‘Dawn!!’ Buffy yelled through the hall of the Watchers’ Central in London. ‘Dawn, where’s my red top?’
‘I borrowed it yesterday,’ came the bored answer. Dawn looked at the bed, where the top lay covered in tomato sauce from the pizza she had eaten for supper. Stain might come out… she shrugged.
‘Well don’t, it’s the one Spike gave me and I don’t want it spoilt: so give it back now!’
Dawn rolled her eyes. Giles, who had popped his head out to see what was happening went back into his own study and pointedly shut the door on the noise. Buffy had been in a foul mood since her return from Rome. Andrew had played far too many jokes on her to try and cheer her up; they had all backfired, leaving Buffy more bitchy than usual. Dawn’s love affair with the Immortal was going well, but Buffy seemed more lonely than ever. Andrew wondered if he should tell her that Spike was alive, but the blond vampire had asked them, no, made them, promise not to. Never mind: it was for the best, he thought.
Xander ignored the noise completely. He had kept well out of Buffy’s way since she had lost the baby. It had been Spike’s and no-one knew what a vampire half breed would be like. Yeh, sure Buffy had been upset when it first happened, but two months later did she still have to be moping around looking miserable? Anyway, he’d lost Anya and she’d been human and his true love. Maybe Willow could do a spell to cheer Buffy up, Willow was good at spells now, making people think the way she thought they should. It would be for the best.
Willow baked cookies, she did every day when Buffy started shouting. She felt bad for her friend, but really, all this fuss over a vampire. After all, she hadn’t mourned this long when she lost Tara: well, she had a bad day, got a bit cross. Tried to destroy the world, but Tara had been her soul mate, and she had been just killed for no reason. She would look into that spell Xander asked for, just to cheer Buffy up a bit: it would be for the best.
Buffy knew she was still in a bad mood, but no-one seemed to care. They mourned Anya and the lost slayers but no-one would let her mourn Spike; if she even mentioned his name they would change the subject, muttering that he ‘was only a demon,’ as if that lessened the sacrifice. When she lost the baby they had all seemed glad, glad because the child was a half breed, but it was her child as well. The attack while she was on patrol had almost been orchestrated, as though someone had known that she was going to be alone in the graveyard. She’d been lucky to get out alive.
Dawnie was happy living in Rome with her boyfriend, some guy by the name of The Immortal, but when she came to London it was like she had never left. She expected Buffy to provide everything, she had never forgiven Spike for the bathroom incident, she had only ever believed Xander, never Buffy. From when they had thrown Buffy out of her home in Sunnydale just before the final battle, things had never been the same. They had lost the closeness they once had. Now Dawn was taking Buffy’s stuff and leaving London completely, leaving Buffy with nothing, and Dawn thought it for the best.
They had news from LA. Spike was alive. Buffy had begged Giles for information, she’d tried to call Angel but she couldn’t get through, she’d tried everything she could think of; then Giles told her that they’d known Spike was OK, but he’d been made to promise not to tell. Spike didn’t want anything to do with Buffy and he thought it acceptable to agree: after all, it was for the best.
Giles and Willow pushed her further and further away from the centre of things and she was now just another slayer, but the final straw for Buffy was when no-one had told her Spike had been back. They all had known he was back and hadn’t told her at all. It was for the best, they said.
She just wanted her privacy. Her room was always being invaded, her diary read, her stuff gone through. She had nothing and no-one. The only thing that had been secret was the one picture she had found in the watcher’s journals of William the Bloody. She had photocopied it secretly and stashed it inside Mr Gordo.
Then That Day happened. She’d gone into her bedroom to see Mr Gordo on her bed, far away from the shelf he normally lived on. And worst of all, his seam had been ripped open and the photo was missing.
Buffy simply flew downstairs to see Willow going into Giles’ study with the picture in her hands.
‘We have to do something Giles, this fixation is silly.’
‘It’s for the best,’ Giles had to agree. ‘Buffy’s obsession with this family of demons is becoming a real annoyance. Perhaps we could cast a simple spell? Something to make her feel better?’
Willow nodded her head in agreement. ‘It’s for the best.’
Buffy went back to her room in tears, she had nothing and no-one, not even a picture now. And they were going to use magic to make her change her mind?
She had to do something; her life was dark, with no light and there was no hope. She had given everything to the cause and wasn’t even permitted the privacy an adult deserved in her own room. She had nothing and no-one. Faith had Robin and her baby was expected in a couple of months, Dawn had the Immortal Guy, Xander and Willow had each other: not as lovers, true, but as good and close friends.
She had stolen a knife from the weapons cabinet and had tried to cut her wrists, but she was the eldest slayer, her healing was faster than the wounding could ever be. She watched in horror as the wounds sealed themselves and all that was left was the small drops of blood in the sink to say that something had happened.
Buffy’s anguish was felt in Heaven and hell, but it was D’Hoffryn who answered it.
‘One wish slayer, I feel I owe you for keeping the world safe over the years and not coming after me personally.’ The Demon Lord said when he appeared in her room.
It was an easy wish for Buffy. ‘I want privacy, somewhere to call my own where no one can enter without an invitation. And I want an end to the pain.’
‘That’s two wishes, but as it’s you, easily done.’ D’Hoffryn waved a hand. ‘Wish granted.’ So simple a wish, that would have such devastating consequences in the future. Hell would be delighted with him. And it fulfilled Justice in such a…delicious way…the slayer would be gone for ever, and no more would be called.
Merrick had tried to make it to Buffy, to stop her wishing - but he’d not been in time. He couldn’t enter her room, he couldn’t get close at all. D’Hoffryn had done a good job. The intermediary fled back to The Powers That Be to give them the news. They had lost a Warrior of Light, perhaps the Greatest that had ever lived. She was in her room, and even they were unable to enter.
Joyce watched from just outside of the room. This was her baby, and no, she hadn’t been the greatest mom for a slayer, she hadn’t understood, but for them, for Giles and her so-called friends and her sister to leave her so alone was awful. She caught Merrick as he left the presence of the higher beings.
‘We’ve got to do something, the time they take to make a decision Buffy would have died from old age.’
They sat and talked for hours about the exact wording of the wish, to try and get round it. It all relied on Spike and he was in L.A.
He might be able to get through to Buffy, to help her feel better.
Buffy spent two whole days in her room, using the small en-suite, and no-one noticed. Slayers went out on patrol and came back. Dawn went out with her honey, and came back. Xander never came near her, even Willow left her alone: she had her peace.
Buffy wrote a letter to Giles. She would post it tomorrow then put her plan into action.
‘Dear Giles and Willow,
I know you think you have acted for the best over the last year, but what gave you the right to choose what is best for me? I have been a slayer for nearly ten years, giving up everything including my life. When I finally get to heaven, Willow, you drag me out again. You can’t let me rest in peace. Now you ignore me, and search my room, taking what little I have away from me, giving me no freedom or privacy. I have become your slave, your subject, not even permitted to feel free will.
You would not even give me the dignity of allowing me to mourn the loss of my lover, you made it clear how grateful you were that he was out of my life.
Well I’m leaving again. This time you won’t be able to bring me back. My room is sealed. I can leave here but nothing and no one can get in to me without an invite. And you and your magic will never get that invitation.
The only person welcome in my room is Spike, and I know he doesn’t want me. So this is goodbye. By the time you get it I will be dead and there is no way you can bring me back.
This is for the best.
Buffy’
Buffy slipped out of her room and posted the letter long before anyone was awake and slipped back into her bed before the first Slayers were up and training. She took out the bottle of Jack Daniels she had bought. She had to make it JD in his honour. It always reminded Buffy of him.
She wrapped herself in her quilt and lit the cigarette from the packet she’d bought, Marlboroughs of course, and settled down on the leather pillow that she’d found. There was no Spike smell here, none of the amazing male muskiness that was purely him, but everything else was there. His precious whisky, fags, leather… and now to sleep for ever. They couldn’t take away the memory of his smell. Buffy prayed harder than she ever had in her life.
‘Please God I know suicide is a sin, but please let me be with him. I can’t go on like this any longer.’ She hoped that she would be forgiven this one sin. After all, the world only existed because she’d saved it so often.
Buffy opened her purse. There was a vial of carefully brewed poison. It was based on the stuff Giles had used against her for the Crucetarium. It worked against Slayers. She had managed to persuade a witch to brew it for her; it had taken days, and cost a fortune. Buffy had made out that she’d wanted to kill Faith, so the Witch had helped. Delighted at the thought of bringing down a slayer, the slayer, the heroine that saved the world. That was what everyone knew now, that it had been Faith who had led the slayers to their great victory in Sunnydale. Buffy’s name was forgotten.
Quickly swallowing it down, balking at the taste, Buffy surrounded herself with the only things that gave her any comfort any more. The scents that reminded her of him.
Her breath became shallow and finally stopped.
Buffy, The greatest Slayer that had ever lived was dead.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!