math now and call Janice to tell her she can come over in half an hour!” Dawn squealed as she ran up the stairs.



Buffy smiled at her sister's antics, then turned to her Mother.



“So I can go to the Bronze?” she asked hopefully.

Joyce nodded in response, giving Buffy a tight hug. Hank bent over the couch to follow suit, but the angle made it a bit awkward. Also, Buffy wasn’t used to getting hugs from her Father.



“We are just so worried about you, sweetie. Hank and I want what is best for you, and having you start fights and getting into trouble all the time, isn’t being the best you can be. We want you to be happy and safe and not have to worry about you,“ she gave her daughter a stern look. “Can you try to not disappoint us?”



Buffy nodded in agreement, her head down in shame. “I’ll try Mom and Dad.” She lifted her head up to smile at her parents, letting them know that she spoke the truth.

Her parents smiled as Buffy got off the couch and turned to leave.



“I’m going to go get ready. I already finished my homework earlier.” Buffy said, not looking back to see their reactions.



She still had her math homework, but she was determined to bring that with her. Her drawing would just have to wait, because tonight is party time!

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy twirled in her mirror as she admired her ensemble. She was wearing a red skirt that was short and molded to her butt. It showed off her legs that were sporting a tan thanks to her work outside. She had chosen a half sleeve black shirt that hung off her shoulders showing off her back. She had been amazed by the amount of clothing in her wardrobe that wasn't in her original Sunnydale closet. Apparently here she liked to shop and did it well.



Now grinning at her reflection she decided she was hot. She not only looked hot, but she felt hot. She felt sexy.

She usually tried to dress appropriately back home, rarely wearing skirts unless she wasn’t patrolling.



Patrolling in skirts was often impossible to fight well in and resulted in her clothes being ruined. She hated getting blood and goo all over her nice clothes. At least here, she didn’t have to worry about that.



After she was dressed, she gathered her math homework. Just as she picked it up, the poetry that William had dropped in her car had fallen out. She had almost forgotten about his poetry.



With a smile, she sat down to read over his work. She tried her best to imagine it was Spike’s voice reading it to her. The poem was so similar to his style of writing, having heard him read a few pieces to her before she could easily recognize it. He always used such amazing words, like, effulgent or radiant, and his writing was always so descriptive. But Spike didn’t write the poem, William did, and she still liked it.



Buffy let out a dreamy sigh as she stuffed the poem back into her math notebook, making a vow that she would stop by on her way home to give it to him. Maybe then, he would share a piece or two with her. It was a good thing that he still had his British accent as William.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy had only enjoyed a few short hours of dancing and having fun with Xander and Willow. The fun stopped when Anya showed up, resulting in turning Xander into a sulky young man who preferred to sit at the table, doing nothing but stare at his ex-girlfriend. Anya was doing a pretty good job of making him jealous, too. She was sitting at the bar, chatting with a random guy, throwing the occasional pity glance at him.



Buffy was beyond bored with the situation, and Willow wasn’t doing any better. Her friend was bored because she Tara hadn’t showed up. Willow hadn’t really expected her to and Buffy had managed to get nothing done in terms of her homework. She had spent the whole evening trying cheer up her two sulky friends.



She was sitting at the table with her two friends, but finally, the silence became too much for her. She wanted to go home, but before she did, she would make a stop at William’s usual spot in the woods where he would watch the stars. She couldn't resist checking to see if he was still there.



Before she got out of the booth she turned to her friends, “I’m gonna head home and do some homework for tomorrow. I have some math still yet to do, and I’m not getting much done here. You guys want a ride?” After she received two head shakes, she continued, “See you tomorrow at school.” She gave them a wave, then walked away.



She was thankful that she was finally leaving. The energy between the two of her friends were seriously bringing her down. At least they had gotten in three hours of dancing before Anya had arrived.



She drove past William’s spot, only it wasn’t really William’s spot. She just got into calling it William’s spot because that is where she had found him before. He was always in the woods near the high school staring up at the stars dreaming. This time he was there, just like she hoped, writing in his poetry book.



She breathed a sigh in relief as she sat down next to him, causing William to jump in surprise. He stared at Buffy in shock, mouth hanging open.



“Hi.” Buffy greeted with a smile.



William stuttered out a quiet, “H-Hi B-Buffy.”



“How are you?”



William continued to stare at her in shock, his eyes darting downward to land on her notebook. Suddenly his eyes snapped up to meet hers, a look of relief on his face, “You need help with math?”



Buffy bit her lower lip and nodded, and William sat down next to her, appearing more comfortable knowing she just wanted help. He sat down, opening her book that she had placed on the ground between them and together they worked out the problems.



There were so many differences between William and Spike, but the biggest one was patience. William seemed to have a lot of patience. He went over the same problem, numerous times, until she was able to solve it herself. By the time they had finished, she was so excited, because she totally understood everything, and was confident that she would ace the test.



She put her notes back in her notebook, but before closing it, she pulled out William’s poem, hoping to give it back to him. She handed it to him, but frowned when he seemed nervous.



“W-where did you get these?” he stuttered, his face turning red.



Buffy smiled shyly, “You dropped them when you left my car the other day, when I dropped you off outside your Mother’s house,” Determined she pushed the papers further into his hand, urging him to take them back, “I didn’t want to embarrass you by handing it to you at school.”



William timidly grabbed the paper out of her grip, then tucked it back into his folder as Buffy asked timidly, “Can you read some to me?”



William shook his head, disappointing Buffy, “I don’t read my poems to anyone. They’re not very good.”

Buffy wished that she could tell William that he was wrong. His writing was so similar to Spike’s that she knew his poems to be good plus she had enjoyed the one he had written. She didn't want to admit she had already read it though breaking his confidence.



Instead she asked, “What are they about?”



William shrugged, obviously embarrassed and wanting to change the topic, “Beauty, nature, love…everything Romantic poetry is normally about.”



Buffy sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to answer her question directly. She would let the topic go for now.

She decided to do something she, regrettably, never did with Spike,“Thank you for your help with math. I never understand that stuff and the teacher goes so fast.”

William smiled slightly and she found herself comparing Spike to William again. Knowing that wasn’t fair, she sighed as she stood up, collecting her notebook and book with her, “Thanks again for your help and I’ll see you school tomorrow.”



William looked up at her and whispered, “Goodbye, Buffy.”



Buffy turned around, getting into her car and drove away, wondering why when William had an obvious crush on her, why he wasn’t more like Spike and willing to be around her? Instead, he seemed flustered and awkward and distant.



Once home, she parked her car, jogged up the sidewalk, and went inside. She waved to her parents as she passed the living room, then wandered up the stairs, determined to think about William, and how to get through his wall of shyness, tomorrow.

---

Chapter 9: School Woes

---

Buffy had to continuously remind herself that she was in College, not High School. The reason why was because people had the same attitudes they had in High School. Harmony and Cordelia, and the rest of the ditz clones were the same immature, practically brain-dead bimbos they always were. She felt like, Buffy Summers-High School student, the oddball, the freak. Nothing was different.

She rounded the corner after her last class of the day, knowing she had a few minutes before she had to rush off to meet Dawn after school. She had an average day; boring teachers, students dutifully taking notes, and homework assignments being passed out.

Buffy had gotten an ‘A’ on her history exam, thanks to her studying, she assumed, because she wasn’t the one to take it. The test had been taken last Wednesday before her arrival in this Sunnydale. She was still proud of the grade nonetheless.

As she continued to admire the first ‘A’ she had seen on a paper with the name, Buffy Summers on it, she paused and ducked behind the corner when she heard voices.
The first voice she recognized was Liam’s. She peeked her head around the corner to see him talking to Riley and Parker. They were alone, sitting on the back of a bench, rambling about what seemed to be the only topic they knew to talk about, girls.

“I’m seriously thinking of giving that chick, Buffy, another go. She wasn’t a bad lay.” Liam said.

Riley rolled his eyes and said, “She’s just too cold man. She acts like she’s better than everyone else. You’d think she was God’s gift to males with her attitude.”

Buffy frowned as she heard Parker speak up, “I still think she’s just a clinging girl who lacks any self-respect. She takes a while to shake, if you know what I mean.”

The three of them nodded in agreement and Buffy gasped as the next statement she heard out of Liam’s mouth surprised her, “She’s a hot little thing though. Perfect size for everything. Pretty green eyes and a tight ass. It’s really too bad she isn’t a great fling. She’s just so damn clingy for such things.”

Parker stood up, slapping Liam on the back, he said, “I wish you well in your conquest. She’s not a bad looking chick.”

Liam chuckled as, Buffy blinded by tears, turned around to leave. She was even more horrified when she bumped into Harmony and Cordelia with their other two friends, who had apparently been listening to the same conversation.

Harmony leered at her because, Buffy, had knocked her book the ground. A random boy came rushing over to pick it up, and Harmony barely acknowledged him, when he placed it in her hand, then ran off.

“Look what you did, you clumsy slut!” The Barbie squealed.

Buffy glared at her, gritting her teeth, “At least I haven’t slept with half the guys on the football field, Harmony. Now go away before something else hits you.”
Harmony laughed, “I hear Liam wants another round with you.”

Buffy grinned, pretending to be proud, “He thinks I’m hot. I noticed you only get a one-time performance. I guess that makes me hotter than you.”

Harmony looked flustered until she came back with, “Well you’re just a slut. Run off with your geeky friends.”

Buffy sighed as she turned around, only to have Harmony purposely bump into her, knocking her books to the floor.
As she bent down to pick up her belongings, she glared at the retreating form of the group. She wiped the tears from her eyes and stuffed her papers into her books, that were scattered everywhere. She pulled her hand back in surprise when it collided with another hand. Her surprise soon turned into excitement as she saw that the hand belonged to William. He was bent down, helping her pick up the mess.

He blushed from embarrassment as he handed her a book, “Here, Buffy.”

She smiled as she reached for the book. Just like Spike, William was helping her, not caring who was watching, or knew.

When all the papers and books were picked up they both got up. William was about to turn away to leave, but stopped when Buffy asked, “Want a ride home? I can drop you off at the curb again.”

Buffy sighed as he got flustered again. It seemed he was always flustered around her, “S-sure. The curb would be fine.”

She nodded as they walked side by side to the car.
For a moment she could almost pretend it was, Spike who had fallen in step beside her. But it wasn’t, because William walked a step behind her. Something that Spike would have never done.

They parted as William got into the passenger side and Buffy into the drivers.

As she started the car she glanced at the time, then turned to William.

“Do you mind if I pick up my sister first? She’s on the way.”

William shook his head, then looked out the window. He seemed to never want to say more than a few words to her.

In an awkward silence they drove to the High School to pick up Dawn. Once she was in the car the awkward silence died down, but was instead turned into the typical teenager chatter. She went on about a boy at school and how her friend, Janice, got a ‘D’ on her paper, but she got an ‘A’. William continued to look out the window, and Buffy could see from his reflection that he looked to be frowning.

Finally, they arrived at the curb in front of his house. Before she could even stop the car, William seemed to have the door open, ready to leave. With a quick turn of his head, they exchanged smiles, then he was gone.
Dawn climbed to the front seat, then asked, “Is that, William? Mom and his mom went to school together. She always said, William was a sweet boy.”

Buffy nodded, looking a little embarrassed and Dawn grinned, “So you have a crush on him or what? He really likes you. Plus he’s a cutie.“

Buffy looked surprised, “How do you know that?”
Dawn’s grin stayed in place as she said, “My friend, Tanya, knows everything. Tanya’s mom is a friend of his mom and his mom talks about how he really likes you,“ she paused. “Do you like him?”

Buffy shrugged, then looked back at the road.
“Buffy has a crush on, William! Mom is just going to love this.” her sister teased.

Buffy pulled into the driveway, and before she could even cut the engine, Dawn was out of the car and announcing to their Mother, who was working in the garden, “Buffy has a crush on, William!“

Buffy sighed, pulling her books and notebooks from the car as she heard her mom state, “That’s sweet, dear. Now go inside and do your homework so we can play monopoly tonight since your father isn’t home.”

Dawn did as she was asked, leaving Buffy behind with her mom.

Joyce smiled at Buffy, “I’m so glad you have a crush on a normal boy for once. I never did like Liam, Riley or even Parker. They all seemed so fake to me, trying too hard for approval,” she leaned down to give her daughter a kiss on the forehead, “You deserve someone who doesn’t have to try hard, but does things from the heart.”

Buffy nodded, not wanting to talk about it since she was still struggling to see parts of Spike in William, rather than see William.

Instead she disappeared upstairs to do her reading before the game of monopoly started tonight. She found herself actually looking forward to spending time with her mom and Dawn. It had been a while since the three of them had played a game together.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy raced down the stairs because she was running late for school. Last night before bed, she had painted her fingernails and toenails pink. Since her mom and Dawn had gone to bed early after playing monopoly, this had given Buffy more time to herself. She had treated herself to some 'me' time. This morning, she had taken the time to fix up her hair into braids leaving little curled hairs to frame her face. She had spruced herself up even more, by putting a light covering of makeup on, and took special care in choosing an outfit.

She was determined to get some attention from William, other than a few words. Instead of the normal jeans and shirt, she had chosen a light blue skirt that only went up to about mid way on her thighs and a white top that had a v-neck and round tight sleeves. The outfit made her look great and beautiful.

To finish off her look, she wore strapped sandals, which were definitely not patrol shoes, but she had no patrolling to do in this world anyway.

She smiled as her mom commented, “You look nice today. Any special reason why?”

Dawn grinned, “She wants to look nice for Will-iam.” she sing-songed.

Buffy took a bite of her cereal before hitting her sister in the arm, who pushed her back as Hank came into the room.

“What’s this I hear about a crush? Aren’t you getting too old for crushes Buffy? Shouldn’t you be thinking of settling down?”

Buffy rolled her eyes, “Dad! I don’t want to settle down. I’m only twenty-one. Besides, I only said that I liked him, not that I had a crush on him.”

Hank poured himself a cup of coffee as he picked up the newspaper, “Well your mother and I married at the age of twenty-two. We dated for three years before that so you are running a close schedule honey.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, jokingly at her Father, then glanced at the time. She was happy that it was already time to leave.

She finished the last few spoonfuls of cereal, placed her dish in the sink, then said with a grin, “Time to go. No more time to discuss lack of marriage plans!,“ she yanked on Dawn’s arm. “Come on, Dawnie!”

Dawn followed her out the door, rushing to keep up with her excitement.

“You do look nice. William won’t be able to keep his eyes off you.”

Buffy smiled at her sister, giving her hand a squeeze before heading off to school to see what the day brought.

---

Chapter 10: Science Projects

---

Buffy was disappointed by lunchtime because the only time she had gotten to see William was in passing to her next class. The passing lasted a measly two seconds, and he barely stopped to admire her, at least she thought. She didn't have much time to notice because she was running late.

She figured she would have to dress nice again tomorrow because he would definitely see her. Tomorrow was the due date of their art project and she would have to stand up in front of the class to present it, so he would have no choice but to notice her.

If someone commented on why she was dressed so nice she could just say that it was because she was presenting her project. No one would have to know that it was for Williams benefit, especially William.

She looked over as Willow took a seat next to her opening up her sandwich.

“You look nice. Any special reason why?” Willow asked, smiling at her friend.

Buffy was about to answer, but Liam distracted her. He stood in front of her, blocking her view of Willow. She became uneasy as Liam sat down on top of the table, pushing her tray of food to the side.

“So, Buffy,” he attempted a sexy grin. “How are you doing?”

Buffy was hesitant in answering him. She was suspicious of his attentions; having heard the conversation from yesterday.

“Just fine, Liam, “ she faked a bright smile. “Life has been good to me. How about you?“

Liam put on a cocky grin then said, “Excellent. Just excellent. I scored these tickets to the dance,” he flashed the tickets in her face, waving them around. “I was wondering if you’d like to go with me.”

Buffy looked surprised. She had known he was planning to ask her out, but didn’t think it would be to the school dance.

Liam grinned even more, noticing her surprise, “Come on. It’ll be fun. I’ll rent us a limo and we can both dress in style. We’ll do dinner before, “ he leered at her. “Then, you know, we can go back to my place after.“

Buffy put on a coy smile as she answered him, “I’ll have to check my schedule and make sure I’m free. I’ll get back to you.”

Liam jumped up with that same big grin plastered on his face, thinking that she would eventually say ‘yes‘ “Right on! You will have lots of fun. I’ll make sure of it, no matter what it takes,“ he gave her a once over before saying, “You look really nice today, Buffy.”

Liam turned and walked away.

Buffy couldn’t help but blush as he told her she looked nice. There would always be a soft spot in her heart for Angel, and what with Liam taking the place of him in this reality, she couldn’t help it.

Willow hit her on the arm to grab her attention before she asked, “Don’t you remember who he is?”

Buffy frowned and was about to answer, but suddenly Tara sat down and spoke up.

“What was that about?” the shy girl said.

Willow rolled her eyes, “Buffy was just asked to the dance by Liam and she’s thinking about going!“ the red-head shouted, then looked to Tara to share a gentle smile of greeting.

“Oh, Buffy, you can’t be serious. Don’t you remember what happened two years ago with Dru? She and him were dating and he tried to rape her. Luckily, William came along and saved her,“ she looked saddened. “The entire school talked about it. It was right after you guys were dating and it all happened because he had slept with Darla while dating Dru. Do you really want to repeat that in your life?”

Buffy couldn’t believe that Liam would do such a thing. Of course she didn’t want to go to the dance with him, especially after hearing that.

“Cheating, one night stands, and attempted rape. You seriously can’t be thinking about this…” Willow said.
Willow and Tara looked at Buffy as she stayed quiet. They were so worried that she would actually go through with it.

“Of course I won’t go to the dance with him,“ she scowled in disgust. “I just like to be told I look nice.“
Tara smiled gently at Buffy, “You do look nice today,“ she motioned to her skirt. “That is a very pretty skirt.“
Buffy grinned, looking down at her skirt then back up to her friend. “Thanks. It’s my favorite!”

Willow and Tara shared another gentle smile and a look of longing. Buffy stayed quiet, watching the mixed emotions play out in front of her.

Suddenly, Tara got up and with a gentle wave she said, “See you guys later. I have to get to class.”

Willow watched as Tara walked away and then sighed, “I miss her so much.”

Buffy put a hand on her shoulder to console her friend.
“I know you do, Will. It’ll work out. You just need to give it time and stay away from the computer. Show her that you can change.“

Willow nodded, both going to finish their lunches, then hurried off to class. Buffy stood watching Willow leave still with the thought of Liam being evil in this world as well as Angelus was in the Sunnydale she had come from. Buffy frowned majorly as she realized that apparently no form of Angel would ever get it right.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy climbed out of the car to follow behind Dawn, who was chatting happily about her science fair project, trying to rope Buffy into taking some pictures for her to post on her board that Hank had made her.

Buffy agreed to help and Dawn cheered excitedly as she got together the ingredients Joyce had bought for her at the grocery store.

She grinned at Buffy who took a seat on one of the stools at the island in the kitchen, “So, I’m testing which dish detergent will reduce the amount of bacteria on a kitchen sponge.”

Buffy frowned, “Couldn’t you come up with something more creative than that?”

Dawn laughed, “Sure I could have, but this is the easiest offered! Now don’t knock it until you try it. I plan to write everything up, make things all neat and tidy on this oak board and take some pictures to prove my point. Dawn soap will win because it’s my name,“ she paused. “Ready?”

Buffy shrugged, putting the camera to her face.
“Ok, now take a picture of Dawn, Joy, Ivory, Palmolive, and Sunlight.” Dawn pointed to the bottles as she spoke.
Buffy did as she was asked, but stopped because she noticed a spoon covered in gunk. It was the same spoon that her and Joyce had filled up with molasses last week while baking.

“What is that?” Buffy made a face as she questioned.
Dawn grinned, “Bacteria.”

Buffy winkled her nose, “Gross. How did that happen?”
Dawn grinned even bigger, “I just didn’t clean the molasses off. Dad thought of it. It makes bacteria if you leave it like that for a week,“ she waved Buffy forward, then grabbed a Petri dish and q-tips that she borrowed from school. Each q-tip was labeled with the name of the detergents. “Ok, now take pictures of me swabbing so there’s proof that I did it.”

Buffy took pictures of Dawn swabbing the spoon and then the Petri dish. She continued taking pictures while her sister car carefully measured ½ spoon full of soap and filled the sink with 15 cups of hot water, making sure the water was eighty degrees. She then put the spoon in the water, making sure that all the molasses was off the spoon. Then she swabbed the sponge again before swabbing the Petri dish.

Buffy was completely bored with the entire situation. Her eyes grew heavy as she watched the younger Summers repeat the process five times, not counting the control group.

Dawn organized the Petri dishes, then turned to her sister with a proud grin. “We get to do this again in a week. Aren’t you excited?”

Buffy rolled her eyes, but smiled slightly, “Thrilled,“ she handed Dawn her camera. “Now can I do my homework? I have an art project to finish.”

Dawn took the camera from her hand with a cheer, “Wow, this project is so easy,“ she beamed. “I’m almost finished. I just need Mom to develop these photos and then I’ll put it on my board. It’ll be a masterpiece!,“ she paused to take a breath. “Thanks so much for your help.”
Buffy nodded, then dashed up the stairs to work on her art project and find an outfit for tomorrow.

---

Chapter 11: Heroes

---

Buffy was very cheerful as she sat down to finish her art project. She had the perfect idea of how to finish the picture. She carefully sketched herself dressed in a fantastic leather outfit, complete with a stake in hand. Both her and Spike were drawn fighting a vampire together. Once she finished drawing, she used the colored pencils that she got from class to color in the picture. After three hours of working hard and a cramped hand later she was finally finished.

She was so proud of her work that if someone were in the room, she would walk right up to them and kiss them! She was tempted to go see William in his 'thinking spot' but noticed it was much too early for him to even be there. Instead, she ran down the stairs and into the kitchen to show her Mother.

Once she was satisfied with the amount of compliments on her artistic abilities, she sat down to enjoy her plate of dinner. She spent the dinner and an hour afterwards, listening to Dawn talk about school, sharing a bit about her classes and really spending the time enjoying the family together time. When Joyce and Hank went upstairs and Dawn went to watch a television show, Buffy found herself alone.

Once again she was tempted to go see William but she stopped herself from going. She realized what she needed was some quiet alone time to think and being around William made her unable to do that.

After climbing the stairs and entering her room, Buffy laid back on her bed on top of the covers listening to the quiet sounds of the television on the floor below her and the muttered sounds of her parents talking. In this new world, she was able to actually spend time in silence thinking. Back where she came from there was always something keeping her absolutely busy. Things like the latest big bad, something going on with her friends or family, work, school, etc had kept her from ever over analyzing things. Here she could try.

She sighed as she rolled over onto her side to stare out the window at the darkness. Why did she always feel the urge to run to Spike and now William whenever something came up? Back in her Sunnydale, she could use the excuse that he was a vampire and most of her emergencies had been related to various big bads over the years but while that was true it was only part of the things she had run to him with. She had run to him when she needed to feel safe, when she was confused and needed clarity or when she just needed someone to listen. He had always been there for her no matter what. In the place where she came from, not that she would have drawn a picture of Spike to take to school with her, but she would have still shared with him the joy of finishing her art project.

Buffy stood up to undress and pull her nightclothes over her head deciding once and for all not to go to see William tonight. It was too late by now and a night alone would do her good. She crawled into bed with a long pink silk shirt on. As she rolled over to her side and studied the pictures of her friends Xander and Willow, she realized something else. Since she was being honest with herself she had to admit quietly in the silence of her room that Spike was her most important friend and probably best friend where she came from. He was the one she counted on the most and he never let her down even when she let herself down. In this new world it would be no different.

She smiled a little as she made a vow to herself that she would love William as she did Spike and be the best of friends she could be to him like Spike was to her. Closing her eyes, she dreamed of her and Spike on magical slaying adventures.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Today was the day that William had no choice but to notice her stand in front of the art class, so she chose her outfit very carefully. She decided on a pink short-sleeve shirt that hung off her shoulders slightly due to its large round neck line. Then she wiggled on a tan skirt that flared around her knees showing off her legs. She slipped on a pair of thinly strapped sandals that matched the color of her skirt, then pulled her hair halfway back, leaving dainty curls to cascade around her face.

She sat in front of her mirror as she dabbed on a light cover-up of makeup. Looking at her reflection, she grinned, pleased by her appearance; she really did look great.

She collected her art project and her math, practically skipping down the stairs. She sat down at the table and took the offered plate of pancake her Mother had handed her. She quickly gobbled it down because she was in a rush to get to school.

Her mother smiled at her, commenting once again on her outfit, “You look great today. Any special occasion? “
Buffy nodded, “I have to do a presentation in Art class today and wanted to look nice.”

Dawn grinned, “Is William in your class?”

Buffy nudged her sister so she lost balance and almost fell of the chair.

“Yes but that’s not why I’m looking nice.” Buffy admitted.
Dawn danced out of the room, grabbing her backpack singing, “Buffy and William sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

Buffy tuned her sister out as she followed her out the door, hoping everything went well for her day.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy stood at the front of the class, feeling nervous as she put her picture on the board. She cleared her throat as she stood in front of the podium that was set up for the presentations. She was the second to the last one to go, with William being the last.

She outstretched her arm to gesture towards the picture. Then took a deep breath, preparing herself for her rehearsed speech.

“I have created superheroes that save the world one vampire at a time. The female is a Vampire Slayer and was chosen as the one in all the world to fight demons and vampires. The male is actually a vampire himself who fell in love with the slayer. He now fights at her side, protecting her and saving the world as well. The vampire would be strong with enhanced senses, including ability to see in the dark and to track using his sense of smell. Both would have increased healing abilities allowing them to fight without fear of waking up the next morning and looking like a punching bag. The Slayer would have enhanced strength and fighting skills that she would have been trained with.” She paused, glancing around the room, she noticed that no one looked bothered by her project and instead were admiring her work. She smiled slightly before continuing, “The vampire would be called Spike and the Slayer would be called” She hesitated then finally stated, “Buffy.”

The class laughed in uproar as another student shrugged, “I called my superhero after me too.”

The teacher spoke up to settle the class down, “I think it’s wonderful that she drew herself in the form of a supernatural superhero. It’s great to think of ways to better yourself and a way to save the world. Excellent job Buffy. Please be sure to take your project with you since we have already scanned it in,“ she turned to look at William. “William you are next.”

William looked overly nervous as he made his way to the front of the classroom. He placed on the wall behind him, a picture of a young girl with blond hair. She looked normal enough, dressed in a red dress that almost sparkled off the paper and seemed to fit as a second skin. William looked down at his paper, refusing to look at the class, “Her name is Firezone. Her special skill is to grant wishes to those who find her favor. She can grant anything including love wishes, increase in money wishes and fame wishes. The only thing she cannot do is bring death onto others.”

William looked up, obviously finished with his presentation, causing the class to applaud. Then William scurried of the podium stand just as the bell rang.

The teacher yelled out, “Make sure everyone’s projects are scanned in and next week we will start on something new. Be sure to bring fresh pencils and paper with you. Class dismissed.”

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

William ran to catch up with Buffy and asked curiously, “Why does your superhero look similar to me?”

Buffy shrugged, not wanting to tell the truth, “You have the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen,“ she shrugged. “Besides, what you did for Drusilla was heroic.”

William blushed and Buffy paused in her walking to turn to him, “Want a ride home? I can drop you off at the curb again. I just need to pick up Dawn first before dropping you off.”

William nodded then held out his hand, “If you are offering me a ride home then it’s only right that I carry your books for you.” Buffy hesitated and he insisted, “Let me do that for you.”

Buffy relented with a slight smile, handing him the few books she had.

Once they reached the car in silence, William continued to hug the books to his chest as Buffy attempted to start a conversation with him.

“So how come your mom is so opposed to you getting rides home?” she asked.

William frowned, “She doesn’t like me associating myself with others. She prefers that we live alone.”
Buffy frowned right back, “But she has friends…why can’t you?”

William shrugged, “I don’t think she thinks I need friends.”

Buffy’s frown turned into a smile then, “Everyone needs friends. Even superheroes need friends. We are friends after all.”

William studied Buffy, asking timidly, “W-we are friends B-Buffy?”

Buffy nodded, “No more being nervous around me. We are friends after all.”

William smiled slightly as Dawn got in the car. Buffy returned that smile as she realized this was the first step to being a perfect best friend to William. She had never called Spike a friend but she would do so to William.

“I got an A on my power point presentation today and Janice was so jealous!” the teenager spoke.

The rest of the car ride was spent with Dawn chattering happily about her day filling the car with laughter and smiles. Even William seemed a little more easy around Dawn and Buffy that he smiled and even chuckled a little at Dawn's funny stories.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Dawn and Buffy finished doing their homework in an empty house. Hank and Joyce were out for the evening so they left money for a pizza that they could enjoy for dinner. Buffy made the call, ordering a large pepperoni pizza and a bottle of diet coke. Then the girls stuffed themselves silly on the food and laughed a lot due to the abundance of joking around they were doing.

Finally, once they could no longer eat anymore, Buffy showed Dawn her art project.

“Wow that’s amazing Buffy. How did you come up with that?”

Buffy shrugged, “It’s all in my head. It’s like a reoccurring dream I’ve had for years. All I had to do was picture it and then draw it on paper. It’s pretty neat if you ask me.”

Dawn nodded in agreement, “Can you draw me as a superhero?”

Buffy giggled as she ruffled Dawn’s hair, “I’ll try. Now let’s go up to bed. It’s getting late.”

---

Chapter 12: Making the Most of a Wish

---

Buffy felt that she really connected with William today at school, so she decided she would sneak out of her house tonight to visit him. Once it was 9 o’clock, she made sure that Dawn was sleeping, before sneaking out. She really hoped that William would still be in his usual spot.

Just as she hoped, he was there, sitting in the moonlight as he doodled in his notebook. Buffy quietly went to sit by him so she didn’t startle him very much. He was slightly startled, but she ignored it and sat down anyway. He became calm when he realized who it was that had joined him, and stayed seated.

Buffy smiled as she looked at his picture. It was a drawing of the woods with a deer standing in the middle of it.

“Was the deer really there?” she asked.

William shook his head, “No. I just added that to the picture.”

Buffy smiled as she glanced up at the full moon, thinking of something she could say to him.

“Are you enjoying school?” she decided that would be a good place to start.

William nodded, “I enjoy school. I know that’s a poncy thing to say but I do. I enjoy learning new things and being challenged.”

Buffy smiled slightly with a nod, “I enjoy it sometimes too when it doesn’t get too overwhelming.”

“Just take one day at a time and you won’t get overwhelmed.” he grinned.

Buffy studied him for a moment, wondering when he became as insightful as Spike but shook it off.

She leaned back on her hands and asked, “What do you plan to do when you graduate college? Will you immediately get a job or continue your education?“

William smiled slightly as he stared at the stars.

“I wish to write. I want to write novels and poetry. I want to write stories about things unknown and never seen before. Mum said it wasn’t practical and I should have a fall back career because most novelists don’t make enough money to live.,” he looked to Buffy. “But it is what I want to do. I’ll probably go into business though, which is what she wants me to do.”

Buffy stayed silent as she listened, but his last statement caused her to interject, “You can do anything you want, William. I think you being a writer is a wonderful idea,” she smiled brightly at him. “ I think I’d like to be a teacher; help children to find their way in the world. It’s not a pretty place out there; full of things children don’t even understand and I’d like to teach them to be aware of their potential.”

William gave her a brief smile then looked back to the stars. Buffy followed his lead, and in comfortable silence they both gazed up at the night sky.

She found herself missing the violence a little, and the rush of a good fight but she didn’t miss all of the death. It seemed a person died every night in her world, and she was only one girl, not able to save every last person. She wished she could, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. In this world, people were safe from supernatural death. They had the chance to live a long and normal life, just like her parents are. She could definitely get used to that.

She turned her head to see William’s head cocked to the side, giving her a side glance. Just as Spike always did.
“What are you thinking about? You seem lost in thought.”
William looked embarrassed as he looked down at his picture, unable to meet her gaze.

“Your hair is beautiful in the moonlight. It shines.” he timidly said.

Buffy blushed as she pushed a hair back from her face. Then William met her eyes and for a second she was lost in his gaze. She couldn’t control herself as she leaned over to give him a kiss. She felt William almost pull away, but she pressed her lips to his harder, urging him to kiss her back. The kiss started as timid and shy, and his lips were warm against hers; such a contrast between that and Spike’s kissing. Spike was always so passionate when he kissed.

He stopped the kiss suddenly, causing Buffy to let out a sigh of disappointment. She missed Spike so much and even though William didn’t taste of Whiskey and cigarettes, she could pretend for a moment.

She opened her eyes to see William staring at her very intently with a slight blush on his cheeks. She gave him a warm smile, which he returned.

“I’d better go home. It’s getting l-late and Mum will w-worry.” William softly mumbled.

Buffy nodded and accepted his offer for his hand to help her up.

“Will you walk me back?” she asked.

William agreed "Of course but we c-can't take too long or mum will n-notice."

Buffy hated the fact he was back to his shy stuttering self but figured it was the price to pay for kissing him. She looked over at him and he met her eyes for a moment before looking shyly away. She sighed disappointed with his reaction. She had hoped for something other than shyness.

In the moonlight, they walked in silence, with William always one step behind her. Buffy kept trying to slow down to walk side by side but as soon as she met his step, he would slow down and make it impossible for Buffy to keep the same pace. Frustrated she asked, "Did you enjoy the kiss?"

William looked at her a bit surprised at her choice of topics then smiled shyly as though not sure what to say. After a few minutes of them walking he finally stuttered, "Y-yes. It was nice."

Buffy smiled a little realizing as much as she was annoyed by his shyness in terms of walking behind her not next to her, his shyness around the kiss was sweet and different than what she expected. As she reached the house, they waved goodbye and didn’t kiss. William hurried off with a quick, "See you l-later" leaving Buffy behind feeling torn about the kiss.

She was happy no more kisses happened as she had already too much on her mind to be muddling it with more kissing.

As she closed her eyes to sleep, she made a decision: She was stuck in this world without Spike. She would always love Spike, even if she didn’t get a chance to tell him. William was like having a small piece of Spike around. She would miss the other parts, but could live with at least having a small piece of him still around. She would probably even love William because she loved Spike and she realized she was sort of ok with that. Still, even after deciding that, she fell asleep as she stared at her drawing of Spike.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Thursday brought a day without William. Buffy was disappointed that she hadn't put more thought into her schedule revolving around classes with William but alas whoever chose her classes didn't seem to care about whether or not she got to see him every day. Buffy was happy to spend some quality time with Tara again. She found herself laughing at Tara’s stories and making the most of her new life. She was determined not to sit and pout about what she had before and decided to make the most of what she had now, which were her friends and family, along with William.

Since she had a lot of free time on Thursdays, Tara and her went out for ice cream again. Buffy got a chocolate brownie sundae because that was what she was in the mood for. They sat together as they swapped stories of school experiences and Buffy told Tara about her Zoo outing with her sister.

“Would you like to join a gym with me? I’ve been thinking of working out. I’ve gotten such bad habits such as eating like a pig.” She paused, gesturing to the almost finished brownie sundae, “And I really need to work out to keep up my body weight. Would you like to do that with me? Perhaps one day on the weekends and again on Thursday?” Buffy decided she’d ask Willow to take two days with her, then ask Xander for the remaining days and perhaps even Anya to take a day, so she’d be back to training only without the strength.

Tara smiled, “Sure. I’ve always thought about joining a gym but hated going alone. I always felt like everyone is staring at me when I do work out. There’s actually one on campus but I haven’t found a time it’s not crowded.”
Buffy smiled gently at Tara, “We can go together. Then they won’t be able to stare at just one of us, so in all likelihood only half the gym can stare at us at a time.”
Tara chuckled at her friends logic, “Sounds good,“ she paused. “Which movie do you want to see?”

Buffy ate her last bite of sundae, then cleaned up the mess on her chin before announcing, “The Perfect Storm. It looks like a great flick.”

“Nothing like a movie on a Thursday afternoon to make the day perfect.” Tara laughed.

They went to the movies and watched The Perfect Storm, which had both Tara and Buffy crying.

As they walked back to campus, from their long break, Buffy asked, “Do you ever wish you could change things? Ever wonder what changing one thing in your life could do to the other parts?”

Tara turned and looked at her, “Like what?”

“Like, say you and Willow got back together, or say Willow wasn’t hooked on the net,“ she paused. “Or even say your mother was brought back to life. Don’t you wonder what things like that would change about your life today?” Buffy rambled with a smile.

Tara looked down at her hands and shook her head, “No. I don’t really wish for any of those things. I wouldn’t want to wish something Willow loved away. I wouldn’t want to wish my mother back to life because she lived a hard life and my dad wasn’t too nice to her. I would want Willow back but not because of a wish. I want us back together because we both desire and choose it…a wish makes things superficial. I’d spend my life wondering if we were together because we belong together or just because I wished it.

Buffy frowned, but answered quickly, “I think it might give people a chance to have a better life. A wish might open your eyes and allow you to have something you might not otherwise have.”

The air was filled with silence as Tara was lost in thought and Buffy pondered on what Tara had said. Did the wish really make this whole world superficial? She wished for a world filled with normalness without the complications of the supernatural at every turn. She never wished for parents to stay together or for her friends to not be so against Spike or for her mother to be alive. She never even wished that William would love her. Instead she wished for a chance to have the life she always wanted. Some life that was turning out to be.
So far most of her friends were unhappy, her dad was still so busy and hardly ever around, William was so shy and awkward around her, and most importantly she missed Spike more than she could ever have imagined.
Tara broke Buffy's thoughts with a quiet, “I miss Willow. I miss her a lot.”

This statement snapped Buffy back into where she really was leaving behind the old Sunnydale.

“I know that feeling too well. You guys should really try to talk it out sometime. Perhaps if she understood where you were coming from, it would help." She gave Tara a sympathetic hug, and then released her as she gave Tara a warm smile.

"Thanks for the time together. I enjoyed it.” Tara smiled, “We can make a habit of this if you would like. Then do the gym thing after you pick up Dawn. It might be fun.”
Buffy smiled back, “I’d like that. Wanna go with Dawn and I to the football game tonight?”

“I would love to!“ Tara grinned. “I’ll meet you there at 7?“

“Sounds perfect. See you there!” Buffy giddily replied.
With a wave, they both parted; Tara left to go home, then work for a few hours before the game, and Buffy went to finish her last class.

---

Chapter 13: Football...Soccer?

---

Poem is actually by William Brake called To the Evening Star

“Come on Buffy or we will be late. You can’t possibly look any better than you do right now! You don’t need all that stupid makeup anyway!” Dawn whined as she waited impatiently for her sister to get ready.

Buffy grinned as she blotted her lips to remove as layer of pink lipstick.

“Are you saying that I am naturally pretty,“ she glanced at her younger sister’s reflection in the mirror. What a nice sister I have!”

After Buffy gave herself one last look-over she went to her sister and gave her a big hug and messed up her hair a bit. She laughed as Dawn protested with a roll of her eyes, and hand-in-hand they happily left the house.

“I don’t want to miss kick off. Liam is kicking off and he is so dreamy when he does that!“ the young teenager’s eyes seemed to glaze over.

Buffy sighed, wishing Dawn wouldn’t have that crush.

She would let her have it though. Her sister didn’t need to know the horrible things that he has done and what a slime-ball he really was. And if he ever came near her sister, slayer strength or not, he would be a dead man.
Buffy jumped into the car as Dawn continued her encouragement, “Come on! We might still make it in time.”

The sister’s talked about how they thought the game would go as they made their way to the school. Buffy slammed on the gas, effectively beating someone into a fairly close parking spot.

Dawn jumped out and ran into the bleachers, leaving Buffy to pay for them both. After paying, Buffy looked at the bleachers to find her sister, and when she did, she climbed up to site with Dawn, Justin, Janice and Tara. Buffy shimmied past three people so she could sit next to her friend, Tara.

“See,” Dawn pointed to the field. “I told you we would make it, and with a second to spare!”

Dawn cheered as Angel made the first kickoff, starting the game. Her friends and Tara cheered as well, and Buffy, not wanting to be the only one not cheering, joined in.

She decided that since she was in this world she might as well enjoy her wish. She was the one to wish for a “normal” life. You couldn’t get any more normal than a college football game with friends, right? The more the game went on, the more Buffy got into the school spirit. She grinned and threw her arm up in triumph when they scored, screamed in disappointment when they missed a touchdown or pass. She even scolded the referee when she felt he made a bad call. Overall, she was having a great time.

She wondered why she had never watched football before today. Oh right, that was an easy answer. Spike hated American-football, saying they were all a bunch of pansies and they didn’t even use their feet. European-football was the real deal. Xander liked football, but he would always make strange noises and start yelling at the T.V, making a big deal out of it, so he preferred to watch it without any of the girls in the room. She wasn’t sure if her Dawn ever liked it. Buffy had never asked if she liked it and had never offered to take her to a game, so it was possible. If she ever got back to her Sunnydale then she promised herself that she would take Dawn to a game. She would have to ask Spike to a soccer, um, football game, and invite Dawn.

Buffy sighed as she started to think about her old life, the life she probably would never see again. She had to stop always comparing this world to the other world. She had to stop dreaming of Spike and missing him. She had to make the most of this Sunnydale and she was determined that she would.

She snapped herself out of her fantasy then cheered as she witnessed a touchdown. She grinned at her sister as they stuffed themselves on hotdogs. After the hotdogs, Janice and Dawn had popcorn while Tara and she had nachos. Buffy had never eaten so much in her life, but it felt nice to just veg with friends.

She laughed as Dawn threw a piece of popcorn in her hair as a joke. Life wasn’t so bad, when the only worry you had was picking popcorn out of your hair.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

After the game was over, Buffy dropped Dawn at the house, and then drove to William’s thinking spot. She grinned, wondering how he would feel about knowing she referred to the spot as ‘William’s Thinking Spot.’

She was giddy as she climbed out of the car and spotted him right away. She was happy that he always seemed to be here and that his Mom didn’t lock him inside the house.

She sat next to William, leaning against a tree. She could see a small smile form on William’s face as he noticed her presence.

“I figured you’d be here tonight.“ Buffy glanced down at his drawing. It was a beautiful picture of the stars. “You draw so well, William. Does your mom know you come here?”

William shook his head, “No, not really. If she had her way I’d be in bed by 8 o’clock. Mother is very worrisome,“ he shrugged his shoulders, “I go to bed, but sneak out and come here until I am tired. There are a lot of trees around my bedroom window, so I am unable to see the stars.“

“I have a tree outside of my window, as well. It blocks the stars,“ she looked around to admire her surroundings. “This is such a beautiful place," she looked at William. “Do you come here every night?”

“No. Sometimes I can’t get back out for the night because my mum needs me for some reason. Or sometimes it rains so I can’t come out here. If I caught a cold, she’d know I was out here.” William said, shaking his head.

Buffy nodded in understanding.

“Well, it doesn’t look like it’s going to rain tonight.” she smiled brightly at William.

“No it doesn’t. It is perfect tonight. There’s no moon out there tonight and tomorrow is supposed to be the same. Although it is a bit dark, you can really admire the stars in their own beauty.“ William looked at Buffy as he finished his last sentence, and then admitted, “Tomorrow is actually supposed to be a bit cloudy. The sky will seem much darker tomorrow.“

Buffy frowned, “Does that mean you won’t be here tomorrow night?”

William turned to Buffy with a small grin on his face, “No. I should be able to come tomorrow night. Mum has an early morning planned for the weekend. She has a party to go to Saturday afternoon so she will wish to be in bed early.”

Buffy smiled and leaned back on her elbows, her head now resting against the tree. She shivered as a gust of wind blew past them, and rubbed her arms to make the goose-bumps go away. William took his coat of and offered it to Buffy. With a smile, she accepted the coat and put it on. She scrunched the hood up so she could protect her head from the hard ground.

She stared up at the night sky, and then turned to look at William, “Will you read something to me? Something that you wrote? You can pick which one…”

William didn’t say anything at first, so she turned her head away to continue admiring the starts. Suddenly his soft British accent filtered to her ears.

“Thou fair-haired angel of the evening,
Now, whilst the sun rests on the mountains, light
Thy bright torch of love; thy radiant crown
Put on, and smile upon our evening bed!
Smile on our loves, and while thou drawest the
Blue curtains of the sky, scatter thy silver dew
On every flower that shuts its sweet eyes
In timely sleep. Let thy west wing sleep on
The lake; speak silence with thy glimmering eyes,
And wash the dusk with silver. Soon, full soon,
Dost thou withdraw; then the wolf rages wide,
And the lion glares through the dun forest.
The fleeces of our flocks are covered with
Thy sacred dew; protect with them with thine influence.”

Buffy stayed quiet for a few minutes then turned to him, whispering, “That was beautiful. Did you write it?”
William nodded, clearly embarrassed and she smiled, “Well it’s even more beautiful now, knowing you wrote it.”

William blushed, and then looked down at his watch. He suddenly stood up, effectively breaking the moment.
“I should go home.” he mumbled.

Buffy nodded and offered, “I’ll drive you home if you’d like. To make sure you get there safe and all.”
William agreed, collecting his notebook and placed it inside the tree.

Buffy looked at him curious, “You leave it in there?”

William grinned, “Perfect place. No risk of mum finding it and no one would put their hand in there not being able to see it.”

Buffy climbed into the car and waited for William to buckle his seatbelt before she started the car.

“Clever idea. So at the curb again?” William only nodded.
They drove in silence, but Buffy couldn’t take it anymore.

“Would you like to see a movie or, maybe, get something to eat sometime?” she hopefully asked,

“I don’t go out much,“ he shrugged. “We will see.”

Buffy didn’t like that answer, but just let it go as she pulled up to the curb. Before he managed to leave, she quickly leaned over to place a soft kiss on his cheek.

William pulled away, almost immediately, and then turned towards her with a shy smile.

“T-Thank you for the ride, B-Buffy. See you tomorrow at school.” William ran out of the car and towards his house.

Buffy watched him with a grin; she was so on cloud nine. Spending time with William, and catching glimpses of Spike in him, were enough to be acceptable. Tara thought, William, was a good guy and Buffy’s family seemed to approve of him. Things were looking positive.

She pulled into the driveway, quietly, and climbed the tree to her room. There, she fell back on her bed, fully dressed, with a huge smile on her face. She was starting to have feeling for William, but didn’t know if it was because of William or because he looked like Spike.
She pulled out the picture she had drawn of Spike, and traced lightly over it, careful not to smudge it. She sighed as she still found herself missing Spike. As great as this new world was, Spike was missing.

No matter how much she pretended that, William and Spike, were one in the same; she knew in her heart that that wasn’t true.

Buffy sighed as she thought back on how she had treated Spike in the past. Sure they had some good moments when they were alone. They talked and had plenty of mind blowing sex but she was awful towards him when around her friends. She just couldn't admit to them that she had fallen for a vampire. They would judge her and be ashamed of her if they knew that. they would probably even hate her if they understood the feelings she was harboring for him secretly. The more her feelings grew, the worse she was to him. She was so afraid that her friends would judge her harshly if they knew of her feelings that she made sure there was no way anyone including Spike could guess her feelings. It was the safest thing to do.

All Buffy had wanted to do was to connect to the world around her somehow but the only way she found to do so was to be with Spike. The only way she could be with Spike and not risk losing her friends was to have lots of sex with him but never give him a relationship. To keep her feelings secret, that was just how it had to be.
She also knew if she had told Spike that she even had the slightest of feelings towards her, he would go announce it to the world including her friends and family. She regretted the fact she couldn't admit her feelings now but there was nothing she could do about it anymore. Before she wasn't willing to risk it but now if she was there, she might be willing to give it a try. She wondered if absence in this case really was making the heart grow fonder. She shook her head from her memories realizing this wasn't just some vacation but instead a whole new life. There was no point in making plans of the past because it was not her future.

She focused on thinking back on where she was now, in a world where William was accepted and not the hated demon that Spike was. William was a hero not a reformed blood-thirsty vampire. Buffy looked at Spike's picture feeling sorry that she ever treated him so badly. She should have listened when he talked more, spent more time learning what he liked to do and agreed to date him in public. She couldn't do that but she could do better with William.

She decided she should continue to treat William as she should have treated Spike. That is what she would do. She got up to put on her piggy pajamas, and then brushed her hair.

“I have to treat William as I should have Spike, and it will make everything better.”

---

Chapter 14: Change in Plans

---

Buffy was still on cloud nine when she woke up in the morning. Her time with William had gone very well. She was still excited about it.

She breezed into the shower and took a little extra time scrubbing her skin to ensure that she smelt of vanilla. She hummed as she got out and wrapped herself in a towel, then made her way to her closet; where she picked out a long black skirt with a slit up the side. It was daring yet flattering. Flipping through her closet, she found the perfect top for the black skirt. It was a lacy hot pink top. The lacy hot pink top had lacy sleeves that went all the way from her wrist to her shoulders and the actual shirt was made of a silk material. The lace also covered this silk material giving her a breezy shirt yet something appropriate for school. She was so excited to find this shirt in her wardrobe as she had nothing like it where she came from.

After she slipped on her skirt and top, she pulled her hair back in a black ribbon to keep the hair from her face. On her way out of her bedroom she glanced at herself in the mirror. She grinned; satisfied with herself and the way she looked.

With a skip, she rushed down the stairs, grabbing the plate of eggs and bacon from her Mother. She barely managed to sit down, before she was already shoveling the food into her mouth. She quickly ate her food, because the quicker she ate, the quicker she got to school.

In a matter of minutes she was finished and hummed the same tune as earlier as she rinsed her plate off.

“You seem happy this morning and look nice again. Any reason why?” Dawn teased and peered at her as she started singing the song again, “Buffy and William sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G…”

Buffy grinned, “Justin and Dawn sitting in a car, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

Dawn gasped and started to run out the door shouting, “If anyone needs the 15 year old, I’ll be alone in the car.”
Buffy laughed, and then gave her Mother a kiss on the cheek.

“I love my life,“ she grinned, causing Joyce to laugh as she watched her happy daughters leave for school

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy’s morning flew by. One class after another kept her so busy she thought her head would spin out of control. She still didn’t understand what was going on in some of her classes, but she knew enough to squeak by.

She got assigned math homework tonight, but tonight was already such a busy night.

Tonight, Dawn was allowed to go to Janice’s birthday party, so Buffy would be the one to bring Dawn there first, then it was a ‘Bronze Party Night’ and she hoped to get time with William again. She was determined to fall in love with him, at least a fraction of what she felt for Spike. She just had to make this new life work and he seemed to be the key.

She ate her lunch with, Willow, but she might as well have been alone. Willow had her lap top open and was chatting with the internet world, not Buffy. She guessed it was okay though, because she didn’t want her friend to notice her perfect happy mood; it would lead to awkward questions that she wasn’t ready to answer yet. She had to admit though she was more than a little frustrated at the fact that Willow wasn't even trying to pretend that she wasn't addicted. Buffy remembered how hard they had worked towards getting Willow out of magic back where she came from but here Willow had lost Tara and didn't seem to want to do anything about it.

Buffy paused in her thinking to head to her next class with Tara and William. Tara was sitting in her seat taking notes as was William but she had to admit, her mind was not on math at all. She was too busy thinking about Willow and Tara and how sad Tara looked in her class. Having Willow not try anything to get Tara back including quit the internet was not the side of Willow Buffy knew.

It was a different side of Willow than Buffy was used to. If Buffy sat and thought about it for longer than a minute, she would have to admit it angered her a little to see how much she wasn't trying. What good is love if you were just going to throw it away. Just as she was about to focus on that, Buffy's mind snapped back to her and Spike and how she was willing to just throw it away back where she came from. She had hidden it away as a secret. She had avoided everything to do with the relationship, denied even having one and above all just plain tried to wish it away. She had hoped if the relationship went away so would the feelings. She sighed as she had to admit that didn't work. Not even having William here trying to have a relationship with her helped.

So while leaving the relationship die due to you being addicted to something else doesn't work since relationships don't seem to do well when shared with something else you love, relationships kept in the dark die as well. Had Buffy been wrong to be as against the relationship with Spike as she had been?

Buffy hadn’t dealt with those types of questions, even back in Sunnydale either. Well, back home, well, back where she came from. She liked that description of it. So back where she came from, she hadn’t told anyone but, Tara that she and Spike were together. Perhaps here, she’d get practice telling others about her relationship only not with Spike but with William, although her family already knew.

Back where she came from, her mom would have probably accepted Spike, openly, since she had always liked him. Dawn adored him already, even back where she came from.

The class seemed shorter than normal but perhaps it was because she was lost in thought the entire time. Buffy let out a deep sigh, partially in relief and partially at herself for not paying attention the entire class, as she heard the teacher announce, “Math homework is due on Monday. Have a great weekend and see you on Monday!”

She collected her items meeting up with Willow in the hallway, who was staring past her towards, Tara.

She wished she could help them get back together, but knew the Internet was a huge part of Willow’s life; much like magic had been for the other Willow. A lot of changes would have to occur for their relationship to work out. Tara was doing the right thing, even if it hurt.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy walked across campus with Willow by her side, deep in thought. She saw, William, briefly in class, but he sat in his usual corner and was very much into the lecture that he never glanced over at her. She was certain that she would see him tonight, though. She wished that he would visit her, at the Bronze, like Spike often did. She knew that wish was futile, as it wasn’t his style. Just another part of Spike that was lost forever.

She straightened up as she turned towards Willow, “Bronze tonight, right?”

“Yea. I think Tara is coming this time. I talked to her earlier about it. She didn’t say no…that’s a good sign right?” Willow wondered, a frown on her face.

“Don’t bring the computer and you might have a good chance at spending some time with her.” Buffy smiled.
Willow glanced down at her laptop bag then back up at Buffy.

“You think so?” she said, a hint of worry in her tone.

Buffy bit her lower lip but nodded just the same, “Yes, I do think so. It’s hard to spend quality time with someone who’s distracted, and the laptop, no matter how much you protest it doesn't, distracts you. You forget anyone is in the room with you and tend to only share what is going on with the screen in front of you, instead of really focusing on the person. You want Tara back, you need to show her she’s number one and she means more to you than anyone else on the net.”

Willow frowned as she sighed, “I guess. Well I’ll see you tonight. I’d better go finish my paper.”

Buffy hoped something got through to the redhead, but didn’t think so, because Willow ran off, into the computer lab. Addictions were hard to give up, but sometimes necessary to function in and out of relationships.

She opened her car door and climbed in, then headed towards Dawn’s school. She knew that she would probably need to take, Dawn out to get, Janice a birthday gift.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Sure enough, an hour and half later, Dawn climbed out of the passenger seat, talking happily about the gift she had bought for Janice from the mall, with Buffy’s help. It was a pampering bubble bath kit. It had a soft sponge, bubble bath scents that varied and a few bath beads. Buffy thought it made a great gift for a 16 year old, that wasn’t too expensive and besides what girl doesn’t love pampering?

Dawn was excited and announced loudly, “I just know Janice will love this! She’s always taking bubble baths while on the phone with others. She simply loves them and this is giving her the stuff to do it! Her mom will probably hate me because now she’ll spend more time in the bath trying to smell like chocolate covered cherries.”

Buffy laughed as she admired the wrapped gift. They had already wrapped it, and put it in a gift bag, covered in pink tissue paper, and topped of with a brightly colored party paper.

Dawn rushed up the stairs to change her outfit. After that, she was all ready to go. .

Dinner was already being fixed when Buffy entered the kitchen.

She took in a deep breath and grinned, “Mmm, is that ham I smell?”

Joyce smiled at her daughter, ruffling her hair slightly, “Ham steaks, stuffing, and carrots. How’s that sound?”

Buffy loved home cooked meals. She would never miss the food she used to eat in the old Sunnydale. That food was lousy and the food here was divine. She was getting so spoiled; it was a good thing Tara had agreed to start the gym with her on Monday.

“I’ve decided I’m going to join a gym, Mom. I need to work out and I don’t want to gain weight. I’ll bring Dawn home everyday after school, but then I’m heading back out, starting on Monday, to head to the gym,” she paused. “Is that ok with you?”

“That’s fine,“ Joyce smiled. “Is anyone going to join with you?”

“Yeah, Tara is taking three days, Xander two, leaving me with two more days to find someone to go with,“ Buffy frowned slightly, “Willow wasn’t interested.”

Joyce turned towards the stove, stirring in the stuffing mix, “Willow was never athletic dear. She is smart but not very sport orientated. Don’t blame her for her flaws, Sweetie.”

Buffy shook her head, “Oh, I wasn’t. I just wanted someone to work out with me each day so I wasn’t alone. The gym on campus is kind of big and I’d feel better if someone was with me so I don’t get lost. I’m excited about it though. Oh and tonight is a party at the Bronze. Willow and Xander are going and Tara might even show up,“ she paused to grin and bat her eyelashes at her Mother, “Can I go?”

Joyce smiled as she handed Buffy some plates to set the table with.

“You can go, as long as your homework is done. Did you get much homework?” Joyce asked.

Buffy shook her head, “No. Art starts a new project on Tuesday. Math is due on Monday, but I need either Tara or William’s help to finish that. The other classes required reading that I can do off and on this weekend so I should be set to go. Dawn has that party. You remembered right?”

Joyce handed Buffy some cups as she turned back towards the stove to carefully stir the stuffing.

“Yes, I remember. You be safe tonight. I’ll bring Dawn home so don’t worry about that.”

Buffy smiled, thinking that was good, because now she would have more time to meet with William.

She set the last of the table as her mom yelled out to Dawn, “Come and eat! You have to eat something before your party. I won’t have you looking like I never feed you.”

Dawn came down the stairs laughing, “I’m always hungry, though. Besides, she’ll have pizza, vegetables and dip, and cake! She always has lots of food for everyone.”

It was pointless to tell Dawn to not eat at other people’s houses, because she had a hollow leg, which even Buffy knew with the little knowledge she had of this, Dawn.

She sat down at the table just as Hank joined them, and everyone dug in. It was another night in the Summers home.

---

Chapter 15: Bronzing It

---

Chapter

As Buffy did the final touches to her ‘Bronze look’, she smoothed over a thin layer of pink gloss on her lips. She stepped back to look at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a dark blue, mid thigh length dress and dark blue sling back sandals. Her nails were painted a crystal white that contrasted beautifully with the dark blue of her outfit.

She had rarely painted her nails in the old Sunnydale. The biggest reason was because she never had time. She chucked as she thought back to the time that Spike had painted her nails for her. He had painted her nose pink to make a point about her not appreciating his ability to paint her nails perfectly.

She smiled, taking one more glance in the mirror, then collected her purse.

When she opened her bedroom door she saw, Dawn standing there, tapping her foot impatiently.

“C’mon, slow poke,“ Dawn rolled her eyes. “Not even Barbie needed so much time to get ready before a party.”

Buffy laughed, “Well, Barbie has boobs as big as Mount Washington, so everyone stares at them, not her face. Her taking the time to put on makeup would be a waste.“

Dawn laughed, then ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. She grabbed a cookie that Joyce had freshly baked.

“We are ready mom.” the younger Summers grinned.

Dawn was dressed in a light pink sparkle dress that went to her knees, with white sandals on her feet. Her hair had been pulled back part way to be put into a sparkling pink ribbon. She was holding Janice’s gift in one hand and a beach bag in the other. She was so excited that her giddy grin could not be contained. She was beyond ready to go.

Buffy opened the front door, and with a grin of her own she gestured for her sister to walk through.

“After you, my younger sister.”

Dawn giggled as she finished the cookie, then brushed her hands of crumbs.

“I can’t wait! Justin is going to be there!,“ Dawn twirled around once they entered the garage. “Do I look nice enough?“

As they both reached the car, Buffy smiled and nodded, “You look perfect. Justin is just going to love how you look.”

Dawn grinned, then put on a mock sultry accent to say, “You look divine, Buffy. William is going to stutter just from looking at you.”

Buffy blushed as she started the car. Dawn immediately started to chatter about how Janice had planned to watch a movie, have pizza and numerous other junk foods. They were going to have tons of fun at her party, including going swimming in her indoor pool that had lights so they could swim even at night. Buffy smiled as they reached Janice’s house, noticing it was already full of people.
Dawn quickly jumped out of the car and ran towards her friends.

Buffy yelled after her sister, “Have fun and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

Dawn just laughed and waved as she disappeared into the house.

Buffy pulled out of the driveway and made her way to the Bronze.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

As Buffy pulled into a parking space she saw Liam, and suddenly remembered that she had never actually told him ‘no’ from when he asked her to the dance. She didn’t think that she had anything to worry about though, because he had his arm wrapped around a girl that she didn’t recognize, with a silly grin on his face, and she was rubbing up against him. Buffy loved that the visual in front of her didn’t bother her at all. The only thing on her mind was getting to William.

Buffy stepped out of the car and was immediately greeted by her friends.

Xander whistled, then said, “You look great, Buffy! Who’s your date?”

Willow stepped up from behind Xander, with Tara standing beside her.

Buffy grinned at the two and shrugged, “No date. I decided not to go with Liam for obvious reasons.”
Xander laughed, “I have no date so I’ll keep you entertained.”

As they rounded the corner, and Tara was looking away, Willow gave Buffy the thumbs up. Willow was excited that Tara had agreed to go to the dance with her.

Buffy paid for her own ticket, while the others entered into the Bronze because they had bought their tickets while they were waiting for her to arrive. She took a step inside and was overwhelmed by the noise. It was just as she remembered the dances at the Bronze being: Lots of noise, including the sound of laughter and talking, the smell of alcohol and sweat, as well as loud, pumping music filled her ears.

She made her way to a booth that she saw Willow and Tara sitting at and slid into it, with Xander right behind her, drinks in hand. Tara and Willow were sitting opposite of them.

For a few minutes the gang happily drank their drinks in comfortable silence.

Willow put her drink down and turned to Tara.
“Care to dance baby?” she asked.

Tara nodded shyly, then let Willow lead her onto the dance floor.

Xander grinned at Buffy, “Care to join them out there?”
Buffy nodded as she let him lead her to where Willow and Tara were dancing. She danced with her friends for almost two hours, but stopped when she saw Anya had arrived. She excused herself from the gang and went to visit with Anya, who was thankfully out of Xander’s sight.

“Hey, Buffy. How’s it going?” Anya greeted.

Buffy smiled, “It’s going good. How about you?”

Anya shrugged, avoiding the question, then took a sip of her drink.

Buffy frowned slightly, “I’m sorry we haven’t been close since you and Xander…you know. I wouldn’t mind getting together with you and going to the gym sometime or just hang out.”

“You want to hang out with me after Xander broke up with me?” Anya smiled.

“I’d even love to hear your side of what happened.”
Anya again shrugged, taking another sip of her drink. There was so much alcohol in her drink that Buffy’s nose stung.

“Well, there isn’t much to tell. I’m sure Xander told you everything. We just got too close and he proposed, but our families didn’t like the idea,“ she frowned. “His family pressured him into thinking that we were too young and not right for each other. He listened, thus the dumping,“ her wiped a tear out of her eye, “It was sad, really sad, heartbreaking even, but I’ll survive.“

“I’m so sorry, Anya. I do want to be your friend. The offer is still on the table: I need someone to go to the gym two days a week with me or we can do something else if you want.”

Anya smiled, “The gym sounds great! Just give me a call and I’ll go with you. I go every other day as it is.”

Buffy smiled, then glanced back when she felt someone looking at her. Xander was frowning at her once he noticed who she was talking to.

She looked back to Anya, then smiled as she gestured towards the table that her friends were now sitting at.

“I should go say my ‘goodbyes.’ I’m heading out of here early tonight. I still have homework to do.” Buffy said.

“Thanks, Buffy, for wanting to spend time with me. I just didn't think anyone would want to.” Anya said with a slight frown.

Buffy placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder.
“You’re a good friend and a nice girl, Anya. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Anya smiled as Buffy turned back and made her way towards the table.

“So, I’m going to head home. I have to pick up Dawn from her party in a few minutes.” Buffy said to her friends.

That was a lie, because she really wanted to make sure she saw William tonight. If she arrived too late, then he may not have been there. The gang seemed to take the bait, as they waved then headed back to the dance floor. Willow and Tara giggled as they went back to the floor, and Xander followed behind.

Buffy let out a hopeful sigh as she exited the Bronze. She got in the car and made her way towards William’s ’Thinking Spot.’

---

Chapter 16: All Because of a Kiss

---

Buffy glanced at herself in the rear-view mirror and quickly rearranged her hair so that it lay perfectly, framing her face. With a smile, she got out of the car, reminding herself along the way that no matter how much she longed for Spike to be there instead of William, William was who she was going to be with now.

She felt confident and prepared as she made her way closer to William. She walked over to the rock that he normally sat on. She was not disappointed when she was met with the image of William gazing up at the stars, a pencil propped behind his ear, and an open book in his lap. When she took a seat next to him, she noticed that the book was a book of poetry, a book that Spike had in his collection. She smiled at the thought of Spike, but quickly shooed away such thoughts.

“Hello, William.” she said gently.

William didn’t seem surprised when he turned to smile at her.

“Hello, Buffy. How are you this e-evening?”

Buffy looked down at her hands as she moved to get a little more comfortable.

“I’m alright,“ she shrugged her shoulders. “I just left the Bronze. I missed you being there.”

William closed his poetry book and placed it inside of the tree trunk.

“I don’t go there…” he trailed off, then averted his gaze to the ground.

Buffy nodded as she whispered, “You don’t feel like you belong, right?” William glanced up at her in surprise, but nodded in agreement. “I kinda felt that way tonight. Willow was with Tara and Xander was with Anya, well not really, but you get the idea,“ she laughed nervously. “I didn’t have anyone.“

William crossed his legs as he rested his body weight against his folded elbows.

“Y-You didn‘t go with Liam or P-Parker?“ William stuttered.

Buffy sighed as she rested back on her elbows glancing at the stars.

“No. Or Riley. Don’t forget about him,“ she paused. “Why was I even with them?”

William didn’t know what to say to that, so he remained quiet until she answered her own question.

“Because they were interested in me and thought I was something special if even for a few minutes.”

William turned his head, quickly, towards her.

“You are something special, Buffy. You don’t need some daft gits to remind you of that.“ William blurted out, but immediately felt embarrassed by his forwardness. He blushed as he started to stand up.

Buffy placed a gentle hand on his wrist, pulling him down to sit beside her.

“It’s okay, William. Please stay for a little bit,” she patted the ground directly next to her. “Sit with me.”

Once he settled down beside her, she rested her head on his shoulder. William stiffened at the contact, but soon relaxed.

She closed her eyes as she listened to his steady heartbeat, that quickened the longer she listened. He was obviously nervous. They sat for a few moments, just enjoying each other's company, but William soon broke the silence.

“What are your plans for the weekend, Buffy?”

“I don’t really have plans. Well none of the fun variety,“ Buffy joked. “I have some math homework to do. So maybe I can stop by and have you help me with it,“ she paused to stare into his eyes. “William?“

He was so close that if he leaned forward just a few inches their lips would meet. He didn’t kiss her though. He just stared at her.

“William?” she whispered again.

“Buffy?” William matched her quiet tone.

She licked her lips that were suddenly extremely dry.
“Would you like to go to the movies with me tomorrow?”
William’s cheeks turned bright red, but a joyful smile plastered his face.

“Y-Yes. Yes I would.“ he answered her. His voice filled with excitement.

Buffy smile beamed, thankful that he had said ‘yes’.
“Can we go out to dinner first? I know this really great restaurant that I hope exists here. I think tomorrow will be good. We can go before the movies, then, you know, go to the movies together. I promise that it will be a lot of fun---”

William was confused about some parts of her babbling, but he didn’t want her to feel nervous so he placed a finger across her lips.

“Alright, Buffy.“ William nodded.

Buffy chose to moment to lean forward and kiss William. She eagerly kissed him, trying to get some sort of passion with him, but he instead held back, kissing her gently and lovingly. He ran a hand through her hair and when he reached her back he paused for a moment. He seemed unsure of himself. Unsure of what to do next.
This wasn’t Spike. She couldn’t pretend anymore. She wanted Spike. As much as she liked William, he would never be Spike. She quickly broke away from the kiss and brought a hand to her mouth.

“I-I’m sorry. I have to go.”

Buffy got up and started running. She didn’t have time to process getting into her car. She just wanted to run.

“Buffy!” William called out to her.

She ignored his call as she ran across the road, but stopped when she heard his pained voice.

“Buffy, please. I want to talk to you.“

She turned around, not wanting to hurt him anymore than she already had. He started to say something, but the sound of a car’s squealing brakes drowned out his voice. She turned towards the sound. It was dark out and the only thing she saw were two headlights coming straight towards her. She stood there, frozen, frightened. She let out a piercing scream.

Within seconds she was pushed aside, hitting the ground so hard that the her breath was knocked out of her.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as she witnessed the car hit William. William had pushed her out of the way. The car had hit him, and not her. He had saved her.

The force of the hit had William flying up over the car and smashing into the windshield. He bounced over the top of the car and landed on the middle of the road. He laid there, limp and not moving.

She finally was able to take in a deep breath and yell, “William! No!”

She ran over to him and lifted his head into her arms. She could vaguely hear the driver talking on the phone, probably calling 9-1-1.

“You’ll be okay. Help is on the way, William.” Buffy managed to whisper through her tears.

William lifted a hand to cup the underside of her chin.
“I love you, Buffy,” he coughed blood out of his mouth. “I---”

“Stay still, William. They’re-They’re coming,” she sobbed. “Help is coming.”

“I’ve always loved you, Buffy.”

“Oh, William. I love you too. I’ve loved you for years. I just wouldn’t admit it.” Even though this was William who was dying, Buffy knew it was part of Spike dying as well. She loved both of them in their own special way and now she was losing them both.

Buffy touched his face trying to will him to survive whispering softly, "William, I'm so sorry...I did this to you. I hurt you."

William shook his head as he lifted his finger swiped gently across her cheek whispering, "You are special. N---"

William paused coughing up more blood, "Never forget that."

Then with a gentle smile, William's arm fell lifeless to his side.

“No! Don’t die! Please hold on!” Buffy shook William slightly, begging him to open his eyes. “The sirens are close, William. Can’t you hear them?!”

She rocked his still form. She continued to beg him to open his eyes, even though she knew he stopped breathing. She sobbed and cradled him in her arms, ignoring the amount of blood that covered her clothes and skin.

She was suddenly pulled away by the paramedics, who gently pushed her aside to give William CPR.

Buffy then heard the words that she already knew in her heart to be true.

“He’s dead.”

She sobbed into her hands repeating to herself over and over again, "This can't be happening. This isn't real."
But it was. Buffy's mind was spinning with the agony knowing she had hurt Spike and now she had caused William to die. She didn't even notice as a policeman, holding a pencil and a pad of paper came over to her.

“Miss, can you tell me what happened?”

Buffy sniffled, still a wreck, as she pushed her hair from her eyes and rubbed the back of her blood covered hand over her eyes, making sight even more impossible.
“William and I were talking and we kissed, but it was all wrong so I left. I was running across the road and William, he called my name. I turned around for just a second and the car was coming too fast. His brakes started to squeal but before it could hit me….”

She took a deep breath as more tears poured down her face, “William pushed me out of the way and it hit him instead. I saw it all in slow motion. He was hit up and over the car and landed in a pile. I screamed at least I think it was me screaming. It was all so fast. I went to him and---”

The policeman interrupted her, “Was he alive when you got there?”

Buffy nodded, “He was bleeding and his arm was at an awkward angle but he was alive. He said he loved me and I said I did too and then he---” She covered her face with her hands as her pain and tears overcame her. The policeman put a hand on her shoulder as he stated, “He died.”

Buffy nodded, not lifting her face as he asked, “Is there someone I can call you for you? Someone who can take you home?” Buffy looked at him in shock as he asked, “Buffy Summers, right?” Buffy just stared blankly at him and the policeman recognized she was going into shock. She swayed on her feet as he acted, quickly supporting her, “Hold on, Buffy, we will call your parents to come get you. Just hang on there.”

Buffy suddenly felt tired and the tears wouldn’t stop. The whole world appeared blurry and she turned to look at where William was still motionless on the road. The paramedics started to move him onto the stretcher.

“Don’t touch him!” she shouted.

She raced across the street to lean down, whispering, “Wake up! You CAN’T die! I need you. Come on!”

She shook her shoulders away from the grabbing that someone was doing, and wasn’t sure how long she was there until she felt the gentle hands of her mother steering her away.

“Come on, Buffy. Let’s get you home so they can take care of William. Ok sweetie?” Joyce gently whispered.
Hank climbed into her car but Buffy mostly ignored him as she accepted her mother’s help to climb into her station wagon. Buffy sat completely still on the short ride home.

She ignored the horrified look on Dawn’s face as she went into her room, shutting the door behind her. She didn’t even bother to remove her blood stained clothes as she laid on the bed on her stomach as her tears started to fall again. There, she sobbed heavily until she reached over to the end of her bed to find Spike’s picture. She curled up in a ball, still crying, resting the picture she had drawn of them together in her hand as she fell asleep.

---

Chapter 17: Pain

---

Buffy was roused by various sounds of movement going on around the house. When she woke, she was still lying on top of her bed, over the covers. Sunlight filtered through the drapes-obviously it was the next day. She must have cried herself to sleep, and slept through the night.

Getting into bed covered in William’s blood was a colossal mistake. Blood had seeped into the comforter and his blood had dried into her clothes and skin. Her anguish and tears started all over again.

She wiped her nose with the back of her hand as she tore the comforter and sheets off of her bed and onto the floor. When she exited her room, Dawn was there, witnessing her sobbing as she made her way to the bathroom. Thankfully her sister didn’t bother her. She wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.

She mindlessly stripped her clothes, leaving them to fall to the floor as she climbed into the shower. She turned up the heat so it was so hot it was scorching her skin. She felt so numb that the constant burning at least made her feel. She knew she would never feel the same again.

Never again will she feel the pleasure of seeing Spike coming up behind her or the excitement of seeing William. Never again will she feel the love that Spike gave her whenever he gave her that special understanding and intense look after she had shared something with him.

She let the burning hot water pour over his face as she thought of how she would never again feel alive because of Spike's touch and how she had ruined any chance she had of making things right with Spike and now William.

She watched, in morbid fascination, as the water cascaded down her body and blood dripped off of her and swirled down the drain. She scrubbed herself raw, on the verge of spilling her own blood. It was only then that she dropped to the floor of the shower, sobbing even as the hot water continued to burn her body. When she had no more tears, and the water became cold, she stepped out and wrapped herself in a towel. She stuffed her, blood covered, clothing in the trash can.

Like a zombie, she made her way into her room, slipped on a black silk shirt that was long enough to be a nightshirt. She was thankful that her, Mother, must have taken care of the stained comforter and sheets and replaced them with clean ones. She burrowed under the covers as she heard the phone ring. She tried to close her eyes, wanting nothing more than to fall back asleep, but she jolted to attention when there was a knock at her door.

She threw the covers off of her to turn her red stained eyes onto her Mother. She wiped the tears that had been lingering there.

Joyce entered the doorway without waiting for an invitation knowing she was needed as she sat down next to Buffy on her bed. Gently she rubbed Buffy's back letting Buffy lay her head on her lap.

“Buffy, there isn’t going to be a funeral for William. Anne has opted to just to have a burial. The school will be holding a memorial service on Monday during a school assembly since most of his friends were students. The burial is tomorrow honey."

Joyce softly stroked Buffy's blond hair that was still very damp. Buffy, even though she couldn't express her thoughts without the risk of crying, was thankful her mom was here.

"Is there anything I can do for you? Are you hungry?"

Buffy shook her head before laying back on her bed.

Joyce took the hint and began to tuck the covers around her daughter, “If you need to talk or just be held, I’ll be here sweetie. Remember that ok? You aren’t alone.”

Buffy only nodded as she rolled onto her side, reliving the tragedy that had occurred last night. She wished that the car had hit her, not William. She will always blame herself for his death.

She didn’t want to depress her Mom, so she kept the thoughts to herself. She forced a miniscule smile as she felt, Joyce’s lips brush her forehead, in a comforting gesture. Buffy closed her eyes, desperate for sleep to claim her once more. She wanted release from her mind, her thoughts that continued to bring her back to the moment the car hit. Sleep was the only place she found it.

Joyce walked to the doorway, turning around to frown at her daughter. She left the room, worried about her daughter, but thankful she could find rest.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Buffy woke up and rolled over to see what time it was.

She had slept most of the day, and it was now 3 pm. She climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of pants so she could wander around the house. It appeared everyone was out, which she was thankful for because she was not in the mood to have company. She saw a note on the counter as she made her way to the fridge.

Pizza is in the fridge. We took Dawn to her recital.
You were sleeping when we left. You can come over
if you wake up before 4 pm.”

Buffy shook her head as she crumbled the note and threw it in the trash. She didn’t want to go to the recital. She wanted to see William. She opened the fridge and poured a glass of juice, then went back to her room. She forced herself to drink the glass of juice in order to gain some strength. She was feeling weak from all of the crying she had been doing.

She laid back in her bed, and closed her eyes once more.

Everyone was gone from the house, so she had the perfect excuse to escape. She didn’t know how it was possible, but tears started to sting her eyes, threatening to fall.

She rolled over and reached onto her nightstand to grab the picture of Spike. Other than being crinkled a bit due to sleeping with it, it was in almost perfect condition. She kept the picture away from her tears as she studied his face. Even though it was a picture of Spike, she was thinking of William. Poor, William, because of her, he was gone. He would never grow-up and be a famous writer or artist like he had imagined. She had ruined that for him.

As she fell asleep, the last thing she saw was a blurred image of blue eyes staring back at her. She’d give anything to have that gaze be real.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Joyce came into Buffy’s room with a plate of food for her. She sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing her back gently and using a finger to brush her hair from her eyes and face.

“Buffy, Baby, wake up. I have food for you.” she whispered.

Buffy opened her eyes, noticing it was dark enough for her mom to turn on the main light. As she sat up and leaned her back against the headboard, she felt her head spin. She wasn’t sure if it was because of lack of food and water, or because she was crying so much. It was, most likely, a mixture of both.

Joyce placed the back of her hand against Buffy’s forehead, frowning slightly.

“You feel warm. Perhaps you are coming down with something. You need to eat something, Buffy. You‘re making yourself sick.”

Buffy weakly grasped the spoon and made a show of picking up a spoonful of mashed potatoes and eating them.

Joyce smiled. “That’s a good girl. You will feel better after you eat,“ she brushed a stray hair behind her daughter’s ear. “Tomorrow we will all go to the burial, give William and his family our blessings. Things will get better, Sweetie, you’ll see,“ Joyce turned to leave the room. “I’ll be back soon to take away your tray.”

Buffy looked at the remaining off on her plate, and suddenly felt sick. She rushed to the bathroom, puking whatever contents of food she had in her stomach.

Tears started to cascade down her face, as she curled herself into the fetal position on the cold floor of the bathroom. She again, wanted to be the one that died. She had prepared herself for an early death ever since she was called as the Slayer. William didn‘t deserve to die.

She wondered why she had been brought to this world, if this is what would end up happening. William would still be alive if she never made that stupid wish. She replayed the moment the car impacted, over and over again. Sometimes it was in fast motion, sometimes in slow.

Sobbing, she stood up and grasped the wall to help her stand. As she walked to her room, she could once again feel Dawn’s eyes following her, but thankfully, she didn’t say anything but instead walked down the hallway to continue down the stairs.

Buffy collapsed onto her bed, rolling onto her back. She had lost it all-twice. She had screwed up with Spike, and now William was gone. She had made the wish and lost it all forever.

She curled into a ball, continuing to mourn the loss of both the men in her life-William and Spike. She cried silently into her pillow as sleep claimed her, due to lack of strength and crying so hard.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Dawn crept into her sister’s room to wake her.

“Buffy, the burial is in a while. You slept through the night and into the day. Are you ok? Mom said I could come see you. You don’t look good.”

Buffy groaned but opened her eyes to look at her sister. Dawn cringed slightly seeing the state of Buffy’s red eyes. Dawn smiled offering her a cup of orange juice.

“Here, at least drink this. Mom said you didn’t really eat last night and I heard you get sick. Perhaps orange juice will give you strength at least to get through the burial. I’m sorry I made fun of you and William. I had no idea he would….” She trailed off as a single tear escaped Buffy’s right eye. Dawn reached over, brushing it away as she thrust the orange juice into Buffy’s hand, “Here, drink up.”

Buffy dutifully drank the orange juice, ignoring the way her stomach churned. Dawn smiled as she watched her finish the juice. Dawn took the glass out of her sister‘s hand.

“There, at least you won’t waste away to nothing. Now get ready. The burial is in an hour.”

Buffy shook her head. “I’m not going.”

Dawn frowned. “But mom said we should all go.”

“I’m not going. I’ll go to the memorial service at school but I don’t want to go to the burial.”

Dawn got up off the bed as Buffy’s tears started to fall again. She ran out of the room and a few minutes later Buffy heard her door reopen. She brushed her tears aside as her mom came in. She brought with her a wet rag that she used to wipe Buffy's forehead and cheeks gently.

“Buffy, you should go to the burial. It might make you feel better. Just to say goodbye if nothing else."

Joyce wiped away the damp hair from Buffy's face as she gazed down at her daughter. She could see clearly how upset Buffy was by William's death and wished there was something she could do but knew only time would heal the wounds.

"He was a good friend to you, honey. I know how hard it is to lose a good friend."

Buffy frowned at the word friend. She had hoped to be so much more. True, she hadn’t been dating William, but they were becoming very close. She had lost someone very important to her.

She knew that, with no questions, William would have been there for her. Been there, like Spike always had. In a way, she was dating Spike, just without anyone’s knowledge. Buffy had known him for the last three years, and ever since he left Harmony, and Riley had left her, Spike had been there. Actually, he was there for her, even before Riley left.

“I don’t want to go to the burial. I already said goodbye. I watched him die and said my goodbyes then. I don’t want to say them anymore.” Buffy breathed.

Joyce nodded understandingly as she placed a kiss on Buffy's forehead. She stood up once again tucking the covers around Buffy in a motherly fashion. “If you change your mind, the burial is at Sunnydale Cemetery at 5:30. It’s 4 o’clock now, so you have time to think about it. I do hope you change your mind, but I won’t force you to. It has to be your decision.”

Buffy rolled over as her Mom left the room. She had spent so many years saving lives, not taking them away. How does someone live with the responsibility of another person’s death. Especially when there was such a strong connection with that person, a connection that nobody would understand.

She sighed, realizing that it was something you probably would never get over, something no one would truly understand.

She closed her eyes, letting the abyss of sleep take her again. Thankful it happened so quickly.

---

Chapter 18: Saying What You Feel

---

It was dark outside when Buffy woke up. Even if she had wanted to go to the burial, it was now 8 o’clock; she had missed it anyway. She crawled out of bed, opened the first two drawers of her dresser and pulled out the darkest pair of jeans and t-shirt she could find. She was in a melancholy mood and wanted her clothes to match.

She had a mission to do and there was no time like the present. Buffy slipped on her boots then pulled a lightweight jacket over her arms, knowing it would be a bit chilly. Lastly, grabbing the picture she had drawn of her and Spike together, she carefully climbed out of her window and down the tree to land, hard, on her feet. She was thankful that even though she didn’t have her Slayer powers in this world, she still had her bravery to jump at such heights. She took a moment to enjoy the tingling of her feet as she hit the ground, then took off sprinting.

She continued running past the house, and then past William’s house, not even pausing at the fact the lights were still on at 8:30 at night. She kept running, even as she felt her side hurt, until she reached ‘William’s Thinking Spot.’

She plopped herself on top of a rock as she looked up at the sky. She thought back to, less than twenty-four hours ago, when he had called her ‘something special’ and then shared a kiss. It was definitely not a ‘Spike kiss’ but he had been all she had left of Spike. She was now alone.
She didn’t have William anymore, she didn’t have a part of Spike anymore; a reminder of the softer side of him. There would be no more glancing in William’s direction to see a familiar smirk.

She hated this reality. She couldn’t understand why she was brought here only to have such a tragedy happen. It seemed that death was looming around every corner now. Who was next to die in this new world?

Spike, in her world, could have gotten up from being hit by the car. He could have done the same actions and actually she was quite sure he would have. Spike would have stood up, laughing in the face of the car, as he staggered home with perhaps a broken rib or two and a broken arm. Any injuries he would have sustained would have healed in time. She had crippled him for goodness sakes with an organ and still he had managed to heal enough to walk and be normal.

She sighed as she felt the tears stinging her eyes. She suddenly remembered his notebook and reached into the tree trunk to pull it out. He was right in that no one in their right minds would reach into there to look for it since it couldn’t be seen. She opened it on her lap to read the last poem he had written. It was about her of course.

Your short blonde hair
The way it floats in the air

Your smile
And the way it makes me feel agile

Your luscious lips
And I can't forget those wonderful hips

Your eyes are so cute
I don't think anyone would dispute

Your cheerful cheeks
Make me where I can't even speak

Your beauty
Is truly like no other

That's why I want you
And no other.

Buffy wiped a stray tear that had fallen from her eyes as she sniffled. She wanted to see him. She wanted to talk to him but knew the only way she could now was to talk to a stone with his name on it.

She hugged the notebook and picture to her side as she darted to Sunnydale Cemetery. She immediately recognized the sign of a freshly dug grave. She collapsed in front of it, carefully tracing the letters, W-I-L-L-I-A-M then his last, P-R-A-T-T. The dates he lived were under it, 1979-2002. All that was etched on the stone was a simple saying…

Here lay a dream buried too soon.

Buffy started to sob loudly as she read those words, realizing that it was exactly what had occurred. She felt as thought this was all a cosmic joke. The Powers That Be were having a laugh at her. She took advantage of the love Spike had given her, and gave her a chance with William. Only to have him be killed. The grave-stone may read another man’s name but she knew, in her heart, that this was all a metaphor, a metaphor for her selfishness and not knowing a good thing when she had it. Because of her stupidity of standing in the middle of the road, William was now gone. Her beloved, Spike, was gone.

Buffy leaned towards the gravestone whispering to it as though it were Spike, “I miss you so much. I never got a chance to thank you for bringing me back to life. I know it was the others who really brought me back but they brought me back broken. You saved me. You gave me a reason to live and a reason to continue to hold on. You reminded me what I was living for. I miss you so, so, much.”

She paused to retrace the letters. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be easier, simpler, and perfect. It was supposed to be, fancy free, and a chance for my friends to be happy and for us to really find happiness. This world is far from perfect. You aren’t in it. You saved me, yet again, and died. This time there is no bringing you back. I have to go on in this world without you and I don’t think I can do that,“ she sobbed. “God, Spike, if only I could take this away and make it right. If only I could make a wish and have it all disappear to go back the way it was,” she put her hands together as if praying. “If I could wish to go back to the Sunnydale I loved, I would and none of this would have happened. How unfair it is that a world exists with jerks like Liam, Riley and Parker and not full of people like you. I swear if I could I’d make this right. I swear I would. I wish I was back in Sunnydale with you and none of this had ever happened. Oh Spike, I do love you.” She laid her head against the gravestone even as her tears continued to fall.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Anya felt Buffy’s pain calling out to her again. She could feel the injustice and the sorrow Buffy felt at the loss of William. She understood how she felt and felt her own tears fill her eyes, realizing how she would feel if that was Xander instead of William buried deep in the ground. She crept closer listening as Buffy’s words filled her heart and mind.

“This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be easier, simpler, and perfect. It was supposed to be, fancy free, and a chance for my friends to be happy and for us to really find happiness. This world is far from perfect. You aren’t in it. You saved me yet again and died. This time there is no bringing you back. I have to go on in this world without you and I don’t think I can do that. God, Spike, if only I could take this away and make it right. If only I could make a wish and have it all disappear to go back the way it was. If I could wish to go back to the Sunnydale I loved, I would and none of this would have happened. How unfair it is that a world exists with jerks like Liam, Riley and Parker and not full of people like you. I swear if I could I’d make this right. I swear I would. I wish I was back in Sunnydale with you and none of this ever happened. Oh Spike, I do love you.”

Anya’s heart broke as her features changed into her demons'. She had been given a gift, the gift to grant Buffy’s wishes in any world and since she was given injustice in this world yet again, she was able to grant her another wish.

She whispered into the dark, “Buffy, wish granted. I hope you don’t regret this one as well.”

She watched as Buffy collapsed at the foot of the grave, still clutching the picture.

---

Chapter 19: Back Home Again

---

Buffy’s eyelids fluttered open and she was immediately confused. When she dozed off she was crying, laying beside William’s grave. And now she had opened her eyes to see Spike’s crypt.

“Slayer, are you alright?” Spike’s unmistakable voice came from behind her.

She bit her lower lip then flung herself into Spike’s arms, letting the picture fall to the ground unnoticed. Spike stiffened for a moment but recovered quickly, wrapping his arms around her as she babbled, “My God, you’re alive Spike. You’re really here. You aren’t dead and you’re here and alive!”

Spike pulled his head back so he could look into her tear stained eyes.

“What? Of course I’m here you, silly bint. Where else would I be?“ he continued. “And I’m about as bloody alive as I was yesterday…well as alive as vampire can be. What the bloody hell is wrong with you Buffy?”

Buffy sniffled, taking in the familiar scent of Spike which consisted of tobacco, whiskey, blood and leather. She closed her eyes, letting the scent wash over her as she tightened her arms around his neck.

“Spike, I do love you. I really do. Just don’t leave me, ok? Don’t get yourself killed to save my life, ok? Please promise me that…please…,” she whispered.

Spike pulled back, yet again, to look at Buffy’s tear-stricken face. “Buffy, luv, what happened to you?”

Buffy frowned as she whispered, still not having control over her emotions, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Just promise me you won’t do anything stupid and get yourself killed or leave, ok?”

Spike frowned. “I’d get dusted Buffy, not killed, but I won’t.” He sat back on the stone wall in the cemetery, letting the Slayer, continue to clutch onto him. She was still crying and hysterical.

“You believe me that I love you, right?” she begged. “Tell me you believe me.“

Spike stared her down, as if reaching into her soul. He only nodded his response.

“I won’t do anything stupid and I won’t leave, at least, willingly. Now care to tell me what the bloody hell this is about?”

Now that Buffy was back in her reality, she wanted to help Xander and Anya. She pulled away from Spike determined to set things right with them before she moved forward in her life with Spike.

“I have to do something for Anya and Xander. It’s best if I go see Xander alone. I’ll tell you what this is about later,“ she gave him a peck on the cheek. “Will you wait for me? I want to be with you right now, but I have to see Xander. It’s important.”

Spike studied her for a moment then nodded. “Of course. I’ll be in my crypt. Stop by whenever.”

Buffy wiped her eyes, knowing it wouldn’t help after thirty minutes of crying, so she gave up and started to run. She paused, turning at the edge of the cemetery, noticing Spike still watching her.

“I do love you, Spike. But we can talk about that more in a bit. I’ll be back soon.”

Spike stood there, staring at the spot that Buffy had once been, not knowing what to think.

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

When Buffy arrived at Xander’s apartment, she pounded on the door loudly.

“Xander open up! Now…I need to talk to you.”

Xander never came to the door so she let herself in. Luckily the door was unlocked. The first things she noticed were an empty living room followed by empty drawers and a closet that looked ransacked in the bedroom. She glanced around the rooms and noticed a phone number had been scribbled on a piece of paper near the living room phone. She picked it up and dialed the number, hoping that she would find Xander.

“Wild Palms Hotel. Need a room for the night?” a man answered.

Buffy replied, “Where are you located?”

As the man rambled off the address, Buffy jotted it down on the paper. Barely taking time to hang up the phone, Buffy took off running.

She ran into Spike’s crypt stating quickly, “I need a ride, please. You can’t come in with me, but I really need a ride. Can you do that?”

Spike nodded gesturing towards the door as he swung his leather jacket around him, “Let’s go slayer.”

They walked, side by side, behind his crypt where he kept his bike tucked away from harm and from sight. He noticed Buffy shivering; only being dressed in her pajamas and quickly draped his jacket over her. She smiled gratefully as Spike climbed on the bike first, assisting Buffy to climb behind him. She held on tightly, enjoying the scent of Spike and the rush of wind hitting her face.

Before Buffy knew it, she was at a hotel counter begging the guy to tell her which room Xander checked into. He had paid cash but the man only had one male matching Xander’s description. Buffy gave the man a quick ‘thank you’ then dashed up the stairs, leaving Spike awkwardly standing there.

She pounded on the door once again demanding, “Xander. It’s me Buffy. Open this door or I’ll bust it in leaving you with the bill.”

She hardly recognized the man that opened the door. He looked worse than Buffy had ever seen him look. He was dressed in his suit still but you could tell he had been crying. He had loosened the tie and ditched the jacket, but what bothered her the most was the fact that he looked absolutely dejected. Buffy pushed open the door, ignoring his protests as she entered the hotel room, which was hot and smelled of alcohol.

She gagged as she shook her head. “Why the hell are you staying here when you have a great apartment?”

Xander slammed the door shut looking at Buffy. “What do you want? I’m not in the mood for games.”

Buffy didn’t let his nasty attitude detour her from her goal. She backed up before realizing she didn’t want to sit down so instead she started to pace, “Ok, one day, not too long ago, you gave me a speech. Do you even REMEMBER the speech?”

Xander sighed as she sat down on the bed and began eating his cheesy chips. “I give a lot of speeches. Buff, can’t this wait? I’m really not in the mood for visitors.”

Buffy shook her head as she started speaking again, “You love Anya. You described it to me once in amazing detail and you also described me. You said I was and I quote, ‘Acting like a crazy person.’ Ring a bell yet?”

Xander barely looked up as he pretended to stare at the bag in his hand so Buffy continued, “How about, ‘take this for instance; you don’t wanna deal so you hide?’”
Xander muttered in reply, “I’m hardly hiding if you are here. Obviously I can be found.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, moving to kneel in front of him, knowing just how he was feeling.

“Xander, you love Anya. I know you do. I’ve noticed how you look at her and touch her when you think no one is watching. I’ve watched how you interact with her having sometimes more patience than any of us can muster. I’ve seen you laugh with her, smile with her and you once described it as, “scary, messy, no-emotions-barred need” and you told me that about Riley and I never felt that with him or anyone else until much later. Point is this Xander; you are walking away from something you shouldn’t. Can you honestly say you’d rather spend your life without Anya than take a risk and marry her? Can you honestly say you don’t love her anymore or that love isn’t enough? Can you honestly tell me you would rather sit here alone, eating a bag of cheesy chips than hold Anya close and make love to her, making sure she knows how you feel?” Xander’s eyes glazed over as Buffy watched hoping she was getting through. Meanwhile, Xander was remembering the day that Buffy was talking about…

“I’ve gotta say something… ‘Cause…I don’t think I’ve made it clear.” He watched as Anya in his favorite nightgown stood up from the bed she was waiting for him on and walked towards him. He knew in that moment she was the one for him. She was the perfect female placed on this earth for him. He couldn’t let her go, “I’m in love with you. Powerfully and painfully in love. The things you do…the way you think…the way you move…I get excited every time I’m about to see you. You make me feel like I’ve never felt before in my life. Like a man. I just thought you might wanna know.”

He remembered their kiss and their lovemaking and the vow he had made to himself. The vow was to never live his life without her because it was so much better with her in it. He looked at Buffy, who was kneeling before him with tears falling down her face and he put a hand on her shoulder.

“Where’s Anya?” he asked.

Buffy wiped her eyes as she admitted, “Not sure but Willow can summon her. She’s a vengeance demon now and needs you more than ever." She looked at Xander noticing the tears that filled his eyes and the pain that was etched on his face.

"She's in serious pain, Xander. This brokenness between the two of you is killing her as much as it's killing you. Believe me I know. I can see the pain on both of your faces. She's so lost that she became a vengeance demon again and I can see that she didn't really want to. She just was in so deep of pain after the way you hurt her. You can fix this though. Only you can."

Xander was about to say something when Buffy cut him off with a slash of her hand through the air, "Trust me on this one. Anya needs you and you need her. You guys are perfect for each other. Apart you are miserable and this is destroying you both. Will you just talk to her? Try to make things work?"

Xander closed his eyes for a moment before standing up, looking determined. He glanced around the hotel as he collected his jacket and other items. Once he had all of his belongings, he gestured for Buffy to walk out of the room first.

“Need a ride?”

Buffy shook her head as he watched her walk to the bike Spike was already on. He sighed as he watched Buffy smile at Spike and wrap her arms around him. Xander was too focused to deal with it today. He needed Anya. He threw his stuff into the back of the car and sped away to Buffy’s house to summon his love.

---

Chapter 20: Story Telling

---

Xander pounded on the door to 1630 Revello Drive, knowing that Willow was inside. He could hear her on the other side, a ‘Hold on‘…He couldn’t ‘hold on’ though, he had to see Willow now. Instead of waiting, he shoved the door open and rushed up the stairs to meet Willow. He had, obviously, woke her up because she was pulling a robe over her nightgown. Xander didn’t give himself time to feel bad. He had more important things on his mind.

“Willow, I need your help. I need you to summon, Anya,“ he breathed. “I know you can. She’s a vengeance demon again but I need her.”

Willow stared at him before admitting, “I don’t practice magic anymore…”

Xander practically begged her as he pleaded, “Please, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important,“ he clasped his hands together. “Please you’re my only hope…”

Willow had known Xander long enough to know that he was serious. She could hear the strong emotion of desperateness in his voice. She sighed, then started to collect the ingredients needed for a summoning spell.

“I seriously don’t do magic anymore. I can’t believe you are asking this of me. But I can see, based on your crazy actions, you’re desperate.”

Xander nodded as he watched Willow create her circle. She started chanting and Xander closed his eyes saying a prayer, to whoever might listen, that it would work.

A few minutes later Anya, in all her vengeance glory, shouted, “What is the meaning of this?!”

Willow stood up, gesturing to Xander. “He needs you.”

Anya’s face settled into her human form as she looked at Xander with tears in her eyes, “What do you want now, Xander?”

Xander threw himself at her, wrapping his arms tightly around her, even as she stood rigidly, “Anya. I’m so sorry. I know I hurt you and don’t deserve you but I love you. I messed up and I was so wrong. I never should have made that decision. I was scared and unman-like and-God, I’m so sorry.”

Anya looked down at him as he wept, pitifully, on her shoulder. He continued to blab so she stayed quiet, bringing up her arms to pat his back awkwardly. She was still upset with what he had done, tears were still falling down her face.

“Anya I can’t imagine my life without you,“ Xander sniffled. “You are the light in my life. You are perfect for me in every way. Please, oh please, say you will forgive me.”

Anya left his embrace to take a step back. She stared at him, a frown on her face and her brow furrowed, thinking everything over in his head, wondering if going back to him was the right choice to make.

She straightened up, wiping the tears out of her eyes, then whispered, “I will forgive you under one condition.”
Xander’s face filled with hope as he pleaded, “I’ll do anything to make this right. Anything. I need you in my life. I can’t go on without you.”

“I want us to go to Vegas and get married. I don’t wish to plan another wedding only to be stood up again.” the Vengeance demon stated, never breaking eye contact.

Xander looked at her with tears still pouring down his face, then closed the distance between them, pulling her into his arms and planting his lips on hers.

“We will and can. Let’s go get married,” he kissed her.

“Let’s do this right and start out lives together. I’m so sorry, Anya.” Xander promised.

Anya smiled, then turned her gaze to her locket. She looked up at him, a knowing look planted on her face. She knew that she couldn’t stay a vengeance demon. Xander would age and she would stay just how she was forever. Xander followed her gaze, sighing when he noticed the locket.

“I can’t be married to a vengeance demon.”

“I know,“ she nodded, grasping the amulet, giving it a squeeze before tugging it off and dropping it to the floor. “I swear, Xander, if you hurt me, one more time, I’m going to see to it that you end up with so much vengeance done to you that you will no longer be able to live without pain. Understand?”

Xander nodded, looking a little fearful, as she glanced around, noticing Willow was gone. She lifted her foot and stomped on the gem, crushing it to pieces.

Xander wrapped his arms around her as he exclaimed, “Forget packing. Let’s just take the car to the airport and get on the first plane out of here. We can buy what we need when we get to Vegas.”

Anya’s face lit up with joy for the first time since her wedding day.

Taking his hands, she asked, “Can we buy another dress when we get there?”

Xander leaned over to kiss her lips. “Of course. Let’s go.”

Both disappeared out of the house, leaving Willow alone.

In the other room, Willow picked up the phone to call Tara.

“Can we talk? I have something I’d like to tell you…”

---

@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

---

Spike and Buffy were both sitting on the edge of the sarcophagus, and awkward silence washing over them. He stared at her, becoming very impatient as he waited for an explanation. Finally, Buffy took a deep breath, preparing herself to speak.

“I made a wish.-A vengeance wish--”

“You... “

“Wait, don’t give me a lecture. Just hear me out ok?” Spike grumbled but agreed to listen, “I made a wish to Anya. I was upset about Xander and Anya breaking up. I had also assumed that if Anya and Xander could make things work being a human with an ex-demon, then we would have a chance. When they broke up, all my dreams and hopes crumbled so I was upset. That’s why you found me crying in the cemetery only this wasn’t how it turned out the first time.” Spike looked intrigued as Buffy continued, “The first time, you asked me what was wrong and I made a wish. I wished…” She paused, not wanting to make the same mistake, “I wanted a different world. I wanted a life where I could be normal without all the complications.”

Spike frowned. “Why would you want that?”

Buffy stared directly at Spike as she admitted softly,

“Here, my mother died only to have me die shortly after. My friends abandoned me-well all but you. Dawn hates me sometimes and I can’t make things right with her. I can’t go to college, I work at a crappy job and I have no future. I feel so alone sometimes that I wish I were dead. Why wouldn’t I want something different?”

Spike sighed but he didn’t say a word. Buffy stared down at her hands for a moment before she started to talk again, “So I made the wish, and Anya, since Xander left her at the altar earlier today, went back to her vengeance gig. She granted my wish, sending me spiraling into a normal world. Things were good for a while. I suddenly had my loving mother back and my dad was back, too, but he was pretty much what I remembered…basically none existent.”

Spike frowned but, still, he stayed quiet, not wanting to interrupt her.

“And Dawn was there. At first I struggled because, well, I was normal. Remember Justin who Dawn dusted?”

Spike nodded, “Well he was back to life and Dawn hooked up with him and went out parking in the woods. I panicked thinking he was still a vampire. Tried to get you to help.”

Spike grinned. “I was in this perfect world of yours?”

Buffy frowned. “Not exactly. You were William. You know your poetry writing, shy and quiet alter ego rather than your sexy Spike ego.”

“Sexy Spike? Is that so, Slayer?” he laughed.

Buffy waved her hand in front of him, “Point is, you turned me down flat, preferring to stay on your little rock at your thinking spot and watch the stars.”

“This bloke doesn’t sound like me.”

“It was you before you were turned. You were never turned into a vampire because vampires didn’t exist there.” Spike went quiet as Buffy continued to talk, “So I punched out Justin, thinking he was a vampire and ended up beating up a legit boyfriend of Dawn’s and winded up grounded. I was then upset and went back to see you and ended up grounded for yet another day.”

“I tell you, that wasn’t me.” Spike said, frowning.

Buffy didn’t look bothered as she continued her story, “So there I was a normal girl in college. I didn’t fully understand my classes and you had to help me with my math a lot and I took art…”

Spike stood up, pulling a folded paper from his duster. “Did you draw this?”

Buffy nodded with a smile. “That was my art project. I had to draw a superhero that was fictional. The only fictional hero I could think of was you. I couldn’t draw you without me by your side so I drew me as well. I never did find out what grade I got.”

Spike chuckled slightly as he studied the likeness of him. “Probably an ‘A.’ That’s great work. So, if this is from the other world, what is it doing here?”

Buffy grew quiet as she thought about it. Finally after a few minutes of silence she whispered, “I was holding it. Let me finish my story.” Spike nodded, not letting go of the image Buffy had drawn of him, “So all was going well in that world. The past was similar in that I had before I arrived I had a one-night-stand with Riley, Parker and Angel who was Liam.”

Spike growled slightly, “You stayed away from him in that world right? As Liam he was an abuser and a troublemaker. He used to brag about how he raped the maids in his mansion growing up. That was without a demon in him…”

Buffy nodded, not surprised, “He was still interested in me but was a slimeball. There was even a rumor that two years ago, Liam almost raped Dru and would have if you hadn’t of saved her.”

“I guess even that false William had some redeeming qualities. Too bad he wasn’t me though.”

Buffy sighed as she continued her story.

“So anyway, day one I was grounded after a rough day of school. I went and spent some time talking to you then got grounded some more. I had to spend the weekend cleaning my house. You’d think in my ‘perfectly normal’ world I’d have some kind of maid or something rather than child labor.”

Spike laughed out loud. “Child labor? Dawn perhaps can use that excuse but Buffy you are hardly a child…and I would know after shagging you senseless.” Spike looked her up and down wagging his eyebrow as he licked his lips seductively.

Buffy blushed red as she cleared her voice. She gave herself a minute to re-gather her thoughts away from Spike and her having sex and started her story again, “So every night I could, there for a while, I was sneaking out at night to go sit with you on the rock at your thinking place. We would watch the stars and spend time together…” Spike started to grow angry as Buffy continued, “You were so sweet to me and so shy around me. You stuttered because you were so amazed by me. You loved me even though you weren’t a vampire stuck with me.” Buffy’s eyes grew slightly cloudy as she continued her story, “But you saved me. I was about to die and you pushed me away at the last second and died in my arms. It was a sad moment and I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t deal in that world without you in it. I did nothing for two days until you were finally buried. I didn’t attend the burial service but I did go to your grave afterwards. First I went to the woods to your thinking spot and read a few pieces of poetry only to fall asleep in tears. Then when I woke up which was about an hour later, I went to the cemetery to find your stone. It was pretty obvious which stone was yours….the ground was all freshly dug on. A ton of flowers were left on your grave from the ceremony but I had no flowers. Instead I sat at your gravestone and traced your name---William Pratt.”

Buffy wiped her eyes from the tears that had fallen. “I couldn’t live without you in that world, so again I made a wish to return here, as though that place never happened. The world had already changed me though, I had watched you die… you just don’t forget watching someone you love die and know it is your fault.”

---

Chapter 21: Making Things Right

---

Spike let out a loud growl as he stared across the coffin with accusing eyes. “So tell me Buffy, what did you do with this William?”

Buffy peered at him, confused. “William was you---”

Spike shook his head. “No, William was some alternate dimension form of me. If it were really William, I would bloody well remember what I did with you.” He paused, eyeing her and leaving her with a sense of guilt, “So I repeat: What the bloody hell did you do with him?”

Buffy shook her head, causing him to growl slightly,

“Would you have stayed in that alternate universe with William if he hadn’t died? Would you have been happy with him? If so bugger off and return back home to your friends so we can leave this broken and destroyed.”

“No I wouldn’t have stayed. I missed you.”

Spike resisted the urge to smirk. He was too upset to make her feel better. He wanted to punish her for letting someone else touch her. Spike stood up and leaped across the coffin to stand in front of her in a single movement. He lifted her by her arms and slammed her against the crypt stonewall, moving his arm in the last second to cradle her head. The move prevented her head from hitting the wall but let her body jar against the force just the same.

“I’m not William. You know this, right?” Buffy nodded and Spike continued, “I won’t pet you gently and give you loving words all the while. I’m not bloody satisfied with poncy handholding and sweet kisses in the moonlight. Did he kiss you Buffy? Did he snog you senseless until you couldn’t think and you were weak in the knees? Did he caress your skin telling you how warm it was,” Spike breathed in her ear, running a hand up her side to cup the side of her breast, “Did he tell you how he dreamed of you?”

Buffy shook her head but then admitted, “He did hold my hand and kissed me in the moonlight. It wasn’t you though.”

Spike growled as he rubbed his body against her, moving a hand down to lazily caress her breast through her thin shirt.

“Oh believe me; I know I’m not William. The question is: Do you know I’m not William? You said you loved me. Did you love that William? Did you tell him you loved him? Did you let him say it to you without you denying his every action? Were you sweet to him, and all gentle like? When you close your eyes at night, will it be him you remember or me?”

Spike's hand moved down lower to rub her through her black cotton pants enjoying the feeling of wetness immediately soak through her panties and then through her pants. As the scent of her excitement hit Spike's nose, Spike rubbed a little harder. Buffy bit her lower lip allowing a moan to escape from her lips, unable to help herself. This time he did smirk as he leaned over to nibble on her earlobe, “Buffy, who do you want? Me or some pretend sweet mamma’s boy, William? Who do you crave? Who do you love?”

Buffy’s knees buckled as she felt herself be swept up into Spike’s strong arms as he carried her over to the coffin, laying her down on top. He unbuttoned her shirt as he repeated the question.

“Buffy, who…do…you….love?” Then he flung the shirt off her onto the floor, repeating the process with her pants and panties, which she helped him to remove. “Buffy, who do you crave?” She moaned as he moved his hands up to cover her breasts. He growled as he sat up, removing his hands that had been touching her. He was completely dressed still and she was now naked before his gaze. “Bloody Hell, Buffy; answer me before I really hurt you.” She pleaded him with her eyes not to make her say it out loud but he wouldn’t hear of it.

She closed her eyes and he growled, shaking her gently, “No, open your damned eyes woman and tell me whom you want?”

She opened her eyes to stare into his intense blue ones. “I want you. I want you, Spike, not William.”

He leaned down to reward her for her honesty and kissed her hard, leaving her breathless. Then he sat back up whispering, “Whom do you really love?”

She let out a deep sigh as she admitted quietly, “You. I love you Spike, not William. Not anyone else.”

Satisfied, he growled before claiming her lips with his again. She quickly lifted his shirt over his head, leaving it to fall as he reclaimed her lips again, as she managed to yank his jeans down his torso, then over his legs. He stood up, kicking them to the side only to lower himself back down onto her. He nudged his erection against her entrance then lowered his hand to feel the wetness. She was more than ready for him and both of them knew it.

“Buffy, I want you to tell others about us. I want more than this.” He moved his hand up to show her how wet his fingers were. “I want more than shagging. I want more than snogging. And I want more than hidden away secrets and disappearing before morning. I want more and if you are going to be with me, I want it all. The whole bleeding nine yards.” Buffy’s eyes widened and he nodded. “Yea, Slayer, that’s right. I want it all. The real question is, do you luv-want it all, too? Are you tired of stolen kisses, stolen nights of passion only to turn around and feel nothing afterwards? Are you tired of being all alone with no one to understand you and to have only your bloody oblivious friends to be around you? Dammit, Buffy, answer me!” She stared into his eyes and nodded slightly.

He shoved off her to stand up and pace, ignoring the fact he was naked.

“What the bleeding hell does a head nod mean?”

Buffy sat up as she admitted, “It means I’m lonely. Happy? The only time I’m not lonely and feel complete is when I’m with you. I can’t talk to my friends. I can’t talk to Dawn. I can’t talk to anyone because they don’t understand. I’m so sick of being alone. I watched William die. William reminded me of you, only lacking in the dangerous appeal you have. I had to watch him die and I wanted you. I spent the whole time in my most perfect world wishing you were in it with me.”

Spike stopped pacing as he knelt in front of her, “So what does that mean Buffy? Tell me once and for all, want do you want from me? Just a couple shags to make you feel something? Just a few ‘I love yous’ on my part; never to have you say it again? Want a person who you run to and have it all be a secret and ignored the next day? What the bloody hell do you want from ME?” Spike shouted.

She could tell he was angry and all she could do was cry. Spike sighed, running a hand through his hair as he sat down more gently to talk to her, “Buffy what do you want? I mean forget your friends, forget Dawn, and forget even me. What does Buffy Summers, not the slayer, but the woman want?”

Buffy sniffled, wiping her eyes. “I want you. That’s all I wanted in that other world and that’s all I want here. I want you. I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t. I know everyone would hate me and be ashamed of me but I still want you…I can’t help it.”

Spike nodded as he gave in, pulling her close to him as she continued to sniffle.

“Life is never easy, Buffy. You’ve been looking for an easy way to live-an easy way to feel normal and loved. There isn’t an easy way. I’ll always love you but I can’t help you feel normal. You’ve had a good dose of it this past week or however long you were gone. Was it all it was cracked up to be?” He felt her shake her head. “I didn’t think so. I like being a vampire. I love it, in fact, and I don’t regret it. You shouldn’t regret being the Slayer either. You save the world and get to be a hero. It might give you the inability to be normal but it gives you something greater than that: satisfaction. Yeah?” She nodded and he smiled letting her go, noticing she was no longer sniffling, “So, Buffy seriously right now, what do you want? We can worry about tomorrow, tomorrow as long as you stay until tomorrow.”

She studied him for a moment, then whispered softly, “You. I want you.” Spike smirked as he leaned over lowering a hand to massage her breast, “Good. I was hoping you’d say that. I want you too, sweetheart. I want you so much.”

---

Chapter 22: Promises

---

Buffy moaned as Spike nibbled the side of her neck, and then sucked lightly on her jugular. He groaned at the feeling of her blood pulsing under his tongue. He kissed his way down her shoulder, her arm, and then placed ghostly kisses on her fingertips.

As he made his way to her stomach, Buffy arched, silently letting him know she enjoyed the attention.
Spike nibbled on her stomach, then peeked up and said, “Relax and enjoy. I’m guessing William never did anything like this to you, now did the git?”

Buffy was about to answer, but instead she gasped and shook her head frantically as Spike latched onto a nipple, swirling his tongue around the dark circle. He massaged the other breast as he feasted on one.

He released her nipple with a pop and smirked.
“So, did William touch you...nibble on you?” Buffy shook her head as she moaned. Spike stopped his motions as he gazed into her eyes, “What did he do? What parts did he touch so I can erase the spots?”

Buffy whispered softly as she used her hands to frame his face even though her body was screaming for his touch. “He only kissed me. The only touching he did was over my clothing, and it was nothing serious,“ she placed light kisses against his cheek. “It never escalated passed that. It felt wrong to do anything with him; he wasn’t you,“ she smiled. “I’m yours. Not because you have to erase the marks or touches, but just because I am.“

Spike’s face lit up as he peppered kisses over all her face whispering between kisses, “You…are…mine…all…mine. You…chose….me.”

Buffy closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his erection brushing against her junction.

She moaned as she arched her back and lowered her hands to try to force him to enter her.

He whispered against her lips, “So soon, luv?“ Spike laughed. “I wanted a bit more time to worship this body of yours.“ He almost looked like he was pouting, even though his eyes still shined with joy, thanks to her earlier declarations.

She giggled as she grabbed the globes of his ass, pushing him towards her, his cock nudging her entrance.

“Later. I need you inside of me now,” she breathed.

Spike moaned at the hoarse sound of her voice. He lowered his hand down to rub her clit and slide his fingers down her labia. He brought the juice covered fingers to his mouth to suck on them, never loosing eye contact with Buffy.

“Mmm, Buffy,” he growled.

She blushed, slightly embarrassed, but her blush soon faded as Spike started to drag his cock up and down her pussy. He teased her entrance, and then suddenly he plunged deeply inside of her. He stayed still, letting her adjust to his girth. She screamed in pleasure as he started moving, wiggling his hips as he thrust. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist so his cock went deeper inside of her.

“This is where I belong.” Buffy nodded and Spike pleaded, “Say it. Agree with me. Do more than nod, Buffy. Do anything more than just bloody well nodding.”

Buffy paused for a moment, searching for the right words. Then she admitted, “You complete me. I can’t live without you in my life.”

Spike smirked but then pulled out of her suddenly only to plunge back in. Buffy mewed out in pleasure as he lifted a hand to toy with her breast as he started to set the pace of their lovemaking.

“Buffy you agreed to be public with me, right?” Buffy nodded, then at his eye roll, she spoke out loud, “Yes.”

Spike smirked then nibbled down her neck, sucking on her jugular slightly as he continued to drive in and out of her. He was enjoying the way she felt so tight and warm. No matter how many times they shagged, she always felt as tight as though it were the first time.

Then she started to work her inner muscle, squeezing him tighter and he threw his head back with a loud groan before stating, “No human would satisfy you love. You’re built too strong and perfect.”

Buffy moaned, running her hands down his back as he started to swirl his hips driving into her at a slight angle to hit another part of her causing pleasure. She moaned out his name as she shuddered slightly.

Spike tweaked her nipple whispering, “Not yet. No cumming yet.” Buffy shuddered again as Spike picked up speed and Buffy met him every stroke. No matter what Spike did, they were always in perfect sync with each other. He leaned down, kissing her breathless as she moaned out his name followed by, “Need you.”

Spike felt her muscles squeeze him tight as he shuddered, feeling close to finding his release, as well.

She tightened her legs around his waist as she whispered again, “Need you, Spike.”

Spike kissed her again as he whispered against her ear, nibbling on the lobe, “Ready, luv?”

Buffy looked at him, her eyes darkened with lust and he slammed into her one more time, holding himself flush against her body as she screamed in pleasure. He followed her with a roar of release.

Once their orgasms subsided, Spike rolled over to his side, pulling her with him. He looked at her tiredly as he could feel dawn peeking around the corner.

“Stay?” he timidly asked.

Buffy shook her head. “No.” She got up, pulling on her pants and shirt. Spike looked shocked as he watched her get dressed, looking to leave him again. She glanced at him as she picked up his pants, tossing them at him, “You coming or what?” She had a smirk on her face as she glanced in his direction enjoying the look of shock on his face. He actually had thought she was going to leave him even after what she had promised.

Spike hurried to put on his pants and shirt, and then threw his duster around his shoulders. She slipped on her shoes, ignoring the way they looked silly since she was still wearing her pajamas, and then accepted his duster pulling it around her.

Spike fell in step beside her as they walked to her house. “Buffy, what is this?” Buffy couldn't think of the right words to answer Spike. She knew what she wanted which was him but she was still a bit nervous about the logistics. She couldn't let him see her plans yet. He would probably pressure her and make things even harder. She knew that he wanted the same things she did which was to be together publicly and for them to work out. Buffy just wasn't sure how to accomplish that. So for now, Buffy's mind was too lost in thought to bother answering Spike.

With her mind heavy on thoughts about how she could get what she wanted, Buffy didn’t even look towards him as she kept on walking. She kept going over scenarios of what would happen again and again trying to find the perfect one in which she would be able to tell her friends about Spike and have the happily ever after she wanted most without losing anyone in the process.

Meanwhile Spike was clearly upset. He wanted to know what was going on and wanted to know now. He was tired of Buffy's avoidance of talking about things. Normally he was able to wait patiently but right at this moment when it involved him, he couldn't. Buffy was changing all the rules and while they seemed to be good changes, Spike was afraid to be optimistic. He had made that mistake too many times when it came to understanding Buffy. Sometimes she could be so unpredictable and this was definitely looking to be one of those times.

Annoyed, Spike repeated the question, “Buffy what the bloody hell are we doing, luv? What is this?”

Buffy still didn’t answer. She heard his question but wasn't sure what to tell him. Should she just admit she was going to finally make this relationship a forever one? Should she admit her fears of telling her friends and family? Should she admit this was one of the hardest decisions she had ever made and she was afraid of the consequences being permanent and she losing her friends forever? Suddenly just when she was about to answer if he only asked another time, Spike didn't. Instead he fell silent and continued to walk next to her.

When they finally reached her house he whirled her around outside her tree, “Buffy what are we doing? Am I staying the day? I’ll be stuck here…”

Buffy shrugged unable to make any sense of the thoughts swirling around in her head. She didn't want to hear Spike telling her that nothing should matter to her including her friends' opinions. She had based every decision she had made mostly around what her friends would think. The only time she didn't is when it came to Angel and look how messed up that whole thing turned out. But this time was different. She was an adult. She had tried to be without Spike and it hurt and just about killed her. There was just no way to be happy without Spike in her life.

Unable to admit her thoughts, Buffy turned out of Spike's hold and started to climb up the tree. Spike grew annoyed and growled at her, turning her around once again so suddenly that Buffy landed on the ground only staying standing due to the arm he had holding her upright, “Buffy, bloody hell. Answer me!”

Buffy sighed as she quietly spoke wanting more time to think, “We are going to bed. I need to be here in case Dawn needs me in the morning. I can’t let her down, so I’m compromising. You stay dressed for bed for once. I’ll do the same and you stay. Then we will deal with the others tonight once everyone is in the Magic Box.”

Spike stood shocked as Buffy turned around to climb up the tree. Spike thought about what she had said and suddenly he knew. She was going to finally make a real relationship out of what they had. She was really going to tell her friends and make it official. The joy he felt inside of himself just couldn't be held in anymore. He had a wide grin in place as he wrapped his arms around her waist, yanking her the rest of the way up the tree along with him. He kissed away her surprised squeal as he lifted her up and into her window.

She straightened out her shirt giving him a glare as he grinned. “Vampire, remember?”

Buffy nodded losing her annoyance as quickly as it had come as she gestured towards her bed. She quickly pulled down her shades and closed her curtains, not wishing to wake up with a pile of dust in the morning. She slipped his duster off her shoulders and laid it on a chair inside of her room. She then turned back to take a look at her bed again. It was a small twin bed but would have to do for now. If Tara and Willow never got back together then she would talk about reclaiming her mother’s room.

Spike crawled into it not even complaining when his feet stuck out slightly. Buffy smiled as she curled up in front of him and he bent his legs slightly to spoon against her.

She closed her eyes as she whispered, “Night, Spike.”

Spike kissed her ear whispering, “Night, Slayer.”

Spike closed his eyes refusing to think too much on what the next day would bring. Would Buffy really tell her friends about them? Spike wasn't sure and was definitely nervous she wouldn't but part of him felt hope. Even as he told himself not to, he was hoping that this time things would work and all would be right. For now though he needed sleep.

Together they slept; knowing tomorrow would be a hard day.

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@}-’--, --’--, --’--, -{@

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Morning came too quickly for the duo. Dawn peeked into Buffy’s room only to scream loudly at the sight in front of her. After her initial scream, she squealed happily then bounced on the bed.

“Oh my god! You guys are together. I mean like together-together. You guys are together, right? You knew he was cuddling with you right?”

Buffy opened her eyes, groaning at the bright lights from above that Dawn had switched on before entering.

Spike growled, “Bloody Hell, Nibblet. Go jump on your own bed.”

Dawn giggled as she hugged them both, squishing their heads together. “You guys are together! I knew it. I knew it would happen. What does this mean? Was this planned? Are you going to tell everyone?”

Before Buffy could answer, Willow pushed open the door along with Tara by her side to see Dawn hugging Spike and Buffy who were still in bed together.

“Oh my God. What is going on?” the red-head shouted.

Buffy climbed out of bed to quickly approach the shocked Willow, “This isn’t what it looks like. Well actually it is what it looks like. Spike and I are….”

Buffy's thoughts spiraled realizing this was so not what she had planned. None of the scenarios in her head went like this. She watched as Willow covered her ears as she started mumbling to herself, “I knew something was wrong with you. I knew you didn’t come back right. I did the spell perfectly but still something is wrong. I’ll fix it. I’ll figure out how to make you right again…”

Buffy grabbed a hold of her friend’s shoulders, shaking them quickly. “Willow, take a deep breath…” Willow did as her friend suggested and Buffy nodded satisfied that Willow would now hear her, “Ok. Spike and I have been together since I was brought back. This isn’t something new. We are together and I hope you can accept it.”

Buffy heard Dawn clapping behind her as Willow just stood there in disbelief. Tara had a smile on her face as she gave Buffy a hug whispering in her ear, "You guys look so happy together finally. I'm glad it's working out."

The rest of Tara's words were drowned out by Willow who was still ranting. "It’s because you were dead, right? The spell is wrong?”

Buffy heard a growl as she was shoved aside by a very angry Spike, “You don’t do any bloody magic anymore. You hear me? There’s nothing wrong with Buffy. There’s nothing wrong with me. You keep your magical fingers off Buffy and Dawn while you are bloody well at it. Just keep all magical things away from us.”

He wrapped an arm around Buffy and Dawn’s waist protectively. Just then they heard the front door open and pounding coming up the stairs. Within seconds Xander appeared in the room. His mouth hung open in shock at the image.

“What? How? What?” he confusingly rambled.

Buffy sighed as she took a step towards them and away from her sister and the vampire, “I can explain.”

Xander ran a hand through his hair as he stated loudly, “Explain what? Like how the evil dead vampire is in your BEDroom and why he had his arm around you? Did I accidentally walk into the twilight zone?”

Buffy sighed. “Forget that. How did you and Anya do?”

Xander smiled slightly. “We leave in a bit to Vegas. I just was going to take Dawn to school first since its Friday. We won’t be around this weekend because I’m getting married!”

Dawn squealed as she gave Xander a hug. “That’s wonderful. My heart hurt when you guys broke up. I just knew you would get back together!”

Xander chuckled softly as Willow and Tara gave him a hug followed by Buffy. He then turned towards Spike to witness the bleached vampire shaking his head.

Spike turned to Buffy. “Does that mean I have to be friends with him?”

Buffy shook her head. “No. You do need to be nicer, though.”

Xander sighed. “I don’t like it.” Buffy nodded and Xander continued, “If he breaks your heart don’t come running to me. If he kills you guys in your sleep, again don’t come running to me.” Buffy bit her lower lip and gave a curt nod.

Willow and Tara left the room together and less than a minute later, Xander left the room after gesturing to Dawn to follow.

Dawn grinned as she waved following Xander out the door. “I have to go to school but I’m so excited!”

Alone with her vampire once again, Buffy walked over to the bed and collapsed on it. “That was…interesting.”

Spike sat down next to her and, without thinking, she placed her head against his shoulder. Something she often did when they were alone.

“So you did it, pet. You still alright with your decision?”

Buffy looked up at him and hesitated for a moment before admitting, “Yeah, I am.” Part of her was relieved. She hadn't lost anyone after all and best of all, no one seemed as dead set against it as she had imagined they would be. It had actually worked out better than she had planned. It seemed she would get her happily ever after ending after all.

Spike smiled. “So what next?” Spike found himself looking forward to their future. It didn't seem so unpredictable anymore. Nothing was set in stone but that was part of the joy of living, getting little surprises along the way. This surprise had been the best of them all.

Buffy grinned. “We make our lives the best we can, knowing it will never be normal.”

Spike nodded as he wrapped his arms around her waist, placing a kiss on her forehead. “No worries pet. A vampire and a slayer will never result in anything remotely normal.”

“I know. And for some reason I think I’m ok with that.”

After living without him for a while and watching William die, she was ready for supernatural, and was ready to make the most out of her life with Spike in it.

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The End

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