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Authors Chapter Notes:
RATED NC-17!!! Do not read if you're underage.

Warnings for: Adult content and language, explicit sex, voyeurism

Joss and ME own everything. I own nothing. Things would've gone a LOT different on the show if I did own it!

* Thanks to Junebug for beta'ing this puppy for me!
** Thanks to Edgehead and Ally for the awesome banners!
*** The song 'Till There Was You' is by the Beatles


Buffy walked down the basement stairs.

She felt liberated having finally admitting to herself what she'd known deep down inside all along. She was in love with Spike. And now she was ready to tell him. Her heart thudded in her chest when she reached the bottom of the stairs.

Spike was standing in front of his cot with his back to her; he was doing something that she couldn't see from her angle.

"Hey," Buffy squeaked. She cleared her throat and tried again, "Hey."

Spike didn't turn around. "Buffy," he acknowledged her presence.

"Um...I need to talk to you," Buffy said.

"I already know what you're going to say."

Her eyes widened. "You do?"

"Yeah. And I don't want to hear it, so save it," Spike said gruffly.

"Wha--What? Why? What's --" Buffy sputtered.

"I'm sure you have a complete sentence coming up, but like I said, save it." Spike turned around and slung a knapsack over his shoulder. "I'm movin' out."

He walked past her then up the stairs.

Buffy was stunned. 'How could he know what I was going to say?'

She wasn't going to let him just walk out. Her face set in a determined expression; she marched up the stairs after him. The sound of the front door opening and shutting was heard when she got to the top of the stairs.

Buffy raced past the living room and out the front door. Andrew and the SITs stared after them, craning their necks.

"Spike!" she called.

Spike was halfway to the street. He stopped and turned around, a put-upon expression on his face. What?"

Buffy shut the front door behind her and walked down the steps.

"Why are you leaving? Are you leaving town?" Her heart clenched at the thought of him leaving. It was like she'd told him, she wasn't ready for him not to be here. She'd never be ready for that.

'Please, don't let him want to leave me! Not now that I know I love him!'

Spike sighed. "I'm not leaving town. I told you I'd fight the good fight with you and I keep my promises." He looked at her seriously.

Buffy tried to keep her voice from breaking. "Why do you have move out? You know you're going to be Bringer-bait, don't you? You're safer here...with me."

'Doesn't he love me anymore? Did I wait too long?!'

"First of all, I can take care of myself. Yeah, I've been doing the whole 'Olive Oyl' routine where you have to come and save me, but I'm better now -- stronger. And don't be daft, you know why I can't be here."

"Damn it, Spike! Would I ask if I knew? I need you to tell me. Why are you leaving?"

Spike paced and threw his arms up in exasperation. "To get some bloody privacy!" he yelled. "I can't even take a sodding shower without being gawked at!"

Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed in relief. So that's what's bothering him! It wasn't because he knew of and rejected her feelings -- he was uptight because Rona and Amanda caught him spanking the monkey in the shower this afternoon.

"Is that all?" Buffy asked.

Spike gaped at her in disbelief, his eyes bugging out. "Is that all?! I'd like to see how flip you'd be if someone walked in on you while... I can't get one bleedin' moment of peace! And to cap off a perfect day, I got the Clearasil set gigglin' about my wriggly bits! I heard them!" Spike fumed. He was embarrassed beyond belief.

Buffy giggled.

Spike's face screwed up in righteous indignation. "That's bloody marvelous! Yeah, laugh it up! Thanks ever so, Buffy. I'm pissin' off!" He spun around and started walking away.

Buffy caught up to him and stood in front of him, holding out her hands to halt him. "I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing at the phrase 'wriggly bits', okay?"

Spike pursed his lips, looking impatient.

"They didn't mean any harm, Spike. I already talked to them about knocking before they walk in the bathroom. You're just upset they saw you doing...that in the shower."

Spike's voice went up an octave, "Yeah, bloody right I'm upset! And pissed off. Havin' 12-year-olds staring at me while I toss off isn't my idea of a good time."

"They're 16, and...why were you doing that in my shower? We all have to use it, you know?"

Spike's jaw clenched, Buffy could swear that he was blushing.

"When do I... If I... Never bloody mind." He walked past her.

"Spike, I told you I need to talk to you," Buffy said.

"And we talked. Now I'm leaving," he said over his shoulder.

"Wh-Where are you going?!" Buffy felt the urge to grab him and drag him back to the house, for his own good, as well as hers.

"The Siesta Motel on Route 6, room 13. I know the bloke who owns it, he said I could stay there if I needed to. Call if something comes up, otherwise, I'll be back tomorrow at sunset." Spike kept walking until he disappeared around the corner.

Buffy numbly turned back to the house. Andrew and the SITs were plastered against the living room window. When they saw Buffy turn around, they jumped away or ducked down.

Buffy sighed wearily.

She didn't get the chance to tell Spike. They'd been apart for so long already due to her indecision and stubbornness. Buffy vowed to tell him tomorrow, no matter what.




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