“No,” Buffy whispered, shaking her head as she gripped the phone more tightly in her hand. “Why…? Why are you even telling me this?” she whispered, pressing a hand to her eyes, trying to hold back the tears.
“I didn’t want you to hear about this from another source,” Giles said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He’s been back for several months…”
“And he didn’t come to find me,” she whispered, unable to stop the tears from spilling over. “And now…”
“I’m sorry, Buffy.”
“You should have told me,” she said, her voice taking on a cold quality as the Slayer took over. “You had an obligation to tell me this as a Watcher and… as my friend,” she continued, her tone softening. “I trust you to keep me informed, Giles, and now… I’ve lost him all over again,” she said, swallowing the lump in her throat. “And I didn’t even know I had him back to lose.”
“If it’s a small consolation, he died in battle… A champion, just like you knew he was…”
“I knew that a year ago!” she yelled, finally picking up a vase and hurling it at the wall, taking a small amount of satisfaction when it shattered. “You had a responsibility, Giles,” she said in a harsh whisper. “You should’ve told me.”
Hanging up the phone before he could reply, Buffy felt numb as she walked over to the double glass doors, pushing them open to step onto the tiny balcony of their apartment. Looking down at the bustling street below, she tried to control her breathing, her eyes becoming unfocused as she let the peaceful sensation sweep over her, deadening everything inside of her.
This was life, after all. Accepting loss, moving on, pushing everything away… until there was nothing left.
Covering her eyes with her hands, Buffy fought the tears that were threatening to spill over. Keeping her eyes closed, she slowly lowered her hands, inhaling sharply when she felt the ground shift underneath her. Buffy opened her eyes, blinking rapidly when she saw grass beneath her feet, a mound of dirt in front of her.
Brows furrowing, her lips parted in confusion. Nearly jumping out of her skin when she heard someone behind her.
“I’m sorry… I couldn’t come sooner.”
Buffy’s eyes snapped up to see Angel standing beside her. Everything seemed to fall into place as she took in the tombstone with her mother’s name on it.
“Oh my God,” she murmured, shaking her head in disbelief.
“I know it’s hard,” Angel said, taking her hand in his. “Let it out… I’m here.”
Buffy’s eyes darted around the cemetery. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest at the possibility of what this could mean. Turning toward the man she had once loved, Buffy gave him a tender smile, hoping that this wasn’t just a glimpse but not willing to let an opportunity pass her by.
“I need you to do something for me… two somethings, actually.”
“Anything,” Angel said, his eyes focused on her.
“This is going to sound really strange but… I had a Slayer dream,” she said, knowing that he’d never believe her if she told him the truth. “I need you to find Willow. She should be in the dorms by now – Dawn is staying with her. Tell her that Dawn is not to leave her sight, at all, until I come to get her.”
“Okay,” Angel said slowly, obviously worried about her.
“And… I know this is going to sound weird, but…” Buffy trailed off, trying to piece together what Giles had told her over the past year, wondering where she should attempt to fix it. “Next year… Wesley will think he’s doing the right thing – he will honestly believe it, but… don’t leave him alone with the baby.”
“Baby?” Angel repeated, looking at her in confusion. “What baby?”
“Angel, please trust me. You can’t leave him alone.”
“Wes is going to hurt a baby?”
“No,” she said, taking a deep breath to control her frustration. “He’ll read a fake prophecy. He thinks he’s doing the right thing, but Holtz will win if he does.”
Angel took a step back at the name, never expecting to hear it from Buffy’s lips.
“You’re telling the truth,” he whispered in amazement.
Buffy meekly raised one hand. “Slayer here, remember? Promise me, Angel. Promise me that you will take the baby away if it comes to that.”
“I promise,” he said quietly, still obviously dazed by what she was telling him.
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief, praying that she had just altered whatever reasons Angel had for taking over Wolfram and Hart… praying that she had just spared Spike his final death.
“I have to go,” she said, wrapping her arms around Angel for a warm hug. She didn’t know what was happening, but if she was – by some chance – reliving her life, there was no way she was going to make the same mistakes.
Turning around, she quickly jogged through the cemetery, her mind chaotic as she tried to think about what she could change. She knew how to protect Dawn from Glory. She knew she would have to kill Ben – the thought still caused her to shudder, but she’d grown up in the years since her death. She wouldn’t have to be ripped from heaven by her friends, she would never have the year from hell. Never leading to Spike seeking his soul.
Slowing down to a walk, she ran a hand through her hair, frowning. Spike needed his soul in the Hellmouth… unless Angel wore the amulet. She felt guilty for even thinking it, but she couldn’t risk losing him again. Her eyes widened as the rest of the pieces fell into place. Wolfram and Hart would never give the amulet to Angel because he would never take over the law firm. The First wouldn’t be able to form its army because her friends wouldn’t have to pull her from heaven, altering the Slayer line.
Buffy’s pace quickened in excitement as she ran through the cemetery, seeing Spike’s crypt in the distance. She didn’t know what was happening, but she didn’t want to question it.
So close to him she could practically feel him, Buffy gasped when she slammed into someone, sending her sailing to the ground. Quickly jumping to her feet, she looked around, frowning when she saw the familiar man standing in front of her.
“You,” she said, annoyance threading through her voice. “What are you doing here?”
“Would’ve thought you’d figured that out already, kiddo.”
“Are you here to tell me this is all a mistake?” she asked, dreading the answer. “That I’m supposed to go back and play at being the Powers’ bitch again?”
Whistler smiled in amusement. “Not exactly.”
Buffy cast a quick glance to Spike’s crypt, nervously licking her lips. “Then I can stay?”
“Is that what you want?” Whistler asked, seeing the direction of her gaze before she turned to face him again.
“Do I even need to answer that?”
“No,” he said with a smile. “This… It can be yours.”
“What’s the catch?” Buffy asked, shifting nervously. “There’s always a catch.”
“That you fix something that went wrong… which… I think you already did.”
“And what’s that?” she asked warily.
“There has to be a balance of good and evil in the world. There can’t be any tipping of the scales.”
“Okay…”
“Your rebirth, if you will, tipped the scales. The First Evil was able to raise its army, but you managed to level it out again. Angel wasn’t so lucky.”
“Angel?” she repeated in confusion.
“He waged a war. Did a damn good job of hitting them where it hurt, too. Smacked the Senior Partners upside the head when they were least expecting it.”
“But…”
“But… in exchange for getting them more than a little worked up, the world lost warriors. Warriors that it can’t afford to lose.”
“I don’t understand,” Buffy said, shaking her head, hoping that what she was about to say wouldn’t get her sent back to her own timeline. “If there was an impact on the Senior Partners, isn’t that a good thing?”
“The Powers have always had an edge over the Partners, but eventually they will come back stronger. They can’t afford to lose that edge of power.”
“And I’m supposed to correct that balance?”
“Basically,” he said with a nod.
“Why now? Why would the Powers send me here?”
“Can you think of a better time to fix everything? Maybe it should’ve been a few months earlier, but had we done that, you would’ve gone running into the arms of your lost love, and as happy as that might’ve made him… he wouldn’t trust you for a long time. We need him to trust you. He needs to be here, fighting alongside you.”
Buffy looked down at the ground for a long moment, smiling at the image of Spike’s hand holding hers, the flames licking at their skin but neither feeling it as they held each other’s tearful gaze. “I can stay here?” Buffy asked after a moment, needing the reassurance that she wouldn’t be tossed back into her own time.
Whistler smiled, gesturing toward the crypt. “Better go get him.”
Buffy glanced at the crypt before turning back to the man, blinking a few times when she realized that he’d disappeared. Allowing a small smile to form as she quickly walked toward the door, hesitantly knocking. She knew Spike – this Spike – would be surprised at her restrained moves, but she couldn’t bring herself to kick open the door. Even if she was excited about seeing him.
Her breath caught in her throat a moment later when Spike opened the door, dressed in the black jeans and t-shirt that she remembered. His hair slightly disheveled, a confused expression on his face.
“Hi,” she whispered, unable to take her eyes off of him. Unable to realize that he was actually standing in front of her.
“Buffy,” he said, his voice filled with the same awe that she used to take for granted. The way her name just seemed to roll from his lips. “Do you… do you need something?” he asked, tilting his head toward her.
“I… yeah,” she answered after a moment. “I really do.” Hesitantly stepping forward, Buffy wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face against his chest. She could feel the tension in his muscles as he waited for some kind of surprise. Wishing that she could reassure him that this wasn’t some kind of trick, her entire body seemed to relax when he tentatively wrapped his arms around her.
“I’m sorry about your mum,” he said quietly, assuming that was her reason for standing there.
Buffy pulled away with a light laugh, wiping her eyes of the tears that had gathered.
“Something funny?” he asked in confusion.
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “No, I just… Spike… do you really love me?” she asked, needing to hear it reaffirmed, knowing that at this time, she had been certain that he didn’t feel anything but obsession.
His eyes softened as he seemed to realize why she was here. “I do,” he said quietly, affirming it with a nod of his head. “Anything you need…”
“I… I didn’t come here to… to take advantage of your feelings,” she said, shamed from the memories that she carried with her of doing that to him so many times in the past. “I guess I just wanted to make sure that you actually loved me.”
Still not able to trust what he was hearing or the fact that she was even standing there, Spike didn’t respond. Nearly taking a step back when she gently cupped his cheek in her hand, he stared into her eyes, searching for some kind of answer.
“I know you can change,” she said, her quiet voice holding so much conviction that Spike felt his heart swell. “I know you have changed.” Buffy blinked back the tears in her eyes, her lip quivering slightly as she smiled at him. “I’m trusting you… more than I’ve ever trusted anyone.”
Leaning into her touch, Spike studied her carefully. “I don’t know where this is coming from… but I would never do anything to hurt you.”
Buffy trembled, hearing the truth behind his words. Guiding his lips to hers, she wrapped her arms around his neck, a strangled sob coming from her lips when he softly kissed her. Clutching at him, too scared to let go, Buffy moaned when he pushed her against the wall, pinning her in place with his body.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered against her lips, leaving soft kisses in his wake as he moved toward her neck. “Everything will be fine,” he breathed, sending chills racing through her body when she felt his breath on her neck. “I love you, so much.”
“I love you, too,” she said, her breath catching in her throat when he froze, pulling back to look at her. Realizing what she’d just said, Buffy waited for his reaction, gasping when he grabbed her face and pulled her to him for a passionate kiss.
‘God, how I’ve needed this,’ she thought, clinging to him when his tongue gently brushed along her lip. Parting her lips to deepen the kiss, Buffy was surprised when he pulled away, looking up at him in confusion.
Tenderly caressing her cheek, he stared into her eyes for a long moment. “I don’t know what changed,” he said softly, closing his eyes when she practically threw herself into his arms, her face nestled against his chest as he held her.
Buffy tried to keep the tears from falling as he held onto her, his face buried in her hair as she clung to him.
“What happened, love?”
“I promise I’ll tell you everything,” she said, sniffling slightly as her emotions overwhelmed her. “But right now… will you just hold me?” she whispered, hopeful.
Spike smiled, tightening his hold on her. “No intention of ever letting you go.”