Chapter 1: Anti-Love
Spike’s most recent encounter with Buffy was a hard one. First she accused him of spying on her using mini cameras then she finally acknowledged that he does truly love her, but it was only real for him. After that he didn’t want to love her anymore, needed all this wanting, longing, the aching of being without her to stop. He remembered that Willow did that spell that made Buffy and him love each other. No, he wasn’t going to sink low to use magic to make Buffy love him in return. It wouldn’t be real, it would be like the Bot all over again. He was thinking maybe she could do the opposite. Then he remembered that Willow isn’t doing magic anymore… but he does know one witch who still does.
He walked to grounds of the UC Sunnydale campus where Tara moved back into the dorms. He remembered the number of her room though has never been there. He and Tara never really interacted much. There was that time she burned him when she became insane by Glory, the time he punched her to prove she wasn’t part demon and the comments she made to him at Buffy’s birthday party a couple weeks ago. He prayed that she would help him.
He knocked on the door and she quickly answered. Judging from the smile that was wiped from her face when she saw him, he was betting she was expecting Willow.
“Spike! Wh…What brings you here?” Tara only stuttered when nervous. She knew that she was the only one to know about the whole Buffy/Spike situation. Buffy even told her she broke it off finally. In all honesty, Tara was wondering whether it was a good thing she did that. Not in a “Spike will take revenge” kind of way, but from a “Buffy is pulling away” point of view. But still…seeing Spike here, maybe the former should have been what she worried about.
“I need you to help me.” He said in a sincere tone. “May I come in?”
“Um… ok.” She replied reluctantly as she open the door wider and moved aside to let him in.
He came in, observed his surroundings. It wasn’t bad, it actually seemed like something he would like to live in, though it was a bit small. He was silent for a long time, hands shoved in the pockets of his leather duster.
Tara shut the door and stood by it. She wore a nervous smile as she watching Spike pace a bit. Realizing that he wasn’t doing to talk first she spoke. “So… what was it you needed help with?”
Spike stopped and looked at Tara. She was sweet, innocent, nonjudgmental, the perfect Scoobie. He sat down at the foot of her bed and gave her his own nervous smile. “It’s about Buffy.” He wasn’t completely sure she knew about them, but he had hints during the birthday bash. “You know what I’m talking about right?”
“I know about it. I also know she broke it off. I know it must be hard on you.” She sympathized.
Spike nodded staring down on the floor. “I want it over. Truly over. I know I can’t have her anymore…but…I love her.” He stared back up to look at Tara, and she saw the beginnings of tears in his eyes. “I know most of you think it’s just some… crazy vampire obsession but I love her.”
“I believe you love her. And not in a crazy vampire way. But I can’t get her back for you… it just wouldn’t be right, and you wouldn’t want her that way.” Trying to make him understand that she won’t do what she thinks he’s here for.
“You’re right I don’t want her that way. I don’t want her at all. I don’t want to want her. That’s what I’m here for. I want you to get me to stop loving her. It’s just too much… too much.” Spike refused to burst into tears, though he knows Tara wouldn’t think any less of him if he did.
Tara really wanted to help him. She went straight to her magic books and tried to find something helpful. Though she lacked a lot of advanced magical spell books and to rid someone of love is really big. She needed to go to the Magic Shop. She wondered what Anya’s reaction would be to asked for a book of spells about anti-love.
He had his face buried in his hands when she turned back to him, driving the palms into his sockets to rid himself of tears. “I’m going to try to help you Spike.” He looked up at her with red hopeful eyes. “I need to go to the Magic Shop though. Do you want to stay here or come with?”
“I go with you… the sooner this spell’s done the better.” He got up, wiped his face with his hands and followed Tara out.
* * * * *
“What can I do fur you?” Anya asked in a slightly slurred voice. Spike observed the half empty bottle of alcohol and wondered why Anya didn’t invite him to her drinking binge.
“You OK Anya?” Tara asked, she was rarely around drunk people.
“Fine, fine, fine. I have found the perfect man for me.” She held up the bottle of liquor, “Meet Jack. You love me don’t you Jack? You wouldn’t stand me up at the alter. You wouldn’t criticize my behavior would you?” She then took a swig then set the bottle down and continued to talk to it. “Also, you are one hell of a kisser! He he.”
“Um…alright. We were looking for books on… anti-love spells.” Tara asked lightly, knowing not wasn’t a good time to bring up the “L” word in front of Anya right now.
“What a co-winky-dink. I was just looking though those before meeting my new bo.” She raise the bottle and slammed in down again. Once she was able to not gag on the scolding liquid she said, “They’re on the counter… help yourselves.”
Tara then walked over to the counter and scanned the books while Spike took a seat next to Anya. Anya then drunkenly leaned on Spike, her head resting on his shoulder.
“I know that you’re evil, Spike, but you have morals. You wouldn’t leave me at the alter would you?” She asked looking up at him from her place on his shoulder.
“If I was going to leave you at the alter, I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me in the first place.” Spike gave Anya his opinion of what he thought of the situation.
Anya sat up straight and looked at him with pride. “You’re right! He asked me to marry him, it was his damn idea!”
“I found something!” Tara exclaimed, making Anya and Spike give her their complete attention. “It’s perfect. It does rid you of love to a specific person but doesn’t make you completely hate everyone around you. But you need something of theirs, something with their DNA on it. Something like a hairbrush with her hair in it.” Tara shrugged.
Spike then dug through his pockets and pulled out a pair of lacey thong panties. “Think these’ll do?” he asked unashamed.
Tara blushed 5 shades of red. “Yeah…um…that’ll…work.” She then rushed behind the counter and got ingredients.
“Hey! You plannin’ to pay for those?!” Even a drunken Anya is a Capitalist Anya.
“Oh come on, pet. From one broken heart to another?” Spike asked putting on the charm.
Anya smile a bit, giggled slightly in herself, and shrugged. “All right. But bookmark that page on the spell book, maybe I’ll try it when I’m sober. I could use Xander’s toothbrush.”
“You have his toothbrush?” Tara asked puzzled.
“Minor act of vengeance, I was plannin’ on scrubbing my feet with it and returning it. Oh… or put it in a public toilet!” Anya babbled.
“OK. Spike, we need to clear the area and draw a pentagram on the floor. Um, Anya will you help?” Tara asked.
“Sure, alright.” Anya simply replied and went to help Spike move the table and chairs out of the way while Tara did the preparations.
* * * * *
Willow typed away on her laptop, seeing where else the evil trio placed their secret cameras. “I’m having trouble getting this one in the Magic Box.” She continued to type until finally, success! “Hey, this is weird.”
Buffy and Xander then moved to look behind her. “What is, Will?” Buffy asked as she viewed Spike sitting in the middle of a pentagram, Tara with a spell book in her hand circling him while throwing some powder his way.
“Whoa, this looks familiar!” Xander exclaimed. “This looks like what happened when I made Amy do that love spell!”
“Well, Xander you don’t know that’s what they’re doing. A lot of spells work like this. If it had anything to do with love they would need something of the person they’d want to affect.” Willow explained.
Buffy then gasped when she noticed Tara putting her underwear in a boiling caldron. ‘I should’ve taken them from him that first time!’ she mentally kicked herself.
“Are those what I think they are?” Xander asked and looked at Buffy. From her shocked face, he didn’t need an answer. “That scum-ball pervert! He stole your underwear from your dirty laundry?!”
Buffy was glad he didn’t think that Spike got them after some sweaty bringing-the-house-down sex. “He… he must have.”
Willow was now wishing there was sound to go with this so she’d know what spell Tara chanting and try to comfort her friends. “Come on guys. This is Tara! She wouldn’t do a love spell to make Buffy love him.”
“Maybe she would if he threatened her. Just like what he did with us 4 years ago.” Xander said, his eyes not leaving the computer screen.
“He didn’t have a chip back then and Tara knows he’s harmless with it working.” Willow protested.
Buffy then started to wonder. The chip wasn’t working on her…maybe…
Then all of a sudden there was a flash and the image got fuzzy. “I… I think they finished the spell.” Willow said and then she and Xander looked at Buffy who was looking back at them, hoping that they didn’t notice anything. She didn’t feel any different.
“So Buff… You’re… not think lusty thoughts about Spike are you?” Xander asked hoping not to get a ‘yes’ answer.
“No! No.” Actually yes she was. She was always thinking lusty thoughts about Spike. But she wasn’t going to run over there and jump his bones that very second.
“Well then… it wasn’t a love spell.” Willow sigh in relief.
“Well… maybe not to Buffy anyway.” Xander also sighed in relief but still not believe that the evil, soulless thing wasn’t brewing some bad.
Buffy then looked at Xander puzzled. ‘What does he mean not to me?’
Chapter 2: Freedom
“So Spike… how do you feel?”
Spike took a deep, unneeded breath and tried to examine what he was truly feeling. He tried thinking about Buffy and discovered he felt…neutral. No heavy feelings. He didn’t even think she was all that pretty anymore.
“I feel… fine.” He said with a smile. He then went and gave a shocked Tara a hug. “Thanks pet. You’re wonderful!” He then kissed her forehead.
“Um… you’re welcome. You’re not having feeling for me now right? Cause I may need to remind you I’m gay.”
Spike chuckled. “I remember, pet. I just feel… free now and it’s thanks to you.” He then prepared to leave until he saw a more sober Anya giving him a weak finger wave good-bye. He thought about it… nothings holding him back… why not? He picked her up, press her against his body and kissed her. Anya’s gasped was muffled by his lips, but it felt good, so she went with it.
Tara covered her mouth with her hand in shock. Hoping that she didn’t make a boo-boo in the magic.
Finally, Spike let Anya go, smiled at her and continued to walk out.
A breathless Anya stumbled on the steps walking back to the main area, seeming drunker than when she was drunk. “That was something!”
Tara let out a breath in relief. Then went to cleaning up with Anya.
* * * * *
Spike walked the way to his crypt feeling like a new man, er, vampire. He then accidentally bumped into Buffy as she walked over to the Magic Box. “Sorry Buffy. Didn’t see your there.” With that he walked off. Not giving it a second thought, heck not even a first thought.
Buffy stared at his retreating form with wide-eyes. She then went to follow him. “What, no quips? No asking me to sleep with you again?” She asked sarcastically, knowing he would saying something like ‘What, you’re up for a rough-n-tumble?’
“Nope.” He said simply and continued to walk, not at all affected by her presence.
“Is everything all right with you?” Buffy asked a bit shocked. Maybe the spell was to rid Spike of personality.
“I’m fine. Great even. I’m just heading back to my place, watching some passions, maybe get some hot wings later. Is there anything you need?” He asked as he then looked at her with a neutral face.
“No…don’t need anything. I…I guess I’ll… catch you later then.” She asked clueless getting ready to head to the Magic Box again.
“Alright, see ya.” And with that, Spike just walked off.
“What’s that all about?” Buffy asked herself out-loud.
* * * * *
Buffy walked in and slammed the door to the shop.
“Hey. No breaking of my door, thank you!” Anya exclaimed.
“Tara, what spell did you do with Spike?” Buffy asked almost angry.
Tara yelped, Buffy has never been angry at her before. She’s Buffy’s anger, just not directed in her direction. “H…how d…did you know I did a sp…spell to Spike?” She asked stuttering, more nervous than she’s been all year.
“Well, for one, he gave me a complete brush off when I bumped into him coming here. Second, I saw you. Warren and his buds had cameras hidden everywhere, one was here. So Tara, what did you do?”
“Well… first I saw no negative side effects to the spell. It worked out just as I’d hoped.”
“Ok, now tell me what the possible side effects are.” Buffy was starting to get impatient.
“Um… well… Spike came to me with a problem and…I fixed it.” She replied smiling hopefully.
“What problem!” Buffy yelled.
“Tara did an anti-love spell on Spike. I don’t remember much, I was a bit drunk at the time.” Anya said, holding her head feeling a bit of a hangover approach.
“Anti-Love spell? On Spike?” She then turned to Tara who nervously smiled and shrugged. “Tara, can I talk to you outside?” Buffy didn’t even bother to wait for a reply, just started for the door and Tara followed.
“Please close the door lightly, if you don’t mind.” Anya asked in pain of the drunken after-effects.
Once the two were outside, Buffy turned to Tara, “So… Spike doesn’t love me anymore huh?” She almost sounded disappointed by the fact.
“Yep. But he doesn’t hate you either so you shouldn’t be worried about him trying to kill you…again.”
There was a long silence as Buffy tried to let the fact sink in. She’s always known that she’d be in Spike’s mind all the time since they met, be it kill her or have sex with her. She’s always known that Spike would be thinking of her. No there are no feelings, no thoughts, none. It was something she’d known as fact and then told out of the blue it’s false.
“Buffy? You alright?” Tara asked when Buffy stared blankly into space.
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m ok.” Buffy brought herself to the present. “Why did you help Spike with the spell?”
“Well… he didn’t look good at all… and I figured that it was probably something that you’d be happy about too. But… you’re not happy about it… are you?” Tara looked at Buffy, trying to see evidence that Buffy might be hurt by this.
“Um… Well, I may not be happy about it… but it is kinda… reassuring.” Buffy lied. In truth, it almost felt that the world turned upside down. Why was she feeling this way? She SHOULD be happy. No Spike waiting in the shadows to jump out and convince her to sleep with him again. But there will also be no Spike in the shadows watching her back to help her when she’s in trouble. No Spike to listen to her complain about how her life is sucking. No Spike making her laugh with his quirking, and at times morbid, humor. No Spike to wrap his jacket around her when she was cold during patrol. She realized that, though she saw him only a few minutes ago, she missed him. “Well, just wanted to get that cleared up. I’ll see you around Tara.” Then Buffy walked away, hands in her jacket. She felt cold, not the kind that her jacket would save her from.
“Ok… see you.” Tara replied to her retreating form.
Once Buffy was out of sight, Tara smiled and giggled to herself. This is probably the most diabolical thing she’s ever done. Oh yeah, she made Spike not love Buffy anymore, but she didn’t tell them about a minor detail in the spell.
It was temporary.
One week and Spike would be back to loving Buffy again… and maybe, Tara hopes, Buffy would get it though her head that she loved him too. As they say, ‘Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder’.
Chapter 3: Empty
Spike went to help Buffy out on the mission to stop the trio from robbing an armored truck. Warren was about to use a jet-pack to make his get-away, but Spike grabbed his ankles and pulled him harshly back to earth, harsh enough to give Spike a bit of a headache. Warren on his back, jet-pack working, slid through the lot until he hit his head on metal of the tipped over truck. Andrew tried to make the same get-away but forgot that there was a tin roof above him. Jonathan stood there, knowing that his friends were about to betray him, though he kinda did the same thing by telling Buffy about the orbs that made Warren uber-strong.
Buffy called the police while Spike tried the trio together.
They were done. And then they walked home, in a silence that was uncomfortable for Buffy but Spike didn’t seem to be bothered. Even though she knew it was a spell, she just hurt that she meant nothing to Spike anymore.
Buffy cleared her throat and started to talk, “Tara told me about the spell she did to you.” ‘Can you sound any more pathetic?’ Buffy thought right after speaking.
“Yeah, she’s such a sweet girl ain’t she?” Spike replied a smile gracing his face as he stared straight ahead.
Buffy sighed sadly wishing that he had a smile to direct at her. Her gaze kept switching from Spike to the ground ahead of her as she walked, trying to figure out what to say next. “I’m sorry I drove you to use magic to… make you feel better.”
Finally Spike stopped and stood in front of her. Buffy stopped and looked up into his eyes, almost pleadingly, waiting for his response. “Nothing to be sorry about Buffy. Not anymore anyway. All fixed and right as rain. Now we can get on with our lives and be happy.” With that he did give her a small smile and then walked off alone to his crypt.
Buffy was left standing there looking at Spike’s retreating figure. She was reminded of graduation night, with Angel walking away. Reminded of Riley flying away as she stood on the helicopter pad yelling his name.
“Yeah…happy.” She wondered why all the men in her life thought she’d be better off alone. Idiots.
* * * * *
Spike reached his crypt and sat in his once-was-comfy-chair, turned on the telly and watched a recorded episode of Passions.
He sighed getting bored of the show. Spike then decided to grab a beer he stored in his fridge. He took a swig, then another, another, until he finally chugged the whole thing down.
He put the empty bottle down and paced the crypt trying to figure out what to do. He never felt this bored in his crypt before. He always had something to occupy his time.
Spike tried to remember what he did when he was bored. Watch Passions, boring. Wank off, but thinking of who? Patrol, no wouldn’t have time since it’s almost daylight. Sleep, not tired. Get drunk, that he definitely could do!
After emptying a bottle of Jack, he stared at the bottle and realized something. There is no joy. He felt as empty as the bottle and he knew exactly why. No love, no pain, no anger, no frustrations except for the fact he’s not feeling anything.
Buffy brought out all those emotions out of him and now they’re gone.
He was now understanding why Buffy was sleeping with him in the first place… to feel. Right now he’d probably sleep with ANGEL to feel, even though he loathed him with every fiber of his being. Of course Buffy would sleep with him if it got rid of this horrible emptiness that was plaguing him now. Filling this hole with anything that’ll fit, even humiliation, regret, sorrow, or pain.
Nothing was there. Spike lived his entire existence with passion and now he had none. He was all about love and without it he was nothing.
He had an idea, so he went to the lower level and dragged out his vinyl collection, digging though it until he found Queen. He started to play it, placing the needle in the place at the beginning of “Somebody to Love.”
* * * * *
Buffy sat in her room hugging Mr. Gordo and started thinking about her relationships, including the mistake known as Parker. What was different, what was similar? Angel was sweet, caring, was interesting in knowing everything about her life, everything that made her happy and doing it for her. He wanted her to be happy, and he assumed that a normal life would make her happy, so he left.
Riley shouldn’t have happened. Not in a heavy relationship way at least. They should have been friends but it started to get too serious too fast. Xander told her that she was treating Riley like some security blanket that she could pull out and put away when it’s not needed. She had to admit he was right, and she knew Riley’s wife Sam was good to him.
Spike was also a security blanket she realized. A dirty ratty security blanket and you put in a locked box when you’re done. She treated him like Riley except keeping it secret and treating him cruel.
Part of her mind was excusing herself for acting cruel, he’s a evil, soulless thing! But obviously he still had feelings and she crushed them so much he was driven to have them stripped from him. Why did Spike have to be such an anomaly? She figured all vampires are bad except for the ones with souls. Would this put a damper on her slaying, should she wait until a vampire attacks someone until she stacks them, wait till they make they’re choice to be good or evil? No, it’s just Spike. One of a kind.
Damn him.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!