Buffy was in her mother's old room which is now hers going through some of her stuff. It's been about two years since Joyce's death and Buffy never managed to go through her stuff before. It was too hard and she was always busy. She came across some old photographs of her, Joyce, and Dawn. She even found some of her father that she hasn't seen in a long time. She didn't realize that Joyce was making a scrapbook of their old photos, it was sad that she would never get to finish it. She looked through some of her drawers and found some of her mother's old clothes and as she got to the bottom of one of the drawers she found an envelope. She picked it up and saw that her name was on it and the date which looked like it was written before her mother went into surgery two years ago. Buffy didn't know what to think, she figured that Joyce must have known that she might not survive and decided to write to Buffy just incase. She was actually afraid to open it and took a few deep breaths as she put her mother's clothes back in the drawer and with the envelope in her hand she headed downstairs. She found her sister, the Potentials, and her friends in the living room and the kitchen. She walked past the kitchen and headed to the basement when Dawn saw her and noticed a weird look on her older sister's face. "Hey Buffy, you okay?" Dawn asked and Buffy looked at her sister and nodded.
"Yeah, I'm good." With that said she opened the door to the basement and headed downstairs. Dawn watched Buffy go and just shrugged. She wasn't surprised that her sister would go down there to talk to Spike, she's been confiding in him a lot these days. She just wished she would talk to her more. When Buffy went downstairs she found Spike sitting on his cot reading a book.
"Hey," he said without even looking up. She just looked down and didn't say anything and Spike noticing her silence finally looked up from his book. "Everything alright?" He asked her as he put his book down, never taking his eyes off of her. She then looked up into his eyes and held the letter out in front of her, remembering why she came down there in the first place.
"I was going through some of my mom's old stuff and I came across this." Spike nodded and moved over on the cot and Buffy then sat down next to him making sure that they weren't touching. "It looks like a letter that my mom wrote to me before she died, I just now found it." Spike nodded again.
"Have you looked at it yet?" He asked her and she shook her head.
"No, haven't managed to open it yet. I was wondering if maybe you could read it to me?" She told him and she noticed the surprised expression on his face.
"Yeah, of course." He told her as she handed him the letter noticing that her hands were shaking. He took the letter and opened it. He cleared his throat and began to read.
Dear Buffy,
If you have found this then that means that I didn't make it. I wanted you to know how very proud I am of you. You were truly a gift from Heaven and I couldn't be more proud of all that you have accomplished. I know things have been hard. You never had the normal life that I always wanted for you, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you with all my heart and soul and I know that you will do great things in the future. You are a beautiful young woman like I always knew you would grow up to be and you will just get more beautiful as the years go by. I know that you are so young to have so much responsibility, but I trust that you will take good care of Dawn. You both are the best daughters that anyone could ever ask for and I'm grateful that you are mine. Tell Dawn that I love her and that I'll always be with you both. I may not be there in body, but I'll always be there in spirit, watching over you all. Tell your friends that I love them as if they were my own children and thank Giles for me, for being a good father and a friend to you all. I love you my darling daughter and we will be reunited again. Until that time comes I wish you the best in all that you do, slay those vampires good for me, honey. Always remember to be careful though.
Love always,
Mom
P.S. Give my love to Spike also, I know that he will be around in the future fighting the good fight with you. I have a feeling he will accomplish a lot.
When Spike finished the letter he had to smile at that last part and was glad that Joyce didn't forget about him. His smile faded when he looked at Buffy and noticed that she was crying. Spike put the letter away and put his arm around her and pulled her to him. She rested her head on his chest and continued to cry as Spike held her. He kissed the top of her head and whispered that it was okay. After what seemed like an eternity Buffy stopped crying and looked up at Spike.
"Thank you," she told him and he nodded, wiping tears off her face.
"Don't mention it, you gonna be okay?" She nodded and sat up.
"Yeah, didn't mean to get so emotional there." He shrugged.
"It's understandable; you don't have to be strong all the time." She nodded and looked away from him. "She's right you know." Buffy looked back at him.
"About what?" Spike looked at her and brushed a strand of hair out of her face.
"You did grow up to be a beautiful young woman." He told her with a smile and she smiled back.
"She was right about you, too. My mom always liked you, even before the chip. She was never afraid of you, for some reason she knew that you wouldn't hurt her." Buffy told him.
"She was a nice lady, always listened to me. It also helped that I was crazy about her daughter." Spike told her with a smirk and Buffy rolled her eyes.
"Lucky me," she replied.
"So, you gonna show this to Dawn?" Spike asked, referring to the letter.
"Yeah, she should know. I will later, not ready to go upstairs yet." She told him.
"Well, I'm not complaining, pet." Buffy looked at him.
"I was hoping we could talk, maybe play a game that involves talking." Spike rolled his eyes.
"You're not suggesting truth or dare are you? I'm not going there again; those bloody girls had me play that with them the other day and me being as bored as I was agreed to it. Dawn dared me to kiss Xander and there are some things that I will never do." Buffy laughed at that.
"What did you do?" He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"I did what any bloke would do in that situation. I pointed to something behind Dawn and when they all looked I ran, luckily it was still dark out." Buffy laughed again. "Go ahead, laugh it up." Spike told her, but he really liked hearing her laugh even if it was about him.
"It wouldn't have been so bad to kiss Xander." Spike glared at her.
"Are you bloody out of your mind, have you ever kissed him?" Buffy shook her head.
"No, but I came close a few times. Then there was the time he almost raped me." Spike look shocked.
"He almost raped you?" Buffy noticed what she said and felt bad about it.
"Hyena possession, long story." She told him and Spike decided to let it go. "Anyway, I wasn't suggesting truth or dare. I just meant that maybe we could ask each other things, find out stuff that we never knew before. Even if it would happen to be something personal, we pretty much know a lot about each other anyway." Spike nodded.
"So, what do you wanna know?" Buffy shrugged.
"I am curious to find out more about your human days, you never really talk about it." Spike sighed.
"Boring times, not much to say." He told her.
"I know that you said you've always been bad, but I find that a little hard to believe." Spike smiled.
"Why is that?" Buffy shrugged again.
"Well, it was the 1800's. Things were different then so I find it kinda hard to believe that you were all bad and stuff. You are British after all." Spike had to smile at her again.
"Okay, maybe I exaggerated a bit, but that doesn't mean that I'm suddenly gonna tell you what I was really like." Buffy pouted.
"Why not?" Spike rolled his eyes.
"Oh no you don't, that won't work on me." Buffy continued to give him the puppy dog look and he sighed. He hated how Buffy and Dawn basically had him wrapped around their little finger. All it would take is one look and he would do whatever they said, he really was a nancy boy. "Okay, maybe it'll work a little. I was a poet alright, a bleeding ponce and that's all I'm saying." Buffy looked at him.
"See, that wasn't so hard." Spike glared at her.
"Speak for yourself." Buffy looked at him again, suddenly getting serious.
"What was your mom like?" Spike sighed and thought about her question.
"From what I remember she was a nice lady, good heart. She was all I had until I was changed, and then I turned her into a demon. Guess that makes me just as bad as Angelus." Spike told her and she shook her head.
"No, you're better than him. He killed his family without a care; you still wanted to be with your mother even after you were changed. You really must have loved her." Spike nodded.
"Yeah, a lot of good it did me. I damned her, turned her into something I didn't even recognize. I couldn't be with her like that so I ended it. It was the right thing to do. She was the only woman that ever really loved me." Buffy nodded and touched his hand.
"That must have been hard." Spike agreed.
"Can I ask you something?" Buffy nodded waiting for him to continue. "What is the one thing that really scares you?" Buffy looked down and then back up at him.
"Honestly, being buried alive. Ever since I was little I was terrified of cemeteries, which makes a lot of sense seeing as how I spend all my time in them now. I used to always have nightmares about being buried alive and clawing out of my own grave. I was lucky enough to have to do that twice." Buffy told him sarcastically.
"Twice?" He asked confused and Buffy nodded.
"To make a long story short, when I first moved here there was something that made our nightmares come true. What happened was that I was buried alive by the Master and then I rose as a vampire, which would be another fear. Then of course was the time I died for real and came back while in my coffin and I had to claw myself out of it. I still have nightmares about that. I remember what it felt like waking up in the coffin and not being able to scream or breathe that well, dirt falling on top of me. I thought that I wouldn't be able to get out, luckily I did. Well, the rest you pretty much know." Spike nodded not sure what to say to make her feel better. He just put his hand on her shoulder and gently rubbed which seemed to help.
"I'm sorry, love. I know how hard that is." Buffy nodded also.
"That's why I confided in you when I came back. I knew that you would understand better than anyone else. I really am sorry for all the crap I put you through last year." She told him.
"Think nothing of it, all that matters is what happens now." Buffy agreed.
"Yeah," she then smiled and decided to lighten up the mood a bit. "Okay, it's my turn. There is something that I wanna know, when did the whole Billy Idol phase start?" Spike rolled his eyes at her question.
"I have you know that the wanker stole his look from me." Buffy laughed.
"Of course," she replied and he glared at her. "Works for you though." Spike smiled.
"Yeah, the birds do love the hair and leather look I must say." Buffy rolled her eyes at his comment.
"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." She told him with a smile.
"What were you like before you became the Slayer?" Spike asked her.
"No one you would like. I was a snob then, kinda worse than Cordelia if you can believe it. When I look back now I can't believe how I was. At least becoming the Slayer helped with something. I became a better person, more or less." She told him.
"Yeah, well everyone has their good and bad moments. You're only human." Buffy nodded.
"That's what I keep saying." She then looked at her watch and noticed that it was getting late. "I better head back up, gotta find something for dinner. You want me to heat you up some blood?" Spike shook his head.
"No, I'll be up in a second. I just feel like sitting here for a little while longer." Buffy nodded and stood up. She grabbed the letter and decided that she would show it to Dawn.
"Thanks again for reading this to me, and for the talk in general. It really helped." Spike nodded.
"Anytime, Buffy." She started walking to the stairs when she suddenly turned back to him.
"Spike?" He looked up at her when he heard his name.
"Yeah?" Buffy took a deep breath before continuing.
"I don't know if it means anything after all this time, but I wanted you to know that your mother.....she wasn't the only one." With that Buffy headed up the stairs without even waiting for a response. Spike thought about what she meant by that and then smiled.
"It means everything, pet." He said after she was gone and then went back to his book of poetry.
The End
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!