“Damn it! I’m so tired of this crap. I can’t do it anymore.” Faith kicked Buffy’s bed, moving it a few inches across the floor. She stepped forward again, as if planning to repeat the action, but then changed her mind and sat down on the satiny surface instead. Groaning as she folded over and covered her face with her hands, the dark Slayer seemed to lose all her fire and energy. After a while, she raised her head and roughly rubbed at her forehead, her eyes coming to rest on Buffy’s desk and the cell phone that waited there.
Picking up the phone quickly and holding it far tighter than was necessary, she took a few seconds to marshal her nerves before dialling a number she knew by heart. This is not something I’m looking forward to explaining. Running a nervous hand through her long hair, Faith waited for someone to pick up the phone at the other end.
“This better be important,” a sleepy voice responded after a few rings.
“Angel, it’s Faith. I’m still in Sunnydale and I...I need some help.”
“What’s going on? Put Buffy on the phone.” All traces of sleep had left the master vampire’s voice, replaced by worry that something had happened to the petite blonde Slayer who held his heart.
“I can’t. She’s not here anymore.”
“Where is she? How bad is it?”
Faith sighed. This was going to be difficult. “It’s nothing like that. Just calm down a bit, Big Boy. The last time I saw her, she was five by five.”
“What do you mean, the last time you saw her? Where is she, Faith?”
“Look...Just sit down and chill a bit, and you’ll get the headlines. Ready?” Faith could hear the rustling of bedding on the other end of the call.
“I’m ready. Now, where is she?”
“I don’t know. No...don’t interrupt. I can’t explain anything if you’re busy yelling. Okay...A few days ago, the gang got together and decided that Buffy wasn’t firing on all cylinders. They thought she was making some bad decisions, and they...well...they kind of...kicked her out,” Faith whispered into the phone.
“What?” Angel roared. He got up from his bed, and was trying to pull on his pants while continuing his conversation with Faith. “That’s crazy. They can’t kick her out of her own house.”
“Looks like you’re wrong, Soul Boy, because that’s exactly what they did.”
“Damn it, Faith. I sent you there so there would be two strong fighters against the First, instead of just one.”
Faith couldn’t help it. In her head, she envisioned Angel with his arms crossed and a frown on his face, like some harsh judge who would send her straight back to jail if she didn’t perform as he expected, or if she disappointed him in any way.
“So, let me see if I’ve got it right...You guys thought she’d messed up somehow?” The vampire bent down, looking under the bed for his shoes. The phone was silent, the normally brash and argumentative Slayer remaining uncharacteristically quiet. “Faith? Are you still there?” Straightening up, Angel frowned. He could hear her breathing still, and knew there was more to the story than she was telling him.
“That’s right,” came her quiet answer. Her voice would have been impossible to hear, even with his increased vamp senses, if he hadn’t been listening so hard for it.
“Faith! Tell me.” And she did. Angel heard how she lured away the new man that Buffy had shown an interest in. How Faith had taken the girls out on fun outings, and how she’d worked to undermine the other Slayer by making negative comments to the potentials. She admitted that she’d deliberately planted doubts in the rest of the group, telling them that someone else could do a better job than Buffy. Finally, she told him how the others had selected Faith to be their new leader, and had told Buffy that she no longer had a place with them.
“It looked like so much fun, being the leader...but it isn’t. I can’t do it!” It wasn’t hard to hear the tears in Faith’s voice.
Running his hand over his hair to make sure nothing was out of place, Angel sat down in a chair. “It’s not me you need, Faith. You need to find Buffy, and get her to come home and take over her duties. What you did wasn’t right, but there’s no excuse for her to run out on her calling.”
“Believe me, Angel, I would if I could.”
“What?” Now Angel was confused. “Why can’t you?”
“We can’t find her. It’s like she disappeared from the face of the Earth.” The dark-haired Slayer got to her feet, tucked a hand in her back pocket, and began to pace beside the bed.
“Has Willow tried to find her with a locator spell?”
“Yeah. That was one of the first things we did, but the spell failed. All the spells have failed. After that, we just waited. We thought B would come back on her own, but it’s been days now. Nobody’s seen her or heard from her...not one little squeak.”
“Alright. Tell the others I’m on my way. I’ll be there in a few hours.”
“Thanks,” Faith said, but she was talking to a dead phone. Angel had already hung up.
********************************
Buffy rolled over and looked up at what should have been the ceiling. Instead of paint and light fixtures, she saw a collection of roots and spider webs decorating the room.
With a little bit of effort, this could be a nice home. The little blonde giggled. The Slayer living in a cemetery...who’d believe it? Her giggles turned into sobs.
Dawn, her sister and the only real family member she had left, had been the one to speak for them all. She was the one who told Buffy that she wasn’t a good enough Slayer to lead the Scoobies and Potentials into battle. How could that be? She’d dedicated her life to protecting them, the family her heart had created...Her sister, a gift from monks she’d never met, her father figure, Giles, and her other siblings, Willow and Xander. Buffy had sacrificed everything for them, even the love of her life...the only reason she was alive inside after her second death. It all meant nothing to them though, and now she was alone.
She would never forget how it felt to watch her world fall apart. It started when Giles heard a rumour that Spike and Buffy were a couple and, instead of asking Buffy about it directly, shared the information with Willow and Xander instead. Together, the Scoobies had staged an intervention, demanding that Buffy deny her feelings for the vampire who had finally won her heart. They wanted to know what she was doing with Spike, and why she was spending so much time with him. She told them repeatedly that the vampire meant nothing to her but, in the end, nothing would satisfy them.
Finally allowed to retreat to her room, Buffy overheard Giles on the phone to Angel. Clearly her friends didn’t realize just how good her hearing was. Their ignorance worked to her advantage though, and Buffy was able to hear her Watcher clearly ask Angel to stake Spike and put an end to his interference for good.
Buffy had escaped out her bedroom window, and run all the way to her lover. Spike was determined to stay with his Slayer, regardless of the crap that the Scoobies threw their way, and it was only Buffy’s tearful pleading that finally convinced him to leave Sunnydale. He made it clear though, that his absence from her side should only be considered temporary.
It was a good thing that Spike left town when he did. It was only a few hours later that Angel arrived and the full-scale intervention began. The single-minded determination of her so-called friends and family was frightening, and only reinforced the Slayer’s regret that she had not left town with her vampire. She knew it was an impossible dream though...she had already been shown that even death would provide her with no escape. The Scoobies would simply hunt her down and drag her back to perform her sacred duty once more.
The Scoobies, now reinforced by the arrival of Angel, set out for Spike’s crypt. Plan A was to beat some information out of him, since Buffy wasn’t cooperating. Of course, once they got their information, Buffy knew that Plan B would be to stake the chipped vampire. Buffy told them that she’d personally escorted Spike out of town, but they were relentless. Anyone watching the Scoobies make the short walk to Restfield Cemetery could be forgiven for thinking that another apocalypse was on the way. All the men were brandishing crossbows and stakes, and Willow nearly singed Angel’s hair as she practiced her fireballs.
The group was bitterly disappointed to find Spike’s crypt empty. Xander and Angel expelled some of their frustration by smashing anything Spike had left behind, but it was clear to all that the bleached blonde vampire had moved on and no longer lived there. After that, the Scoobies didn’t really care what Buffy said; they wanted Spike’s dust. That might have been okay if he could defend himself against humans, but they all knew that wasn’t the case.
Now Spike, William the Bloody, was out there in the world, chip free. That was one of his first goals when he left Sunnydale. It didn’t make a difference to Buffy, but the information wouldn’t bring out the tolerant side of her friends. Was Spike killing? Buffy didn’t know. She’d never asked him. To her, it didn’t matter anymore, as long as he did what was needed to stay alive.
Where are you Spike? Are you looking after yourself? Are you happy? Despite all the harassment from the Scoobies, the repeated attempts to get her to share what she knew about Spike’s location, Buffy had kept him safe, close to her heart. Lying on the vampire’s bed, the Slayer recalled the past few months and the dwindling contact she’d had with her lover. In the beginning, Spike had used Clem to play mailman for the Slayer. He knew not to give her Spike’s letters unless she was alone, and was just a phone call away whenever she wanted to send something to her vampire, wherever he was. With the advent of the latest apocalypse, Clem had left town, but not before he made arrangements for Buffy to pick up Spike’s letters from Willy’s bar, the Alibi Room. Now though, with the Turok Han roaming the streets, even the greasy barkeep had closed his doors. There weren’t enough demons left in town to make it worth keeping the establishment open, and Willy had finally relocated to LA a month ago. Since then, Buffy hadn’t heard a word from Spike.
The Slayer missed the lovely letters that she used to receive from her vampire. He always told her how much he still loved her and always would, and that he understood why she had asked him to leave Sunnydale. Always, his notes ended with a promise that they would be together again someday. Buffy knew that Spike would never give up on her, and that he would be waiting when she finally found the strength to escape her calling.
If Buffy had known where to find Spike, she would have run into his arms and stayed there. Instead, she found herself seeking refuge in his old crypt. She’s managed to salvage a few of his old belongings, but his smell was gone now. The first few months after he’d left, she could come to the crypt and pretend that he’d just gone out and would be back at any moment.
Why did the Powers choose me to be the Slayer? Why couldn’t I have been an ordinary girl? No, that wouldn’t have worked. If I’d been normal, then Spike wouldn’t have found me, and I wouldn’t have any memory of him or his love for me. That’s something they can’t ever take from us. At that moment, the Slayer vowed that she would never again let her duty get in the way of her love for Spike.
Duty. Buffy hated that word. Taking care of Dawn and slaying had become Buffy’s whole life, and she’d sacrificed everything for her duty. Despite that, in the end they’d deemed her not good enough...unworthy. Lying on Spike’s old bed, eyes glassy with tears, the Slayer gazed at the roots in the corner of the ceiling and longed for the return of her vampire.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!