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This was an extremely hard chapter to write! I hate reading Buffy or Spike with other people, so it was even harder to put on paper. I understand if people find this chapter difficult to read. It's nothing too graphic, but it's integral to the story because it helps set up Buffy and Spike's relationship.
Chapter 2 - Doubts
Past – 5 years ago
‘Oh God, that feels good! What the hell is he doing?’ Buffy pondered as the large hands coasted over her skin. She was slowly but surely turning into a big Buffy puddle.
“Mmmm right there, don’t stop!” She couldn’t stop the moan that escaped from her mouth.
“I can only go for so long, I’m not a robot.”
“Too bad, you would make an excellent massage robot. I could be your massage pimp and sell your services to stressed-out women. I’d make myself a nice little profit.”
“Hah, hah, very funny. Okay just for that, it’s my turn.”
“But my hands are small, they can’t do it as well as you.” Buffy whined.
“Does it look like I care? Nope, so put your hands on me woman.”
“Alright, alright, alright, just give me a second,”
Reluctantly Buffy pulled her pink tank-top back down and slowly moved herself on the bed to sit right behind Angel.
“I warn you, my massages suck. They’re sooo bad, they put a general surgeon’s warning on me. ‘Use at your own risk.’”
“Whatever, I bet you’re exaggerating, what could be so bad about it.”
Buffy proceeded to attack Angel’s large shoulders as aggressively as possible. As much as she loved his body, she wished he were a bit leaner, not so overwhelming, a bit more like Spike. Xander once told her, “If you don’t like doing something, do it bad once and you’ll never have to do it again”. Right now that advice was looking pretty darn good. A few minutes later, the theory was proven right as Angel shrugged her hands off his shoulders and announced, “Okay, enough already, you’re right, you suck at giving massages. Hmmm let’s see if you suck in any other ways.”
Unfortunately her plan had backfired in a big way. Buffy suddenly found herself pressed between the bed and a very hard Angel with his tongue probing her mouth. She was hoping for a nice relaxing night watching cheesy movies, but once again she was disappointed. She knew the subject was going to come up sometime tonight. They had been dancing around it for a while now, and the subject was sex. Up until a month ago, not a word was ever said about sex. Now it was completely the opposite. When they first started dating a year ago he never even brought it up. When he first asked her out she knew she had hit the jackpot. Sweet, strong, smart, sensitive, and since he was older than her, he was way more mature than boys her own age. It didn’t hurt that she found him completely gorgeous. With dark hair, beautiful brown eyes, and a killer body how could she help but be attracted to him. At first he was a perfect gentleman with only chaste sweet kisses. As the months progressed, she could feel the lustful desperation increase with every glance and touch. Now it felt like it was the only thing they discussed. The more she tried to ignore the topic, the more he brought it up. She could tell that his patience was starting to wear thin, very very thin. Angel was always a considerate and loving boyfriend, but when it came to “the subject”, it felt like she was dealing with a different person. A person she liked to call Mr. Penis, and Mr. Penis was persistent. Currently Mr. Penis was also poking her in the leg. It’s not that she didn’t want to have sex, she just felt that when it was time, she would know without any doubt that it was right.
In the time that it took Buffy’s mind to wander off Angel’s hand had somehow found it’s way on to her left breast. His mouth had also moved to her neck, which he was now sucking and nipping at aggressively. There was no doubt that an enormous mark would remain the next day. ‘I guess it’s going to be another scarf day tomorrow’ thought Buffy with resignation.
“God Buffy, you taste so good. Mmm you feel so good too. I just want to be with you completely. I know it will be wonderful. Please let me make it wonderful, I don’t know how much longer I can wait. I’m burning for you.”
Angel’s pleas finally caught Buffy’s attention. She pushed on his chest so that he could lift up enough to look at her. She hated how mercurial his moods always seemed to be. The light happy banter from a moment ago was now gone, replaced by the sexually charged atmosphere that Angel had created. Buffy sighed as she looked into his expressive brown eyes.
“I just don’t know Angel. I just don’t feel like I’m ready yet. I just want it to be perfect, and to be honest, I’m a bit scared as well.” She tried to search his eyes for any bit of understanding but all she found was lust and frustration.
“Baby, just trust me, it will be perfect because it will be the both of us completely together. There is nothing to be scared about. Don’t you love me?”
“I do love you, I just…” Buffy broke off and looked away. She could see the rain beating against her window and she couldn’t help but think of the boy who frequently came by to knock on it. William Giles was one of her best and closest friends. They fought so often that to most it seemed like they were bitter enemies, but it was just a cover, in the end they both relied heavily on each other, which included comfort, stability, and very honest advice. She desperately wished she had his brutal honesty on her relationship with Angel. But the topic of his brother was the one thing she was afraid to bring up.
As she looked back at Angel waiting as patiently as his lust allowed, she came to her final decision. She didn’t want to rely on the opinion of others and she didn’t want to be a little girl anymore even if she still felt like one. She wanted to make the adult decision and put her fears behind her. In a tiny voice she finally uttered “Okay”. Angel’s eyes instantly lit up as he finally received permission for what he had been pursuing for so many months. He started kissing every single inch of her face. In between each kiss he uttered “Thank you baby, believe me, you will not regret this. God it feels like I’ve been waiting so long for you.”
“Silly Angel, I’ve been here the whole time. Just because we haven’t had sex yet doesn’t mean I haven’t been here with you.”
“I know, it’s just that…” Angel paused trying to figure out the right thing to say so that he wouldn’t piss her off. “It’s just that, I feel that you have been holding back from me, not giving your all to this relationship.”
“But I have! And I’m not the one who doesn’t want anybody else to know!” Buffy cried out indignantly. “Just because I’ve been hesitant about sex, doesn’t mean I haven’t given my all to you, to us.”
This was definitely not where he wanted this conversation to be heading, in fact he was hoping for no conversation at all. ‘I just had to open my big mouth’ thought Angel. ‘Okay, now for some major cleanup’.
“I know that baby, it was just a little worry I had. I just love you so much, I just never want to lose you.” Saying ‘I love you’ always made Buffy melt and this time was no exception and he saw her eyes light up.
“And you won’t lose won’t lose me silly. Come here and kiss me.” This time he approached the kiss with more caution and it was gentle and hesitant. Angel didn’t want to piss her off anymore, especially now that he was so close. Angel broke the kiss and asked “Are you sure you’re ready?” After a few moments, Buffy once again answered a quiet “yes”. She was thankful that he could not sense the fear that overtook any excitement about losing her virginity.
“Come here my pretty boy and give princess a kiss.”
Spike’s hands coasted over every part of her skin, following every beautiful rise, curve and valley. Her body was a landscape that he was still becoming familiar with and uncertainty followed his every stroke. Even though she wasn’t entirely foreign to him due to their many make-out sessions, he never before had Drusilla displayed before him so freely open to him and waiting, totally naked and exposed. It was utterly frightening. A small part of him wondered why she changed her mind concerning the intimacy of their relationship, but he squashed that fear down, fearing where that path led.
Her glossy black hair fanned out around her head, a stark contrast to the bleached white sheets beneath her. As his hand moved down her body, she stretched and writhed beneath his fingers. Her eyes were closed and her head was thrown back in pleasure. Spike wished she would look at him while he was touching her. Right now, she felt too distant, like she was in her own world, and he wanted her to be here with him.
Drusilla Edmonton was a dream, a dark mysterious luscious dream. Ever since he first laid eyes on her after moving to the states he knew that he wanted her. With her pale luminescent skin and dark black hair, she always seemed a bit unearthly. She often got far away looks and constantly sang to herself softly, making him wonder what was going on in that strange pretty head of hers.
Now that he had full access to her, he didn’t quite know what to do with her. He rolled onto his back and ran his hands through his soft brown curls in frustration. ‘God I wish I wasn’t such a git’ he thought to himself.
Drusilla opened her eyes when she finally noticed the absence of Spike’s touch on her body. She turned her head to see him lying besides her staring up at the ceiling. “My sweet William, what’s wrong.”
“Don’t call me that!” he growled out roughly.
He instantly regretted lashing out at her and sheepishly turned to her. It wasn’t her fault that doubts constantly crept in to his head. “I’m sorry Dru, I didn’t mean it.”
Suddenly he could see a hungry predatory look spark behind his sweet Dru’s eyes. “Why did you stop? She slowly crawled over to him and straddled him. Her bare quim rubbed against his stomach as his hard length lay against her backside. He looked at her in awe and softly said to her “I don’t mean to be such a git, it’s just that you overwhelm me.” He slowly brought his hand up to her face and gently touched it as if it was made of fine porcelain. Sympathy for him shown through his eyes, and he couldn’t help but be embarrassed.
After what felt like ages, she finally lowered her face to his and kissed him. When she let go of his lower lip with s soft pop, Drusilla whispered “I know I’m your first, let me be your guide. Mummy will show you the way.”
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. He desperately wished he could ask Buffy’s advice. Although she did not approve of Drusilla, he still would have liked her opinion, but he was too afraid to ask. God, why was he so scared of this? This was his moment to become a man and he was bollixing it up. Before he could make a decision about his next move, he found himself fully encased in Drusilla’s warmth and every other thought rapidly disappeared, except Buffy unfortunately.
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