The saying goes: Dream long, and dream hard enough. You will come to know that dreaming can make it so. Nevertheless, despite his wealth of Buffy-centric fantasies, Spike was unable to recall even one that paralleled this moment. Invariably, his sleep-filled hours teemed with lust-fuelled images of his slayer. Granted at the beginning they were of the ‘fight, fuck and drain’ variety, but over the years they had become the one constant in his ever-changing existence.
His obsession was twisted. Deviant. Even for a creature that spat in the face of convention. They were vampire and slayer. Mortal enemies. She should mean nothing more than a spot of violence and crimson-hued carnage. And yet in spite of this, it wasn’t the thought of Buffy’s powerful blood that got Spike’s taste buds watering. It was wrong. Vampires were supposed to dream of ripping a slayer’s throat out, not peppering it in kisses as they pounded away between her thighs.
Spike was convinced the Powers had devised a new way to torment him. Ruthlessly torturing him at night with images of that which he was denied in the light of day. Dreams of golden skin, writhing bodies, and cries of passion assaulted his psyche. His focus was single-minded, and no amount of hardcore porn or self-abuse of his aching manhood could erase the Slayer’s image from his mind. He wanted to feel Buffy’s naked flesh beneath him. Wanted to taste her nipples as he buried his cock so far inside her pussy she forgot that anyone or anything existed...
He wanted to worship her like the goddess she was.
In a process so gradual, so effortless, Spike’s dark obsession transformed into something unprecedented. And in doing so, his entire existence went spinning arse over tit. He’d fallen in love. Real love. Not the naive, besotted delusions of his past. Loving Buffy wasn’t something he chose to do. It simply was. In Spike’s mind, the how’s, when’s, and why’s had long since ceased to be important. All that mattered now was the fact Buffy loved him too.
Stretching awkwardly, Spike stifled a yawn as the Slayer shifted restlessly in her sleep. Buffy’s head was pillowed on his bicep, her regular breaths tickling the pale skin of his forearm, and powerless to resist, Spike nuzzled his face into the mass of honey-blonde hair. Reassured that he wasn’t hallucinating, the vampire rubbed his eyes before returning his free arm to Buffy’s waist, urging her back on the couch until she was flush against his t-shirt clad chest. Spike was amazed by the depth of contentment he found simply by holding Buffy in his arms. And despite the vividness of his very colourful imagination, it was clear that the emotions felt within his fantasies, bore no comparison to the reality in which he awoke.
For the first time in countless years, Spike’s body was suffused in warmth. It was a feeling so rare, so precious that he refused to let it go. A sensation only possible due to this one fragile woman who offered him the world, and opened him up to thoughts and feelings that as a vampire he had no business experiencing.
He felt safe. He felt loved. He felt... alive.
And for a being that’d been dead since Victoria reigned supreme, this was no insignificant feat.
The fragrant scent of perfume, coupled with the potent aroma of the Slayer’s earlier arousal teased Spike’s enhanced senses. The steady pulse of her heartbeat echoed throughout his chest, and his clothes were saturated by the essence of all things indescribably... Buffy. Memories of the previous night rushed over him. The spell. The kisses. The tears. A growl rose in his throat, and Spike felt an overwhelming surge of protectiveness as he pictured Buffy’s tear-stained face.
Never again.
Never again would he allow anyone—scoobies included—to hurt his slayer. Bollocks to the chip. There were ways around anything if you looked hard enough, and after last night, Spike had more incentive than ever before. He didn’t earn his name just because of his bloody awful poetry—although, as torture methods go, it would certainly be an innovative approach.
Wonder if I could make the stupid git’s ears bleed with a verse or two, he thought with a sardonic grin. That’d teach ‘em for messin’ with my girl.
He was William the Bloody. Feared and revered amongst his kind. He may have a piece of plastic buggering up his brain, but that didn’t stop him from ripping apart any demon who dared to piss him off. Nobody harmed the woman he loved and walked away unscathed. And it was about time certain people learned that lesson the hard way.
Absent-mindedly, Spike ran his tongue across his bottom lip. The taste of Buffy’s kisses still lingered in his mouth, and a powerful rush of arousal swept through his veins as his mind provided a montage of recent events. Desperate kisses in the Bronze, comforting her in the park. Spike remembered holding the Slayer in his arms; distraught that the best thing he’d ever felt, came as a direct result of Buffy’s misery. All-in-all, the night had been a bloody revelation. It was awkward, painful, and at times, utterly surreal. But it was worth it.
Bleedin’ hell, it was worth it!
A wide grin spread over Spike’s face when he remembered how close they’d come to ripping each other’s clothes off, right there on a slide of all places! If Mother Nature hadn’t made her presence known with a cold shower of the literal form, Spike had no doubt that things would have progressed further.
As it turned out, the rest of the night far exceeded his wildest expectations. Buffy not only invited him into her home, but begged him to stay. She curled into his side, and confided in him the truth of her nightmares. She declared her independence from her mate’s opinions. She kissed him. She held him. She said she loved him! It was everything he wanted, and so much more than he deserved. Nevertheless, gazing down at the woman lying peacefully in his arms, Spike swore he would spend the rest of his days making sure she never regretted her decision. Buffy had given him the chance to be the man he so desperately wanted to be—the man she deserved—and hell would freeze over before he let her down again.
They’d fallen asleep shortly before sunrise. Spike had settled behind her on the couch, awash in her scent, and completely overwhelmed by the wealth of emotion that buzzed throughout his mind. He’d fully anticipated spending the next few hours simply watching her, holding her. Memorising every facet of the moment, and filing it away for safe-keeping, lest all this be cruelly ripped away with the light of a new dawn.
To Spike’s amazement, a combination of both mental and physical exhaustion caused him to quickly follow Buffy into slumber—and a peaceful one at that. He shook his head, refusing to think of the images that had haunted his nights since her selfless sacrifice all those months ago. Refusing to give life to the shadows of the past, when his future lay sleeping in his arms.
A soft whimper pulled Spike from his thoughts as Buffy stretched and shifted against him. Warm, steady breaths verified her still-sleeping status, and Spike whispered soothing nonsense into her ear until she was once again resting peacefully. Unfortunately, Buffy’s innocent actions focused the vampire’s mind on the rather persistent physical evidence of his longing. Despite the intimacies they’d shared last night, Spike had summoned never-before-seen amounts of willpower to prevent them from taking that final step.
Not that the opportunity hadn’t been there. Less than two hours earlier, the love of his unlife was writhing in his lap, stoking the flames of her desire, whilst Spike tried desperately not to spill himself in his jeans like a bloody horny teenager. For once, he was grateful that the Victorian gent he tried so hard to silence had won through. Spike wanted to do right by her, and he’d be buggered if their first time would be remembered as an awkward fumbling on a couch.
Judging by where he was now, he’d obviously made the right decision.
As Spike held his silent vigil, he wondered if Buffy truly understood the power she held over him. If she honestly knew that each smile and tender kiss rendered him a willing and irrefutable victim of her unique charms. He wondered if he would ever grow accustomed to the feeling of bliss that burned inside him—or if he even wanted to.
No. There would be no getting used to this. Just as there would be no turning back. He wouldn’t forget, and he wouldn’t let go. In one glorious night, Spike had been offered his chance at redemption. And as he lay in the subdued light of the Summers’ living room, he was unable to tear his gaze from the undeniable face of his salvation.
Buffy.
Buffy asleep in his arms.
Buffy who loved him.
“Well...” the smug voice drawled, “isn’t this a Hallmark moment?”
Spike was so lost in his thoughts that he’d failed to sense the approach of the lone figure in the doorway. Warlocks, Hell gods, and every creature in between, Spike faced them all with an arrogant smirk and scathing comeback. And yet, under the scrutiny of a highly amused fifteen year old girl, the vampire was rendered speechless.
Swallowing hard, Spike forced a response past the lump in his throat, whilst simultaneously disentangling himself from the oblivious slayer. His jostling caused a soft moan of protest from his couch partner, and he was forced to remind himself that now was definitely not the time to lean down and kiss her senseless.
“Niblet,” he whispered, “this isn’t what it—uh... You see, long night an’ all. Big sis was tired an’ so—”
“And so... instead of going to bed, she crashed on the couch with a vampire shaped pillow?”
Bloody hell. That kid could take sarcasm to a whole new level. Spike would have been proud if her victory hadn’t come at his expense. Luckily, he was saved the trouble of coming up with a plausible excuse when Dawn, unmindful of her sister’s sleeping state, suddenly clapped her hands together and released a squeal that was bordering on ultrasonic.
In a blink, Buffy was awake and sitting up on the couch. She took in the bewildered, and somewhat pained expression on the face of the vampire beside her, before swiftly locating the source of the disturbance. “Dawnie?”
“Oh my God! Please tell me that you doofs finally quit with the moon-eyes and made with the smoochies?”
“Hey!”
“Oi!”
A duet of indignant objections filled the air, though whether either voice was heard by the animated teen was doubtful. Buffy leaned forward, rubbing her eyes as she stole a quick glance at the clock. “I was kinda hoping to have this conversation after a few hours sleep,” she muttered, “or a few cups of coffee.” Another squeal pierced the air and Buffy yawned loudly, raising an eyebrow at her sister who had crossed the room and was practically bouncing before her. “Yep. Caffeine would definitely be of the good, right about now.”
“So it’s true?” Dawn asked, her voice raising another octave. “You’re really together? Like... together, together?”
Her excitement was infectious. Spike could feel the grin tugging at his lips, as a wide-eyed Dawn looked between them expectantly. As much as he wanted to shout the validity of her words from the rooftop—Christ, at this point he was close to jumping up on the soddin’ coffee table and breaking out his happy dance—Spike figured it best to let Buffy answer the question herself. As certain as she had seemed last night, Spike was acutely aware that Buffy’s emotions were volatile at best. He didn’t doubt the sincerity of her words, but he wasn’t sure how she would react to her sister’s fervent curiosity. To Spike’s surprise, he noticed an adorable blush stain the Slayer’s cheeks as she nervously reached across to take his hand in her own.
For her part, Buffy was surprised how easily the answer came to her lips. She’d always imagined that telling people would be insanely difficult. However, in light of recent witchy events, a sense of rebellion rose within her, and she found the experience to be almost liberating.
“Yes, Dawn,” she replied, meeting Spike’s gaze and smiling shyly. “We’re together. But—oomph!”
“Oh my God!” In a blur of movement, Dawn threw her arms around her sister, effectively cutting off her words... and her air supply. “Oh my God! Oh my God!”
“You stuck on repeat there, niblet?” Spike asked, finally relaxing now that Buffy had answered the potentially explosive question. He couldn’t help the chuckle that burst from his throat at seeing both his girls happy and smiling.
“I just can’t believe it took you so long,” Dawn replied. “And you!” she said, turning to point an accusatory finger at the snickering vampire. “I told you she’d come round, didn’t I? This is so cool!”
“Well, at least we know there’s one person on our side.” Buffy’s words were muffled behind the tangled embrace of her sister. Relieved, she gave Spike’s hand an apologetic squeeze as she regained Dawn’s attention. “You’re not freaked out? I mean, what with the whole vampire thing?”
“Are you kidding?” Dawn finally pulled back and released her sister from her python-like hold. “Hello! You’re talking to a former mystical ball of energy. Not really in a position to lecture anyone about normal. And besides, it’s not like you’re dating an evil ‘grr’ vampire,” she said with a shrug. “It’s just Spike.”
“Oi! Watch your mouth, pintsize.” Regardless of his elated mood, Spike wasn’t about to let that one slide. “I’m not some harmless bloody pup. I’m still evil. I’m the big bad and don’t you forget it!”
An inelegant snort and patented Summers’ eye-roll were his only response.
“Tell her, slayer!” A sideways glance revealed that Buffy was barely containing her laughter, so clearly no help was coming from that corner. Muttering about overconfident chits and bad-ass vamps, Spike rose to his feet, and glared at the highly amused females.
“Sure, Spike.” Buffy’s giggles finally broke free as she met his affronted gaze. Biting her bottom lip to stifle her amusement, the Slayer grinned up at him from the couch. “You’re the evilest.”
Spike scowled. “Real convincin’ there, love.”
It felt good to hear his girl teasing him—not that he was going to tell her that of course. Folding his arms, the vampire threw himself back against the cushions for a much-warranted sulk.
Bloody women! Love’s bitch to the end.
“Ooh pouty.” Buffy stuck out her own bottom lip, mimicking Spike’s childlike appearance. “And here I thought Angel had the monopoly on the brood-fests.”
“Oi! Watch your gob, Summers.”
“I don’t know what you’re getting so upset about.” Dawn sat down on the coffee table and grinned at the disgruntled vampire. “It was a compliment! So, okay... I may not know as much about the whole vamp boyfriend thing as Buffy, ’cause, hey! Been there, done that... thrust a sword through the seriously annoying t-shirt—”
“Dawn!”
“—but I do know that you’re way cooler than Angel, and you don’t come with a side order of crazy—well, unless you count Dru... Which I’m so not. Plus, you don’t treat me like a little kid and that’s always a bonus!”
The sound of Buffy’s embarrassed laughter filled the air as she buried her burning face in his shoulder. The action felt so natural that without thinking, Spike wrapped his arm around his girl, drawing her closer and eliciting another squeal from the delighted teenager.
“Much as I appreciate the vote of confidence, bit, you might wanna keep the volume down, yeah?” Spike indicated towards the stairs. “Don’t rightly fancy a showdown with the Red Witch of Sunnydale this early in the day. Somehow I doubt she’ll take the news as well as you are.”
A small frown appeared on Dawn’s face as the sound of a car door slamming carried from outside. Leaping up, she carefully peered around the curtain before turning around to face the rooms other occupants. “Speaking of non-dealing scoobies, Xander’s coming up the driveway.” The name brought an instant smirk to the vampire’s lips, and Dawn quirked an eyebrow in response. “He hates you enough as it is,” she said stifling a grin. “So unless you want to witness a major hissy fit, you might wanna make yourself scarce.”
Snickering, Spike squeezed Buffy’s hand and rose from the couch. “Don’t bloody tempt me,” he replied. “Sounds like a right laugh.”
In all the excitement, he’d forgotten that the whelp had made a habit of taking Dawn to school, and by the apprehensive look on Buffy’s face, it appeared she had too. Reassuringly, he brushed his thumb over the back of her hand as he led her towards the kitchen, but before they reached the door, Dawn’s voice had them both spinning around like scolded children.
“And don’t think I’m letting you off that easily,” she said, grinning mischievously as she tossed Spike his leather duster. “I’m gonna want details… only… not too much, yeah? Cos, really, teenage mind here. And as happy as I may be, the thought of you two bumping uglies is beyond gross!”
The Slayer’s face immediately lit up in a fiery blush, but any retort was cut off by the sound of the doorbell. Chuckling merrily, Spike led Buffy into the kitchen. He flung his coat onto the center island, before turning and pulling her towards him. His arms banded around her waist, and he brushed a soft kiss across her lips. However, upon noticing her rigid posture and frantic heart rate, Spike leaned back to cup Buffy’s chin in his hand, forcing her eyes to his.
“You alright, kitten?” he asked, gently swiping his thumb across her bottom lip. “Only I can’t help noticin’ you’re stiff as a board… an’ that’s usually my area of expertise.”
His joke brought a small smile to Buffy’s lips, and she raised her hands to rest at his waist. “I’m fine,” she replied, taking a deep, calming breath. “I’m fine. I just… I wasn’t expecting that. I thought—God, I don’t know what I thought… but that went well… I think... Don’t you think it went well?”
Spike tightened his grip around the Slayer’s waist and dropped a tender kiss to her forehead. “Buffy. Calm down. Just relax, yeah? The niblet’s happy as long as you’re happy. And the others… well, I wager we’ll find that out soon enough.”
“I just wish…” Buffy sighed heavily and rested her head against his shoulder. “They won’t understand, Spike. I know how they’re going to react, but I don’t… I don’t want to lose them. Despite everything they’ve done… they’re still my friends.” Buffy’s fingers fisted in Spike’s shirt, and he held her trembling body as her hot breath bathed his neck. “I still love them.”
Her gentle exhalation sent a shiver racing down his spine, but Spike could feel the knot in his stomach tightening with each word that passed her lips. He knew it wouldn’t be easy. The years had conditioned Buffy to constantly seek approval from those around her. And he was still terrified that in the face of their condemnation, Buffy might buckle and be lost to him forever.
“I know, pet... I know.”
“Spike?” The inquiring tone of her voice summoned the vampire back from his dark thoughts. Evidently, his feelings of fear and doubt must have conveyed in his words, because Buffy offered him a reassuring smile and whispered a lingering kiss across his lips. “I meant what I told you last night,” she said, taking his hands in hers. “I’m scared, but I’m not going to hide our relationship. I want—I need to tell them properly. I just… I just need a little time.”
“How much time?” Spike was painfully aware of the note of desperation in his voice. He could hear Dawn talking to Harris in the living room. No doubt his niblet was giving him time to escape unnoticed. If he were smart, he would use this opportunity to steal a parting kiss and make for the sewers. Well, Spike had been accused of many things over the years, but being smart wasn’t high on the list. He was ruled by his heart—and his heart was telling him to grab hold of his girl, and never let go.
“I told you I won’t hide how I feel, pet. Not anymore. Not after last night.”
“Spike, please,” Buffy was torn between easing his fears, and the overriding need to organize her turbulent thoughts. “I’m not asking you to, but—”
“Don’t do this to me, love.” Barely listening to her words, Spike’s mind flashed to their kiss in the alley just days earlier. “Don’t run from us again. I’m beggin’ you.”
Releasing her grip on his hands, Buffy reached up to cup Spike’s face, urging him to meet her imploring gaze. “Spike, listen to me. I just need to get my head together. Figure out the best way to approach it. That’s all.”
For endless seconds his eyes burned into hers, wordlessly seeking for answers and reassurance. Finally, Spike released a deep sigh, reluctantly nodding his acquiescence. If time was what Buffy needed, time she would get. He had to trust that she would fight for her independence. Trust her to fight for them.
Buffy couldn’t blame him for his apprehension. After all, her track record when it came to confronting her friends wasn’t much to write home about. Nevertheless, the idea that her brash, over-confident vampire could be so insecure when it came to trusting her convictions was a painful awareness to have. In that moment, the Slayer resolved to erase any lingering doubts from his mind.
“Tonight.” Buffy couldn’t help smiling when a look of surprised relief washed over his features. “We’ll tell them tonight. Together.”
Spike was grateful that vampires were incapable of blushing. “I’m sorry, love. I didn’ mean to react like that. Sometimes my mouth starts runnin’ before my brain gets a chance to catch up is all. The thought of losin’ you drives me a little batty.”
“I noticed,” Buffy replied. “But I love you, anyway.”
“Say it again”
“I love you.”
In an instant, Spike hauled her against his body as he attacked her mouth with a ravenous kiss. One hand twisted in her hair as he angled her head, allowing him to deepen the embrace. Oxygen was fast becoming an issue for the surprised slayer until Spike released a frustrated growl and pulled away, panting needlessly.
“Bloody hell,” he whispered. “I’d better go before Harris finds me corruptin’ you on the kitchen table.
Buffy grinned. “I suppose that’s one way of breaking the news.”
“Short an’ effective.”
“Huh, kinda like you.”
“Bitch”
“You love it.”
Advancing slowly, Spike backed her against the sideboard. “Too right I do.” His fingers ghosted down her arm. “Have I told you today?”
Buffy giggled and batted her eyelashes, the picture of innocence. “I’m not sure,” she replied. “Maybe you should tell me anyway? In the interest of fairness, of course.”
“Of course.” Spike leaned in, stopping mere inches from her lips. “I—”
“Good Godfrey Cambridge, Spike!”
The addition of a third voice made them both jump apart as Xander appeared in the doorway.
“Still trying to mack on Buffy? Wake up already. Never gonna happen!” Xander was on a roll and carried on oblivious to the twin glares aimed in his direction. “Only a complete loser would ever hook up with you. Well, unless she's a simpleton like Harmony, or a nut sack like Drusilla.”
Spike suppressed a chuckle at the brassed-off look that flashed across his slayer’s features. It was a look that had been aimed in his direction on numerous occasions, and the thought of seeing Buffy let loose on the whelp brought a smile to his lips. Nevertheless, before either had a chance to respond, Dawn entered the kitchen, blanket in hand. Blatantly ignoring the self-righteous scooby, Spike aimed a pointed glance in Buffy’s direction before heading for the door.
There were very few moments in the Slayer’s bizarre life where everything seemed to fall into place. And yeah, maybe it was just childish insurgency, but Xander’s blind prejudice in regards to Spike pissed her off. Screw waiting for the right moment. In her experience actions spoke louder than words anyway.
“Hey, Spike! Wait up.” Buffy smirked and crossed the room. “I think you forgot something.”
He turned to face her, confusion etched on his face, as she placed her hands on his waist and claimed his mouth with a hard, possessive kiss. Telling him with that one, bold gesture that whatever happened, wherever this led, she wasn’t afraid. She wanted this. She wanted him.
“Thank you for last night,” she whispered against his lips. Her eyes shone with devilish delight as she brought a hand up to free his platinum curls. “You were amazing.”
Recovering quickly, Spike glanced over Buffy’s shoulder and smirked at Xander’s appalled expression. “The pleasure was all mine, goldilocks. Patrollin’ tonight?”
“You betcha.”
Unable to wipe the idiotic grin from his face, Spike stole a parting kiss before taking the blanket from an equally ecstatic Dawn. “Later, niblet,” he said, throwing it over his head before darting out the door and running towards the closest sewer entrance.
“Bye, Spike.” Smiling, Dawn turned towards her sister, but her good mood faded when she noticed the dark expression on Xander’s face.
“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” Xander’s voice rang out through the kitchen, causing the Slayer to spin around to face him. “Buffy? What—”
“Not now, Xander.”
“But—”
“I said not now. I’ve had a long night, and all I want to do is take a bath and catch up on some sleep.” Gathering Spike’s forgotten duster, Buffy left the kitchen feeling like a huge weight had lifted from her shoulders. She paused at the bottom of the stairs and turned to face her irate friend. “There are things we need to discuss,” she said, her tone steady and uncompromising. “You may not like what I have to say, but one way or another, things are going to change around here.”
<
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!