Chapter 2
The almost inaudible click as the door closed seemed to echo between them. A line had just been crossed. Not the first, and probably not the last, but right now it seemed the most significant. Something was changing and they both felt it. It was terrifying but strangely comforting. Neither of them knew what to do and as Spike took a seat beside Buffy at the island they both stared at the smooth surface of the worktop with thoughts running madly through their heads.
I asked Spike into my house. It’s not like he didn’t have an open invitation anyway but still. I asked him in. He’s here beside me. My mortal enemy, or once mortal enemy. Wait shouldn’t that be immortal? I mean I’m human and he could kill me but he’s a vampire so he’s immortal so doesn’t that make him my immortal enemy or how does that work exactly?
What am I thinking about. I’m babbling inside my own head about language and word usage when I should be focusing on the fact that I just asked Spike into my house to stay with me. The sun will be up in a few hours. What am I gonna do kick him out?
She began arguing with herself as a little voice in her head tried to point a few things out to her.
No you won’t kick him out because you knew when you decided you wanted him to stay that you wanted him here ‘til you had to go to the hospital. You don’t want him to leave. Which means he’s gonna have to stay here all day or make a dash for the sewers without turning to dust.
I don’t want him dust.
Buffy stilled at that last thought. Her eyes grew wide and she was glad that Spike seemed too caught up in his own thoughts to notice.
I don’t want him dust. I don’t want Spike dust. Spike and dust equals not good. Since when did I start thinking like that? No wait I know what this is. Spike is here for me. I’m upset about my Mom and he caught me at a vulnerable time. I just don’t want him dust right now because I ne.., I want him here to talk to and to distract me. Which he’s certainly proving useful at. I haven’t thought about the impending trip of doom for a while. Which means when all this is over I can just go back to hating him and…and I can…turn the vampire I turned to for help to dust without a second thought if I have to. Yeah, right.
Buffy’s face soured at the realisation that no matter how much he infuriated her there was no way she could be heartless enough to dust him after tonight. Let’s face it she didn’t have the heart to do it once he got that chip. All those threats were just empty. She couldn’t harm a defenceless creature. But if he ever got the chip out all bets were off. Would that still be the case now? Buffy wasn’t sure.
She sighed. Things were getting really complicated.
Spike’s mind had been travelling down a similarly complicated path.
Okay, I’m sitting in Buffy’s kitchen beside the girl herself who invited me in. I must be dreaming. No way this is really happening right? But it smells real enough, sounds real enough, feels real enough. Bloody hell I’m gonna be pissed if this is another sodding dream.How long am I here for? Will she come to her senses in the morning when she has to face what’s happening to her mum? Will the sun remind her who she is and what she’s s’posed to be doing? Don’ like that thought. That could lead to a punch in the nose and gettin’ tossed out the door to burn. Maybe she’ll give me a blanket, won’t want me to burn even if she does kick me out, unless she gets mad over earlier in the alley, what I said ‘bout slayers.
He couldn’t help but grin at the irony.Bleedin’ hell some Big Bad I turned out to be. Slayer of Slayers. Toughest, meanest and baddest vamp around. Better track record than anyone when it came to doin’ in slayers. Hardly any vamps managed to off one unless they were lucky or the girl was fresh, or both. Sure I got Aurelian blood in me an’ I’m older than most survive but I’m not all that old an’ I offed my first slayer when I was little more ’n a fledge. All set up an’ ready to get my third and look what happens. Go against everythin’ in my nature to make a truce with her which is all that ponce’s fault. Come back for revenge with the Gem of Amarra an’ get my arse royally kicked an’ then get a bloody chip put in my head by the slayer’s newest boy, making me a completely useless demon ‘til I go an’ bloody well fall in love with her.
Only it didn’t just happen like that did it Spikey? You felt something for her from the start. Not love but something. Lust. You wanted her the minute you saw her dancing with her friends in the Bronze an’ it only grew more intense when you fought her at the school. Came close to doin’ her in then ‘til her mum showed up didn’ you, and again at Halloween. You had her right there helpless and begging to be finished off but no. Ol’ Spike has to gloat, take his time, breath in her scent, savour the feel of her under him. Yeah you know you were hard with that hot little body pressed under you, heart galloping a mile a minute. Took your time and the spell broke an’ once again you got your ass kicked and had to run off like a coward. Humiliated you she did. Broke your sodding legs an’ put you in a wheelchair to suffer, then went an’ brought Angelus back to torture you, though you can’t really blame her for that. Not like she knew after all but you did then didn’ you? Blamed her for everythin’. It was the truce that did it. You saw her then. Her strength. Goin’ against someone she loved. Course you walked off with Dru an’ left her there thinkin’ she was gonna die but you were tryin’ to hide it weren’t you? Didn’ care about her long as you had Dru. Sorry you wouldn’ be the one to do it but better to get out while you could.
Spike remembered how he’d felt when he knew she’d survived. World hadn’t ended. She stopped Angelus. He heard through the demon grapevine about how she’d killed Angel and all he’d felt was awe, sheer and utter awe at being able to kill someone that meant so much to her because of what she was and what she was expected to do. He could never have done that if it was him and Dru. Never.
All those arguments I had with Dru, all the torture she put me through. All because she knew. Knew what I felt for Buffy. Yeah I was impressed by her, proud even. Gave me an excuse for not bein’ able to kill her when she could do somethin’ like that to someone she loved. Of course I was obsessed. Might have tried ignoring it, refusing to go back there but I thought about her every day, revenge, amazement, wistfulness. Every emotion. The one that got away because she was, no, is the best. I finally met my match and thanks to the chip we never are gonna settle who’s better. Not that I could now anyway. Royally fucked up by falling in love with her. Always have to do it don’ I? Desire the unattainable, attracted to the best, Cecily, Dru an’ now the Slayer. Only she’s better than any of ‘em. She’s everything I’m not. The bloody definition of good versus evil here and who ever heard of evil fallin’ for good? Nothing is ever gonna be simple anymore where she’s concerned.
Spike sighed. Things were getting really, really complicated.
The two blondes sat in silence contemplating what they had admitted to themselves. It wasn’t uncomfortable anymore, sitting beside each other. Strangely they were both at ease now in a companionable silence. It was kind of…nice.
Buffy turned to look at Spike as he stared out the kitchen window and he slowly turned his head to face her. When she didn’t look away he gave her a tiny smile and to his delight and surprise she returned it. They turned away again to face the window once more.
After a minute Buffy remembered something and she hopped up off her seat startling the vamp beside her.
“Um I just remembered I never offered you anything and I know you like hot chocolate, I think Mom bought some more of those little marshmallows and I could really use a sugar rush right now. You um want any?”
Spike could hardly believe it. Buffy was offering to make him hot chocolate with marshmallows because she knew he liked it? This was surreal.
“Yeah pet. I’d love some.”
“Great.”
Buffy grinned at him and busied herself with making two cups of warm, chocolaty goodness.
It felt good to do something normal, domestic. She was treating him like any other houseguest and it was making her feel miles better to be doing something so simple. The easy way with which he accepted her offer was helping too. He was as lost as her in this new situation they found themselves in but he was going along with it and trying to make it as normal as possible the way she was. If he had given her that look that said she was stark raving mad and maybe he should call the loony bin right now or suggested she go get some sleep as that’s what was causing her change in attitude towards him she would have fallen into that helpless and vulnerable position she’d been in when he first got there. She needed to be understood and she needed to feel useful. She couldn’t do anything about her mother and wouldn’t know anything until after they got the results of the tests they were going to do at the hospital but she could take care of a guest in her house and keep herself busy until then.
“There,” she said, plopping two steaming mugs on the counter, “not as good as my Mom’s probably but still yummy and calorie filled. Not that you have to worry about that of course.”
Spike grinned at her and picked up his mug, gingerly taking a sip of the hot liquid and letting it warm his throat, feeling it come to settle in his stomach.
“It’s lovely pet. Cheers.”
Buffy smiled and sat down opposite him this time and began drinking her own, blowing on it to cool it slightly.
“So…” Spike said.
“So…” Buffy answered.
They looked at each other at a loss for conversation. What should they talk about? They’d never run out of words before but it wasn’t like they could insult each other with their usual banter now and he knew she didn’t want to talk about her Mom. What had happened earlier between them was unpleasant although it hadn’t started out that way so it probably wasn’t a good idea to mention it.
Buffy cringed slightly at the memory of shoving him to the ground, throwing her money at him and telling him he was beneath her. She had been so angry at what he’d told her. He had frightened her and only the realisation he still had the chip had given her the courage to shove him away, remembering that he couldn’t hurt her now. She knew he was her match and the fact he’d killed two slayers before gave him the credentials to be the one that ended her life. If an eighties reject like the vamp that staked her had gotten that close because of a slip on her part then there was no question Spike would have slipped in and had himself one hell of a good day if he’d been able. What really frightened her though was the moment after he’d said it, when she was rooted to the spot as though in his thrall and he’d leaned forward. It was crazy but she was almost positive that he’d been about to kiss her, what scared her more was the knowledge that for a split second she had hesitated before moving away. He didn’t have a thrall that she knew of but for a moment she had felt powerless to him and all her anger had boiled up. She did, had wanted it sometimes. The release that came with death, but he wasn’t going to be the one. She wouldn’t let it be him. He wouldn’t win. And so she had shoved him away and left him there. For a minute she imagined she heard a sob behind her but pushed the ridiculous idea behind. He was a killer and he was evil, he deserved to lie in the gutter.
Only he doesn’t deserve it does he? Her mind argued. You’re sitting here with him sharing your problems that you haven’t even mentioned to your friends yet, not to mention Riley, wherever he is. After everything you’ve done to him, every nasty word and insult, he put away his anger to help you.
“Spike, I’m…I’m sorry.”
He looked at her sharply. She had her head bent down, looking into her mug. He was about to ask her what she meant but she cut him off.
“I’m sorry about earlier. What I said. I was angry and I took it out on you because you told me the truth. I came to you looking for answers and you gave them to me. It’s not your fault I didn’t like what I heard. You were right. You scared me. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that regardless of what you are. I’m sorry.”
Okay now this really was too much. Had reality shifted at some point. It would explain the weirdness going on around here. Buffy was apologising to him. What bizzare world was this? She must really be distraught to be apologising to Spike for being her usual righteous self. Not that he wasn’t happy with her current treatment of him but this wasn’t the slayer he knew and it was making him nervous.
“Don’t apologise Slayer. You were right. I was out of line. Yeah you didn’t like what you heard but I shouldn’t have tried to scare you so much and God knows I had no business tryin’ to intimidate you like that. Helpless when it comes to humans and I go runnin’ my mouth off to the Slayer. Trust me I was asking for it.”
“You’re not beneath me Spike and it was wrong to say you were. Sure we hate each other and yes you can’t hurt me with that chip but without it you’ve given me some of the best fights of my life and we never did get to finish them. You do realise you’re my longest lasting enemy so far, right? Most don’t make it through a year.”
“You’re good Summers I’ll admit. Thanks for the unexpected ego boost but the only reason I’ve lasted so long is cos I know when to run, not to mention the chip. Sorta puts a damper on being your enemy when I can’t do anythin’ to you.”
“Huh, I never would have taken you for the modest type Spike. Who knew? It’s important to know when to run. I would have been dead a hundred times over if I didn’t know when to call it quits and most of the times I got the upper hand with you was because you got me seriously pissed off. You really have a talent for that.”
“My bloody undoin’ pet. Can’t resist gettin’ you all worked up like that in a fight. Puts a fire in your eyes and the demon in me jus’ goes hell yeah, there’s my girl. This slayer’s a real challenge.”
“Always did enjoy kicking your ass.”
“Still do.”
“Yeah, I guess I do, huh?”
“Sure as hell feels like you do. Glutten for punishment I am. Know it’s a bad idea but I still can’t resist pissing you off and seeing you all mad and self-righteous. Guess it reminds me of the old days and lets me know I can still get under your skin.”
Boy could he, Buffy thought. He could really get to her and all it would take was a single smirk or cocky word and she was as riled as she could be. Whatever he said or did would annoy her so much she couldn’t help but hit out at him and then replay the moment in her head over and over all day.
She realised they’d finished their drinks and glancing over at the sink saw that the dishes hadn’t been done and were stacked up in the sink waiting to be washed. She let out a groan followed by a resigned sigh and stood up.
“What’s up luv?”
“Dishes need washing. One of my favourite chores. I’m pretty sure Dawn was supposed to do them after dinner but surprise surprise it looks like she forgot,” Buffy replied as she brought their mugs over to the pile and began filling the sink with water and rolling up her sleeves.
“Need help?”
Buffy was a little stunned and turned to face him, a sceptical look on her face and one eyebrow raised.
“You want to help wash up? You do dishes?”
“Well doin’ the dishes for me usually means rinsing out a glass or two but I can wash up and I will help. I can dry if you like. Get it done faster.”
Buffy thought about it for a second and decided it was probably better than leaving him sitting there doing nothing.
“Ok, sure. Grab a towel over there and get drying.”
Spike grinned, relieved to be able to help and happy to stand beside her. It was another moment of domestic bliss he was unused to but found he enjoyed. It was a novelty at least.
“Want some music?” Buffy asked nodding at the stereo next to her.
“Sure.”
Buffy turned on the radio and after flicking through several stations found one that was relatively lively and upbeat considering the early hour. She realised the sky was starting to lighten and that daylight was approaching and it made her sad. She didn’t want the night to end yet. Just for this moment she was free and she was enjoying it.
Spike noticed her suddenly melancholy mood as she looked out at the slowly brightening sky. Morning was fast approaching and soon she’d be off to see her mum in the hospital. He worried about her not having slept at all, knowing she’d be completely exhausted with what she had yet to face but figured sleep wouldn’t have come even if he hadn’t been there. He hated to think what sort of a state she might have gotten into left alone in the house by herself.
As she finished washing up and passed the last of the dishes to Spike to dry she pulled the plug and watched all the water drain out of the sink. Seeing it get sucked up into the deep, black hole reminded her of the Hellmouth on which they lived. Her life was about fighting demons but now she found it rocked by something normal. All she wanted was to have a normal life but now she was being threatened by something normal people dealt with that she was powerless to stop. There was nothing mystical about her Mom’s illness and knowing that made Buffy feel helpless again. She couldn’t go out fighting demons while her Mom needed her and she couldn’t do anything to help her Mom. She felt completely useless. She brought her hand to her mouth and tried to smother a sob. God she was going to cry again.
In the next instant she felt strong arms wrapping around her, pulling her against a firm stable body and she relaxed against it fully. Spike tightened his hold on her and Buffy let go completely, burying her face in his chest and letting the tears flow from her. She sobbed loudly and her body shook, she gripped his t-shirt tightly, afraid to let go as she fell apart in his arms. He supported her weight and she felt him run his hand up and down her back and then begin to rub soothing circles across her shoulders. He lowered his head so his mouth was just above her ear and he made soothing noises.
“Shh Buffy. It’s alright. I’ve got you. It’ll be ok. You can do this. I’ve got you Buffy. I’ve got you.”
He had. He had her and she wanted to stay in his arms. She let everything she’d been feeling since her Mom told her the news pour out knowing that he would keep holding her through it until she had let it all go.
After a while she stopped shaking and her sobs began to die down. She continued to grip his shirt tightly with her head buried against his chest and noticed that he had been gently rocking her from side to side. Soon her remaining sobs turned into small sniffles and she began to become aware of her surroundings once more.
She noticed his scent as she breathed in and out. Cigarettes, alchohol, leather and something else. Something unique. The scent of Spike. He smelled wonderful and she inhaled again, a deep breath, breathing him in. His shirt was soaked from her tears and she could feel his muscular body as her hands rested against the soft fabric. He continued stroking her back and she revelled in the feel of him against her, holding her so tenderly.
The music had changed to something slower and Spike began to sway them both in time to the sounds coming from the stereo. Soon they were moving slowly together in the kitchen, dancing. A different dance to what they usually took part in. No fighting or verbal sparring. Just moving together, two people swaying to their own beat. She felt her hands move up and down his chest and she vaguely wondered what she was doing. He felt so good, she couldn’t help it. She wanted to feel more of him.
Spike let out a low moan as she began trailing her hands up and down his chest, moving up to his shoulders and back down his arms, then back up again until they came to rest about his neck. Slowly she brought her head up to look at him and he stared down into her watery hazel eyes. God she was beautiful. He knew he could get lost in her eyes. Who was he kidding? He was lost, utterly lost to her.
Buffy’s breathing quickened as she looked up into his deep blue gaze. She knew she should stop this. Pull away, but she couldn’t. She felt like she had back in the alley when he made a move as if to kiss her and she had hesitated, as if she was under some kind of thrall. The voice in her head telling her to move away and let go of him was being ignored by her body which seemed to want to grip him tighter. The way he was looking at her was so intense.
Time seemed to have stopped and she could no longer hear the music as she stared back at him. Slowly she drew closer to him and he began lowering his head to hers, tightening his arms around her, bringing her closer to him. They were centimeters apart, still looking into each other’s eyes and Buffy shivered when she felt his lips brush against hers. It was barely a touch but she felt it with every fibre of her being and her lips stung with hot need from where he’d touched her. She felt him tremble before moving in again, this time pressing his lips to hers and holding them there before moving away again. He was going to kill her if he kept that up. Each touch was torture making her long for more and she found herself moving forward in search of his mouth as she brought their lips together a third time for a longer, deeper kiss.
Spike moaned against her mouth, feeling the heat radiating from her and washing over him. He couldn’t believe he was kissing Buffy and she was kissing him back. This was heaven. He overcame his initial hesitancy when he felt her respond to him, apparently with no intention of moving away and he became more daring, running his tongue along her lips and then sucking her bottom lip into his mouth and nibbling on it. He was rewarded when she gasped and moaned against him, tilting her head back and leaning into the kiss. They were so caught up in each other they didn’t notice the trail of smoke rising up around them.
Spike had never felt anything like her. He was sure he was going to burn up from kissing her. He dimly became aware of a stinging sensation along the side of his face that was gradually becoming more painful and difficult to ignore. He soon realised what was happening when a flame erupted from his cheek and he jumped back with a shout from the sunlight pouring through the window. Cursing furiously he ducked back into the shelter of the house and hurridly extinguished his burning cheek. Bloody brilliant. He was lucky he’d moved away when he did. The burn wasn’t too bad and would heal quickly. He was more furious at having been interrupted from such an unexpectedly intimate moment with the Slayer.
Buffy had come to her senses with a shock when Spike suddenly tore himself away from her. Looking on as he attempted to put out the mini fire on his face reality came crashing down on her and the little voice in her brain that had seemed so muffled when she’d lost herself in his kisses began screaming at her.
“This is wrong! This is wrong! This is wrong!”
Oh God she’d kissed Spike. What was she thinking? She hadn’t been thinking, simple as. She’d only felt, wanted, taken. She’d given herself to him and it had been wonderfully freeing. No it was wrong! He was her enemy, she wanted him here as a distraction, as someone to talk to, not a shoulder to cry on, not to kiss. That was why she had Riley. Oh God Riley! What had she done?
Spike took one look at her distraught face and knew it was over. Whatever had happened had ended and the harsh light of day had reminded her of what he was. He prepared to be tossed out into the sun and wondered if he could make it into the sewers without a blanket.
Buffy attempted to still her pounding heart and compose herself. She had to think, had to concentrate. As the sun poured further light into the kitchen one thought entered into Buffy’s head and she regained her focus.
“Mom. It’s morning. I have to get ready. I…I have to go to the hospital.”
Spike nodded, surprised she still hadn’t kicked him out. In fact she was making her way past him and heading for the stairs.
“Uh right. I guess I should go then. You wouldn’t happen to have a blanket I could borrow?”
Buffy stopped with her foot on the steps.
“Huh?”
“You know a blanket so I don’t burst into flames…again.”
“Oh right.”
Spike shifted uncomfortably.
“You know what it’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’ll just go.”
He set off back towards the door avoiding the sunlight streaking through the windows and Buffy panicked. He was leaving. That was of the good, but she didn’t want him to dust outside. Why did the thought of him leaving upset her after what they’d just done? She should be glad to see him go.
“Spike wait, don’t go.”
He stopped and jerked around to look at her in amazement.
“I mean you don’t have to…It’s just I don’t want you to burn up out there and…well…I’ll be at the hospital all day so you can stay here if you like. You know until the sun goes down and you can leave without the threat of a fiery death. Or you know, whenever. I’m sure you left a blanket here somewhere after your last visit and if you can find it then, you know, you could go but I’m in a hurry so I can’t help you look and…I gotta go get ready.”
And with that the Slayer flew up the stairs to shower and get ready leaving Spike standing in the hall stunned and confused and elated all at once.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!