Title: Choices
Author: Pattyanne
Disclaimer: None of the BtVS
or AtS characters belong to me.
Rating: NC-17
Feedback: I'll pout if you don't.
Summary: A 'What If' story. I watched
Chosen the other day, and I just can't
stand it anymore. So...remember when
Angel and Buffy had their conversation
about Spike and what he meant to her?
Well, what if.....?
*******************************************
Part One: Follow Your Heart
Pulling back from the kiss, Buffy was surprised
at how little she felt.
Once upon a time, Angel kissing had been one of
her favorite things to do, and she did it as often as
possible. Those kisses had made her dizzy with
happiness, the kind of happiness only a sixteen year
old girl in love for the first time can feel.
He was accomplished at the task, knew what he
was doing, and he always projected a deep amount
of affection into every single kiss.
At the time, she'd thought she'd found heaven in
the most unlikely place. It wasn't until she'd been
kissed by another vampire, one as different from Angel
as dusk from dawn, that she realized heaven...kiss-
ing wise....was a relative thing.
In fact, even as she'd stepped into it, she couldn't
really say why. For old times sake, was the best
she could summon up, and it sounded lame even to
her. Seconds into the kiss, she was already regret-
ting it. There was none of the old pleasant tingle,
none of the passion she remembered feeling.
"Okay, okay...I'm basked." Placing one hand on his
chest, she moved back out of reach. "What are you
doing here?"
"Not saving the damsel in distress," he replied lightly.
"That's for sure."
She almost said, "S' all right. I have someone else to
do that, thanks all the same," but she managed to hold
the words back.
"Oh, you know me." She leaned over and scooped up
the scythe. Without being fully conscious of doing it, she
held it up like a shield, separating herself from him. "Not
much for the damseling."
For a long time afterwards, she wasn't really able to
clearly recall most of what was said next between
them. Something to do with her being in distress, a
file folder chock full of intel, and her instructing him to
get the hell out of LA.
Then, like a malevolent Jack-in-the-Box, Caleb
popped back up and knocked Angel flat with a
marble statue. He turned to Buffy, blood streaming
from his eyes and nose.
"You ready to finish this....bitch?"
Oh, was she ever!
Narrowing her eyes, she invited him to take his
best shot.
He swung the statue again, which she'd known
he would do. Avoiding it easily, she countered
with the scythe, but he saw it coming and blocked
the swing.
Landing hard on the ground, she ducked as he threw
the statue at her, then scrambled to her feet. "How many
times do I have to kill you?" she asked. "Ballpark figure?"
He glared at her. "You understand nothing."
Maybe not, but it didn't really matter. She
didn't have to understand him to finish him off.
"You can't stop me," he added. "You don't have
the balls."
"Oh, you're dead wrong about that," she said,
slicing through him so neatly that it took him a
moment to comprehend what she'd done. "Bye,
now." She waggled her fingers as he fell apart
into two separate sections.
Almost immediately, Angel regained consciousness
and jumped to his feet. "Okay, NOW I'm pissed!" he
growled. "Where is he?"
A childish giggle bubbled from her lips. It was
such a perfect line, how could she not use it?
"He had to split."
*******************************************
She took a close look at the item in Angel's hand,
then shrugged. "I can already tell you I have nothing
to go with that."
"It's not for you."
"Good, cuz it's butt ugly. Who's it for?"
"Someone ensouled," he said. "But stronger than
human. A champion. As in me."
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes at that statement,
she replied, "Or me."
Angel shook his head. "I don't know enough about it
to risk you wearing it."
It wasn't his call to make, but trust Angel to make it
anyway.
Buffy wasn't in the mood for an "anything you can do,
I can do better' type of exchange. "So, you're gonna
be with me in this?" she asked, half hoping that he'd
say no.
"Shoulder to shoulder...I'm yours."
She briefly wondered why he hadn't shown up with
this sort of offer the last time she'd needed help...or
the time before that, or the time before THAT.
They'd all been cataclysmic, world ending events,
and she'd have been grateful for an extra pair of
hands. What made THIS one so special?
Still, he HAD offered. Granted, she didn't really
need him, but it was a nice gesture all the same.
"No. You're not gonna be in this fight," she
said, turning to leave.
He frowned. "Why the hell not? You NEED me in
this."
She took the amulet out of his hand. "I need
you gone."
"Why?"
**Because I SAID so, that's why.** "Because if I
lose...if this thing gets past Sunnydale...then it's
days -maybe hours- before the rest of the world
goes. I need a second front, and I need you to run
it."
"Okay." He crossed his arms over his chest and
gave her a skeptical look. "That's one reason.
What's the other?"
Buffy walked out of the tomb. "There IS no
other."
Angel was right on her heels as she stepped
out into the dark cemetery, lingering at the
door. "Is it Spike?"
The question made her stop and turn around.
"You're not telling me something." There was a
hint of accusation in his voice, which she didn't
much care for. "And his scent..I remember it
pretty well."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "You vampires. Did any-
body ever tell you the whole smelling people
thing's a little gross?"
Once again, she turned to walk away.
"Is he your boyfriend?"
The devil perched on her shoulder urged her
to say, "No. He's my lover," just to see what
kind of reaction she'd get.
"Is that any of your business?" she asked.
"You in love with him?"
That stopped her cold. No one had EVER asked
her that question before. Even after her stormy
physical relationship with Spike fell apart and
the secret was revealed to them, not one of her
friends had asked, as if they knew what the
answer might be, and didn't really want to hear
it.
They had talked loud and long about THEIR
feelings on the subject, especially Xander, but
HER feelings had somehow gotten lost in the
shuffle.
"Okay, maybe I'm out of line here..."
MAYBE?!
"....but this is kind of a curve ball for me. I
mean, we ARE talking about Spike here."
That comment irritated her. The words them-
selves, the tone he used, the whole thing..and
she felt a sudden need to defend her lover...
Her EX-lover! Ex, ex, ex!
"It's different. HE'S different. He has a soul now."
She'd said those words before, in a very per-
functory manner, an automatic response to
whatever accusation or observation that poured
out of the mouths of her friends.
But this time was different somehow, more
heartfelt and it wasn't hard to figure out
why.
"Oh, well," Angel mumbled. "That's great. Every-
one's got a soul now."
"He'll make a difference," she insisted, wondering
why she'd even bothered. Nothing was going to
shut his mouth about this.
"You know *I* started it...the whole 'having a
soul'...before it was all the cool NEW thing."
Unable to believe her ears, Buffy stared at
him for a moment. "Yes. Because it was forced
on you," she pointed out. "Twice."
Angel looked a bit stung. "Hey, I'm getting the
brush off for Captain...."
She cut him off, pointing a finger at him. "Don't
you dare."
He ceased the name calling, but that was all.
"It doesn't necessarily bring out the champion
in me."
"Yes, I noticed. It brings out the twelve year
old child instead."
"Buffy..."
"Are you just gonna come here and go all
'Dawson' on me every time I have a boyfriend?"
"Aha!" he interjected, pointing at her. "You said
boyfriend."
"Yes! I said boyfriend!" **Oh, my god..I really DID!**
She was almost as surprised as HE was, but in a
much better way.
The word was finally out of her mouth, out in the
open, and nothing terrible had occurred. There were
no flaming fireballs being hurled from the sky to smite
her down, no plague of locusts, no rivers turning to
blood. There wasn't so much as a chirp from a noisy
cricket.
All of a sudden, she wanted very badly to go home
and see Spike.
"Angel...I'm not brushing you off. You did that
yourself, five years ago. Things....change. I
guess...I guess I'VE changed. Spike certainly
has, and he's very much in my heart."
"THAT'LL end well," he muttered, leaning
back against a tombstone.
"Oh, shut up!" she nearly snapped. "That
is REALLY getting on my nerves."
"What?" he asked, genuinely surprised. "What's
getting on.....?"
"You know, WE weren't exactly the poster
couple for successful relationships. You...me
...ANGELUS. Just think back on all the wonder-
ful highlights and fond memories."
"And you think it'll be better with Spike?"
"I don't know." She shrugged. "Can't be much
worse, can it?" Quiet for a moment, she sud-
denly laughed a little. "Wow," she mused,
shaking her head. "In the midst of all this
insanity, a couple of things are starting to
really make sense. I was always afraid that
there was something wrong with ME...because
I couldn't make it work. But maybe...maybe it
was because I was trying to make it work...with
the wrong men."
Angel was silent for a long moment, and she
knew he was preparing to switch into 'brood
mode', something she had neither the time nor
the inclination to deal with.
"Look, I have to go home," she said quickly,
beginning to back away. "You go on back to
Los Angeles and wait. Be ready for anything."
"But..." He tried to hold her back, even as she
was slipping completely away. "You didn't
exactly answer my question."
"Which one?" she asked impatiently.
"Are you in love with Spike?"
"I told you...he's in my heart." She smiled
and patted her chest, right over the area she
judged that heart to be. "He always will
be....and no one is more surprised by it than
I am!"
"Buffy, if you're in love with him," he called
after her, "why won't you quit beating around
the euphemisms and just say it?"
Good God, wasn't it obvious?
"Because," she said, turning to break into a
run. "I want HIM to hear it first!"
TBC.....
(Yes, I know. Highly unlikely...but I
don't care. And now that Angel's out
of the way.....)
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!