“Okay, so bandages…Gotta have those,” Buffy mumbled to herself, heading to the bathroom.
She kept up her back and forth routine, muttering to herself for about five minutes.
Yep—that was his Buffy. Queen of Avoidance, wasn’t she?
He still couldn’t quite wrap his brain around it, though. She had actually said it. Those three little—well, not so much “little.” They were quite tremendous weren’t they? Right after she had freed him from the bonds that held his weak body up to the cave wall, she had sobbed out the three tremendous words that she had once vehemently claimed she could never say to him. He closed his eyes as he remembered the look on her face—joyous relief as tears welled up in her eyes. And then…
I love you, Spike.
And she cried as he collapsed against her. They stood there for a handful of seconds before she straightened, wiped her face and was back to being all business.
Let’s get you out of here, she’d said, helping him walk. And then there was just nothing. Well, mostly because he had passed out once they made it to Harris’ car, but once he had woken up, in Buffy’s bed, she refused to really acknowledge him.
“Buffy—” he called out, his voice raspy.
“Here’s some blood,” she said, sitting beside him as she held the cup up to his lips. He drank it quickly, eager to say…
Well, he wasn’t sure what he was going to say until he actually said it, hence the rapid drinking.
“Boy, that went down fast. Let me go get you some more.”
Spike grabbed her wrist before she could fully get off the bed, leaving her frozen mid lean upward. She turned her head slowly, looking at him with trepidation. Buffy found that somehow, even though he had only the one eye in full working order at the moment, that his gaze was just as piercing if he had had them both looking at her, staring her down even though he was in a reclined position looking up at her.
She tentatively sat back down, staring at him warily, waiting for…she didn’t know. All she knew was that she was terrified.
His gaze softened, and he stroked the inside of her wrist with his thumb.
“Say it again. Cause I’m not sure if I was dreaming, or…not sure this still isn’t a dream, actually.”
Buffy swallowed, then sucked in a deep breath, looking at him steadily. Lovingly.
“I love you, Spike.”
“Again,” he said, his voice trembling with emotion.
“William…I love you.”
He smiled at her warmly.
“Yeah? Took you long enough, Summers,” he said, smiling crookedly at her and letting her wrist go. If his ribs weren’t hurting so bad, he’d have placed his hands behind his head, and given her the cockiest look ever. He did however, do the latter, even if it was hindered by his battered face.
“Oh come on! I finally work up the courage to say—”
“Wait—” he paused, hissing as he tried to sit up. Buffy gently placed her hands on his shoulders, easing him back down.
“Lay down, Spike. You’re hurt. I can hear you while you're lying down,” she soothed, placing a hand on his cheek. He nodded, holding her hand there.
“You said you finally worked up the courage, yeah?”
“I did.”
“‘Finally’ as in…you hadn’t had the courage before?”
“Right…” she added, not sure where he was going with this.
“As in…as in you felt this way for quite some time, but couldn’t bring yourself to say it?” he asked, voice low, good eye trained on her, awaiting any kind of reaction that would give him a clue as to what she was thinking.
“Yes,” she answered softly.
Spike choked back a sob, turning his head away from her. “When?”
“When what?” she asked, completely bewildered by his behavior.
“When did you know?” he whispered.
The tips of her fingers touched his chin, slowly bringing his head back around to face her. He still wouldn’t look at her though—he kept his sight on the ceiling. She knew that he was trying not to cry.
“Hey…look at me, please.” She waited a moment, and he finally did.
“It’s the soul, isn’t it?” he asked, seeming sad about that slightly.
She shook her head, feeling tears pinprick the corners of her eyes.
“No. It was when…” She looked away, a small smile on her face. “It was when you were prepared to sacrifice everything—sacrifice yourself for Dawn, to spare me anymore pain.” She turned to him again, smiling fully. “You were going to die for me, and I realized…how much love you had to have inside. It was weird, at first, but when I looked at you, how broken and beaten you were, much like now, actually…”
She paused, and then stretched out beside him, resting her hand on his chest over his heart. Spike placed his larger one over hers, holding it.
“When I saw you, and you said that you couldn’t live with me being in that much pain, it was like…it opened up something in me—it did. That you could do something so selflessly for me…give up living for me. Hell, I couldn’t even get my dad to come to my mom’s funeral, for crying out loud.”
She sniffed, and he felt dampness seep through the sleeve of his shirt where her head rested. He moved his hand from on top of hers, and slowly stroked her hair.
“I realized I loved you for loving me. Maybe that’s a dumb reason…but it’s true.”
“So, um…you did mean everyone then when you said ‘I love you all’ the night the world didn’t end?” he asked.
“I did.”
“Well, wish you had cleared it up when I asked you then, pet,” he joked through a tear or two. “Seriously, could have rubbed it in your face all last year, never letting it drop…That was prime evidence to what I’d been saying all along.”
“Pfft. Yeah. I’m guessing I won’t be hearing the end of this, huh?”
“Actually…I was kind of hoping that I would be the one to never hear the end of it,” he replied tentatively.
“What?”
“You—telling me that at least once a day.”
“Telling you what?” she asked demurely, leaning closer against him.
“That you love me," he said softly. "I think I’ve earned it, right?”
“Well, you go to the other side of the world for a girl…yeah, I think I can manage that.”
He heard the smile in her voice as she snuggled against him, holding him closer, and he knew without a doubt that she would.
She may have been the Queen of Avoidance, but she was also a keeper of her word.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!