'Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else'
William ‘Spike’ Giles looked up at the stage of the Sunnydale high gym with a proud smile. His neighbour and best friend since he’d moved to America as a shy nine year old and girl he was completely in love with, Buffy Anne Summers, was up there currently accepting her prom queen crown.
It had been the moment she had been dreaming of ever since she’d been old enough to understand the premise of the title and in his eyes no one deserved it more.
She’d gone through so much in her young life, the blonde slip of a girl up on the platform. First were her father’s dodgy business dealings which had tragically caused his murder when Buffy was just ten years old. Then she’d lost her younger sister Dawn two years later when she was knocked down by a car. Finally, just over a year ago, she’d fallen for an older guy, Angel, who turned out to be seriously disturbed and tried to kill her.
And he’d been there for her through it all, comforted her when she’d seemed inconsolable. Yet it wasn’t in his arms she now stood, but in those of her enormous hall monitor of boyfriend, captain of the football team and prom king, Riley Finn.
Despite their closeness growing up, they didn’t exactly mix in the same social circles anymore. Buffy was the most popular girl in school, head cheerleader and class president. Spike was an outcast, his seemingly bad boy punk persona making him someone to be avoided.
And yet Buffy had never shunted him, always taking time out to talk to him in and out of school, despite the disapproval of her friends and boyfriend.
She had no idea of Spike’s feelings however, and he didn’t plan on letting on anytime soon. She may still see him as a friend despite their differences but he was no fool, he knew they could never work as more than that. And he had no wish to wreck their current platonic relationship.
Time spent with Buffy was like sunshine in his otherwise dark life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more'
After graduation, while Buffy was all set to start at the local university with Riley, Spike decided it was time to leave Sunnydale. He couldn’t be around to see her falling for someone else. But at the same time he couldn’t bare the thought of being too far from her so he chose a west coast school, Washington State.
He’d been there a month when Buffy phoned him in the middle of the night in tears. He couldn’t make out what was wrong between her sobs so he’d told her he’d be there by morning and jumped in his car. He broke every speed limit in his race home, somehow without getting stopped. He arrived at eight am as promised.
And there she was, his sunshine, face streaked with tears, waiting for him on her porch. It was her mother; she’d been diagnosed with cancer.
So he held her while she cried, comforting her in the way he’d done a thousand times before, the way only he could. It wasn’t her boyfriend she’d wanted in her hour of need, but him.
He knew he’d always be the one she called. And he knew he’d always come.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
And she will be loved'
He made the trip from Washington to California many more times after that. When she’d broken up with Riley after she’d found he’d cheated on her, when the next guy she fell for, Scott, broke her heart, and for the last time in his final year of college when her mother passed away.
Standing next to Buffy at the graveside of Joyce Summers while the rain fell above them, he knew it was time to come home. He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as she threw the first of the dirt on the coffin, knowing he couldn’t be away from her any longer. He would make arrangements the very next day to transfer to UC Sunnydale.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore'
Later that night she climbed the trellis on the side of his house and knocked on his window as she’d done a thousand times before. He let her in and wordlessly took her in his arms as she’d sobbed. When she calmed, she kissed him, and he let her. Clothes were quickly shed and soon they had lay in his bed together, him giving her comfort in a way only he could.
He didn’t see her for a while after that. She’d taken off the morning after the funeral, leaving him a letter in her place. It told him she was sorry she hadn’t said goodbye but it was easier this way, if he’d have looked into her eyes and asked her to stay she knew she would have. But she needed to be away from the place which held so many painful memories, so she was quitting college, selling her mothers house and moving to LA.
He’d still come home, finishing his final year at Sunnydale and getting a job at a small law firm in the town. Many times he’d gone to Los Angeles to search for her, each time returning disappointed. And when his parents had decided to return to England, he’d refused to leave the house, even though it was much too big for one person and it would have made more sense to rent an apartment in the town, for fear Buffy wouldn’t know where to find him when she needed him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my doors always open
You come anytime you want'
He’d known it was a case of when not if. She’d be back when she’d hit the next hurdle in her tragic life. And though he knew he should probably hate her for using him, for always taking from him and never giving anything back, for only coming to him when she needed him and seemingly not giving a damn about him when she didn’t, he knew he never would. She’d only ever known pain and she didn’t know how to offer anything else.
And come back she did, though he wished he could have been proved right in a less awful way. She knocked on his door, almost four years after she’d left, covered in bruises; some old, many new.
She told him she’d met a guy when she’d first moved up there, some wanker called Parker. He’d seem really nice and sweet and it wasn’t long before she’d moved out of her dank little apartment and into his penthouse suite.
But Parker had soon changed. He had quite the temper it seemed and began to hit her regularly. Buffy stuck it out, she had no money; she’d given up her diner job at his request, and had depended on him for everything.
But the final straw had been when he’d raised his hand to William.
William; her three year old son, named after his father.
Seemed the night of Joyce’s funeral he’d given her more than just comfort.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved'
He never did ask her why she hadn’t told him he was a dad; he already knew the answer anyway. It was because then she might have actually had to have been happy. And she didn’t think she deserved to be.
How could she be happy when her mother and father and sister were all gone? It was this guilt that’d kept her with the abusive bastard for so long. Feeling pain was better than feeling nothing at all.
But as she’d stood there that day on his doorstep, his son in her arms, rain pouring down around them, he knew he was never letting her go again. They’d moved in with him immediately.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls'
The first time he’d found the note he’d been terrified he’d lost her. I can’t do this anymore… He’d just come home from work, picking their son up from pre-k on the way.
He’d taken William round to be looked after by their neighbours; the couple who had bought Buffy’s old house and who they’d become firm friends with, Willow and Xander, and jumped into his car.
He’d looked practically everywhere before he’d found her, sitting in her car on top of Kingman's Bluff overlooking Sunnydale. He’d taken her home, only to find the same note a week later.
It started as a regular occurrence, a weekly event, and eventually he stopped going to find her. And sure enough, a couple of hours later she’d walk through the door.
He knew her, and knew now every time she left that she’d be back. Because she needed him. And he’d always be there. Because he loved her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Tap on my window,
Knock on my door
I wanna make you feel beautiful'
Coming home one night, exactly two years after the first time he’d found the note, a sense of dread filled him. She’d started to leave less and less; going from once a week, to once a month, to once every three. The last time had been six months ago and he’d thought she was finally settled.
He approached the folded piece of paper cautiously, something about this time felt different, though he couldn’t say exactly what.
His eyes widened as he scanned the words. I love you…
“I love you” was repeated in a soft female voice from behind him and turning towards it, Spike found himself with his arms full of Buffy as she hugged him, promising never to let go.
She also told him she’d been accepted back at college, training as a school councillor so she could help troubled teens like he had helped her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved'
Predictably, it rained on their wedding day. But it didn’t matter. For as she stood at the end of the aisle, Spike beside her, pure adoration shining in his eyes, their son between them holding one of each of their hands, Buffy knew it was time to let the past go.
She was happy and at peace.
And she was loved.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!