Leaving Dawn and Willow to deal with the last of the guests, Buffy slipped outside into the alleyway that ran down the side of the building. This was such a mess, and she didn't know what to do.
She leaned against the cool brick wall, closing her eyes. Just as she felt herself beginning to relax, a familiar tingle ran down her spine. Her eyes flew open, narrowing immediately.
"I know you're here," she muttered under her breath. She peered down the dark of the alleyway, and made out the outline of the black Desoto.
She rolled her eyes and headed towards it. Running her hand over the hood absentmindedly, she opened the passenger door, and slid into the car.
Spike was bent over the wheel, head pressed against his fists, which were tightly curled around the steering wheel.
As Buffy shut the door, his head snapped up. He stared at her intensely for a moment, until she sighed impatiently.
"Are you just gonna look at me forever?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.
He gave her a half-smile. "You know I could, luv."
"Yeah, well, it makes me feel all...weird."
He dropped his hands into his lap, and rested his head back. "Sorry, pet, but you've gotta give me a little bit more than 'weird' here."
She fidgeted uncomfortably. "I don't know. Self-conscious, I guess." A pause. "Look, can we just leave it already?" She snapped irritably.
He sucked in his cheeks in annoyance. "Well, you came over to my car, I'll remind you. Wasn't I annoyin' you enough from far away that you had to come and find me for an argument."
She opened her mouth to find the right words, but she knew he didn't deserve lies and excuses from her anymore.
"I'm sorry," she whispered simply.
He nodded, his eyes closed. "Thank you."
"Ha," she muttered sadly. "I don't deserve your thanks, Spike."
When he didn't respond, she looked around the car.
"Hey, where's Miss-Attempt-To-Make-Buffy-Jealous-2002?"
This earned her a chuckle. "Pet, you see through everything, don't you? I sent her home, told her I felt sick. She's gone."
"Oh... so, um, will you be seeing her again?" Buffy asked, staring fixedly at the dashboard of the car.
"No. Why does it bother you so much, Buffy?"
She sighed. "Because seeing you with her made me crazy jealous. And angry, and sad. And relieved. Are you happy now?"
He lifted his hand hesitantly to her face, and gently stroked her cheek when she didn't move away. "You think you bein' sad would make me happy? You know me better than that, Slayer."
"Well, I don't know, every time I'm miserable, you're there."
"Well, that's because every time you're miserable, you're alone. You never let them see you in your misery. Nobody, except me. Why is that, pet?" He smoothed her hair back.
"Because..." she said evasively, moving his hand away.
He caught her wrist.
"'Because...'?" He prompted.
She pushed him away, and climbed into the back-seat.
He growled, and turned to face her. "Buffy," he stressed impatiently.
She avoided his gaze, and ran her hand back and forth across the leather seat, agitated.
"Look at me, Buffy," he ordered.
When she reluctantly brought her eyes up to his, he saw that hers were swimming with tears.
"Xander left Anya at the altar."
As she dropped her head again, he climbed back beside her.
" 'M sorry. Never saw that comin'." He rubbed her arm soothingly.
"Yeah. Big suckfest, the whole thing. Poor Anya, I mean, she was devastated. I don't get how Xander could do it to her, you know? Anya loved him so much, and God, the look on her face..." She shook her head in disbelief.
"Where is he now?" Spike asked, massaging soothing circles onto her hand.
"I have no idea. Oh, God, it's Xander. I mean, I've known him for so long, and I never saw this coming. He loves her! I know he does. I don't get this!" She punched the front seat in frustration.
"Hey, now, luv. Let's not take it out on the car," he said jokingly. "Always would've thought she'd have left him, yeah? I mean, I don't think I could ever be married to somebody that annoying."
His attempt to lighten the mood made her give a small smile.
"I don't think you could ever be married. You? That settled?" She remarked with a smirk.
He pushed her playfully. "Well, give me the right woman..."
She rolled her eyes, serious again. "Spike, don't..."
He laughed. "Bloody hell, woman, I wasn't askin' to marry you! You'd drive me insane!"
"Gee, thanks."
He stroked her hair. "Do love you though."
She eyed him firmly. "Don't go there, Spike. Please. I can't talk about us right now. Not with all of them." She gestured towards the building. "Today really upset me. Everybody was hurting so much, and I couldn't save them."
He sighed. "You can't save them from themselves, pet. You know that."
"But I should try. I couldn't do anything, and I hated it. I feel like I've let them down."
"Buffy, preventin' the breakdown of your mates' relationships isn't exactly in the job description of the Chosen One, you know."
"I know that. But it wasn't the Slayer who let them down... It was their friend. And that's so much worse."
As she lapsed into silence, Spike struggled to find words to comfort the Slayer.
Eventually, he broke the quiet. "I didn't do anything with her, luv," he burst out. "I want you to know that. I didn't sleep with her. Hell, she didn't even get a goodnight kiss. I wouldn't... Well, I couldn't. So, no need to feel those bad feelin's jus' 'cause I brought some bird to the weddin'. Not even sure what her bloody name was... Yes, she was a stupid attempt to make you jealous, an' I apologize."
She smiled at him. "You suck at being evil, do you know that?"
He laughed, and put an arm around her. " 'M sorry today hurt you so much, pet. An' I was enjoyin' how happy you looked. It was great."
To his surprise, she wound her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. He tightened his hold around her, pressing his face to her soft hair, keeping her safe.
"I wish it was so much simpler," she murmured into his shirt.
"Wish what was simpler?" He asked, cocking his head to the side.
"Today. The wedding. Us. Everything, I guess..."
"You want us to be simpler? How's that now?"
She raised her head to face him. "I'm sorry. Because I never meant for this to hurt you. Really, I didn't. Strangely, one of the last things I want to do lately is hurt you. Not physically, of course. 'Cause you're so damn annoying it's easy." She flashed him a wry smile. "But I hurt you inside, and you should hate me. God, I hate me."
He frowned. "I could never hate you... Well, I used to, before everythin', of course. I mean, you are the Slayer, after all. But I love you, Summers. And you did hurt me, I'll admit. More than I thought I would, actually. Even Dru couldn't make feelings so intense in me. I love you so much more than I ever loved her. But hurt feelin's aside, don't hate yourself, pet. There's enough beasties out there doin' it, so there's no need for you to join in."
She nodded. "You're pretty forgiving for an evil vampire."
He shrugged. "I try."
Laughing, she leaned her head onto his shoulder. "Feels like I could've saved us both a lot of tears, though, if this was simpler."
"Both?" He repeated, frowning for a moment. "You cried?" He asked incredulously.
She bowed her head. "I do have a heart, you know," she said quietly.
He ran his hand along her arm. "Oh, I know. I used to like listenin' to it when you were sleepin'," he admitted in a whisper.
She flushed. "Can I ask, am I the only person who gets to see the William side of you?"
"Pet, you're the one who brought it out in me again. Been tryin' to bury the bugger for the past hundred years, but you keep diggin' him up, don't you?"
"He's very sweet," she whispered, looking up at him.
"You tell a soul, an' you're dead," he murmured, twirling a loose strand of her hair around his finger.
"Spike's not that bad either," she allowed. "Not very evil, actually."
He gave a low growl, bending his lips to her neck. She felt his human teeth graze her skin, a warning.
She gave a gasp. "What would the other vampires say? Slayer in your arms, time and time again... And you kiss her."
He pulled his face up to hers. "Well, pet, how do you think they'd react when they know that instead of plungin' a stake into my chest, you plant little kisses across it," he teased.
She curled her hands around his neck, and held her face close to hers. "You tell a soul, and you're dead," she repeated, brushing her lips against his.
He pulled her closer, and then it happened.
She felt what she hadn't realised she'd even been missing. But there it was. She kissed him hard, running her hands over the familiar planes of his cheekbones, his jaw, his throat, his collarbone, his shoulders, and back up through his hair.
Eventually, they pulled away allowing Buffy to catch her breath. Both panting hard, they stared at each other. The Slayer pressed a hand to her bruising lips, and gasped for breath. The vampire stared at her in wonder, fearing that she'd recoil any moment.
"Buffy, I -" he began, but she held her fingers to his lips, hushing him.
Then, she pulled him back to her, and stared into his eyes. Kissing him softly, she wound her arms around Spike, falling back into the embrace of the vampire.
And she forced herself to ignore the voice in the back of her head that was screaming itself hoarse that once she did this, she could never go back... she knew she couldn't... she didn't want to.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!