Buffy pushed her way carefully through the crowds that were gathering in the foyer of the theatre, trying to avoid being shoved too much. The place was jammed packed with Goths of all ages and sizes, buying the highly priced merchandise. Tee-shirts and CDs were flying off the shelves quicker than if they had wings. Pictures of Spike Ingvassen were everywhere. The charismatic Norwegian had conquered the world from the way he was being worshipped in this temple of music. She looked around to see if there was anywhere she could sit down, but of course there wasn't. Resting a hand on her swollen abdomen she tried to make her way through to the concession stand; an over priced can of diet coke later and the girl serving felt sorry enough for her to offer the use of a stack of boxes as an impromptu seat.
“You're a bit far on to be coming to this thing aren't you?” the girl asked, nodding towards Buffy's stomach.
“Eight and a half months, but it was my only chance. Due to go into hospital tomorrow to have the little one,” she replied, sipping at the coke.
“Well I hope you've got a good ticket. It's going to be bedlam in there,” the girl commented as she served the crowd in front of her.
“Front row.” Buffy grinned. “Bought it the day they went on sale. I've followed Slayer since the early days in Norway.”
“You'd have to be a huge fan to risk it this close. Mind you, the lead singer is gorgeous!”
Buffy nodded and closed her eyes for a moment, remembering when Slayer had come to the Castle she worked at to record the video for one of their early tracks. That's where she's met HIM. She'd been taking the children to school early for a trip when he'd come out of the side door. They'd gone riding that day and become inseparable. She'd worked, taking her holidays when she could to go and visit him, Spike Ingvassen. The lead singer of one of the top love metal bands in the world.
Buffy felt the baby kick, hard, against her stomach wall, and rubbed the spot gently before standing and making her way into the arena. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes as she made her way down the aisle to where her seat was. The security looked worriedly at her abdomen. One of them approached slowly.
“Need to make sure it's all you, love,” he said, almost apologetically. “You with anyone?”
“Just me and the bump, that's all. Just the two of us in the world,” she answered honestly, ignoring the tears as they fell. The guard handed her a tissue.
“You sure you should be here? It's going to get crowded...” he said in a concerned voice.
“I have to be. It may well be my last chance.” Buffy explained.
“I'm over on that exit there, if you need anything.” He pointed to the doors in the back. “OK?” The man seemed kind. Buffy nodded and sat down in her seat, grateful for the small amount of compassion she'd been shown. She didn't get much these days.
Spike took a last look in the mirror checking his stage make up for the last time. He'd really looked forward to the UK tour when they'd started to arrange it, it had meant two months near Buffy, but she was gone, ripping his heart out when she'd packed and left. He still didn't know what had gone wrong. He'd left for a week in the studio, and when he's got back home, the place was bare. He hadn't been able to get hold of her, she didn't answer her phone and his letters had been sent back unopened. Slipping on the leather duster, he pulled up the collar and headed for the stage. The opening act was just finishing up.
The roar from the crowd let him know that they had been announced and the rest of the gang ran onto the stage. The opening bars of the first song started and Spike ran on into the spotlight.
Buffy felt her heart jump as he came on stage. He still looked like some sort of god to her eyes. Short cropped bleach locks, and those incredible eyes. His charisma held the audience captive. He could talk the birds out of the trees or any woman into bed. Buffy listened as his voice washed across her like a familiar blanket, hurting her and comforting her at the same time. This had been a stupid idea. She shouldn't have come.
Unfortunately the baby decided to lay on a nerve at that point, driving the breath from her body. She couldn't leave even if she wanted to. She looked up at the stage. They'd brought out a stool for him to sit on while he did a couple of slower songs. Buffy took a few deep calming breaths: she'd hoped to be out of here at this point, they always brought the lights up so he could croon in that amazing baritone voice, just to one or two of the female fans. And he would see her, and have her escorted out... she'd broken the terms of the restraining order just to come to the concert.
Buffy waited while Clem was doing his drum solo, with Oz standing by on guitar. Buffy's mind was driven back to the last time they'd all been together. Spike had been heading to the studio for a solid week, she'd been going to stay on in his house, he'd kissed her goodbye so sweetly when he'd left with the guys. In less than an hour it had all changed. Willow had arrived with a court order, shoving her out of the house, the police threatening to arrest her. She'd been allowed to pack all her stuff and then she was escorted to the airport and ordered out of the country - not that she would have stayed without him. A flight from Bergen to Aberdeen had brought her back to work, but she found out she was pregnant soon afterwards. The family couldn't have a single mum as a nanny so she'd lost her job and her house in one go. Now she had just enough money to treat herself to this gig and get back to the dingy one room bedsit she'd managed to rent. When the little one arrived she'd have to get something better, if she could. She'd been applying for jobs for months.
Buffy had honestly thought that Spike had loved her. He'd talked about marriage, about them starting a family of their own.
The music started up for Gone with the Sin. Buffy let the tears fall, he'd written it when a friend's baby had died and she'd held Spike all night.
I love your skin oh so white,
I love your touch cold as ice,
And I love every single tear you cry,
I just love the way you're losing your life.
Oh oh oh oh oh my Baby, how beautiful you are,
Oh oh oh oh oh my Darling, completely torn apart,
You're gone with the sin my Baby, and beautiful you are,
So gone with the sin my Darling.
I adore the despair in your eyes,
I worship your lips once red as wine,
I crave for your scent sending shivers down my spine,
I just love the way you're running out of life.
Oh oh oh oh oh my Baby, how beautiful you are,
Oh oh oh oh oh my Darling, completely torn apart,
You're gone with the sin my Baby, and beautiful you are,
So gone with the sin my Darling.
Buffy could feel every emotion playing in the voice that used to whisper her to sleep at night. The baby was settling, he always did when she played Spike's music, and he'd moved so she got some relief from the pain. Shifting in her seat Buffy wondered if she could make a break for it before the lights came up; she was just standing, but luck wasn't with her. The lights came up in the arena, causing the audience to start shouting. Spike had retrieved a book from the wings and started to read. It was Edgar Allan Poe. It was the way he translated from English to Norweigan, French and German that always amazed her. Buffy sank as low as she could in the chair as he paced up and down. There were enough people up on their feet to hide her from sight.
She looked into the wings to see Willow standing there, a broad smile on the woman's face. Spike threw Willow a kiss before he started his next song...
Buffy couldn't take it any more and managed to get out of her seat, heading for the exit where the nice security guard had said he would be.
Clem was standing there. Buffy looked straight into his eyes and nearly fainted. It had been over six months since she'd seen him. The drummer had taken his break when the guitar vocals bit came on and had come out to snag a couple of cans from the front of house. It had been hot under the lights.
“Buffy? Is that you?” he asked, his accent hardly showing.
“Hi, Clem, how are you doing?”” Buffy asked reticently, worried about her reception.
“Not as well as you, obviously. When's the little one due?” The huge man moved forward to touch the obviously pregnant woman's stomach.
“Thursday. It's a boy.” Buffy couldn't stop the tears from escaping down her face.
“Is that why you ran? You didn't want to tell him? Come on, Buffy, we were friends for years. Do you know how much we missed you? Faith searched everywhere for you.”
“Tell Faith I miss her, and I'll write when I can. Look, I'm not supposed to even talk to you, the court order says it's prison if I contact any member of the band or entourage.” Buffy looked worriedly at the security man who was busy getting a chair for her. “You won't tell, will you?” She begged.
“Not if you sit down right now and rest. It's been a while since I helped deliver a baby, my eldest is nearly thirty.” He grinned at her as Buffy sank down into the chair.
“It is Spike's, isn't it?” Clem asked, suddenly worried he might have got the wrong idea.
“Yes, a son. I've found a lovely family for him to go to. I wanted to keep him so much, but without a job or money and no back up, I didn't think I could. He'll be well loved, you needn't worry about that.” Buffy's voice sounded lost and alone. The truth was she didn't think she'd survive the delivery, and in many ways didn't want to. She'd lost too much in this life already and didn't have the strength to continue. Her family had always seen things, she knew this was going to be the last time she would have the chance to see Slayer, her friends. Her only prayer had been that she would be given enough time to hold the baby before she died.
Clem whispered something to the guard and then sank down on his knees. “He looked everywhere for you, you know. Everywhere. He couldn't understand why you left.”
Buffy started laughing. “Is that what he told you?” she asked and shook her head when Clem nodded.
“Spike always said he wanted to fall in love with someone who spoke Norweigan properly, so he could express his feelings fully. Did you know that?” she said softly as Clem stroked her hand. “I always knew I wasn't quite what he wanted: all your girlfriends got put into the videos - not me. He was always slightly ashamed of me.”
Clem started to talk, but she put her finger across his mouth. “Don't deny it. I got used to it, I just loved him so much. Then that last weekend. I'd flown out to be with you before you all hid in the studio for the last week finishing off the new CD... it's great. I really loved it.”
Clem smiled and stayed where he was, but a quick glance told him that reinforcements were on their way.
“Willow came to the house about half an hour after you had all left. She had a court order to get me to leave, and police there to make sure I did. They took my mobile, took everything he'd given me. I tried to get in touch, but all my letters came back unopened. They didn't even let me take the pictures of us together. I had nothing Spike gave me. Except this,” she said, stroking her stomach.
“Baby girl? B?” a soft voice said from her side and Buffy looked up into the brown eyes of the woman that had been her best friend.
“I can't talk to you, this is too much. I can't face having William in prison, that's what she threatened. Please just let me go.” Buffy stood to leave, fighting the arms that were holding her, but fainted into Clem's arms, the stress becoming too much.
The drummer looked round. “Come with me,” he ordered the guard before he carried his burden backstage to the dressing rooms. He placed her carefully on the sofa, Faith fussing over her.
“You don't let anyone and I mean anyone in here 'til I get back. OK?”
“OK with me, the little lady is in a bad way.”
Clem rushed back on stage just in time to pick up the drum beat for the next number, grateful that the slow song had been guitar only this time. Between that and the talking he'd been off stage for nearly seven minutes. Spike mouthed “you're late” before swinging into the next number...
There were only three encores that night, before the men came off the stage. Clem grabbed an exhausted Spike and stopped him going to the main dressing room.
“Need to talk, man,” he said softly and pulled him off into one of the storerooms. “We had a visitor, a blast from the past so to speak.”
“Who?” Spike asked. All he really wanted was a fag and a drink. He didn't need games, not tonight.
“A lady we all loved very much. Buffy's in with Faith. Spike? Go easy on her, she's in a bad way. Just listen to her story before you blow.” Clem didn't ask for favours often. Spike nodded as he went to find the woman who had broken his heart.
He stormed into the room, pushing past the security man at the door, not noticing the nod Clem had given him. He was ready to start shouting, 'til he noticed Buffy lying on the couch, covered by a blanket. It did nothing to hide the bump that dominated her abdomen.
“Buffy,” he started to shout, then noticed how ill Buffy looked. “How are you doing?” he asked more gently.
“Better for seeing you. Spike, why did you throw me out, why? What did I do wrong?” Faith tried to calm the woman down, but wasn't having much luck.
“We thought you'd run away. Willow said you just up and left.” Spike knelt beside her, all the hatred melting when he saw how vulnerable she looked.
“She was the one who sent me away, said you'd had enough of me and my stalking you.” Buffy tensed as a shudder ran through her body.
“B, is everything alright?” Faith asked as Buffy went even whiter, if that was possible, but Buffy was biting her lips, hard. “Buffy what's wrong?”
“Baby's coming.” She pulled back the blanket, and the group were horrified to see a pool of blood between her legs. “Have had problems all the way through, placenta praevia. Tell them at the hospital,” she whispered as the pain got too much.
The guard had already been on the phone. “Ambulance is on its way,” he told the group. “We need to get her to the hospital as soon as possible.”
It was only a couple of minutes later that Willow pushed her way through the gawking crowd to see Spike lifting Buffy onto a stretcher.
“I told you not to let her in,” she hissed at one of the security guards.
“I think you had better get out of our sight,” Clem told the woman. “Pack your bags and leave. I have never hit a woman, but I might just start now.”
“But I did it for Wilhelm, when she was around all his songs were soft and golden sunshine, he was losing his edge!” Willow tried to explain.
Faith wasn't in the mood, she just clenched her fist and let fly at the executive from the record company.
“Let us through, we're losing them both!” one of the paramedics shouted. “Who's in the bus with us?” they asked as they loaded the gurney into the back and hit the blues and twos.
Spike climbed in for what was to be the scariest ride of his life. The ambulance raced through he city streets, cutting through the traffic.
“She said something about placenta pree something...” He hated it when his English let him down. “Hold on baby, just a few more minutes, just hold on,” he whispered to Buffy.
Buffy opened her eyes and looked into his. “I loved you so much. Look after yourself, Spike. There's a letter in my bag, it's got the address of the adoption agency I found. You don't have to worry about a thing. Goodbye,” she whispered. “I wish I'd got to hold William, just once.”
Her eyes closed again as the ambulance slowed, the back doors were opened and Spike saw a full theatre crew standing ready. As the gurney was pushed along the anaesthetist was busy shoving a mask onto Buffy's face and the last thing Spike saw was Buffy being pushed through the doors marked 'Theatre personnel only' as a knife headed for her abdomen.
Some nurse or other led him to a small side room and pointed to a phone. “I'll be back with the paperwork,” she told him.
Spike stared stupidly at the phone, unsure who to call when his own mobile started ringing. He answered it on automatic.
“Which hospital?” Clem's voice asked from the other end.
“Wha?” Clem switched to Norweigan. “Which hospital are you at, Man. We're in the limo and on our way.”
Spike put his head out of the door and grabbed a passing uniform. “What hospital am I at?” he asked the dazed man.
“Queen Mary's maternity. You must be well out of it. Hey you're Spike Ingvassen from Slayer!”
But Spike ignored the rest. “Queen Mary's maternity,” he repeated into the phone. Hanging up, he waited for news.
It seemed like hours later that he heard the door open. The only company he'd had was when a nurse had popped her head in and got him to fill out all the paperwork. He hated not knowing where Buffy had been living, but at least he could answer some of the questions. But not the important ones. When was she due? Had she had any other problems with the pregnancy? Where was her ante natal file? The door finally opened to let Clem and the rest of the band in. They had all come, Faith leading. The regular girlfriends, Dawn and Tara, appeared dazed and confused; Oz and Devon just looked as lost as he felt.
“The record company have been in touch. Willow had got them to set up restraining orders against Buffy, said she'd been stalking you. It's being sorted as we speak.” Clem said as the doors opened again. This time a doctor walked in, his gown covered in blood. Buffy's blood.
“Are you Miss Summer's family?” he asked politely.
“Yes, we are.” Faith said firmly. The doctor nodded.
“The good news is that both mother and baby are alive at the moment. The little boy is in special care here and we are arranging a transfer to St Meade's children's as soon as we can. He's small and he doesn't want to breathe on his own. Miss Summers is resting after the operation. We managed to stop the bleeding, she should be alright. She'll be in recovery for an hour or so, then up to HDU. She lost a lot of blood. How she managed to keep the baby safe, well, its a miracle. If she'd been on her own when all this started they would have both died.”
“When can we see her?” Faith asked, clinging on tightly to Clem's hand, just thankful her friend was still alive.
“As soon as she wakes up one of you may go in. The rest, well, tomorrow would be best. But there is a little boy needing someone to say hello to him.”
“William, his name's William,” Clem told the man.
Spike hadn't said a word. He just got up and walked out the room following the signs to SCBU. There were bright lights everywhere as he rang the bell and waited to be let in. People were staring at him and for the first time in years Spike hoped no one recognised him.
A young nurse led him to a crib where a tiny baby looked up, surrounded by leads and cables. There were monitors everywhere.
“Is he going to be alright?” Spike asked, not really believing that a human that tiny could live.
“He'll be fine. We've cancelled the transfer. He's a good strong boy, he'll just need a little help for the next few days. Didn't want to leave his mama. Do we have a name for him yet?”
“William, William Ingvassen.”
Spike looked at the tiny baby in the incubator. “Your mother loves you very much, son, and so do I,” he whispered.
The next night, on stage, Spike stood looking at the audience as the lights came up for the reading.
“As most of you know I don't normally let people know much about my private life, but today I'm going to. I became a father last night,” he said.
There was a huge cheer from everyone there and Spike grinned before continuing, “to a beautiful baby boy. He and his mother gave me quite a scare. You might have seen it in the papers.”
There was laughter all round. The picture of Spike covered in blood had been front page news.
“Well, his mum is watching the show on the internet. Seeing as she was a little tired to actually come here tonight. Buffy, I love you more than anything. You just stay safe and I'll see you in a couple of hours.”
There was another cheer. “And could I ask you to say a prayer for William who is still keeping the nurses busy in the SCBU?”
Buffy wiped away a tear and looked up at Faith, who hadn't left her alone all day.
“He really does love you, you know. Willow is never coming back. Now you concentrate on getting better. OK?”
“I know he does,” Buffy said as she watched the rest of the show. Spike swept into a medley of all her favourites, starting with Wicked Games. “And I really love him.”
“You make sure you tell him that tonight. You hear? And hurry back, I'm fed up of being the grown up, that's supposed to be your job.”
The two women laughed as they continued to watch the broadcast, content at what the future would hold.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!