Prologue
It had taken a while, but eventually Buffy realised she didn’t want normal, she wanted Spike. He was grumpy and snide and rude. Yet, he was kind in his own way and he loved more than any human she knew.
Buffy had been hurt when Andrew had told her Spike was back but didn’t want her to know. Angry at his behaviour, she decided not to go after him. Maybe he didn’t love her anymore or hated her for leaving him to burn in Sunnydale? When he had finally turned up, there hadn’t been time to have a much needed conversation, because the world was ending again. Nevertheless, even after the apocalypse they both continued to avoid the topic. Happy with the status quo and Spike’s friendship, Buffy didn’t dare pick at the scab, convincing herself they were just friends and nothing more. She was human and he wasn’t; It would never work out. Likewise, Spike stayed quiet until she asked him directly what he felt for her. It seemed everyone else was sure that Spike still loved her except Buffy herself. When a mutual acquaintance had pointed out the obvious, Buffy couldn’t help but blurt out the question. The revelation shouldn’t have been shocking. After all, Spike had never been one to fall out of love easily. His century long romance with Drusilla was a testament to that.
Things changed when the elephant in the room was no longer ignored. Buffy knew how he felt, but couldn’t tell him the same. How could she tell him how she felt when she didn’t know herself? She knew she was hurting him and that was the last thing she wanted to do. It wasn’t long before a resigned Spike told her was leaving. This newly independent Spike was a stranger to her. He told her he couldn’t be her dark place anymore. He didn’t want crumbs, he wanted her love. And Buffy let him go.
Buffy had thought that this separation would be the best for them both. However, as soon as he was gone, she found herself missing him, wondering where he was and if he was happy. She certainly wasn’t. She was muddling through, flitting through jobs and life. About six months after he left, she received a letter in the mail. She excitedly tore open the envelope recognising Spike’s scrawl on the outside. She was disappointed to see there was only a small note inside. Once she read the contents she smiled. It had an email address and underneath it there was a simple message: “If you need anything, Spike.”
She started to correspond with him. Checking her emails was the first thing she did in the morning, the first thing she did after work, the last thing she did before patrol and again once more when she came back. She was a lot happier and it must have showed, because one evening Dawn took her aside and asked her spill. “Who’s the new man?”
“There’s no new man,” Buffy scoffed.
“You can’t fool me, Buffy.” Dawn wagged a finger. “You keep zoning out with a dopey grin on your face every five minutes.”
“I don’t,” Buffy began, before putting her hand to her mouth.
The realisation hit her like a tonne of bricks; She loved Spike.
That night Buffy sent him an email. “I need to see you in person,” she wrote.
There was no reply after a couple of hours, and Buffy began to fear he was ignoring her. Eventually, she got a response. “Ok. See you this Friday. About 8pm.”
Her relief quickly turned to panic.
Friday came and the butterflies in Buffy’s belly didn’t abate. Spike was unpredictable as usual. He came an hour earlier than expected. She hadn’t even been the one to answer the door as she was in the shower when he arrived. Her room mates had left the house by the time she arrived in the living room, where he was sitting watching the T.V. He stood up quickly as she walked into the room. Buffy heart skipped a beat at the sight of him and she rushed over to hug him. When they pulled apart she knew it was time to bare her soul, like he did so many times before.
She took a deep breath before uttering, “Spike, I love you.”
He goggled at her. “Buffy, I-”
Fearing another rebuttal she interrupted him. “Don’t you dare repeat what you said to me in the Hellmouth. I may not have truly known what I felt back then, but I do now.”
“You do?” His blue eyes shone with wonder.
“I love you,” she repeated. “Before you left you told me you still loved me. Do you-”
This time it was his turn to interrupt. “As if I could stop, you daft bint.”
He took her face into his hands and kissed her deeply. She wrapped herself around him. Buffy was glad she had the foresight to tell her roommates she needed the place to herself.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!